Topic : 06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:56:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/19/05) Sexual orientation used to be something kept hidden from family and co-workers, but now more and more people are "coming out" and finding acceptance. Anjela says her mother and sister don't support her sexual orientation, and feel she can't be Christian and gay at the same time. Can they reconcile this touchy issue? Then, two men debate whether a person can go from gay to straight, and parents of a 4-year-old boy fear their son's desire to play with dolls and wear heels means he'll grow up to be gay. Are they overreacting to his wishes to be a princess instead of a prince? Talk about gender and gay issues here.


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October 19, 2005, 9:11 am PDT

Change is Possible!

I use to be gay for many years, I grew up in a fatherless home! 

  

At the age of 14  I was raped by three man, while at Youth Camp. 

  

That was my first sexual refrence I knew about. 

  

As I became older, I was taunted for being  a fag. 

  

When I became 18 I went to a shrnk who told me I was gay get over it, and embrace it! 

  

I did, and my 22 I had HIV, today, Iknow I was not born gay, but sociological things happned that made me sexulaize masculinity! 

  

This embraciing of a "gay identity" or coming out is very dangerous! 

  

It forces a confused kid into gay way of thinking! 

  

Now, if a kid has a soft voice, he is teased so much by the time  he is 19 he 

actualy may think he might be gay! 

  

  

  

1. Right to Treatment 

Gay Activits should "respect " ex gay dignity, autonomy and free agency.  

  

I hope our fellow mental-health association would stop falsely claiming to have "scientific knowledge" that settles the issue of homosexuality.  

  

Instead, our mental-health associations must leave room for diverse understandings of the family, of core human identity, and the meaning and purpose of human sexuality.  

  

Some great links 

  

http://www.narth.com/ 

  

http://www.peoplecanchange.com/ 

  

http://www.jonahweb.org/ 

  

http://www.pfox.org/ 

  

http://www.leaderu.com/jhs/dallas.html  "Responding to Pro Gay Theology" 

  

http://www.leaderu.com/stonewall/issues/dallas.html 

 
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October 19, 2005, 9:22 am PDT

10/19 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: moondragon

Recently I have become a Chrstian and now attend church regularly.  I have struggled to understand what God wants for me, and how this pertains to my orientation.  There was a book written by E.T. Sundby, "Calling the Rainbow Nation Home" which has really helped me understand my love of God even though I am gay.  So much of the bible has been misinterpreted over the years due to inaccurate trasnlation into other languages.  I think people need to understand that it is honestly not a choice. I did not choose to be gay.  Why would I want to be the black sheep of the family?   

Ok how can the  bible be misinterperted? In 1 Corinthians 6:9 it states:   Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdon of GOD? Do not be decieved: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders. Ok what part is inaccurately transulated?? Please help me to understand. YOU CAN NOT BE GAY AND BE A CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You cant have it both ways.
 
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October 19, 2005, 9:25 am PDT

The gay issue.

I have not yet seen the show for today. I have just been reading everyone's responses and letters here. I, too, do not personally agree with homosexuality. As a christian, I do believe that God says in the bible that He hates that sin. BUT He does love the sinner! We need to remember that He loves everyone and we can not judge others. Believe me, I have enough of my own sins to worry about.  I have friends who are gay and they know where I stand BUT it does not interfer with our friendship because they know I LOVE THEm and would do anything for them. But they also RESPECT me enough not to flaunt it in front of me and my children because they know I don't agree.  I look forward to the show and hope these people can find love and peace with their families.
 
