Topic : 09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups

Hello everyone,  

I TiVo'd this show and was curious about Kim's divorce story.  It sounds like she married a real loser.  

Was anyone able to find the website she created?  She said it was Pokey_____.com.  I didn't catch the word after "pokey".  I've done a couple of searches but I wasn't able to find it.  

I'm just curious,  

Lisa  

Wow you've a pretty low opinion of the "average" person or your peers. Actually this is exactly the point Dr. Phil was trying to make. You're having trouble fitting in with your peers & don't have a clear picture of them.  Perhaps had you been intergrated with others your same age you'd have a better understanding of what & who they are and a better opinion of them. Then you'd understand that it isn't just about "makeup, boys and extended telephone conversations". I mean if you haven't been in and around your peers you're basing your opinions on people you really don't know & what you're seeing on television.  Having extremely smart students intergrated with kids who aren't at their level helps to pull the others up higher. I had the validvictorian in from of me at homeroom all 4 years of high school and we learned so much from one another I could write books on it. And yes socially he took away a LOT from me. He's now out in silicone Valley and doing extremely well despite him having to attend high school with the rest of us lower level people.  

There are many programs and ways to challenge a persons mind without pushing them into a place they may not be ready for emotionally or making what is their talent make them look "odd". My son attended many of the summer gifted programs at the same time as attending high school and of course is in honors classes.  

You asked if this is when girls are socialized to make 60 cents for every dollar a man makes & so I'm curious to know if you believe pushing a girl to college before she's emotionally ready to be there is going to have her making the same wage as a man. I mean you're smart so you must know the different in wages made isn't attitude, or ability, but their GENDER. Going to college earlier will not change that. I also found your post rather insulting to anyone considered "average" & I think that was another point about this girl knowing her IQ & how high it is. While we want to make a child understand their unique and talented etc. we wouldn't want her/him to look at people who are "average" to be beneath her either & you do seem to look your nose down at those not on your same intellectual level. I found your description of anyone that isn't of your intellect to be insulting & rude & these are the very social skills many parents worry about. That's what those lenghtly telephone calls teens have help to teach. When we lack social skills people often don't want to be around us & it can make for a very lonely and sad life. As a parent I of course want my sons to do well with academics but I also want to make sure they have the social skills needed so they don't end up out casts in society and/or in a lonely place in life.  

As far as your daughter I'm not sure how old she is or even how old you are but I must caution you that you wouldn't want to put expectations on her that she is unable to reach. Just because a parent has a talent does not always mean their child will have the same talent. She may just not have the ability to skip high school all together & while it may be frivolus I'm not sure I would not have wanted to miss my homecoming dances & proms. We can challenge ourselves & look to be high achievers but we can not get back missed experiences or our youth. There's more to life than academics and work to make us happy.  

See the subject line. ;)  

Yes, he was a loser.  It's on ME that I stuck blindly to my vows and gave him chance after chance.  Ah well.  Life lessons eh?  Without those, I wouldn't be peaceful and happy, and engaged to my 5th grade sweetheart and lifelong friend, and I wouldn't be able to see the value in myself as he does.  

So that's something to thank the loser for. :-D  

Cheers!  

Kim  

For lisam916.
See the subject line. :)

Yes, he was a loser, but it was all resulted in life lessons that have allowed me to be finally happy.  I shouldn't have given him all the chances I did, but I was beaten down, emotionally, verbally, and I was exhausted.  I let him slide because I was afraid of divorce, being alone, being unloved, unvalued.  Not that I had those things from him, but you can convince yourself of almost any rationalization if you're afraid enough.

 But I'm at peace now.  I know how to be happy.  I know how to value myself.  I'm worth soooo much more than he led me to believe all those years.  And in the obverse, he lives with his Mom, can't get a job, or an apartment, has warrants out in several states, and has lost all the sports things that he felt were worth lying, cheating, and stealing for.  Ka?  Karma?  Revenge?  Don't know.  It seems fitting however.

 Engaged to my 5th grade sweetheart and lifelong friend, own my own business -- I still don't have children, my largest regret and bitterest pain, but may adopt, and in the meantime I have the 4 footed kind. :)

Cheers!

 kim  

Sorry for the multiple posts. 

It's actually at my main site, rockpages.net/pokeycam 

Slinking away now... 

:-D 

kim 

Kim,   

You're a riot!  Great web site BTW & what a great warning.  I really went there because I wanted to be able to see a better pic of you because I wasn't sure if I was seeing you well enough in this picture here.  I did get a glimpse of you over there & so now I can say with certainty that you look SO much better now.   What ever you've done you have taken years off yourself from those original pictures on Dr.Phil.   

Now with all that said I have to just tell you that I really did get a hoot out of your web site & the revenge you've gotten but you know just enjoying & living your life & it being as great as it is is revenge for your ex.  It's true what Dr. Phil said & while you're web site is great I hope at some point you can put this behind you because you don't want to let it turn to a bitterness that will eat at you & make you ill.   

