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Topic : 08/16 Bullies

Number of Replies: 127
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:18:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/19/05) They're not just lurking on the schoolgrounds. Now, bullies can come into your home and torture your children over e-mail, instant messages and other Web forums. It's an epidemic that has kids withdrawing socially, dropping out of school, and in some cases, tragically taking their own lives. Dr. Phil and his son Jay talk to two teens who can't escape the intimidation and abuse. Then, pop star Clay Aiken, who was picked on as a child, shares how he got the bullying to stop. Share your thoughts here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 16, 2005, 1:28 pm CDT

Been there done that...

I"m only 15 now and about 4 years ago i was left all alone....and when this happens its not fun...the only way i made it through since i go to a school of about 180 people....its not real easy to find people who don't hate you like those who do....but you need to talk it out...confront them constantly...and i found involving parents was making it worse so i just gave it time and tried to talk to the girls who bullied me...now one of the bullies is my best friend and i don't know what i would do without her....we are now friends because i really knew that if we just tried to talk it out that it would be fine....tess if you need to talk....i'm here.... melyount@hotmail.com i'd be glad to talk to you...you can never have too many friends.... 

 
August 16, 2005, 1:38 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

Quote From: parisienne

After this long post I was hoping for some advice about what do with my situation? Thanks.
i think the girl is obsessed with you. you should just let it go, if it didn't affect your job or svhool the first time, it probably won't affect it in the future. I don't think you have anything to worry about!! Maybe she is crying out for attention or something and that is the only way she knows how. I don't understand why they won't even talk to you, maybe they are jealous of your accomplishments! I think you should just live your life happy, and still have friends, don't let the one situation ruin future relationships! hope to get your reply!
 
August 16, 2005, 1:44 pm CDT

Thanks for THIS SHOW!

I am very thankful to see this show.  Indeed interent bullying exist!!!!!!!!!!  And it is easier because of the ease of disguise and non-confrotation. 

 

I have a daughter. She is beautiful. She has been bullied since elementary school, however, wont EVER complain for several reasons.  I blame myself. As a Mother, I have embarassed her by trying to protect her and maybe have been overzealous in doing so.  

 

When she was in the third grade, I would catch her crying in her room when she was and she would tell me how the girls would exclude her in recess because she "was not popular" or "had brown hair". She would say "please don't say anything to the teacher, Mommy. It's ok." 

 

I would tell her it was rediculous and still complain to the school. It never made a difference. Maybe that is why my daughter does not tell me when she gets picked on.   I blame myself for not building my daughters self esteem more.   

 

Since, she has become a young lady dealing with normal preteen issues that include a sever case of facial and back acne. She refuses to get a haircut, and like to wear her hair in her face. She talk sometimes how the other gilrs have boyfriends. How whenever a boy calls her, it only last a few weeks.  

 

Now, she will be attending her third year of Middle school, and the same girls that were mean to her in elementary school, bully her in Middle school.  Last year, it began online.  These girls are control aditcs, and I would not be surpirse a bit if they get invloved in my daughters personal business and spread rumors to these boys. I am guessing, tho. One girl was bullyinh her online calling her names and how ugly she is. This is a diverse middle school, the African Amercian girls once pushed my daughter because she will where particular clothing.  I did not know this until the follwoing week.  

 

Another girl wrote to my daughter that she is a lesbian and was soliciting sex from my daughter on the internet. 

 

This summer, I tried very hard to enroll her into Lansing Christian School, which totally outranks the others schools MEAPS scores.  As my daughter was just enducted into the NATIONAL JR. HONOR SOCIETY, I truly thought this school change would be the answer to my prayer. 

 

However, was not to be. 