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October 19, 2005, 9:25 am PDT

Two World Collision

Quote From: madaboutu

Eric, 

Thank you for having an open mind .... to what the Lord wants for your life.  In all of our ways we are to acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths.  He tells us that we will find Him when we seek Him with our whole heart.  It is evident that you are searching and seeking.  I visited your blog this morning - but only briefly ... I promise to return.  The best thing that I know about our Lord and Saviour is this ... that He desires that we know Him intimately.  And one way that we arrive at this intimacy is through daily communion with him .. practicing the presence of the Lord .. praying without ceasing ... not compartmentalizing our faith ... looking to his word ... and pouring our heart out to Him about everything.  Look at David and the other Psalm writers, they told him what was on their hearts and minds.  They expressed their hopes and dreams, their fears and failures, their faith and love .... Our God is HUGE ... He can handle any question ... any fear ... any thought ... any anything.  He knows that we will stumble and falter and sin.  We are mere human beings.  There is none perfect, not one.  That is what is so amazing and miraculous about His gift of salvation - that you have received.  We didn't do a thing to earn it.  He paid the price.  Jesus is at the right hand of the Father always interceding for us.  Even when we don't know how to pray the Holy Spirit promises to intercede for us in a way that words cannot capture.   

As I wrote above, I truly believe that you are sincere.  That is why it is so important to immerse yourself in Him - His Word - His fellowship - His teachings - His love.  The wisdom of man is foolishness to a believer and the wisdom of God is foolishness to those who do not believe.  There are times in our walk when the world will be telling us one thing and He will be telling us something completely different.  He has given us that discerning Spirit that resides within us and if we are listening ... we will know our path.  He loves you.  He created you.  He sent His son to die for you.  He wants you to continue to grow in wisdom and knowledge and truth.  Continue to put your trust in Him.  I will be upholding you in prayer.   

   

Thanks Madaboutu for your response and for coming by Two World Collision.  I absolutely agree with you that as I journey to seek the Lord about this clash between my faith and my same sex attractions that it is crucial for me to be in communion with Him daily.  It's interesting, i never thought of my blog like David's psalms, but yes, the Psalms was kinda like David's blogs - expressing his hopes and dreams, fears and failures, faith and love, frustrations and praises to God.  That's awesome. 

  

What does it look like to be a Christ-centered gay man?  That's what i'm exploring.  I think you're right about not compartmentalizing our faith.  I'm learning to allow my faith to penetrate, or rather immerse every aspect of my life - every relationship, every friendship, every connection.   

  

It's been a refreshing journey! 

  

Bless you! 

Eric 

http://twoworldcollision.blogspot.com/ 

  

 
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October 19, 2005, 9:29 am PDT

Jewish and ex gay!

Quote From: openmind1

Nazi Germany was where "conversion camps" for gays was first thought up on a massive scale. Homosexuals were forced to wear pink triangles and taken to camps where they were humliated, tortured, drugged with electro-shock therapy and other methods. They would then be "tested" for sexual arousal response to homo-erotic images to see if these "treatments" worked. Those that failed were tortured, lobotomized or killed. Needless to say, because homosexuality just like heterosexuality is inherent, almost all the people in those "conversion" camps were killed or lobotomized. What does this tell us? That being gay NOT merely a lifestyle choice like tennis or an addiction like smoking. It is an inherent psycho-sexual trait that the person cannot help. 

  

What do the EXPERTS say? The people who have been studying human sexuality for over 70 years? The medical professionals , child psychologists and more. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological, Association, theNational Association of School Psychologists and the National Association of Social Workers, together representing more than 477,000 health and mental health professionals have all taken the position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and thus there is no need for a “cure.” In addition these are their findings:  

  • Homosexuality is not a mental illness or sexual dysfunction (like pedophilia). The American Psychological Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses since 1975
  • Homosexuality poses no ethical or social danger to society. The average gay person is just as well adjusted and productive a citiizen as the average straight person provided they are met with respect and treated with dignity.
  • In 1998, at its December 11-12 meeting, the American Psychological Association Board of Trustees unanimously endorsed a position statement opposing conversion therapy. According to the 1998 position statement: "The potential risks of 'reparative therapy' are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient. Many patients who have undergone 'reparative therapy' relate that they were inaccurately told that homosexuals are lonely, unhappy individuals who never achieve acceptance or satisfaction.The possibility that the person might achieve happiness and satisfying interpersonal relationships as a gay man or lesbian is not presented, nor are alternative approaches to dealing with the effects of societal stigmatization discussed.Therefore, the American Psychiatric Association opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as 'reparative' or 'conversion' therapy which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon a prior assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation." 

