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Topic : 08/16 Bullies

Number of Replies: 127
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:18:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/19/05) They're not just lurking on the schoolgrounds. Now, bullies can come into your home and torture your children over e-mail, instant messages and other Web forums. It's an epidemic that has kids withdrawing socially, dropping out of school, and in some cases, tragically taking their own lives. Dr. Phil and his son Jay talk to two teens who can't escape the intimidation and abuse. Then, pop star Clay Aiken, who was picked on as a child, shares how he got the bullying to stop. Share your thoughts here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 16, 2005, 12:48 pm CDT

This message is for Tess

Tess~ 

    I hope that things have gotten better for you since you have been on the Dr. Phil show.  I just wanted you to know that even though I do not know you personally, just by watching you on the show you look like an awesome girl.  You are absolutely gorgeous and the people who are harassing you are definitely jealous!  I hope that you are going to go to a public highschool or even a private school so that you can get back into the social atmosphere and have a good time.  Basically I hope that everything works out and I know it will, and honestly in life you only need one or two really good friends and you will be fine.  You seem like an awesome girl and I know that everyone is going to see that in time and you are going to be the most popular girl in school.  So just keep on smiling and keep thinking that you are an amazing person, and everything will work out for the better :o) 

I wish you all the luck in the world and if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you! 

  

~Carla 

 
August 16, 2005, 12:55 pm CDT

BULLIES

I just saw the show about the bullies and I wanted to say that I was also bullied in elementary school emotionally but I never told anyone because I was afraid of what people might say.This bully was picking on me because she was jealous of me I dont know why.There are some bullies that will pick on you because either they are jealous of you or they want some attention.When I went to middle school I was there for about four months,then one day she got transfered into my school and in my class and the next day I got transfered. 
 
August 16, 2005, 1:06 pm CDT

Let's FIX it!

I think its great that this subject is being discussed in such an open forum and people are being made aware of the magnitude of it.  HOWEVER, I really don't feel that there were any answers or ideas or thoughts to fixing the problem.  They talked a little bit about it in the last 5 minutes of the show, which wasn't enough.  Those kids needed help and answers, and having self esteem and self confidence is not the answer.  No offense to Clay Aiken, but I really don't think his testimony meant anything to Mark and Lisa who are in crisis.  Also, I would have liked to hear Dr Phil talk about how parents can deal with their own kids who are bullies.  I am sure that not all parents are in denial about their children's behavior.  So these people need help in dealing with it.  DR PHIL, Please do a follow up show that addresses SOLUTIONS to this problem. 
 
August 16, 2005, 1:12 pm CDT

response to bullying

Hey everyone, I just saw the show about bullying on Dr. Phil and I just wanted to bring some more ideas to it, especially for kids who are bullied. I've never really been bullied, but I have seen friends go through it and there is absolutely no reason for anyone to be bullied. I befriended a girl this year at my high school who struggled with bullies this year. The biggest thing to do when you know someone is being bullied, is to come alongside them and support them. My friends and I helped this girl by just being there for her and going to the principals with her. We demanded that something needed to be done, and because of that things were done. I echo Dr. Phil and his son in saying that people need to step up and not stand by letting bullies do there thing. Step up kids, I'm just a kid myself, but it only takes one person to change the world. So let's do it.
 
August 16, 2005, 1:15 pm CDT

Any Advice?

Quote From: parisienne

I had an sort of opposite experience concerning stalking. Here is my story: 

  

 

I had a friend that I was semi-close with-- we ate lunch together during high school and we both belonged to The French Club. She and I were on good terms. I graduated in 2002. I went on to college and when I came back for Christmas 2003 she requested that I help her with a French Club Newsletter. I wrote an article about what it is like being a French Major at college. She asked that I write another article which I did right before going back to school. Our contact was minimal (phone calls I believe) until September of 2004.  

  

This friend graduated in 2004 from my alma-mater. I was informed by a mutual friend of ours that "Danielle" might be attending my university. I figured I would send her an email and offer to go out for coffee to catch up. I also hoped to show her around campus (our campus is the biggest in the country!) so that she didn't feel so intimidated when she arrived. It is always nice to have a friend at college, you know? 

  

So I sent her an email and recieved an email from Danielle's parents (it was sort of odd because the timestamp said 3am and I don't know any parents who work during the week to be up at that hour) saying that I was a horrible, toxic, and indecent person who had done nothing but try to control their daughter in high school and that she wanted nothing to do with me. I was hateful and caused their daughter to seek mental counseling etc. I should seek mental help and that I should remove her email from my address book. 

