Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

This may seem kind of weird, but I'd really like some feedback.  Almost 2 years ago, I met a man on a reputable dating website.  At the time I weighed over 300 pounds.  (I'm 5'3" and should weigh about 118.)   I wasn't so much looking for a romantic relationship then, but for a friendship with someone of the opposite sex.   When we initially spoke on the phone this man praised me for having such good character, being so accepting, and having such a great personality.  I was very upfront with him about my weight, and he confided to me that he had also had a weight problem that he continued to work on.  "We can work on it together."    Over time we became somewhat close, and I began to seriously work on losing weight (we still had not met in person, but we spoke on the phone daily, sometimes for as long as 2-3 hours at a time).  A year passed, and we began to acknowedge to each other that we were thinking about each other in ways that were more than just friendship.  I lost 132 pounds in that time, and while I still had a great deal more to go (another 60 at least), I looked so much better, and I felt so much better that we agreed to finally have a face-to-face meeting.  He said to me many times not to be self-conscious, because he wasn't so concerned about those things I could change (my weight), but rather about those things that were more difficult to change (my character).  I was so excited to finally meet this person.  We both had some fantiasies about the other, yet both of us had also said we wanted reality, and were more interested in character over the long term.     

When we first saw each other, I got hit with a huge dose of reality.  Even though I had seen a picture of him, he looked much older than the picture led me to believe.  He was also more overweight, and had some other physical characteristics that were less than attractive, but after my initial shock wore off it took me about 30 seconds to decide to see him through the eyes of the relationship I thought we were building, and the only thing that was important to me was his character and who I believed him to be.  Unfortunately, he was unable to do the same for me.   This man who had been so warm and accepting on the phone suddenly became very detached and distant.  He said very little over dinner, and seemed to be a million miles away.  Instead of the long face to face talk we were going to have, he suggested a movie.  After it was over, he walked me to my car, and we went our separate ways.  We talked about it later, and he admitted that he felt very guilty but that he couldn't deal with the excess weight and that fact that I looked older than he had anticipated I would.  He said he wanted someone he could "introduce to his friends and be really proud of."   He also told me that I was everything he wanted in a relationship as far as personality, character, and inner qualities, but that he wanted to wait to find someone who had those same qualities in a prettier package.  

Needless to say, I was heartbroken.  Am I being unrealistic to wish that he could have seen me the same way I chose to see him?  Especially since I was still working hard at losing the weight.    I've heard Dr. Phil say that "men fall in love with their eyes" and "women fall in love with their hearts."  And that certainly seems to apply here, but  I don't quite know what to do with that, and the result of this experience has me feeling that at 55 I can never be loved again because there's no way (even once I complete my weight loss - which I indend to do) that I can go back and look like I did at 30, or even 40.    

I would like some honest feedback, especially from any males out there, as what is realistic here.  Am I just way to idealistic?  I realize that might be the case.   Incidentally, we still talk on the phone occasionally.  (He calls me - I rarely contact him.)   He often confides in me about women he's dating (somehow he rarely seems to have more than one date and they tell him they don't want to really pursue the relationship.)    What do you think?  And what should my response be now?  (I'm not entertaining ideas of a future with him.... but I'm willing to be a casual friend.)  The problem I'm finding now is that even though I'm continuing to lose weight and expect to reach my final goal before the end of the year, I've lost all confidence in myselfl as a person worthy of love.   I'm a business professional, in a position of high visibiilty, and very good at my work, but this has really shaken my belief in myself as a worthwhile person, and I'm not sure where to go with it.    

Anyway, it's good to "vent" a little, but I'm still hopeful of resolving this inner conflict in a way that I can live with.  Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.  

My god this show stunned and horrified meI wanted to smack that mother debi and grab Victoria and tell her someone loves her and cares about her and that she is beautiful and worthwhile person.  The way Debi treats her and then blames her daughter for it is disgusting and when she said i like decorating Hunters room but she gave Victorias away to her step son because she didnt take care of it and she now sleeps on the floor of the pretty sisters room and then was more horified to when she said she was grossed out when victoria gets out of the shower and  she sees her fat rolls on her stomach  and is embarassed to be seen with her and she is a sloppy eater with all the food she eats.  No wonder she overeats thats the only comfort she gets and she proably gets sloppy because she knows this is the one thing that gets her some attention from her mother even if its negative any is better then none I guess.  The capper was when she said she rented a hotel room for Hunter and 10 friends with a jacuzzi in it  for her birthday and Victoria had no party and no cake and she spent maybe 30.00 and not  the 600.00 she spent on Hunters party in the hotel room. She signed Hunter up for cheerleading but not Victoria beacuse she wasnt pretty and doesnt even help with something as simple and fundamental as homework but she helps Hunter until she is done, this woman, and I use the term loosely, needs to drug out into the street and shot  like the animal that she treats her daughter like.  The only mercy on that show would be if some real mothers waited for her after the show and kicked the crap out of her to knock come sense into her, although I doubt that it would help, and I know that peolpe would read this and think violence is wrong, well how is what she is doing to her daughter and different from physically abusing her infact physically hitting her would be kinder and alot less scarring.  Lets all say a prayer for this BEAUTIFUL LITTLE girl and hope that someone out there helps her find a better more loving life then she has been subjected to for all her young years.   

Cindy