  • There is yet no proof of an independently confirmed homosexual turning into an independently confirmed heterosexual. NONE. It means that no homosexual who was tested and confirmed by three or more independent medical professionals as 100% homosexual (and not bi-sexual or sexually compulsive or dysfunctional heterosexual) has been proven to change into a 100% hetersexual as tested and confirmed by three independent medical professionals.  

  • The ONLY proof the ex-gay programmes have comes from first person testimony from people highly motivated to believe they have changed. These are very unreliable. In addition, increasing studies show that when the majority of so called "ex-gays" DO submit to independent testing it is revealed that they have NOT changed their sexual orientation, only their outward behavior. They admit that desiring the same sex is still what comes instinctively to them and they still have to try to surpress it.  

Whether unintentionally or deliberately, ex-gay programmes dishonestly misrepresent all homosexuals the SAME WAY. They also do not recogize bi-sexual ity is different from homosexuality. They claim bisexuals have changed when the truth is the person just chose to stick to one gender and they CAN do so easily because they are attracted to BOTH. Case in point- Anne Polk,  poster girl for Exodus an ex-gay ministry. In "Love Won Out", Anne admitted that she always did have attraction to men. She admitted she felt sexual desire for a man named Mark when she was younger. "He appealed to me sexually," Anne writes. "We were drawn together by sheer animal magnetism."  THEREFORE ANNE WAS NOT TRULY GAY TO BEGIN WITH!!! She was bi-sexual. It was misleading and irresponsible for Exodus to represent her as a exclusively as a homosexual who had turned strait when she was not. This the PROBLEM many of these ex-gay ministries have. They are run by quacks with no standing in the wider medical and scientific community. They catagorize "homosexual" VERY broadly. If a man engages in sex with men, they call him a homosexual, even if he may be a heterosexual doing it for money, a sexual compulsive or a bi-sexual. They also believe that if you change a person's superficial behavior, it means you have made them heterosexual. WRONG! Being gay has NOTHING to do with having sex or choice of lifestyle. A person can be gay and a virgin or married with children, or single and sexually active. Perhaps the most revealing failure of the ex-gay movement is when the very people who FOUNDED these programmes now speak out againt them. Cases in point:   

  • Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper helped to start Exodus and then realized that they were hurting and not helping gay people. They now speak out against the lies and hypocrisy of the organisation
  • John Paulk, the ex-gay guru working with Exodus and Focus on the Family appeared in a full-page ad with a group of "former homosexuals" under the headline "We're standing for the truth that homosexuals can change". Later in September 2000, John Paulk was found "fraternizing" at Mr P's, a well-known Washington, DC, gay saloon. He was fired from his position and the organisations swept it under the rug
  • Wade Richards, an ex-gay spokesperson who worked with right-winger Peter LaBarbera, has now come out of the closet and denounced the ex-gay ministries.
  • Jeremy Marks, the leader of the ex-gay group Courage, acknowledged that ex-gay ministries do not turn people from gay to straight. He is part of a new ministry that caters to helping and healing gay Christians from religious abuse

Now these are just the LEADERS and FOUNDERS and well known spokespeople of the ex-gay movement. This does not even begin to cover the high failure rate, suicide rate, broken homes, financial loss (parents spend BIG bucks to send their children to these programmes) broken marriages (when gays are made to enter straight marriages that inevitably fail) and the bizzare and often inhumane and ridiculous "therepies" used. Everything from electroshock to demonic exorcisms. If you want to find out more, try Wayne Bessen's well reasearched- ANYTHING BUT STRAIGHT- UNMASKING THE SCANDALS AND LIES BEHIND THE EX-GAY MYTH.  In addition go to http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts.html for the facts and research as well as the American Psychological Association's website at www.apa,org and search "Homosexuality Facts" 

As a Jew, and an ex gay person I am offended by the statement. 

