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Topic : 08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Number of Replies: 43
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:27:39 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 02/14/05) Imagine if your own mother were dating someone younger than you! What would Dr. Phil say? And, meet a couple on the verge of retirement who fear they may also be retiring their sex life. How can they reconnect in the bedroom? Plus, Cliff and Kim may look like an ordinary all-American couple, but as soon as they put their daughter to bed, they head downstairs to swing with strangers! Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

 

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August 19, 2005, 2:43 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

I've never felt more embarrassed for someone else than I did for the husband in the swinger marriage.      

     

This woman walks up to him and says "I think you're boring, but as long as I can sleep with other guys then you can hang out with me."      !??!!    

     

Does anyone else want to slap this woman?  That's a nice little piece of emotional abuse.  By saying this to him (or to a few million television viewers), isn't she basically telling him that he's "not good enough" for her?  Doesn't that basically emasculate the poor guy?  And every time she convinces him to stand by and let some other guy have sex with her, she's saying it again.  

     

I couldn't be with anyone who thought I wasn't good enough.  It would rip me up inside.     

    

I hope they get some really good counselling because I agree with Dr. Phil that this is one relationship that won't last the way it is.   

 
August 19, 2005, 2:56 pm CDT

Swinging

I'm tired of the way the media portrays swingers. You only show the unhappy people in the lifestyle and never the happily married ones. There are millions of people that choose this lifestyle and it works for them. There are happy and healthy couples who have been doing it for years. It's not just about the sex, it's about building friendships and communities. Swingers are no different than anyone else. They could be your neighbor, your lawyer, your doctor or your parents. Swingers are not child molestors, perverts, stalkers or the like. They are open minded people who enjoy a different kind of sex life.   

As in any relationship it takes trust. Swinging couples have to be more in tune with eachother and communicate more. As for being adulterous, how can it be when both are participating? Why cheat when you can do it together? Is it more acceptable for people to cheat on a spouse? That seems to be the general consensus.   

 
August 19, 2005, 2:59 pm CDT

Dr Phil Show.

Dr Phil. I hate to said it Lori is nuts and going with other guys in 20s. I think she is sick. Go figer this 

out. Well I had better close now. Friend Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------------- 

 
August 19, 2005, 3:10 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Quote From: lyanna96

I've never felt more embarrassed for someone else than I did for the husband in the swinger marriage.      

     

This woman walks up to him and says "I think you're boring, but as long as I can sleep with other guys then you can hang out with me."      !??!!    

     

Does anyone else want to slap this woman?  That's a nice little piece of emotional abuse.  By saying this to him (or to a few million television viewers), isn't she basically telling him that he's "not good enough" for her?  Doesn't that basically emasculate the poor guy?  And every time she convinces him to stand by and let some other guy have sex with her, she's saying it again.  

     

I couldn't be with anyone who thought I wasn't good enough.  It would rip me up inside.     

    

I hope they get some really good counselling because I agree with Dr. Phil that this is one relationship that won't last the way it is.   

This is the first time I've been on this site, but I was moved to write because I think Dr Phil really dropped the ball on this one. I'm not a psychologist, but did take a few courses while working on my BA. But one thing I do know about is addictions, having been in both residential and outpatient treatment programs. This woman in the swinger marriage exhibits many signs of sex addiction. Dr Phil was talking about the risk of bringing sexually-motivated strangers into her home, but this is just the type of risky behavior that addicts engage in. Add to that the risk of catching an STD. Then think about all the energy it takes to indulge in the lifestyle, not to mention the money. If you ever read this Doc, I'd sure like to hear your response.
 
August 19, 2005, 3:22 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Dr Phil, I don't usually disagree with you, but the segment on the swinger couple really got me. This woman clearly exhibits many signs of addictive behavior. The risk taking, both in the company they keep and then bring home aroung their young child, and in the possibility of contracting an STD, clearly point to sex addiction. There is something wrong with her sex drive other than the steering. And the man must definitely have some self-esteem issues. They need an addiction counselor, not a sex-therapist. I'm not a psychologist, but I have been through some treatment programs, both residential and out-patient, so I feel somewhat qualified in this field.
 
August 19, 2005, 3:31 pm CDT

Cliff and Kim and Swinging

I do not agree with Swinging.  Cliff and Kim should get a divorce.  I noticed all the religious comments in this thread.  And really RELIGION is a thermastat of why people do what they do when trouble in a relationship happens.  It is kind of like playing chess and its Check Mate.  You are @#$%^& if you do and #$%^&* if you don't.  It's because you are worried what Grandma is going to say at Thanksgiving Dinner when she finds out you are getting a divorce.  Once someone else knows there is a problem in your relationship, not only do you have a problem in that relationship but you also have a wall between you and the relative or friend who gets involved because stigma is "you must be doing something wrong if you are in a bad relationship."  And so its like another negative.   So it's wrong to Swing, Its Wrong to get a Divorce, Its wrong to Run off with Someone, Its Wrong to put up with all your Spouses $%^&*.  So the right thing to do is Sit in front of your television eating Bon Bons watching Dr. Phil till it somehow fixes you!
 
