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Topic : 12/22 Little Mean Girls

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Created on : Friday, September 16, 2005, 04:29:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 09/20/05) They kick, they spit, they punch, they even cuss. Parents say their precious daughters have turned into "little mean girls." Mark and Heather are divorced and can't agree on how to parent their 6-year-old daughter, Montanna. Is Mark's macho personality making Montanna more aggressive? Or is it because Heather doesn't believe in spanking? Then, Jana and Cory are worn out by their 4-year-old daughter, Alyssa, and her bullying behavior. She bullies, name calls and screams at the top of her lungs. What are they doing wrong, and how can they make her behave? And Michelle says she has created a spoiled brat and giving in has become easier than fighting her "princess." Do you have any advice for these guests? Tell us.

 

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September 20, 2005, 10:23 am CDT

09/20 Little Mean Girls

Hearing the stories from parents about their children is heartbreaking. The first story about Montanna is very sad.  After reading the story about her, I think she does get her not so good ways from her father. That is what really breaks my heart. In cases like this one, where children witness their parents, one or both of them yelling and screaming and name calling and throwing objects towards one another, it does have a huge affect on them. Sometimes, it is the parents who are at fault for their actions. Children should never be subject to such things as when their parents are disagreeing about things. When children see their parents arguing or exchanging words, when they get older, they might think is ok and that they can do things like that to their parents in return. Either way, what each parent contributes to the situation, both are not right. 

 
September 20, 2005, 11:48 am CDT

09/20 Little Mean Girls

Quote From: montana16

Missjane, that is ridiculous!!  I have 3 kids myself, 14, 13 and 8 and even though I think EVERYTHING the little one does is cute and adorable, I would NEVER allow him to say "we're going to play some games and that's final"  HOLY CRAP!!  That's crazy!!  How on earth could you reward that kind of mouth?  You can bet  your bottom dollar that this child will speak like that to his teacher / principal / child care worker, etc. and is going to have his little heart broken when someone actually stands up to him.  I'll never understand how parents like you set your children up to fail in society.  Do you actually think that anyone other than you is going to put up w/that?  Why would let him go around thinking that acting that way is OK?  You're supposed to teach him the proper way to act, not set him up to fail.  And acting like that, he WILL fail.
Well before he was in school I thot he would be on Ritalin, but he is just such A LOVER OF PEOPLE and being in school he loves.  And has had no problems.  He crashes birthday parties including those of teenage girls.  He gets some Christmas wrap and wraps up one of his favorite plastic dinosaurs or rubber spiders and gives them it as a birthday gift.  Whereever there is cake and fun he is.  We lost him once at an amusement park and had to call the security and we found this 8 year old on a rollercoaster by himself riding it over and over 5 times and this is why we couldn't find him.  He is quite the handful.  And we try to discipline him and at this point try to reason with him, ..... .......
 
September 20, 2005, 12:20 pm CDT

09/20 Little Mean Girls

Quote From: missjane2

Well before he was in school I thot he would be on Ritalin, but he is just such A LOVER OF PEOPLE and being in school he loves.  And has had no problems.  He crashes birthday parties including those of teenage girls.  He gets some Christmas wrap and wraps up one of his favorite plastic dinosaurs or rubber spiders and gives them it as a birthday gift.  Whereever there is cake and fun he is.  We lost him once at an amusement park and had to call the security and we found this 8 year old on a rollercoaster by himself riding it over and over 5 times and this is why we couldn't find him.  He is quite the handful.  And we try to discipline him and at this point try to reason with him, ..... .......
 I can't believe you, you don't reason with a child, you raise them. The only reason you should have to do is explaining why you are doing what you are doing. but they have no choice about how they respond. I am not saying to ignor their feelings, but if you gave a kid the choice to eat a salad or a candybar, what do you think he would eat ?  the salad as we allready know is much better for him.  trying to let him learn things on his own is a rough way to go. YOu have to set an example for him.  To achieve the best, not quit and be productive. So many parents are trying to be their kids best friend that disciplin is totally shot out the window.  I feel this is why children don't respect their parents.  What are they looking up to...a person who would rather make points than  teach what is right. 
 
September 20, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

Love and Logic

I have read a couple of books on parenting (being the divorced mom of a very active and intelligent 3 year old girl!)  I also works full time outside the home and was starting to think I might not survive this!  They are from the Love and Logic Institute (you can find them online), they are very similar to the way Dr. Phil speaks, but also give you specific examples of real life situations and how to deal with them.  I am also currently taking a 5 week (1 hour a week - 1 night a week) class from Love and Logic - and here's the best part - it's FREE with FREE child care during!!  You can call the L&L Institute and find an instructor in your are!  Hope this helps all and feel free to contact me with questions!
 
