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Topic : 05/31 Falsely Accused

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:16:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/2/2005) False accusations have ruined lives and divided families. No one knows this better than Terry. She claims she was falsely labeled as a gossip at her son, Steve's, rehearsal dinner and was escorted out of his wedding by security! Now, she confronts her son and daughter-in-law for the first time in almost five months. Can this family ever reconcile, or are they better off apart? Then, a former high school principal made headlines when a 16-year-old student accused him of having sex with her. The scandal rocked the town, and now he struggles to regain his reputation and move forward.  Share your thoughts here.

 

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November 2, 2005, 10:29 am CST

11/02 Falsely Accused

Quote From: kimiden

Does it amaze you that when a story like this breaks, the name of the "victim" is protected, but the name of the alleged perpetrator is plastered all over the newspapers and the news broadcasts.  In this case, the allegations were false, but the damage has been done.  And the "victim" is still protected.  The alleged perpetrator's name should not be released unless he/she is found guilty. This is just  unbelievable to me! 

BELIEVE IT!  Sickening as it is, it's rampant in our society.  We're supposed to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, too, and far too many allegations are presumed to be facts. We're supposed to be entitled to a fair hearing,  and too many times the facts aren't or cannot be presented because too many of us don't understand or want to be bothered with all that. 

Judgement Day is gonna be a really rude awakening for many. 

 
November 2, 2005, 10:57 am CST

Educate yourself-Use available tools!!!

Quote From: saemae

I gotta agree with one of the other posters.  There is a BIG difference between gossip and truth.  Gossip is a false statement meant to cause harm to another.  TRUTH is something that actually happened.  Your dad could NOT keep his "shrinky dink" in his pants DURING HIS MARRIAGE!  Therefore, he got his MISTRIESS pregnant!  What part of that is gossip?  Your mom has a right to be angry!  So does your sister!  So do you, only you're too much of a "daddy's boy" to realize you should be mad as heck!  Pull your mom and sister aside before the nuptials and state your position, don't EMBARRASS them by sicking the police on them RIGHT BEFORE THE CEREMONY!  Your dad is a gutless wonder, and apparantly so are you and your "darling" wife!
Break out your dictionary and look up gossip.  Gossip is talking about other people  and their concerns.  The things said in gossip may or may not be true.  The point is, somebody is talking about someone else's business instead of minding their own!!!
 
November 2, 2005, 12:05 pm CST

Moms do know best!

To that Steve guy,   I don't see why if the comment WAS made, why it would be such a big deal.  It wasn't said to a child?  Are you and your wife so perfect as that you never say a bad word when your angry or hurt?  Is her aunt that snobby that she couldn't relate and realize that a comment like that was coming from pain and wasn't something to be repeated or offended by.   His wife should be ashamed of herself...as should her aunt for starting the big stink!   One word for the Aunt and wife - KARMA!    

  

 It was so hurtful for me to watch that episode, and think of my kids ever letting someone lead them astray from their own mother.   No one is perfect.  It sounds like Steve doesn't have much respect for his mom or her feelings (maybe he has reason - or his wife is constantly creating reasons for him)  WE all have relatives, close and afar, that we know can be embarrassing at times, but you can't control everyone, and a wedding isn't suppose to be about "rules of conduct and punishment "  it's not a court proceeding.   Did they have alcohol at the reception?  I'm sure some people made more fools of themselves and discussed less appropriate things than did his mom's comment which was coming from her pain.   

  

A good wife/woman would insist her husband allow his mother there and always help her husband see the other side of things so as to keep his family together...even if she doesn't like someone in the family for her own reasons.   I think in this case, the mom's warning to son about his fiance' was right on target.   I think in the long run he is going to learn the hard-way that moms do know best! 

 
November 2, 2005, 12:15 pm CST

For Dr. Wilson

Dr. Wilson, 

  

While your situation is most regrettable, I remain hopeful that amidst this challenging time, you will find the right place for you and your family. 