August 19, 2005, 5:23 pm CDT

Older woman, younger man

Regarding Lori, the woman who sleeps around with guys in their 20's...  As a divorced woman in her 50's, I've experienced dating a lot of younger men.  The segment with Lori disturbed me greatly because it's bad enough that society has a problem with this (unlike older men and younger women), but her blatant promiscuity makes it sound as though we (older women) are all out only for the sex.   Nothing could be further from the truth.  I have dated and been friends with many younger men.  It seems I attract them because of my personality.  I don't sleep around with them.  I don't dress like a slut.  (And her wearing a tight red dress to a wedding???  How inconsiderate of the bride, if nothing else)   

    

I believe age is just a number, as long as you're adults.  Two people of any age can have a relationship, with similar interests and personalities.  This segment was very insulting to those of us who maintain relationships with a variety of people, not based on sex.  It only adds fuel to the disapproval of closed minded people who can't see past the age.     

    

I have a relationship with one special person who I've known since he was 17.  He is now 32.  15 years that began as a friendship.  He was a student, and I worked in the school office.  We didn't understand the attraction, other than we were just two people so much alike, very sensitive and very caring.  It eventually developed into a deeper, loving, emotional situation.  It wasn't until this past year that he's been receptive to possibly being together, rather than just friends.  The love was always there, but the age difference was a problem.  Now grown, he can deal with it, because the love and connection we have is still very strong.  As he says, we're like two peas in a pod.   

    

My point is, there is much more to any close relationship.  It's not all about age.  Shows like today's with Lori do a grave disservice to many of us who associate with younger men on many different levels.  And I feel badly for her son, oh how embarrassing.  As someone else stated, he's upset with her being easy.   

    

    

    

 
August 19, 2005, 7:51 pm CDT

Red dress

Why is everyone so upset about a red dress? I love red and wear it a lot, and purple and pink and turquoise and lime green- its color- enjoy it! I will be damned if I will start wearing boring colors because I'm over 40- maybe I won't be picking up younger men, but I don't want to look like the walking dead in black and brown...... 
 
August 19, 2005, 8:28 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Quote From: millir

I'm tired of the way the media portrays swingers. You only show the unhappy people in the lifestyle and never the happily married ones. There are millions of people that choose this lifestyle and it works for them. There are happy and healthy couples who have been doing it for years. It's not just about the sex, it's about building friendships and communities. Swingers are no different than anyone else. They could be your neighbor, your lawyer, your doctor or your parents. Swingers are not child molestors, perverts, stalkers or the like. They are open minded people who enjoy a different kind of sex life.   

As in any relationship it takes trust. Swinging couples have to be more in tune with eachother and communicate more. As for being adulterous, how can it be when both are participating? Why cheat when you can do it together? Is it more acceptable for people to cheat on a spouse? That seems to be the general consensus.   

Adultery is a voluntary sexual act between a married person with some one other then their spouse, No matter how you want to sugar coat the act, swinger is just another term that justifies committing adultery, the difference is mainly that the person is given permission to committ adultery without accountability. And any one who has to have sex to build relationships and a community must be really living boring lives and doesn't have good self esteem about them selves, you do not have to build relationships by having sex with them. I personally am an opened minded person, but no way on this earth would I open up my bedroom or allow some one else to come in and interfere with my marriage and I thank God for a Godly man who feels the same way about it. It is a good feeling to know that I can come home and know that I am the one and only for my husband and that we don't have to go else where to get sexual satisfaction, our sex life will stay between our four walls and no one else is welcome in to my territory nor would I be opened and willing to give my husband any permission or excuse to go else where, it is wrong and it IS adultery to have sex with some one other then your spouse. permission or not,adultery is adultrey no matter how you look at it. And if one or two is not capable or willing to keep the marriage as two people, then why even get married? Why make the committment and say "I Do" to that one and only? if you can't keep yourselves for each other,then forget the vows! why share with others if you are committed to one another? again, marriage is about TWO people, not three or more. I realize that we are living in a society where anything goes but my children will learn how to love, respect and honor their spouses and themselves and if they want to build relationships, it is about trust, and being reliable and communication, it is about caring and being there for one anoter, and if you have to have sex with them to build the relationship then it is no friendship or true relation. sex has absolutely nothing to do with building relationships outside the marriage. I suppose sex means different things for different people but I believe it was created to create children as well as for enjoyment between the married couple and was not meant to be shared outside of the marriage, and it is the one thing that a married couple should be able to keep to themselves and not expected to share it with others. And if a marriage is so good and fullfilling, why go to others? Definetly something wrong with that picture!
 
August 19, 2005, 8:37 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Quote From: queentween

Why is everyone so upset about a red dress? I love red and wear it a lot, and purple and pink and turquoise and lime green- its color- enjoy it! I will be damned if I will start wearing boring colors because I'm over 40- maybe I won't be picking up younger men, but I don't want to look like the walking dead in black and brown...... 
I agree, I am 42 and I wear all colors including red and black. I suppose if one wants to consider me unpure cause I wear red, that is their opinion, but hey, I am not out to impress any one, I'm happy, hubby is happy, my children are happy, who cares. Red and black are actually two of my most favorite colors to wear. Always getting compliments from my wonderful hubby but I have never received any negative responses from any one. People are going to think whatever they want regardless of what we think or wear so I agree with you, be happy with your self and be who you are, wear whatever you want.
 
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