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Topic : 11/24 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

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Created on : Friday, September 16, 2005, 04:31:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate: 09/21/05) Imagine that you've finally found your soul mate and are about to walk down the aisle, but there's one thing holding you back - the voice of your future mother-in-law! While Dr. Phil and Robin are excited about their soon-to-be daughter-in-law, not all parents are as lucky. Carla says that her future mother-in-law, Christine, hates her so much that she tried to run her over with a truck. Christine claims she is being pushed out of her son's life. Can Dr. Phil help them each see both side of the story? And, Donna insists that her daughter Nikki have a big church wedding, but Nikki's fiance, Tommy, wants to escape to Jamaica for their big day. Nikki is caught in the middle and trying to please both. Can you relate?

 

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September 21, 2005, 3:56 pm CDT

Can you say MARTYR???

Christine is extremely manipulative! She plays the "victim" in order to make her son feel guilty and she knows darn well what she is doing. She also "helps" with the expectation that she is then entitled to meddle. How many times did she mention that she helped them get their house? And then she came over whenever she wanted, uninvited. Then, when it became apparent that she wasn't welcome to just show up with a friend unannounced or park her butt in their backyard at 6:30 in the morning while they were still asleep, she refuses to come over at all. Manipulative! That woman needs counseling NOW. She talked about moving away (yeah, right!) which her son promtly said "Oh, we don't want her to do that." Of course you don't...and she knows it, which is precisely why she made the threat!  

  

The best thing for this family is to take some time apart and work on themselves with the help of a therapist. Believe me...I know from experience. Cutting my manipulative mother out of my life was the best decision I ever made. I now have a peaceful, happy life with a wonderful husband - free of the drama and chaos brought on by my mother. We take care of ourselves without her "help" and what a great feeling it is! To own without strings and be accountable to only ourselves...that is freedom! This couple needs freedom from her until they are able to establish a new, more independent relationship down the road.  

  

Just my 2 cents. 

 
September 21, 2005, 4:03 pm CDT

Looney Tunes

That mother, Chris, is either extremely immature, or just not mentally stable.  She is a master manipulator who says nice words, but those words are not very believable to the common mind.  "I just want Donny to be happy!".  Please!  Any mother who makes her solution "moving away to Colorado" is just attempting to get people to feel sorry for her as a manner of manipulation.  That woman needs some serious help.   Grow up, Lady!  And God be with her son and his wife-to-be.   That poor couple is in for a ride.
 
September 21, 2005, 4:13 pm CDT

MNL from Hell

Quote From: maudie

Let me tell you...I wish I could get some counseling for my mother-in-law!!! For me, this show only touched the tip of the iceberg with all the problems with my mother-in-law.  

In my opinion, she destoyed my husband's first marriage. They ended up divorced. His first wife strayed away and cheated on him. I totally believe it was her escape from his mother. 

Anyways, this woman (my MIL) has tried, said, and done everything under the sun you can imagine to break us up and cause us hardship in our relationship..before and after we were married. 

I had 2 children from a previous marriage. They were not considered to be grandkids unless there was something she could gain from it. When she was broke, she called and told me I should get a job so she could watch her "grandkids" because she could really use the extra money for daycare. She didn't want to watch them to spend time with them. They were nothing more then a paycheck. 

She does not agree with my religion (Wiccan) and told everyone in the small town where we all lived at the time, that I was a witch, that everyone should stay away from me or I'd cast a bad spell on them, that I was going to raise my husband's dead child from the grave, and that my husband was only with me because I had cast a spell on him (since I was reportedly a lesbain). She made it impossible for us to have a good relationship with my husband's extended family because she told them all the same lies. She even went so far as to say that before and during my pregnancy with our first child as a couple, that my husband was buying me cocaine at work and bringing it home for me to do. She paid women to try and get him to sleep with them. She would set up dates for him with other women before we were married. We had lost a bay together due to miscarriage. She told me it was the best thing that could have happened because I didn't deserve to carry her grandchild. These are all things she told me directly..NONE of them are heresay. 