  

If you are willing to relocate, there are school districts (I believe) in the Southeast that would consider you a vital asset; some alternative settings, where you could truly put your knowledge and life experience to work (from Breaking the Cycle) may be places where you can aptly utilize your God-given talents.  Do not give up hope, as it is clear that you have too much to offer kids who badly need role models such as yourself. 

  

Have you considered working with students in the special needs population?  Many of our students who are currently disadvantaged economically have also been labeled emotionally disturbed.  I teach special education at the high school level in Southeastern Virginia.  Our kids here could certainly use several identical twins of you!  Specifically, I would encourage you to submit your qualifications to the following school districts:  Chesapeake Public Schools, Norfolk Public Schools and SECEP (an alternative setting, which handles kids who have special challenges).   

  

Additionally, I would encourage you, if possible, to visit with these districts to determine if they share your goals and vision of education.  I sincerely wish you the best of luck and success in your occupational hunt!  Hang in there! 

  

Our prayers are with you. 

  

-A special educator who would love to work under you in Southeastern Virginia 

 
November 2, 2005, 12:21 pm CST

I am not sure if I

the problem is.  About 2 1/2 years ago one of my brothers who is 6 years older than me, wrote me to ask me for   "forgiveness for what I have done to you".  I made the mistake of writing back and saying are you apologizing for "this, or that, or that, or that" (naming what it could possibly be - some around sexual abuse).   I DID tell him he was forgiven and that I was very proud of him for asking forgiveness.   He wrote me an e:Mail and said he was removing my name from his phone book, etc.  Not long after that I contacted the widow of another brother via phone when I was visiting the Chicago area.  She was very angry with me about calling her and told me never to call her again and she would not explain what I had done...she just said "I don't want to be bothered with you" and hung up.  I believe she had visited the brother mentioned above and his wife in Georgia prior to this conversation and they may have told her about the letter. 

  

On 7/4/2005 I called the same brother  and told him I wanted to be his sister and I missed him.  He received my call but wasn't particularly friendly to me.   I followed the call up with a letter which he received 7/8 and he dropped dead on 7/11/2005.  (He was 74.  I'm 68.)   I went to his memorial service in Georgia - but his family (his 2nd family) was not very warm to me and looked at me with 'icy" eyes.  I knew something was terribly wrong.   

  

On 8/24/2005 my next and last brother (age 80) died in Illinois and I drove to his funeral from Colorado.  The same sister-in-law from the Chicago area was there and she hugged everyone standing in the funeral home and held their hand and gave them encouraging words but when she got to me (whom she had ignored even when standing next to me) - she passed by and said "hello Betty " in a cold and icy way and did not stop at all.  Her fiance was with her (these people are in their 70's) and as soon as she said to him "This is Betty" he dropped my hand like a hot potato and didn't say hello.   I was crushed.  This sister in law is the widow of my very closest brother whom I loved very much.  We were close in age and were best friends.  She has never treated me particulary well.  I almost left the funeral but decided I wouldn't.  I am very, very sad.  I believe the original brother who wrote me for forgiveness showed either his wife or this sister in law the letter I wrote.   I believe the letter must have been mis-read or mis-interpreted.  Perhaps my brother went to lengths to deny the accusiations I made about him and my older brother......I'm not sure........it would be just like my brother to write on this letter that I was a liar or something and save it for people to see if I ever accused him.........at any rate, I was never believed when I was a teen and told my family of rape by my oldest brother and was always accused of being a liar.   Now I'm afraid of this.  I regret ever  having told anyone of these incidents.  I especially regret writing the letter to my brother who asked for forgiveness - I wish I would have said he was forgiven (which I did) and left it at that and not put the rest in writing.  I have a copy of my letter to him and I reread it the other day - I can see how it might be misconstrued that I was saying my two other brothers molested me - and then that may have gotten repeated.   I'm very sad as this sister in law has good standing with the remaining wives, etc. and they keep in touch.   