  

Coming from a family of Holocaust Survivors I find youre comparion, desperate and mean spirited! 

  

Using Nazi Germany to blur the facts surrounding this topic is shameful! 

  

This debate is about choice, not force! 

  

This statement is a lie..."Needless to say, because homosexuality just like heterosexuality is inherent") Homosexuality has beeen studied and while there are many theories,  

  

There are many people who always felt like a gay identity was not for them! 

  

They felt some thing was wrong! 

  

Ex gays like gays have a right to figure out what is the best life for them. 

  

We ask that gay activist stop with the lies, and hype! 

  

We are ex gays and we are here and we will not be silenced! 

  

Here are some expert counter views! 

  

 Editor in chief of    "Psychology Today" 

http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030123-000001.html 

  

  

  

http://www.narth.com/docs/satinovr.html    Dr.Jeffrey Burke Satinover, M.D., a diplomate of both the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and the C.G. Jung Institute of Zurich, Switzerland., and Yale Proffesor 

 

http://www.narth.com/docs/spitzer2.html  ....."Dr Robert Spitzer at Columbia Univeristy 

Dr. Spitzer is currently Chief of Biometrics Research and Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University. But he is better known for his scientific role in 1973--when he was "the" instrumental figure in the American Psychiatric Association's decision to remove homosexuality from its diagnostic manual of mental disorders.  

  

http://www.narth.com/docs/animalmyth.html   Animal Homosexuality Myth by.. Luiz Sérgio Solimeo  

 

 

http://www.narth.com/menus/cstudies.html 

 
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October 19, 2005, 9:55 am PDT

Gay or not

First of all I want to clarify that I believe God loves us all, despite our choices and it is not our job to judge though it is our job to fight for what we believe is right. I just want to comment on the fact that many gay people are saying that God made them that way or if God didnt want us to be gay why would it be so hard to deal with. Well I do believe that it is not what God wants. I dont believe he made us that way. I do believe that we have a human body and a spirit and they are at odds alot of the time.  One of the whole reason we are here is to go through trials to better ourselves and to grow. Naturally the human body desires many things and I do not believe they are all right. If a sexual predator ever said that God made him that way we would say control your thoughts and bridal your passions. One of the main things is to control our thoughts. Many thoughts will come but it is what we do with them after they come that matters. If you ever think of abusing a child you better not act on it, if you ever think of another man/womans spouse you should not act on it, if you think about robbing a bank you better not act on it. I totally understand that the mind is a powerful thing and that at times it is very difficult to overcome things. But that is what makes us the best we can be, is making it through opposition, and it strengthens us more every time we succeed.  For those that are struggling with anything really what are you doing during the day. Do you surround yourself with the paticular thing you struggle with, do you continue to be with people that have the same struggles and have no desire to change, or do you fill your enviroment with things that help you overcome whatever it is you are trying to overcome?  I trully believe that God expects us to control our thoughts and bridale our passion. I believe he reqiures that of everyone. I also believe that he expects us to learn to love others despite their believes and to respect others differences. He is the only one that truly knows our hearts and therefore is the only one that can judge us when the time comes.
 
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October 19, 2005, 10:02 am PDT

Justin and the Bible

Quote From: mommyjenna

 Anyone interested in this subject may also be interested in the Gay Marriage Debate under the heading "News and Current Events".

Justin, (if you're still here) as a Christian, you are likely able to somehow reconcile the verses concerning homosexuality.  But is there anything in the Bible anywhere that you can find that promotes the gay lifestyle or condones it in any way?  Especially marriage...
I'm still here... and thanks for the question!

