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Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

Number of Replies: 223
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:59:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/20/05) What happens when you're the target of malicious gossip and your reputation is in question? Seventeen-year-old Hannah knows about this firsthand. She says that since junior high, she's been called a slut, a skank and a whore. See the surprise message for her from the school bully, Emily. Then, a woman tries to dispel the rumor that she was born a man. She even went to extreme measures by posting her birth certificate and baby pictures on a Web site! Plus, Kristi is a wife, mother, and owner of a daycare center, but an anonymous letter made her the main suspect in a child pornography case. What will it take for the rumors to stop? Share your thoughts.


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October 15, 2005, 5:54 pm CDT

Gossip and Rumors

I have been the topic of many mean a vicious rumors. I know first hand how it can make a person feel  (rejected, unaccepted, and lonely.)  I eventually found out that the rumors stemmed from my boyfriend, not my ex-boyfriend, but my boyfriend (at the time.) That made it hurt all the more. He explained to me that the reason he started all of the nasty rumors because I wouldn't have sex with him ( I was still a virgin.) The rumors were not about be being a virgin, they were about me being a trap, a slut, a whore. Which really hurt, because they were not true by any means. I am looking forward to this show. I know how depressed a person can be because of cruel kids. I would like to see what Dr. Phil has to say. 

 
October 15, 2005, 8:05 pm CDT

That's nice

I know what its like to have rumours made about you but at least you can see through the stories others make up. Rumours aren't about you at all. Some people have nothing to say they  want to make someone else look bad. It's probably jealousy and bitterness but why do people listen and then spread unbelievably stories. Just ignore them and say "That's nice".
 
October 16, 2005, 8:38 am CDT

false witness

Dear Dr. Phil:  I can't think of anything worse one human being can do to another, than to "bear false witness," a direct violation of the 10th Commandment.  How dare anyone create or perpetuate a rumor (true or false) against another person.  And, then to add insult to injury sully the person's good name.  I could quote from the Commandments to Shakespeare ("he who steals my purse steals nothing, but he who sullies my good name takes all I have) paraphrasing,  to "The Crucible" and the Salem witch hunts.  The message is the same.  Take a pillow and let all the feathers blow into the wind.  Taking back a reputation-destroying falsehood is like attempting to get each and every feather back into the pillow.  False witness leads to corrupt ideology.   History has taught us where that leads.  We simply need to find the graves of six and a half million people whose murders were justified by others bearing false witness against them.  Then look at the genocides in Africa of ten years ago and now Al-queda.  Read "The Children's Hour" and see that those who are not killed by others, die by their own hand.  You get my drift.   

  

If there is hope at the end of the tunnel, it is to say to those whose reputations have been ruined:  walk with dignity and rise above these small minds.  It always amazes me that those who are so ready to cast the first stone always seem to be living in houses made of glass.  Jesus died in order to prove to those who would sully him that love is the way .  Pray for those who would ruin you for the doors of Heaven are closed to them.   Starsong14 

 
October 16, 2005, 9:06 am CDT

Don't take that crap

  

 When your reputation is taken from you from malicious gossip you do have a recourse, especially when it involves your professional reputation. 

I would seek advice from a lawyer and maybe these inmature idiots may get a little scare. 

It is amazing the way a legal letter has the ability to work wonders. (in most cases anyway) 

 
October 16, 2005, 11:06 am CDT

Rumours

Quote From: riviera

I know what its like to have rumours made about you but at least you can see through the stories others make up. Rumours aren't about you at all. Some people have nothing to say they  want to make someone else look bad. It's probably jealousy and bitterness but why do people listen and then spread unbelievably stories. Just ignore them and say "That's nice".

I agree that some people like to make others look bad. People that start and spread rumours that can hurt others, have a problem with themselves. They feel that they have to put others down, in order to bring themselves up. We all should be careful. What we do and say, affects everyone in some special way. This special way belongs to them - it is their perception. Therefore, it is very important to think before we act, and ask ourselves if we would wish the same things said or done to us. Every action has a reaction, from someone somewhere. We have to make sure that we emit good in order to receive good. We all need to put ourselves in each other's shoes once in awhile, and then everyone could understand everyone a little more. Let's stop bad rumours by ignoring them, and  make good ones instead. This way, everyone would be happy. Thanks. 

 
October 16, 2005, 11:24 am CDT

if only we knew

Quote From: riviera

I know what its like to have rumours made about you but at least you can see through the stories others make up. Rumours aren't about you at all. Some people have nothing to say they  want to make someone else look bad. It's probably jealousy and bitterness but why do people listen and then spread unbelievably stories. Just ignore them and say "That's nice".
What you say is true, but when we're young, when a lot of these things happen, we aren't always aware that the people who spread these hurtful lies have their own problems.  When I was a kid, I fell victim to vicious rumors.  I lived in an affluent area, but my family was not wealthy.  I was considered an outcast early on, and paid the price at that time.  I was deemed a slut 2 years before i'd even kissed a boy!!!  And far worse.  But I didn't know that it wasn't about me.  And it affected me negatively for years and years to follow... leading to years of poor self-esteem and years of eating disorders.  Adult awareness helped me to see that that negativity was not about me, but them.  We need to step in with our children and help them to feel good about themselves so that they can feel better about telling someone "that's nice."
 