  

This is all speculation on my part but I just cannot imagine what else could have happened.  Since the one sister in law will not talk to me I have no way of knowing.  The widow of the brother I accused is 83 and not in good health so I cannot discuss this wih her.  I did tell the widow of my last brother, whom I hardly know, about the letter I wrote and how much I regreted writing it.  I told her I knew this brother had changed his ways when he became a young man and had never touched me again after he was about 16 or 17.....and I know he didn't touch his own daughter inappropriately.  I think she believes me and understands.   I emphasised to her that her husband and the brother whom I was so close to NEVER touched me...... 

  

I never falsly accused these people but I feel as if trying to stand up for me has caused me life long grief as I've been an outsider.  I loved my brothers and my family but I feel like most of them felt I was falsly accusing the 2 perps..... 

 
November 2, 2005, 12:26 pm CST

What about the daughter-in-law

i wish dr phil would hold the dil's feet to the fire. she seems VERY manipulative.  who hires armed security guards to take out their mother cause of GOSSIP!!!  she seems very sneaky!
 
November 2, 2005, 12:36 pm CST

Beyond repair

I think this family is beyond repair.  I don't think anyone is going to keep their mouth shut in this family and they will continue to talk behind each other's back.
 
November 2, 2005, 12:44 pm CST

Wasn't even invited.

My only brother had died a year before the wedding of my nephew.  I had gone to their home for Xmas and as my Aunt said load with presents for his children.  The funeral: the first thing that happened when I got into the car at the airport I was asked by one of my brother's inlaws when I was leaving.  That was one of the more polite things that were said to me.  I held my tounge. The first thing  At the funeral I was not allowed to stay for the interment.  I don't even where  he is buried. 

  

No one from by brother's side of the family was invited to the wedding.   

 
November 2, 2005, 12:49 pm CST

Blabbermouth Mother In Law...

When the mother in law used a term such as 'chick' to describe another woman, the page was 

pretty well colored for me. This is obviously not a mature woman with any class. If the young married couple wanted peace and joy at their wedding, they are by all means entitled.  

  

How self-absorbing of the mother and sister to carry on like petty young girls. Shame on them both! 

  

I would not want a blabbering, gossiping mouth at my wedding either, mother or no mother.  

The sister's behavior seems parallel to the mother in law's. What does that tell you? 

  

If it takes security to escort a disrespectful, disgruntled woman from my wedding to preserve pleasantry, I'd do it, too.  

  

Thank goodness my MIL is out of our lives as well. Five children from the first marriage  

feel the same way and have since felt a big sigh of relief, while the other two are basking  

in the thought of snatching the last will and testament. Sad, but true.  

  

  

  

  

 
November 2, 2005, 12:53 pm CST

11/02 Falsely Accused

  I'm a little upset with what I just watched on the show.  I can't believe that he had his mother escorted away from his wedding and more importantly I can't believe that Dr. Phil didn't cut into the son and his wife!  To me it was more then obvious that the wife has a problem with the mother!  Now don't get me wrong I totally agree with the idea of their wedding day being all about them.  I also agree with it not being the time or the place for anybody to air their dirty laundry or put on any embarrassing performances.  However, I don't agree with them saying what can and can't be discuss in private conversations.  They made a big deal out of something the mother was supposedly reported to have said and put her out of the wedding then their excuse for that was the had sad that anyone gossiping would be put out.  Well explain to me why the aunt who the mother was talking to, who by the way was the one gossiping and repeating things, wasn't also escorted away from the wedding?  If the two, the mother and the aunt , were discussing divorces how was it okay for the aunt to voice her feelings but wrong for the mother?  Also what made the aunt run back and tell the wife other then her need to gossip.  The wife had so much negative to say about the mother being a gossip and this and that, but then in the next breath she stated that the mother never took the time to get to know her.  Well, if the two of them never took the time to know each other how is it that the wife has so much to say about her unless she herself has been involved in a little gossip.  I think the wife just had a problem with the fact that the mother express concerns about the quickness of the marriage and in return didn't want her at the wedding.  For them to have so much to say about the mother and her being too mouthy it seems like the wife was the one who talked too much and relied on gossip to make judgements.  The wife stated that she didn't want to welcome the mother into her home and if they had children wouldn't feel comfortable with her children being around her and I'm still sitting her trying to figure out where that came from. 

 
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