Well once again a big thumbs up to you honey & on behalf of all the women who googled him & found out the truth etc. let me say "thanks for the warning & sparing them the heart ach".   

I think there were some things you should consider
beyond what was mentioned on the show. First, I'm a
Mensan (IQ at 98th percentile or better to join), so I
can relate to your daughter's situation. I was never
allowed to skip grades and I was completely miserable.
Other kids were nasty because I was "smart." I was not
stuck up and I've never in my life bragged about
grades, test scores, or IQ. That someone grabs your
test paper and announces the score to the room is not
your fault, it's the fault of the nosey kid who has no
manners.

I tested for Mensa after I was in college because I
was seeking an organization where my intelligence
wouldn't be an issue. I figured no one would be
"grabbing my papers" because the difference between
98.0 and 99.9 percentile isn't truly significant.
 

What I do suggest to you is several things. First,
Mensa does have programs for gifted children. She
would then be "normal" in the statistical sense in
that group.
http://www.us.mensa.org/Content/AML/NavigationMenu/Programs/GiftedChildren/Gifted_Children.htm
This could be a plus for her. It's certainly worth
checking out.

Second, I'd strongly encourage you, if you don't
already do it, to have your daughter involved in at
least one charitable activity. I'd encourage her to
tutor students who are a few years younger than she is
if she has any natural teaching ability. I say a few
years younger so that the student being tutored isn't
offended that the tutor is their age or younger. This
can be a huge plus to your daughter in that it's good
to see what some people struggle with, what makes a
concept clear to someone, and so she can experience
the pure joy that comes not only from helping someone,
but having them see they CAN do something they
struggled with.

It's wonderful that you have her in other activities,
such as dance. I don't know if the other students are
around her age or if she spends time with them outside
of dance class, but that could be a good source of age
appropriate friends where she'd have at least one
shared interest.

If you belong to a church, if they have any youth
group activities, that would be another way to find
people of her age group and they can concentrate on
their faith as something that binds them together.
 

I was somewhat disappointed with the comments on the
show that indicated being like the other high school
kids is so important. High school, for most people, is
not one of the better times of their life (though it
probably beats junior high school.) There is too much
emphasis usually on how pretty someone is, what kind
of car he drives, or who is dating whom. It tends to
be a very shallow time of life for a lot of people.
Making an effort to "fit in" with such nonsense is
silly. Having real friendships with other people in
more positive settings (church group, fellow dancers,
etc.) makes more sense. The quality people in high
school who aren't in to superficial nonsense will
hopefully feel comfortable seeking out your daughter
and she should be encouraged to be approachable to
them or seek them out. It doesn't have to be in an "I
could tutor you" way either. There are plenty of kids
out there who have good hearts and brains but are
lonely because they're not "good looking" or
"athletic" or rich and the "in crowd" passes them by.

I would also encourage you to seek out college courses
for your daughter to challenge her. I would check out
any "gifted" program in a public high school very
carefully as most of them are not remotely
academically rigorous from what I've seen. Standards
have been lowered so drastically that the typical
"gifted" student does less rigorous academic work than
the regular student did 20 or 30 years ago.  There
will be programs for which this is not true, but just
because they claim to be for honor students or gifted
students doesn't mean they have any added value. In
fact, quite a few college courses are less rigorous
these days than normal high school classes were a few
decades ago and I speak from a good deal of experience
in that area.

Never let anyone, in any way, impose any "duty" upon
your daughter to "tone down" her intelligence or
"apologize" for being gifted. If she remembers the
gift is from God and knows that means she needs to
develop it to serve Him and society, she will be fine.
The automatic assumption I've seen many make that the
smart student must be lording it over other students
is unwarranted. Who demands the high school
quarterback drop his books periodically so he can
appear clumsy off the field? Do exceptionally
attractive people have to get a bad haircut and wear
something unattractive so that normal or unattractive
people can "feel better" about themselves? Of course
not. However, if in school (wasn't that supposed to be
about academics at some point?), a student performs
well the insults fly as though they're "showing off."
Getting 100 and then dancing around the room praising
yourself IS showing off. Going to the local "Y" to
swim and standing on the high dive screaming, "I got a
100 on my math test!" IS showing off. Getting a 100 on
your math test is NOT showing off and people who
pretend it is are the ones in serious need of help
because they have a major problem. So don't let
someone's jealousy or insecurity be laid on your
daughter if she's innocent of showing off. She is also
entitled to some praise for doing well academically
because being gifted is one think, developing that
gift and performing is another. That requires work.
 

If your daughter respects herself and others, then her
intelligence should be a gift to all and don't let
someone try to convince her it's a negative or something to hide so others can feel better about themselves. Michael Jordan never had to apologize for being a gifted athlete.