October 16, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

deframation of character

Dear Dr. Phil, 

When I entered into Jr. High school that is where all my problems began.  This one girl in particular had it in for me from day one. It's quite lengthy to get into, so to get to the point; I was never called names, but I was accused of calling someone a slut , and believe it or not, at the time; I had never heard of that word before. This in turn ruined the rest of my schooling until I graduated. 

This type of thing can cause a person to have a low self-esteem.  I'm sure that I would have turned out a lot more educated if this had never happened.  

 
October 16, 2005, 4:34 pm CDT

ahh rumours

 Holy where do I start with the rumours!!! I'm from a really small town...Houston British Columbia....In Canada and i went to school with the same kids from first grade to grade 12 and I was always the one who was excluded, and made fun of.. I'm a sensitive person so I make an easy target...I learned not to believe a word that was said because of the rumours that were spread about me...The girls were very cruel....They used to call me a whore, slut, skank...You name it they probably called me it...But it made life really hard in highschool I remember coming home from school and crying all the time and that was only 2 years ago! I'm in college now..But I still have a hard time because i'm afraid of it happening again I look forward to watching Dr Phils show on it to see what he has to say... 

                                                                                                                                      Rebecca Marren. 18 

 
October 16, 2005, 6:17 pm CDT

BTDT

For me, the rumour started when I was about 13 yo, and grew out of control once I entered high school.  Not sure exactly why or who started it, but it basically ruined my high school experience.  I find it incredibly ironic that I was called a slut and a whore in school, when I wasn't dating anyone and hadn't been having sex with anyone.  I had my locker vandalised twice, one time it was covered in black marker, mustard and a used condom.  Nice.  I blamed one person.  Just one.  The boy I lost my virginity to.  This all started 23-24 yrs ago and it has made me miserable and vulnerable and I have had my share of horrid relationships because of it. 

  

Now... to take ownership of this problem tho, I can not 100% blame this guy.  It's interesting that he found me thru one of those online *find your school mates* websites and contacted me.  I wasn't nice to him when he did.  I basically let out all the anger I had toward him in emails, I *vomitted* all over him.  Boy did that feel good!!  I felt he needed to know how he'd ruined my life, and how I felt, and how hurt I was and everything else I had left bottled up inside of me for all these years.  To say he was surprised is an understatement.  He did apoligize for things, but, he also told me he knew nothing about it.  Whether or not I believe him is irrelevant tho.  He claims he was not responsible for those things that happened to me, that he knew nothing about them, and none of the *gang* he hung out with had done it (he claims he would have known if they had done it).  I can't say I believe him as all our *conversations* happened thru email or IM chats. 

  

I won't say we are friends now, but the anger and frustration and everything else I felt towards him is for the most part gone.  We talk now if not daily then at least once a week.  I can't forgive him for something he didn't do, and I think I will always harbour some resentment toward him (I know, foolish me)... but at least I am at peace as far as I can be. 

  

The rumours and name calling destroyed my already low self-esteem and I have bounced from one failed relationship to another since then, recently in the process of ending my 10 yr relationship (8 yr marriage) and finding dating nearly impossible.  I doubt everything every man says to me and I don't trust them or their motives at all.  My marriage didn't end because of the self-esteem issues I have, and infact it was probably the best relationship I have ever had.  Too bad he chose to let his family go instead of fighting to keep us together, and I could only fight so much before I had to stop from exhaustion. 

 
October 16, 2005, 7:35 pm CDT

10/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

 I can't say I had any problems with rumours at school, usually when I found out about a particular rumour about me, or got wind of any rumours, I always made it very loud and very clear that not only was that false, but should I ever catch the person who spread the rumours, I would do something rumour worthy. Well I never said I was a good kid when I was younger. My recent problems have been online comunities, I was in one, a roleplaying game community, and it was quite fun, and over the years I built up quite a reputation, that was, until someone I was friends with did something that was to say the least, morally questionable. I had no idea about this event, until I got wind of it from another friend, as you tend to do, the rumour in question isn't really repeatable, but from what I found out, I was 'tarred with the same brush' and lost a lot of friends both on and offline because of this, and was very nearly subject to a legal investigation... Yes, it was that bad. Rumours aren't the only things that can ruin a good name, your actions can reflect on your friends too if you're close enough.
 
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