My husband has a child from a previous relationship and his mother contacted the courts and told them all about the whole drug thing while I was pregnant and also that he was an unfit, and abusive father to his stepchildren (my 2 from my first marriage). So, the courts decided that he should not have any visitation or custody rights to this child beacuse of what she had said. Its been three years and we are still fighting that battle. 

She has even said that as long as he is married to me, he will not be considered a member of her family. She says he has made his choice. We have no contact with her now at all. We even moved 1400 miles away from her. We moved from living 10 miles from her in Florida alll the way to South Dakota where I am from to get away from her. It was all we could do to preserve our life together. 

Oh I was just being nice when I told that one of many stories of my mother and law. She is always in our life asking my husband personal questions about our sex life wanting to know all the details of our finances. After I had my baby I went back to work one day a week and she kept the baby while I worked. One day coming home to pick her up, my mother in law attacked me while I had my baby in my arms. She pulled my shirt of because I was trying to leave and she had my sleeve and it came right off. she would run to every door that I would try and get out of and stand in front of them and lock them and push me away I tried to grap the phone to call the police and she ripped it off the wall and them pushed me to the bed and tried to choke me, all while I had my baby in my arms. Then she told everyone in our small town that I went after her and that I was crazy. She told everyone that she was my husband and my supporter because she paid all of out bills and if it weren't for her we would not have anything. She tried to get a restraining order against me to stay away from my husband then boyfriend, and taped personal conversations between me and him. She to this day tries to use those against me and she also threatened to call DHR on me because I was an unfit mother because I took my child off the bottle when she was 6 months old. She would only drink out of a cup. She would always tell me how to raise my little girl and she still will not give up it is a never ending battle. She is nuts
 
September 21, 2005, 4:30 pm CDT

Controlling Mothers

 Hi,
Just wanted to add my two cents worth.  Two weeks before I was to get married, my mother called and told me to have all my stuff packed. She and my Grandmother were coming the next day to bring me home.  It was "time to get over this foolishness and come home and get back to work!!"
I was going to Business School and almost ready to graduate.  My fiance and I survived a courtship during the VietNam War.  Needless to say, my mother and grandmother were no match for myself, my fiance, my best friend and my future mother-in-law, whom I must say is a dear.
We have been together 35 years.  My mother is still a NASTY person.  In my case, the pattern goes all the way back to my great-grandmother.  Thankfully, I grew up more like my Dad and his brothers, my uncles.
ArdisK
 
September 21, 2005, 4:38 pm CDT

Father In Law

My FIL constantly says things that are rude, thoughtless, or just plain odd.   For example, he came into my house and told me that I was overdressed for a bridal shower that my MIL and I were attending.  I was two months post-partum, it was the first time I had been out of the house since the baby was born, and I had dressed very carefully as I was conscious of my "new" figure.  He asked me how my mom felt about the fact that I was having a boy.  How do you answer a question like that?  He also managed to completely humiliate me in fornt of a large room of people at my BIL's wedding as part of the Father's toast.  He mentioned how happy he was to finally have a daughter.  I had been married to his son for over 5 years and had just has his first grandchild.  My DH and I do not tell his parents anything about our lives because they either: use it as ammunition to make us feel uncomfortable, tell every single person that they know, or ask a million nosy and odd follow up questions.  Does anyone else have a FIL who runs at the mouth?  What do you do? 

 
September 21, 2005, 5:05 pm CDT

Help, she's talking and she can't Shut up!!!

DEFENSE! DEFENSE! DEFENSE! DEFENSE!!! 

Ya don’t see the kind of defensiveness displayed by Christine if there ain’t something to defend!!! All of that chatter was a means of avoiding the questions. I believe that she is plagued by guilt over exactly the kinds of things Dr. Phil was TRYING to address. She wanted to evade! Thus, guilty or not she, at least, believes she has interfered in her son’s relationship with Carla.  

In describing her, I believe Dr. Phil used the term ‘oversensitive’… Awe, come on!!!! Hair cut hurt this woman!!!  

  

All of these folks have a VERY hard time being honest and clear about their own agenda in this conflict. And, Donny, at twenty-five, is really struggling with fear of abandonment issues, Big time!!! 