Unfortunately, it would be pretty close to impossible to really get into the Bible issues in any deep fashion on a message board like this one. There's just too much to discuss. However, I'll give you a short answer and tell you where you can learn more.

Monogamous gay couples weren't a part of the culture in which the Bible was written, so the Bible doesn't take a position on them at all. We see the Bible condemning gang rape, idolatrous orgies, and the like, but no gay couples are mentioned at all. (There are some who believe that a few gay couples are mentioned in Scripture, but it's far from universally accepted.)

However, there are other passages that provide strong ammunition for the pro-gay-marriage argument. One example is Romans 13:8-10, which makes it clear that sin is *always* evidenced by a lack of love. Adultery, theft, murder... all of these are unloving actions. But there is nothing about a committed same-sex relationship to make it less loving than if one of the partners were of the opposite sex. Therefore, if we say that gender alone is the defining characteristic, you'd have to find a very clever way to work your way out of the very plain statement in Romans 13.

That's one of many examples. On my organization's website (gaychristian.net) we have several Bible-related resources that deal with these issues. If you want a very in-depth discussion of the issue from both sides, check out our "great debate" page, which goes into way more detail than you probably ever wanted. :)

I hope this helps! Incidentally, we also have some resources for moms who are struggling to come to terms with the coming out of their kids, as well as a bunch of other things. Check it out if you're interested.

God bless!

--Justin
 
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October 19, 2005, 10:23 am PDT

AMEN

Quote From: dmaab5

First of all I want to clarify that I believe God loves us all, despite our choices and it is not our job to judge though it is our job to fight for what we believe is right. I just want to comment on the fact that many gay people are saying that God made them that way or if God didnt want us to be gay why would it be so hard to deal with. Well I do believe that it is not what God wants. I dont believe he made us that way. I do believe that we have a human body and a spirit and they are at odds alot of the time.  One of the whole reason we are here is to go through trials to better ourselves and to grow. Naturally the human body desires many things and I do not believe they are all right. If a sexual predator ever said that God made him that way we would say control your thoughts and bridal your passions. One of the main things is to control our thoughts. Many thoughts will come but it is what we do with them after they come that matters. If you ever think of abusing a child you better not act on it, if you ever think of another man/womans spouse you should not act on it, if you think about robbing a bank you better not act on it. I totally understand that the mind is a powerful thing and that at times it is very difficult to overcome things. But that is what makes us the best we can be, is making it through opposition, and it strengthens us more every time we succeed.  For those that are struggling with anything really what are you doing during the day. Do you surround yourself with the paticular thing you struggle with, do you continue to be with people that have the same struggles and have no desire to change, or do you fill your enviroment with things that help you overcome whatever it is you are trying to overcome?  I trully believe that God expects us to control our thoughts and bridale our passion. I believe he reqiures that of everyone. I also believe that he expects us to learn to love others despite their believes and to respect others differences. He is the only one that truly knows our hearts and therefore is the only one that can judge us when the time comes.
I think you are right on the money. I myself am not gay. Although I do feel if you are gay it is your choice, you made the decision all on your own. I do not believe that is any reason not to love someone as you love anyone elseEveryone hasto make choices for themselves and everyone falls in love, you just siply can't controll who you love. If the person you find is of the same gender as you than so be it. Everyone who feels ashamed because the didn't fall in love with another gender, stop beating yourself up and know that you are backed by as many people that critasize you
 