 
August 16, 2005, 1:47 pm CDT

is has started in first grade

I really appreciate this show.  I have a son going into second grade.  Towards the end of his first grade year, my son and some of his friends were playing a game called master and commander.  From my understanding it is kind of like king of the hill except it is played on the slide playground equipment.  Well, my son was the "master"  if you don't make it up the slide, you are "fired"  so you no longer get to try to go up the slide.  The little first grade boy that he "fired" apparently did not like that so, he walked all the way across the playground probably 200 feet or more and grabbed two other boys and a girl.  These kids walked back across the playground and held my son down on the ground while the little boy who got "fired" kicked him in the sides and another child was punching him.   The other two held his hands and feet.  I now believe that it is time to teach my son to fight back.  I may be wrong but, I will not tolerate this happening to him again without a fight.  One good punch in the nose and I believe that the bullies will get the picture. 
 
August 16, 2005, 1:57 pm CDT

This has become a cycle

 My son has been bullied in elementary school since the first grade.  He is now a fifth grader and will be attending a new school this year.  We start next week and he's afraid that the bullying will be started all over again with a new group of children.  I agree with Dr. Phil's son that the children standing around watching or creating these bullying scenarios are just as bad as the bullies.  My son has made himself physically ill so that he doesn't have to attend school.  He missed 1/3 of the school year in 2nd grade and the school threatened to hold him back.  I spoke to the principal frequently.  I even e-mailed the entire school board.  They just don't respond.  Either that or they tell me that I have to have my son rat on these children to get action.  Finally we ratted on them, I made my son name names.  What happened you ask?  The principal wrote it off to rough play.  All of the schools in the area I live in have an anti-bullying policy but nobody does anything about it.  My son hasn't found his talent.  He's a really good student and this problem is affecting his grades.

The cycle has now come to my house because my oldest son feels that he may bully his younger brother.  It's becoming a learned behavior.  I do punish him for acting the way he does towards his brother.  He does get the point of the punishment.  He just wants the bullying to stop.  He wants to make friends.

How can I help him this year?

Distraught Parent.
 
August 16, 2005, 1:59 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

I have a 16 and 12 year old boys. Both have been bullied in school, my 12 year old lets the kids know he will not have it and lets teachers and principal know. My 16 is different he is 6'1 and is a big boy. Last year he was having problem's with some boys at school and told me he was trying to handle it on his own. I thought  it was under control until he called my husband one day and was hysterical (he was on his cell phone) 7 boys has detained him to let him know he was never going to see his parents again after school and he got away and they followed him. He was grabbed again and they told him he will not go home ever again. A principal walked by and did nothing , the kids let go and he called us. I was at the school within 3 min, the vice-principal said I really don't have time for this and she was told to make time.  My son has never been in trouble in school and was known by the staff as a very polite boy. I told them I wanted something done, the boys had admited to doing this, I was told by the vice principal they really aren't bad kids and they should not be punished. I took my son out of school for 2 weeks and made a big stink and the kids were punished. They did not want dto punish these boys due to the fact they were football players, this is wrong. I f these were good kids they would not have to gang up as a group of seven to attack someone. This was all over the fact that my son would not acknowledge to fight them. I want kids to be held accounatable for there actions, I do know 2 of these boys parents were very shocked and made there boys apologize to him. My son know we will not tolerate bullies and I will fight with every breath I have. We I drop them off at school, I want to know there safe and I will see them again. Thank you for doing the show, both of my boys watched and had alot of good comments.
 
August 16, 2005, 2:00 pm CDT

What if the teachers are the bullies?

There is a teacher in our school district that is the subject of a law suit for bullying a student...this lawsuit is still ongoing after 5 years with the school district and school administration unsuccessfully trying to be removed from the suit.  This teacher happened to be my son's Phys Ed teacher this past school year in the 6th grade - my son knew nothing of the lawsuit and I only knew about it because I was involved in a program to bring a bullying expert (Dr. Allen Beane - he is very good, by the way)- to conduct assembly programs at the school and the family that filed the lawsuit contacted me because they wanted some information about the speaker (they have since moved out of our district) - my son informed me toward the end of the year that this teacher makes fun of the kids that are not very athletic and they all laugh at the students he is making fun of.  Needless to say I had some advice for my son that was alot like what Jay McGraw was speaking about today - 1.  It is not OK to laugh along with the teacher - you need to say to the student "It's OK, he shouldn't be saying those things" 2.  Say to the teacher -"That is not funny and you shouldn't be saying those things" 3.  Leave the class immediately and report the incident to the principal or asst.  principal. 

