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Topic : 08/16 Bullies

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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:18:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/19/05) They're not just lurking on the schoolgrounds. Now, bullies can come into your home and torture your children over e-mail, instant messages and other Web forums. It's an epidemic that has kids withdrawing socially, dropping out of school, and in some cases, tragically taking their own lives. Dr. Phil and his son Jay talk to two teens who can't escape the intimidation and abuse. Then, pop star Clay Aiken, who was picked on as a child, shares how he got the bullying to stop. Share your thoughts here.

 

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August 16, 2005, 2:53 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

Quote From: rachelcody

 My son has been bullied in elementary school since the first grade.  He is now a fifth grader and will be attending a new school this year.  We start next week and he's afraid that the bullying will be started all over again with a new group of children.  I agree with Dr. Phil's son that the children standing around watching or creating these bullying scenarios are just as bad as the bullies.  My son has made himself physically ill so that he doesn't have to attend school.  He missed 1/3 of the school year in 2nd grade and the school threatened to hold him back.  I spoke to the principal frequently.  I even e-mailed the entire school board.  They just don't respond.  Either that or they tell me that I have to have my son rat on these children to get action.  Finally we ratted on them, I made my son name names.  What happened you ask?  The principal wrote it off to rough play.  All of the schools in the area I live in have an anti-bullying policy but nobody does anything about it.  My son hasn't found his talent.  He's a really good student and this problem is affecting his grades.

The cycle has now come to my house because my oldest son feels that he may bully his younger brother.  It's becoming a learned behavior.  I do punish him for acting the way he does towards his brother.  He does get the point of the punishment.  He just wants the bullying to stop.  He wants to make friends.

How can I help him this year?

Distraught Parent.

I beleive you when you say the school has a policy of bullying but wrote your situation off.  Here's goes my aggression again, but if I was you, I would return to that school (even tho you son no longer will attend) and tell that principal to be accountable for his action and ask him to visit your home and chat with your boys on how he was WRONG. I would ask this guy to tell your boys that bullying can not take place anywhere with anyone, that includes at home with family. If he refuses, tell him you are going to complain to the superintendant of the district. 

 

After this, YOU must commit to a zero tolerance of bullying regarding the boys. What works with my kids, I take away a CD for 1 month if they say "shut up" to the other. So, bullying consequences are way harsher. When my son teased my daughter about her acne, I took the door of his bedroom for 1 month.  These work for me.  

 
August 16, 2005, 3:01 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

this is to the Parents out there lission to your kids if they say there is a problem at school I am adult of school bulling and there was no one willing to help ( Parents, Teachers, Sibs ) when I was having problems being bullied at school and now 20 years later it still has a hold on me
 
August 16, 2005, 3:18 pm CDT

i understand how they feel

I somewhat know they the kids feel that were on the show today. In middle school I used to get made fun of a lot. I am 14 years old, and a sophmore in high school, and I am not made fun of as much anymore, so thats good. But sometimes girls yell at me or cuss me out and it really hurts. I was so sad when I watched what they were going through.  I understand how Tess feels, because a lot of my fights happen on this webpage called xanga.com  My worst enemy is on there and she is like 18 or something. and she is constantly writing mean stuff about me, or cussing me out. And I don't understand how kids can be so mean. I feel so bad because I hope there are no kids in my school like Tess or the boy(I didnt get his name-im sorry).. Because if there are and I don't regonize them and they end up getting homeschooled or worse, kill themselves like that one girl did-I would feel responsible. Because like Dr.Phil's son said today, if you stand by and just watch them get made fun of, your just as bad as the bullys. And I would just feel horrible. This is why I am not a bully. Because I understand how it feels and I would never want to put someone through the pain that I went through..When I saw the boy cry today, I instantly got teary eyed because I thought it was so sad. And when that girl killed herself, that was sad. And Tess having to be homeschooled. I mean how can girls be that mean?! And over a boy? Come on!! Reading this over I realize I am bragging about myself a lot. And I am sorry. I am just upset and inspired by the show today, and I just wanted to write my thoughts.
 
August 16, 2005, 3:19 pm CDT

They start so young!

I am an elementary school music teacher...this is my very first year teaching and, even on my first day, I was shocked and appauled at the level of disrespect with which children treat each other.  Because I am in the music room all day and have classes coming and going, I don't see the actual "bullying," per say, that might happen on the playground, in the cafeteria, or on the bus, but the way children, even very young first and second graders, speak to each other in the classroom gives me no doubt that this bullying happens often.   

  

I agree with some of the other posts that a lot of what these children say comes from home.  It also comes from television shows they shouldn't be watching and "popular" music they shouldn't be listening to.  And I pray that viewers will really take to heart what Jay said on this afternoon's show and teach their children that bystanders who don't take up for victims are just as guilty as bullies...schools can have anti-bullying policies and it might help a little, but parents please help us out and talk to your kids about bullying!!!  As a first-year teacher I can honestly say that all the education classes and college degrees in the world could not have prepared me for the way children treat each other and I often feel inadequate and ill-prepared with how to get kids to stop disrespecting each other.  Seriously, it just makes me sad...if anyone has any ideas for what I can say in my own classroom to help eliminate this huge issue, please share them with me. 

