Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

My wife has the same issue but she does it a diffrent way.  She goes to garage sales...rummage sales...estate sales....etc.... 

I have 3 wonderful kids and they have a full basement, their bedrooms, a garage and a converted dining room full of toys... 

I cant even count the number of toys they have....Now mind you it is not as bad as the guests on the show but I do know that it is too much and it has caused several arguments within our family. 

My wifes stand is that it is not new stuff or it was on sale........" I saved 50% on this"  " i got this for a quarter"......I see toys that my kids have not touched in months....Not to mention anything she does not get them her parents get it for them... 

I can see a toy room and some favorite toys in their rooms but this crazy. 

And then there is all the cloths....during the season change my wife spends one whole day on each closet for the kids cloths...and like 2-3 days are her closet....they go through transformations....winter to spring ...spring to summer...summer to fall etc.....Perhpas this is normal......but all my cloths can fit into one closet..... 

I just dont fight it anymore because it causes too much conflict...but my kids are only 5,3,1.5 and dont want them to grow up thinking they get everything for nothing.... 

There was a marketing book i read once in college that relates a womens need for shopping as a religion. If this is the case then my wife would be the "Pope" of that religion. 

STEP ONE, 

STEP TWO, 

STEP THREE 

OPEN YOUR EYES PARENTS---IF YOU CAN'T SEE YOUR CHILD IN STAGES  

THOSE FIRST FEW SEGMENTS SHOWN... 

there is something wrong with you---you need to RE-WATCH the SHOW over and over again 

until you do get it !!! 

YOU ARE PAYING TO CREATE CONTROL FREAKS ... 

& YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE OF THEM 

NO ONE ELSE WILL WANT THESE DISFUNCTIONAL CREATURES 

AND, YOU WILL end up PAYing  FOR THEM  

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE 

SMART ???  NOT one of these little  manipulators is BRILLIANT  

and, will ever be able to shine  BRIGHT  

IT'S VERY EASY TO SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM !!! 

WHAT YOU ARE DOING  

IS CLEARLY NOT WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ALL ABOUT  

IT TOOK ME 45 YEARS TO UNDERSTAND THE LESSONs... 

you see, i didn't have it easy, i had to work for everything myself... 

there's no doubt; my parents had more to give, then they did... 

however, they had what they had, because they did sacrifice... 

they didn't spend their last dollar... 

if they didn't need it; they did without... 

they cooked from scratch... 

no expensive pre-mixes, tv dinners, or boxed pizza 

dinner out; twice a year was a treat  

and, fish 'n chips were purchased   4 fish; 2 chips for 4 people  (like 2 reg. meals feed 4) 

we learned to share  

whoever cut the cake into two pieces; the other guy got to choose which piece 

there was NO CREDIT CARD DEBT IN OUR HOUSE, NO CAR LOANS, NO BANK LOANS 

YOU SPENT WHAT YOU HAD TOO...AND SAVED THE REST  

THERE WAS JUST A MORTGAGE TO DEAL WITH  

simple...yes; life can be simple 

all this stuff; makes it highly complex  

they thought, and thought, and thought some more before they spent... 

AND, then, they often purchased things second hand,  

or at a yard sale, or at the church rummage sale  

or, didn't buy stuff at all 

i can make a list of the stuff i remember getting 

til age 12...hand me downs / ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NEW  

(and, you know; that was  good for me) 

i remember sewing a vest in grade 7,  

and, i wore it all the time  

i remember my mom; making me a dress for my graduation 8th grade 

it was yellow/orange; and she thought it looked terrific 

the material was on sale--and; it wasn't the best color for me  

(i went to the dance; and i got teased) 

but, i didn't COME HOME AND tell her 

then, she cut it off, and made me wear it; to start grade 9 in  

(YIKES; i got teased again) 

ohhh; and; she did get me a pair of shoes to go with it; in brown ?   

they too were on sale--and, not the type of shoes you were with a party dress 

since i always wore hand me downs; i didn't know my foot wasn't size 6 1/2  

i didn't discover that; until i started to buy my own shoes about 1 year later at 14 

at age 13; 1 bathing suit,(not the one i wanted, but it was ok)  1 pair of pants (not the brand label, 

but they were nice); and one pair of adias shoes (not the 3 blue stripes i wanted, but the 2 blue/1 red stripes, that were only $20, instead of $49--and, they were the right size of 7) 