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October 19, 2005, 10:23 am PDT

gay teens/gender identify disorder/homosexuality

When my little girl was very young (3-4yrs) she started exhibiting male behavior.  She chose masculine clothing, she drew pictures of all people as boys with boy hair.  We found her trying to stand up to urinate like a boy.  We even eventually heard her express wanting to have a penis.  During this time I called Exodus International. (gays who have come out of the homosexual lifestyle).  They directed me to a doctor who was a professional in the field of gender confusion.  We phoned Dr. Nicolosi and counselled with him over the phone because there were no professionals who knew how to treat gender confusion near us.  And it is well known that the medical profession has for the most part, stated that homosexality is a normal and acceptable behavior.  We wanted to give our daughter the BEST chance of NOT becoming homosexual at some point.  We needed HELP!  We are born again Christians who believe that homosexuality is a sin.  The debate exists whether or not homosexuality is genetic or a chosen behavior.  For us, as Christians, we are taught to love the sinner, but hate the sin.  This does not  apply exclusively to homosexuality, but extends WAY beyond one behavior.  We love the addict, but hate the addiction.  We love the promiscuous person, but hate the promiscuity.  We love the liar, but hate the lies.  We love the obese, but hate the gluttony.  We are also taught to take the "log out of our own eyes" before we see the speck in our brother's eye.  It doesn't matter to me HOW this happened to our daughter.  We may never know.  She was never abused.  She has always been loved.  We love her with ALL of our being and if she turned into a rhinocerous, we would love her still.  But we believe, and the fact remains that sin is sin and God wants us to turn away from it.  Whether or not we were born that way, or if we chose to become that way, we believe that God wants us to give ourselves over to him, because He loves us and wants the best for us.  We have been diligent to get counsel with Dr. Nicolosi and he has helped us "redirect" our daughter into a more feminine identity.  It has not been an easy task.  And there are no guarantees.  We as parents want to give our children their heart's desires.  But because of our great love for our daughter, we have made difficult decisions for her greater good.  We have done the hard work...the hard work of loving her no matter what and the hard work of "redirecting" when we see masculine behaviors.  My heart broke for the parents on Dr. Phil whose son wanted to be so feminine.  We have been there.  We know the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see your child confused and unhappy.  We know the disappointment that comes when you see your own child exhibiting behaviors that are abnormal (again, our opinion).  We also see that some of this behavior can be "redirected" with hard work. And, I can tell you that there is hope.  I am HOPEFUL.  Our daughter is now 12 yrs. old.  Even though we still see flashes of gender confusion, she is very happy, does NOT feel condemned in any way.  She is well adjusted at school and is friends of both sexes.  Her teachers have always told us what a great student and person she is.  I have a strong bond with her as her Mother, even though sometimes she identifies more with the male gender.  My love for her is great, and she loves me too.  My MAIN job as a Mother right now is not to worry about whether or not she eventually becomes homosexual.  My job is to KEEP OUR RELATIONSHIP OPEN AND LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.  I would admonish anyone who is experiencing problems with a child whom they believe could be gender confused, to seek the counsel of a professional.  There is help out there for people who want it.  Go to narth.com for more information.  People who believe there is hope for homosexuals to come out of that lifestyle are NOT Bible thumping, self-righteous, close-minded, unloving people.  They are loving, gentle, and caring and they can give you hope.  They will not condemn you or your child.  Some individuals believe that just because you don't want your child to be gay that you hate gay people.  Or that if you believe homosexuality is wrong that you hate the homosexual.  This is far from the truth.  Most Christians want to love and want to reach out.  It is not our job to change the homosexual's orientation.  That is up to God.  We are to love unconditionally, and I think most of us GET that.  Most people have never even heard of gender confusion.  I thank you Dr. Phil, for bringing such a sensitive subject out into the light with such love.   

 
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October 19, 2005, 10:33 am PDT

Nephew plays with barbies

I have the cutest little nephew who is the oldest of three, the other two being girls.  He played with barbies actively until he was about 5 but he is %100 strait boy now.  No one ever really worried about him being gay,we just joked about it. And if he was Gay, we certainly wouldnt want to add to the pain and confusion of "coming out" by making him feel any less loved orr any less a part of the family.  It is so arrogant that people criticize gay people like they are doing something sick and wicked. What goes on romantically between to consenting adults is their business.
 
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