September 20, 2005, 1:34 pm CDT

Back to the Subject

Quote From: lonalea200

 I can't believe you, you don't reason with a child, you raise them. The only reason you should have to do is explaining why you are doing what you are doing. but they have no choice about how they respond. I am not saying to ignor their feelings, but if you gave a kid the choice to eat a salad or a candybar, what do you think he would eat ?  the salad as we allready know is much better for him.  trying to let him learn things on his own is a rough way to go. YOu have to set an example for him.  To achieve the best, not quit and be productive. So many parents are trying to be their kids best friend that disciplin is totally shot out the window.  I feel this is why children don't respect their parents.  What are they looking up to...a person who would rather make points than  teach what is right. 
Back to the Subject:  LITTLE MEAN GIRLS  The whole reason I brought any of this up was just to say that kids are all different.  This one I have been talking about cried 10 hrs a day for 1 year as a baby.  His brother before him didn't cry at all.  But everyone has a different personality.  And although parents do their best and have the best intentions:  a kid's Peter Rabbit nature lurks .....and you still got to love them and be patient with them.
 
September 20, 2005, 2:03 pm CDT

mean girls

does anyone see a pattern here?  These women are all passive, does this mean that all passive women have ADD???  Maybe.  Some of the signs of ADD, are inability to stick to a set pattern of behavior,  inability to focus for long periods of time and I mean for the long haul of raising kids.    

  

Anything these women try, will work only as long as there is pressure from a non ADD spouse and or professional counselor.   If the women could get themselves under control and focused, they would have a better chance of getting the children under control.   

  

I have ADD and I was not a consistance parent.  My son would just keep at me and keep at me until I gave up.  or he would out wait me, because he knew that, shortly, I would forget and not continue to follow thru.  That worked with the money he owed me, too.  His theory was if I couldn't remember why he owed me money, then he didn't really owe it to me. 

 
September 20, 2005, 2:27 pm CDT

09/20 Little Mean Girls

Quote From: missjane2

Back to the Subject:  LITTLE MEAN GIRLS  The whole reason I brought any of this up was just to say that kids are all different.  This one I have been talking about cried 10 hrs a day for 1 year as a baby.  His brother before him didn't cry at all.  But everyone has a different personality.  And although parents do their best and have the best intentions:  a kid's Peter Rabbit nature lurks .....and you still got to love them and be patient with them.
I am a public school teacher and I can tell you that what your child sees at home has a lot to do with how they behave at school and everywhere.  It has been my experience that too many parents are trying to be their child's best friend and not their parent.  They are afraid that if they discpline the child, the child won't like them anymore.  I can't tell you how many times in a conference the parent tells me they don't know what to do with their child when the child tells them, "I don't want to".  They are the parents and they should lay down the rules.  Above all, consistency is the key.  Yes, it's hard and it takes stamina, but you must be consistent.
 
September 20, 2005, 2:40 pm CDT

Little Mean 2 Year Old!

We just got a 2 year old foster daughter 3 weeks ago and she's got it all.  She's a bully, she screams and the temper tantrums have been outrageous.  She wouldn't sit on a chair either, so I just moved the time-outs to the high chair.  It contains her and she is mellowing quite a bit.  We've still got a little way to go because it's been something that worked very well for her before she came, but we're gaining.  The tantrums the first day were almost an hour and the only one she had today lasted only 3 minutes.  I can't talk above her screaming even if I wanted to, so I just wait it out.  We always have somewhat of a setback after a visit with her parents, but thank goodness they're for only for a couple hours, every other week.  The funny thing is that she already tells us "I love you," and she wouldn't even let her real dad hug her on the last visit.  Dr. Phil is right about them just wanting boundries.  They love so easily when they know where they stand on things.  We've had to stop her from hitting the 14 year old girl we have.  She's actually made the 14 year old cry by pulling her hair.  It's amazing what these little tiny kids know and do when they first come.  Seems like we get one in the right place and they leave and here comes another.  This is the 4th one with these problems and all 4 have been under 3 years of age when they came to us. 
 
September 20, 2005, 3:03 pm CDT

Will this work?

I have been trying this method on my 13 year old son who is Down Syndrome.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it does'nt.  Are there more steps to it to use on a child who has an added disability too?  He is very smart and knows what he is doing is not appropriate because he has a wry smile when he does wrong.  Thanks for any help 

 
September 20, 2005, 3:04 pm CDT

Follow Dr. Phil's advice with Foster kids.

Quote From: sarahjs26

dr. phil always says it takes 1000 thata girl to take away 1 bad comment.  I think, i know cause it has worked on my youngest son, he was a temper tantrum taker, big time, along with all that involves.  don't forget, one on one, draw picture sing songs play video games(non violent). do what ever gives you that good loving quality time with your child as much as possibe, and your child will learn to be just as kind to the other people in his\her life, because you showed them how.

We had a girl who was 10 years old when she came and we had her and her sister for two years.  The girl would take chairs and throw them into the wall and tear things up with her temper when she first came if she didn't get her way.  Except for a mattress, sheets, pillow and one quilt, she earned things back with calming down.  Little by little, she got everything, including the right to watch certain TV shows and play the play station games that I would allow.  The girls have been back with their mom for about 3 months now and their mom asked the caseworker if she could send her back to us so she could enjoy a sweet young lady again!!!  We said no!  Their mom will have to learn! 

  

  

 
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