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Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

Number of Replies: 223
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:59:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/20/05) What happens when you're the target of malicious gossip and your reputation is in question? Seventeen-year-old Hannah knows about this firsthand. She says that since junior high, she's been called a slut, a skank and a whore. See the surprise message for her from the school bully, Emily. Then, a woman tries to dispel the rumor that she was born a man. She even went to extreme measures by posting her birth certificate and baby pictures on a Web site! Plus, Kristi is a wife, mother, and owner of a daycare center, but an anonymous letter made her the main suspect in a child pornography case. What will it take for the rumors to stop? Share your thoughts.


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June 20, 2006, 1:47 pm CDT

I know how it is....

I know just how it feels I live in a HUGE city in Canada My Reputation will never be the same ever again As long as I live no matter where I move.. I Feel like everyone is going to know who I am soon as I say this, I feel I will be judged even on this website... I don't leave my home but maybe 3 times a month, Soon as people see me or my boyfriend they stare at us, they know who we are... no matter where we go in the city... Some of the people in the City even go as far as following us home, spitting on us, and even openly cussing at us.   

My Parents we just charged with murder of a child. So now because we were living there when they killed him people say we should not even be allowed to breath the same air as them,  that we are a waste of space, it goes on and on and on and on.     

So while I know this was tough for these people to talk about with Dr.Phil I wish my problems were as easy as some of them... I don't know what to do about this problem I have no idea...     

   

I wish one day to be able to walk in the street again..  but I also I wish that a time machine would be made and I could go back and do something to fix the wrong my parents done  

 
June 20, 2006, 1:48 pm CDT

Life's to short

Life is honestly too short to worry and surround yourself witth people who are mean, or cruel toward you. Where there is a childish person there is a nice person too. Some people like to try and hurt others, and the more you let it get to you, the more they will not let up. They sort of prey on people and continue to pick on them or insult them until it brings that person down or the person doesn't let it get to them anymore. And unfortunately, they will move on to someone else. But...Sweetie, try not to let these kinds of people get the best of you. You are too good for that and too sweet for that, and that is why they pick on you. The more you embrace their behavior, the more they will continue. There are always going to be people like this, but it is in your power to not let them effect your self esteem and your life. Try and surround yourself with loving people. Good friends, which are hard to find, but are out there, and good family. Positive, loving people that will support you and care for you. Good luck. You'll be surprised where most of those cruel people end up in the future; and how unhappy most of them will be within themselves. Wish you the best.
 
June 20, 2006, 2:20 pm CDT

Same thing with me

My high school years were horrible. Apparentally someone started the rumor that I wanted to be called fruit fly because I was gay and nasty. I would walk down the hall or walk in a classroom or just to the pencil sharpener and people would yell out Fruit Fly Fruit fly dont bother me...... 

  

I even went to teachers and the princiapal and they all just laughed about it. 

  

It elevated to the point of getting tripped, hair pulled, people would not talk to me, wouldnt invite me to anything. If they found out I was talking to a guy even from another school someone ALWAYS told them and they would immediatly stop talking to me. and would refuse to talk to me.   

  

My senior year I found out they were going to reference it in the yearbook on my senior page I went to the advisor and told her and she laughed at me I had to constantly call her home just to get her to ull it from the book.  

 
June 20, 2006, 2:20 pm CDT

The gossip is my sister

I have had this problem with her for 25+ years. Some of the rumors she spreads are very vicious and don't have a shred of truth to them. The more I try to ignore her, the worse she gets.  And what really makes me really sick, is that people that she tells this crap to, who don't know me, actually believe some of it. I have also had to endure the embarrassment of strangers walking up to me  to tell me how badly she trashes in public because they think "I would want to know".  She has bad mouthed me so badly to her step children that they are afraid of me. I have tried confronting her, but she just denies it (which I expected). It makes family get togethers hell because I always end up feeling like she is just gathering ammunition.  

   

I know that this says more about her that it does about me, and I have learned to live with the fact that I will most likely never have a decent relationship with her, but I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to not go to family get togethers because of her. I just want her to stop.  

   

Any ideas?  

 
June 20, 2006, 2:31 pm CDT

How?