 
August 16, 2005, 3:20 pm CDT

regards bullies in middle schools

Hi all,I can certainly relate to this topic....I have a 15 year old teen that is musically gifted and  

    talented..in middle school he created music for the plays and lots of times he was told that 

    his music stinks, and that is weird and what in the world is that your playing??he was actually 

    degrated by the music teacher at his elementary school who said that he would never be good 

    right before his performance....my son went on and was brilliant..he is very reluctant to do his 

    music in high school because his self esteem is not really great at all..he says that if the kids 

    knew how talented he is they would call him nerd,gay??  I wish there was a way to build up 

    his self esteem to do his music in high school he is just wonderful. as a single parent with a lot of 

    stuff going on it is hard to consistantly encourage him...any advice   

  

single parent in queens new york 

  

  

  

  

  

 
August 16, 2005, 3:24 pm CDT

Taking Responsibility For Being A Bully

I think that it is a great thing that students are being incouraged to stand up for one another. I was bullied through out Middle School, but now with the fact that students are using the internet a lot more (I graduated in 2002 so it hasn't been that long since I was in middle school, but it is still a great testament to the fact that the use of the internet has grown substantially.) the bullying becomes even more impossible to escape. I am 21 and I love to use the internet to blog online,  

chat, and keep in contact with my friends when I am not able to see them on a regular basis. Mostly it is to facilitate constant contact with my friends who live over-seas or in other states. However, my mother made an interesting point that since young people use the internet more and more in our daily lives (with blogs, profiles, IM services) that we are making ourselves sitting ducks. I made the argument that we should be able to take advantage of technology without the fear of someone posting horrible things about us online, hounding us via AIM (and other servers) and getting horrible emails that tell us to commit suicide. I can personally attest to the fact that you can be without a main source of internet and the threat of cyber-bullying is still a problem. I had very limited access to the internet while I was studying abroad this past spring. I still recieved complaints against me that I was cyber-bullying a former friend by posting false websites, and pretending to be other people in order to harass her. Whether or not you have a computer in your home it is still possible to have someone out there victimize you in more ways than one. I believe that my situation is rare, but I don't know who is harassing my former friend. It certaintly isn't me. I subscribe to Dr. Phil's school of thought that I have found my own self-worth and value myself enough to realize that even if this former friend of mine doesn't want to be my friend any more that doesn't give me the right to bully them. There is no excuse for bullying. I have been accused of horrible things by someone I believed to be my friend. Once again I wanted everyone to know that there is always another side to the bullying story. While I don't believe in blaming the victim, you have to watch out for people like my former friend. They will egg-on children and others secretly and torment them in a not-so-public way (in my case they went and told as many of my friends as they could what I was supposedly doing to them) and when we try to defend ourselves we are accused of being the aggressors. There is strength in numbers, but we have to be sure that there isn't something more sinister going on with accusations of bullying. It could be a new, and very twisted form of bullying itself.  

  

  

  

 
August 16, 2005, 3:29 pm CDT

I love that song

Quote From: tycinteg

I know this is an older show, however I want to make a comment. At my children's elementarty school, they have a no teasing pledge that they recite at each town meeting. They also sing the country song, Don't Laugh at Me. I really think education against bullying has to start early.  

Cindy 

Hey I really love that song. my sister met the singer Mark Wills. Anyway I think thats a really great idea! My sister and I used to say that we were going to have an assembly and play that song, so everyone would stop the bullying, and gossip. But we never did, because I am 14 and she is 17 and I don't think the principal would have allowed us.
 
August 16, 2005, 3:33 pm CDT

to mark

Your story really touched me today. This is the first time I saw this show and I hope that things have gotten better for you since the original show aired. I was bullied all through middle and high school and I just want you to know that things do get better. I know how hard it was for me and I can only imagine how hard it is for you. I was so impressed with how brave you were to stick up for someone else. I don't think I would have been so brave when I was your age. I just want to tell you to never give up. The people that bully you are only blind to all the wonderful things that make you who you are. They are NOT right, they are just blind. I can see how wonderful you are and I only watched you for a moment on TV. Think about how many people you will meet in your life that will see you for who you really are. Think of your life as an adventure and realize that school is such a short time compared to all the time you'll have after. Never stop being brave. Never stop listening and talking to your parents. Believe in yourself and know that there will come a day when you can look back and realize just how strong you were and are. I wish you much joy in your life. I think you're a very sweet and very cute young man. There are a lot of people out there that are rooting for you. I'm only one of them. Stay strong. 

  

big hugs, 

  

Heather 

 
August 16, 2005, 3:44 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

Quote From: hevers

I would just like to thank all the other kids out there that are stepping up and being mature and loving people and giving Tess and Mark their screen names and email addresses.  I think that will help them out so much just knowing that there are kids their own age who do want to be their friends.  They are great kids, both of them. 

You guys are great!  We need more people like you out in this crazy world we all live in and it'd be a much better place to live in. 

  

Heather  

I agree with Heather that the kids who offered their emails, etc., are wonderful!  I would also like to tell everybody that high school does end eventually.  I was miserable as a teenager, and was thrilled when I graduated from high school.  Much to my amazement, it all stopped.  Nobody cared about my clothes or anything once I became an adult. 

  

I wish I could say more.  It will end, though, I promise.  Lots of kids who were considered nerds when they were teenagers became amazing computer scientists as adults. 

 
August 16, 2005, 3:45 pm CDT

Daughter was bullied

My daughter who is 10 years old now, attended a catholic school for several years.  My goal by sending her there was to avoid all the stuff I encountered as a child, being picked on and all.  Well, not the case.  She was called obscene names, only names I would hear adults use, told she was fat and ugly and the kids rarely played with her.  I was really worried for her and this year decided to send her to public school.  So far enjoys it there, she has already made new friends.  I feel for Tess and the other children that was on the show today.  I feel when kids do this, they are either jealous or feel that they are threatened by the one they are picking on.  Like my daughter, she is nice to everyone and could never hurt anyone. 
 
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