  

Well, naturally I was very upset to recieve this sort of email merely because I believed that we had been on good terms despite our lack of regular conversations. So, I simply decided that this situation was bizarre and out of my league and decided to let it go. Sometimes the best medicine for friendship is to let it die a peaceful death.  

  

I went off to live my dream of Studying Abroad in Paris, France for the Spring semester 2005. (This is where things start to get really weird) I recieved an email from my dean of students at my home university. They were opening an investigation into cyberstalking and email bullying due to complaints about me! So I contacted my parents in the US and explained the situation. I needed representation so my dad (a former lawyer turned prof) offered to make contact with Danielle's mother Jeanne.  

  

The phone calls that he relayed to me were very bizarre. Basically I was supposed to have an obsession with Danielle, full of rage and hatred and doing my best to terrorize her via hateful emails and death threats. To this day I have no idea what brought this whole ordeal on. The last time I checked Danielle and I were friends-- so these charges seemed to rise up out of no-where.  

  

I came to find out that Danielle's parent's had filed the complaint not only with my Home University but also the American University of Paris. I was called for an RDV (Rendezvous) with the Dean of Students at The American University of Paris. Both Deans came to the conclusion that the situation was quite reversed and that both mother and daughter had a bizarre fixation upon me. They wanted to make as many people that I knew aware of what I was allegedly doing to them. Neither of the deans wanted to pursue the matter further and offered to help me in the future if the bullying and false accusations persisted.  

  

I got emails from friends saying that mother and daughter were coming into their work places to talk to them. Both women were demanding to know when I would return to France, where I was working and whether or not I was telling them what I was doing or they were in on the plot. They were able to obtain my contact information and my overseas address  due to the student directory at my home university.  

  

Flash forward to June 2005. I return from my wonderful experience abroad with a 4.0 at The Sorbonne University IV, and two very nice scholarships. I started recieving ugly and threatening posts (I was going to jail and I was sick etc. etc.) on my Xanga website. I also was recieving at least 25-50 hangup phone calls at my temporary job where I worked for the summer. I was beginning to believe that I was being followed and these ladies went so far as to post a "cease and desist" note to my mother's apt door! 

  

Since then I have re-located (temporarily) out of state with my parents and am still recieving cease and desist emails and accusations that I am mentally unstable. I wanted nothing more than to be friends and help Danielle out when she needed me. I have many good friends of over 8 years from growing up.  

  

My best friend and I have known each other almost 14 years! As of now I am finding it hard to meet new people and keep the sense of my open-ness that I had before this whole ordeal came to pass. I find myself being very selective in my new friendships. I am still worried that Danielle and her mother will attempt to get me kicked out of University again this year.  

  

They want nothing to do with me, but I don't understand why they feel the need to follow and harass me with accusations that I have an obsession with them.  

  

I wanted to tell this story so that everyone knows that there is always another side and perspective to any bullying and/or stalking claim. I believe that some children tell their parents horrible things (what Danielle has told her mother about me and our relationship I have no idea) about friends and what they are supposedly doing to them or have done in the past. I think you should always try to discuss the matter with a parent of the accused child prior to just believing everything your child says.  

  

If anything, if the child abusing your son or daughter is a friend (or thought to be) take it up with child in person. Odds are there is something else going on. While I fully support listening and believing your children-- I would also advocate getting the whole story before rushing to your child's defense without considering other options.  

  

My mother did a very severe interrogation of me when I got home and asked me if I was cyberstalking and sending the emails that I am supposed to have sent. I can say with all honesty that I have my goals set and my friendships and family relationships to sustain me and I have no reason to go around sending death threats and horrible emails to someone I was friends with back in high school.   

  

Both of my parents tried to talk to Jeanne to get the whole story and work something out. We have only recieved ranting and raving about "cease and desist" and something to the effect of "your daughter is crying out for help it seems, I feel so bad for her she must be having a horrible time [in paris".  

  

So please, parents of bullied, harassed or stalked children-- remember that there is always another side to the story and it is best to gather all the facts before accusing anyone.  

  

Please let me know what you think. I welcome any comments or suggestions. I hope this helps or at least gives ya'll something to think about.  

After this long post I was hoping for some advice about what do with my situation? Thanks.
 
August 16, 2005, 1:15 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

Quote From: sjj6869

I think its great that this subject is being discussed in such an open forum and people are being made aware of the magnitude of it.  HOWEVER, I really don't feel that there were any answers or ideas or thoughts to fixing the problem.  They talked a little bit about it in the last 5 minutes of the show, which wasn't enough.  Those kids needed help and answers, and having self esteem and self confidence is not the answer.  No offense to Clay Aiken, but I really don't think his testimony meant anything to Mark and Lisa who are in crisis.  Also, I would have liked to hear Dr Phil talk about how parents can deal with their own kids who are bullies.  I am sure that not all parents are in denial about their children's behavior.  So these people need help in dealing with it.  DR PHIL, Please do a follow up show that addresses SOLUTIONS to this problem. 