If they don’t see a therapist and get some kind of resolution on all of this then I fear that the follow-up show will involve more than just a threat of backing over the fiancé. I believe that in the follow-up Dr. Phil will be TRYING to discuss their situation as Christine twirls her hair and explains, “Looking! It was a very CRAZY day, I became distracted and…so….I backed over her! Ten, eleven, twelve times who remembers! Like I said it was a CRAZY, CRAZY DAY!!!!!!” 

Alright, alright so maybe it won’t be THAT extreme but if I were Carla I sure would stay out of the driveways and off the streets!!!!! 

Brenda ;-) 

 
September 21, 2005, 5:20 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

I gotta tell you, my first reaction to Christine was she is Martyr Mom.  Holy Moly!  That was a classic example of victim mode displayed today.  I found it difficult to watch her whole segment!   Her saying she was just going to move to Colorado so she doesent hurt anybody...  Oh dear!  If I tried to pull that kinda victimization/martydom on my son, he would tell me be sure to pack some warm mittens as it gets awfully cold there in winters.  LOL  Then she kept saying she loves too much.  Oh brother!   We deffinatley needed the violins during her time on stage.   

  

As much as the whole wallowing-victim-martyr routine annoyed me (to no end lemme tell ya!) I do understand some of her feelings.  I think there is a piece of every mothers heart that breaks a bit when their baby boy is getting married.  There are times I get pangs thinking of that with my SEVEN year old, if you can believe that!   An example...  sometimes he and my husband play this game where my husband catches him giving me a kiss and he says to the boy, "Dont kiss MY girlfriend!" and then hubby comes and gives me a kiss.   My little one replies playfully, "Shes MY girlfriend!" and gives me about 20 kisses to prove it.  My husband  plays back saying, "Nu uh!  Shes MY girlfriend!" giving me another kiss.  This game goes back and forth for a while  the whole time im getting about a zillion kisses as well as the child is telling me that when he grows up hes gonna marry me cus he loves me best of all.   Its so bloody cute and sweet it just tugs at my heart!   But its also in moments like that when I get these little pangs of hurt knowing that someday another woman will be on the receiving end of all those kisses.   

  

Of course, the biggest piece of me wants that for him.  I so want him to find love and happiness and grow up to be a caring loving husband to some lucky woman.  I truley do.    But... I do understand how it hurts a bit.  I think thats normal.  I would even bet Robin feels a bit of that with Jay.  I kinda think its just a mom thing.  (btw... I j have to say NICE ROCK , Jay!  Dang!  I was drooling!!)   

  

The trouble I see with Christine is that she has lost sight of her sons happiness and is more interested in her feelings.   She is most deffinatley scared of losing him!  There is absolutley no other reason she would fall into such a melodramtic victim role unless she was scared s***less!   

  

I truley hope she can find a way to let go of those fears and put her sons happiness above her own.   Thats what mothers do.  And they dont do it by playing the martyr!  Thats just so incredibly selfish.  Annoyingly irratating too!  She needs to hop down of that cross and start enjoying her next role.  If she doesent, she will miss out on so very much and will have NO ONE but herself to blame!  

 
September 21, 2005, 5:23 pm CDT

EErica Jay

Erica Jay. Congratulation on asking Erica to marry you. I am proud of you. Good luck. Oh yea I hope that your wedding will be a good one whenever you and Erica get married and have kids in the futu 

re. Again congraulation Erica and Jay. Your Friend from Arvada, Colorado. Russell

 

 
September 21, 2005, 5:32 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

 I think, Dr. Phil does not live in the real world. If he did, he would see that some MIL can not do ANYTHING right.  No ,matter what happens. Ladies, there are some "EVIL" girls out there. Also. girls today have no respect , I would never have talked nasty to my MIL, out of respect for her. and respect for my husband. They enjoy pushing MIL away, after all we raised our sons to be good men, now they take over, and say the heck with us. I also wonder why Jay didn't share his lifes plans with his parents...would it have been the same if it had been a daughter?
 
September 21, 2005, 5:39 pm CDT

09/21 Meddling Future Mothers-in-law

my mother in law is 2000 miles away, which can SOMETIMES be to close.
 
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