Hi , I am a 40 yr old mother with 2 grown daughters ages 24 and 22 and 3 grandchildren . 2 boys ages 4 and 1 , one girl age 2 . My oldest daughter which is 24 has the two boys . She has been married for 5 yrs until recently . She and my son-in-law who is 28 yrs old , recently seperated about 5 months ago . He became very controlling after his first son was born and later told my daughter he was sorry and he would do better when she became pregnant again and had another son . The thing is he didnt change . He thought he was suppose to come before his own sons and when he didnt he would get mad and yell at my daughter telling her how sorry she was , his key words being I , as in I have needs I have wants , he would even get mad when the kids wouldnt go to sleep so he could have sex with my daughter . When that didnt work he then turned to religion as a control issue telling my daughter things like if you dont meet my needs bad things are gonna happen to you and God says I am the head of the household what I say goes . He would even spend money on things like bows for deer hunting and not even have the money to buy his own kids diapers . He would tell her all she was doing wrong but he would never admit that he did one thing wrong at all . He would always apologize but when he got what he wanted sex he would go back and do the same things all over again over and over and over .He even tried when they had sex to get her pregnant on purpose so she would never be able to leave him which thank God didnt happen she was a little bit smarter than that .When this didnt work , he began within the last year to run around on my daughter she even found a condom in his pocket and at this time trust me they werent having sex . Finally after all of this and he even physically abused her three or four times , she left . After trying to reconcile one time , he was with her 2 days and then left and returned to his home because HE had to have some sleep , what he didnt say at the time is I also have some drugs I want to do . She went to a lawyer and tried to have him served and at first they said we cant find him , although they had his address etc...... Then he moved and my daughter found out where and told the cops and STILL they havent served him , she even padi the lawyer to have someone who works for the lawyer to serve him and they said we cant serve him until the cops have time and its been 3 months now . When my son in law found out she was trying to have him served he quit his job so he wouldnt have to pay child support . Still he has the gaul to call and ask my daughter for money ! I try and be neutral so my daughter can come talk to me if she needs to , but I get so angry when I find out she has called him or she is trying to keep up with him and what hes doing , who hes seeing etc.......... I just dont know how to get through to my daughter ...to let her know hey you deserve better than this ...why do you want someone who will not only treat you like crap but also his own kids (he doesnt even go see his kids , he calls from time to time but thats it ) he sells drugs, takes them , and doesnt even contribute to his own sons at all . How do I get my daughter to move on ?????? Like I said I try to be neutral but I do have emotional ties here .....but I am so afraid she will wind up destroying her own self ...and the oldest kid who is 4 is already in therpay due to all of this because now he is acting out .....If anyone has ever been here ??????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