I'm sorry, but I do believe that self esteem and self confidence are huge in eliminating bullying. I've seen it first hand with friends. When you realize who you are, what people say doesn't matter. Yes, parents need to get more involved and other steps do need to be taken, but first and foremost, kids need to realize who they are.  

 
August 16, 2005, 1:16 pm CDT

To Tess

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.  If you ever need a friend to talk to, please feel free to e-mail me at:  jlh@houston.rr.com 

  

Jenn  

 
August 16, 2005, 1:20 pm CDT

This Is Ridiculous

I was bullied in school as a child but not to this extent. The thing is I have a lot of issues that still haunt me to this day.  This kind of thing needs to be stopped by parents as well as school officials.  And for the children who appeared on the show keep your chin up and realize these people are small and they do this to make themselves feel better about who they are.
 
August 16, 2005, 1:22 pm CDT

reply to 8/16 billies

Quote From: sjj6869

I think its great that this subject is being discussed in such an open forum and people are being made aware of the magnitude of it.  HOWEVER, I really don't feel that there were any answers or ideas or thoughts to fixing the problem.  They talked a little bit about it in the last 5 minutes of the show, which wasn't enough.  Those kids needed help and answers, and having self esteem and self confidence is not the answer.  No offense to Clay Aiken, but I really don't think his testimony meant anything to Mark and Lisa who are in crisis.  Also, I would have liked to hear Dr Phil talk about how parents can deal with their own kids who are bullies.  I am sure that not all parents are in denial about their children's behavior.  So these people need help in dealing with it.  DR PHIL, Please do a follow up show that addresses SOLUTIONS to this problem. 

Yeah but....................at least the subject is OUT THERE!!!!!!  This happened to my daughter last year ! This girl was totally messed up, and was drawing my daughter into her web of lies.  She asked my dauighter to be her lesbian lover. My daughter, who only 12, was so embarrassed.  She started to avoid the phone calls for this girl, yadda yadda yadda.  My daugher would not come to me about this, she was too embarrased. 

  

I got online one day, and stum;bed accross some suspicious stuff. Found the blog, and went nutz! So, having Dr Phil bring the subject top light is better than not having ANYONE on our kids side at all.  It a stepping stone, and Kudo's to Jay too. Besides, this was an older show, right? So maybe the next one will have more info.  Lets hope so, if not............we can always write to Dr Phil and maybe get on his show !!!!!!!!  Like the infamous Phil Donohue always said, "it's only an hour show and America is going to hell in a hand baskett"  

  

Dr Phil has great communication tips in his Family First book too. NO I DONT WORK FOR HIM EITHER.  Hahaha! 

  

thanks. 

diane 

  

 
August 16, 2005, 1:26 pm CDT

Bullied at school and home

I was living at home with my parents I was in high school..I use to get bullied at school about the clothes I wore, the way I wore my hair, the way I talked, the fact that I was always making good grades.... I didn't tell my mother or father... I just dealt with it.. I tried on several occasions to commit suicide, but never had any success. I would come home from school and had to deal with my abusive mother. As soon as I would walk in the door she would start in on me...I felt like I was being bullied at home as well..everything from "you will never amount to anything", "I never wanted you anyways", "Your a whore and slut and bitch". "You make me sick to look at you" only because I was over weight and I was doing better in school then she ever did. I ended up dropping out of school 5 weeks before my junior year was up and decided to get my GED. I couldn't take any more of the crap...I was proud of myself to pass the test for my GED in top of the GED class. And to start college a month later. I never got to finish college due to some personal issues of still living at home with my folks. But I did find a good job.. Which I ended up quitting my issues of dealing with the problems of being at home even though I wasn't living at home anymore was still affecting me... I tried making amends and having a relationship with my mother and it ended up getting me no where but two warrants for my arrest for trespassing and assault and battery that was suppose to have happened a year earlier just before I moved out of the home. Not only was there the verbal abuse when I was living at home but it was emotional, mental, and physical abuse. But now I am pregnant with Twin girls and I have a stress a concern for them when they get in school if they are going to be bullied like I was, I am afraid of them being bullied and not telling me..I don't want them to go with what I went threw and even more so I DON'T WANT TO BE MY MOTHER. 

 
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