I dont understand why anyone would say all that stuff about her. I have to say she is absolutely gorgeous! If i lived there I would back her up 100%. People believe to much what other people say. Her friend kept saying "I hear she says things" but she only hears it. Wll still that girl was absolutely gorgeous. So if anyone knows like her myspace or soemthing tell me! thanks
 
June 20, 2006, 2:56 pm CDT

I AM A WOMAN TOO!

When I saw the show today and saw the woman Karen talking about how people talk about her used to being a man I became frustrated. I could see myself in her shoes. People also think that about me. I have been in the room while someone was actually making comments. I don't know about Karen, but as for me I have CVAH, it's a hormonal imbalance. I was born with it and can't change it. I do what I can to look "normal" if there is a definition of normal. We are all different in our own ways. If we as a society don't start thinking first -what if this was being said about me- before we open our mouths there will never be change. Everyday I think today will be better and no ones comments will get to me! 99% of the time it works, I am human of course!  

 
June 20, 2006, 3:23 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show.

Doctor Phil.  My Reputation Ruined You is no good at all if you tell anyone else about it. I donot beli- 

ef in rumor or gossipit at all but I do belief in Christ Jesus I belief in God aswell. See you tomorow-- 

Afternoon. Well I Iad  better close now. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------  

 
June 20, 2006, 3:52 pm CDT

Tried to be that "Hero"

My sister and I are very close in age and have had a close relationship (more like a friendship then just a sister) for a very long time.  We have had our ups and downs but looking back on things I have seen the pattern in our relationship. She has always been a suspicious person - reading into things with people and judging their motives and has talked to me about them.  I always knew that I could be the next one cut off from her friendship but hoped it wouldn't  come to that.  Over the years I have supported her through many different things.  She had a very bad accident 8 years ago and I knew that she was mortally afraid of hospitals so I was with her almost every day for 5 weeks - holding her hand, watching out for her to see that her care was as good as it could be etc.  Her husband was always wary of me because I think that he saw me as a threat to their relationship because of a suspicious and possessive nature that he has.  After being in the hospital everyday for 5 weeks and having them stay for 3 weeks with my husband, children and I so that I could look after her I thought that they would finally realize that I was a good and loving, loyal person.    

Then a few years later I was diagnosed with a tumour that is still a big concern to my health  and still 5 years later I didn't get the support from my sister and brother in law.  I was hurt that they weren't there for me during this time and the subsequent deep depression that I was going through.  But, when I felt better and whenever I could, I would always be there for my sister.  I have stepped up to be that Hero for her so many times.  When our relationship would hit a snag it would always be me that would come to her and try to fix it.   

Well, our relationship is stalled again and for what reason I don't even know.  And now I find out that she and my brother in law listened to someone tell lie after lie about me and believe that person over me.  My reputation is further ruined and the betrayal is so hard to take.  I've sent a loving letter to my sister ( trying to be the hero again) telling her that there is nothing on my end that would prevent us from being friends but she has not responded at all.  

In a nutshell, when do I stop trying to be the hero and let the friendship go?  After all those years of caring for her and being the one to repair the relationship I am at the end.  It hurts so much to realize that the friendship  means so little to them that they would believe lies about me without even giving me a chance to tell my side.  

So, there is nothing left to do except pray and hope that she will come back to me and want to talk again - but the hero in me is gone.  

 
June 20, 2006, 4:04 pm CDT

an off the wall idea

possible the best way to deal with gossip is to ask he speaker to put the report in writing and sign it so you can verify it with the subject.  and then go to a lawyer about defamation of character.
 
June 20, 2006, 4:19 pm CDT

Sticks and Stones ... words DO HURT!

I grew up with two sisters and a brother that told everyone things about me all of the time. I was hurt and deeply so. My parents said some very hurtful things to me as I grew up. I moved away the first chance I got and worked for years to find myself. I am not sure I have but I am much happier now than I ever have been or ever would have been around them. Today, I teach communication and I am here to tell you that words DO HURT and trying to forget them is so very hard. Dr. Phil you act like it is so easy to just forget about it. It is not. When your "support" is the one doing the hurting. Even today where I work I have someone who is telling everyone that I am gay, which I am not. For the first year I ignored it, but now that I am volunteering in the community and this is a "redneck" community, I don't want that reputation. I have worked hard to be a part of this community and now this "rumor" is threating what I have worked hard to get past. I cannot help the fact that I have masculine features. I can't assume that anyone is anything, but I am here to say that getting past the hurt from a 'rumor' is the hardest thing to do.
 
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