WE GOT NO ALLOWANCE  

WE WERE EXPECTED TO DO NO CHORES 

AND; THAT CLEARLY WASN'T GOOD 

WE LEARNED HOW TO EARN OUR OWN MONEY AT AGE 12-13 

BY RAKING LEAVES, SHOVELLING SHOE, RUNNING ERRANDS ETC., 

at age 13, my mom told me, that from that day forward 

you buy all your own toiletries except tooth paste 

(she was inflicting her childhood on me) 

AT AGE 14; A MONTH BEFORE TURNING 15 

I LIED MY AGE; AND GOT A JOB  

I WORKED 40-60 HRS A WEEK WELL I WENT TO SCHOOL 

THIS ALSO WASN'T IDEAL; as by 16, i was totally and completely unable to control 

THERE'S ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS... 

kids that do get short-changed... 

and, parents that don't understand that kids are a commitment  

SOMEWHERE I LOST THAT NORMAL CHILDHOOD 

I EARNED MORE THAN MOST ADULTS... 

and, probably at that time i  spent almost everything i earned 

i'm sure if i did an accounting; i bet i'd be able to retire; on all the money i've spent  

well; at least today; i am debt free & do own a home 

IT'S A VERY HARD JOB TODAY TO RAISING CHILDREN ... 

you see, i wasn't spoiled; and the only entitlement i had, was self entitlement 

and, this is the opposite spectrum to spoiled and entitled 

 this also is a  type of disfunction, 

it caused me to choose not to marry  nor have children 

I WOULD HAVE EITHER BEEN the world's worst parent; or the world's best 

and; with the set of values i was operating with in my 30's and even into my early 

40's i shutter to think about what i might of raised 

i'd have either been tough as nails on them; and given them nothing 

or; spoiled them silly 

it's a vicious circle... 

all, i can say  

is watching you on tv today... 

i can say,  

 i am sure glad that  i don't have children 

if i had the JOB of RAISING your KIDS 

 i think i'd be wondering, if it would be better to drown them, and, try to start over (i'm serious) 

like DR. PHILm, he  didn't seem to have any advise to offer you 

likewise, i can't say, that i have any real advise either  

I HOPE THIS PROGRAM...makes parents realize the key word, 

is to create balance... 

i wish my parents had of made me part of the bill  paying process 

and, not kept their real struggles a secret -- they were only protecting me in their minds; 

while that action; sheltered me from knowing and appreciating reality 

i wish my parents had of made me accountable for chores, 

and, given me an allowance of even 25 or 50 cents per week 

and, let me manage my own purchases 

all and all; this was an interesting show 

looking like there's a lot of DE-BUSHing that needs to be done in this world 

What develops a young mind isn't toys, it is time with you.  One thing I used with both of my children was to choose a book (Dr. Seuss is best) and write every word in it on index cards.  Then over a few months we play the game of guessing the word.  If he gets it, he gets the card if not I get it. Soon enough your child will consistently win all the cards and then you give him the book as a prize. The bonus is that he will be able to read it on the first try (raising confidence). He will also be able to read most Dr. Suess books. 

Total cost: about 10 bucks. 

I can relate to Joan's dilemma with her teenage daughter wanting all the "right" clothes.  When my oldest daughter was 13 we lived in a very upscale golf course neighborhood in Houston, Tx.  At that time she "needed" coach purses, designer jeans and a lap top computer. 

I was very concerned about her distorted perception of reality.  That Thanksgiving we did not have a family dinner. Our family volunteered to help serve the homeless people of Houston.  Needy families were also able to select donated clothing.  On the way back to the car we followed a single mother with three children.  The children had worn and torn clothes and shoes. The oldest child was a young girl about my daughter's age.  They were all carrying large piles of donated clothing. I asked my daughter if she thought the young girl cared what label was on the blue jeans she was carrying.  My daughter did not reply, but simply shook her head.   

I still had and continue to have financial struggles with my children. However, I know that brief glimpse of real poverty made a lasting impression on my daughter.  Even though she did not admit it, she realized how lucky she truly was.