 I also went in to speak to the principal about my son's comment - the principal did not know I knew about the lawsuit and told me "That's funny, we have never had any complaints about this teacher." 

When I told him I knew about the lawsuit - of course, he got very defensive and told me the teacher doesn't drink or smoke and comes from a good family and the lawsuit is not over yet.  He really didn't seem to get it and I informed him what I had instructed my son to do in the event this ever happens again.  I told him I may be wasting my breath but that is what I told my son to do and I expect his support.    

All I got from the principal were excuses and rationalizations.  There is alot more to the story but I just wanted to get this off my chest because there are alot of adult bullies out there using intimidation tactics on our children as well.  Maybe there could be a show on thisl 

 
August 16, 2005, 2:00 pm CDT

It was once me!!!

  

Tess, I have been there and I continue to go through it each day.  I am 22 and I have been bullied since about the 4th grade. Guys used to take the metal part of the ruler and get it hot and stick it to my arm. I am very over weight but I don't let that stop me. I believe that everything you indure makes you stronger if you have the will power and the HELP to get through it. I want you to know that you are not alone. Please remember one thing though you have to be strong for your self and help make a difference because someone somewhere is getting it twice as hard. What I am saying is be a role model to them as I am trying to be to you show them you are not a quiter and keep right on moving. I hope something that I have said has helped you and anyone reading it. Please email me if you would like to talk I am willing to reach for you if you are willing to reach out. My eamil address is    party2000art@yahoo.com. 

  

Thank you and remember God loves you, 

  

Misty from Tennnessee 

 
August 16, 2005, 2:02 pm CDT

Bullied Granddaughter

This is a letter I sent to our local school board and for which I am awaiting a reply. Sirs/Madams: During the Spring semester of 2005, our grandaughter, who was having a difficult time at home with her mother and stepfather and doing poorly in school, came to live with us (Grandmother and Grandfather) in order to attend ?????? schools. After several months, her grades were significantly improved and her mental attitude was much improved. Unfortunately, a group of minority girls at ????????? high school decided they didn't want her there and began threatening her. It eventually evolved into physical assault against her. (At least once in the presence of a teacher.) When the high school staff wouldn't / couldn't resolve the situation, she chose the lesser of two bad situations and returned to her mother and stepfather in lieu of having her life threatened. When we attempted to learn why the staff at Southeast wasn't able to resolve the problem, we were told they couldn't discuss it. They knew we were removing her from school and they knew the reason but to add insult to injury, they reported her as being truant and we had to explain it to the district attorney's office. The saddest part of the entire situation is that she is once again making poor grades, is miserable and is surely making her mother and stepfather miserable. I feel we are owed an explanation by someone as to why that situation couldn't be resolved. Is USD ??? policy ???? just so many words? Apparently so-a group of words to satisfy a board of education directive . A wonderful young girl's education may have become compromised beyond repair which may follow her the rest of her life.
 
August 16, 2005, 2:02 pm CDT

Bullies

I was just stumped about the parents of these bullies letting their kids treat other kids this way and worse stick up for them doing so.  I worry about my son being bullied.  After watching this show I am going to have a little talk with him tonight about being bullied and being a bully.  I would also just like to say to the wonderful kids on the show today, hang in there.  You will grow up into beautiful people, because you already are, and you'll look back on your school years and you will know that you won.  I got encouraged to do something about bullies in my son's school after watching this show and I hope other parents do the same.   

Best of luck to you kids, you are in my prayers. 

Heather in Missouri 

 
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