Topic : 08/25 Extreme Food Obsessions

I have to commend you on how perceptive you are regarding the complexity of others and their emotions/feelings. It only takes someone who's been there "to know". By my own experience with my family, I also have to chime in and say that when you're told, "you look better" when you're still feeling like crappola is anything but supportive.

Ya'll, please don't jump all over me for saying this as this is a personal experience for me and what I've gone through with my mother. The words "you look better" was only used to make me feel as if there was/is nothing wrong with me. It's a way to try and change the perspective of the person who is suffering. These, in my opinion, are not genuine words. If you want to say these things and "sound genuine", they can be said as such: "Ya know, I understand that you still aren't feeling better. I know that you are still sick. I know that you still have a long way to go, but if you don't mind my saying this, I think you are looking better today". Or when in doubt, it's best to not say anything and spend time with your kids doing activities together, offering hugs, and seeing if there's anything they need.

When a person who is continuously suffering from any illness, they need validation and understanding from those who love them the most. That is seen as support. At least for me, that is more theraputic. But everyone's different. This is just MY experience.

When someone already has issues with rejection (that I believe is baggage from their past), the last thing they need is someone to deny or invalidate what they are going through.

I can understand the parents in that no parent wants to see their child dying before their eyes. I also understand that denial is part of the coping process because parents love their children. They don't always know what to say under these circumstances. But, in my opinion, words can be deadly. We need to communicate to our loved ones what we need to hear to get better. I have tried this with my mother and she refuses to listen. But what I do know is that I have tried. I have done my best, and my mother has every right to her own opinions. Because of my obsession with suicide, I have had to cut off most contact with my mother until I get better. I also have to be careful because my brother died at 37. My mom didn't know what to say to him either and, in fact, taunted him to the point of despair.

If you don't know what's appropriate to say, ask your kids. And kids, if you don't like what you're being told, communicate your feelings.

Humans are not 1 dimentional simple creatures. Everyone is unique and has unique needs. They need to be communicated if you want the relationship to be successful. Once the relationship is successful, the road to healing will be A LOT smoother!

And another thing, you cannot hide behind the, "Do it yourself and stop blaming others" mantra to say and do anything you like. That does not fly.

I am doing a lot better now and have taken the necessary steps to do that. It takes therapy and a lot of "trial and error" to get there, but it works!

My mom disagrees with you all who say that Nicelle has been a bad mommy. My mom states that, You don't know unless you had a kid yourself".

But hearing what you just said, Shepanie, is quite refreshing.

I do have to admit, though, that I am super proud of Nichelle for seeking for help. That's so half the battle! She is a winner, in my opinion, and deserves much credit for that. That's so much more than what most moms would do.

SO KUDOS TO YOU, NICHELLE and to you too Stephanie for hanging in there through such trying times.

Hello, I am an 18 year old with depression and Adhd.  I have a food probelm... I eat and eat and eat and can't stop.  I hoard food, steal food, spend most of my spending money on fast food and snacks, crave fatting junk foods, and eat all the time.  I go to fast food places everyday a few times a day and when i go I order 3 burgers then eat them and want more.  When I was little it wasn't a probelm how I ate because I was under weight and my mom didn't really care what I did.  Then for 3 months when I was 9 I lived on a carnival where I was poor and had to hoard and steal food. I need so much help!!!!

Good afternoon.  I feel that I'm here by fate.  I came home from work a little early today and caught the last 10 minutes of the show.  I've been trying to find a way to help this family. I've been worried about my daughter's friend who has been diagnosed with anorexia.  She is 14 and currently in an instituion for the mentally ill, because that is all that was open to her when she needed to be admitted to a hospital and there is not a facility in our area for this type of illness.  Her mom is desperately trying to find a facility for her to go to.  Apparently she needs long term care.  Because she is on state provided insurance, her options are very limited.  Already she has been hospitalized without eating disorder treatment for over 3 months while facilities and insurance companies haggle over what to do.  All the while, she's in grave danger.  She was allowed to attend her 8th grade graduation in June, was in the the hospital before and has been since, with the threat of a feeding tube looming over her.  It seems that everywhere her mom turns for help, a door is slammed in her face.  What can be done before this girl dies???!!!

I so disagree!! I can understand being frustrated with your child...I am a mom of two (ages 6 and 2), but to treat a child this way with a disability?? That is cause for more problems in the future... near or far! I will be the first to admit that I am NOT the perfect parent.... but I certainly have never told my children "to stop being disrepectful to others or I will kill them"... that is rediuclous!!! Nor would I slap my child across the face... or use foul language to threaten him/her. I am NO professional... but this mother needs as much help as the child. Your children lean from the role models in their lives... that is US as their PARENTS!! What is she teaching her at such a young age??? I pray that this mom will get the help SHE needs to make a better life for herself and her beautiful little girl. The best of luck in your futures.

Oops, my brother had an eating disorder. My mom told him similar things.  They didn't work.  He  died at 37.

You have to understand that what "works for you" doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for the next person.

There are also hormonal diseases out there that make it impossible for someone to lose weight in the case that they are obese. Weight gain does not always mean that you're eating too much. Ever heard of Sharmyn McGraw? Ever heard of Cushings Disease? Read on:

http://www.cushings-help.com/media_sharmyn.htm

As I watched Nichelle and her interactions with her daughter, I was reminded of a counseling session I went to when my  daughter was 18 months old (many years ago).  She had been diagnosed with congenital conditions which would manifest into profound developmental disability, plus cerebral palsy, visual impairment.  The counselor asked me why I was there, and I said I didn't want my daughter to make me a prisoner in my home (I had recently given up a full-time career of ten years because she was too difficult at any day care.)  The counselor and I discussed this, and the result that came about is SO important for all caring parents to discover about themselves.

The counselor said I should add one word to my statement, and would be on the way to accepting and dealing with the situation.  I would resolve that my daughter's DISABILITIES would not make me a prisoner.  The difference is that there was no longer guilt.  Of course I loved my daughter, and was not rejecting her, but understandably not wanting to accept her conditions.  With that knowledge, her father and I have been successful in raising her (she is 28 years old, living at home, but attending a day program).  I hope this information can help other parents, no matter what the actual disabling condition might be.

I just saw Kathy on  the show today. I don't watch the show much. I was disappointed to see someones body in such shape. Whether self imposed, medical or someone from a death camp. I saw her photos before she went into the hospital. I just felt scared for everyone involved. I feel some that are going through such medical problems are looking for sympathy, revenge on family or just only way they can get the attention they want. I feel its just there way of throwing a temper tantrum. I also feel if they try they can find better ways of getting attention and others seeking revenge they need to learn how get over that. Like Phil said its not just her problem its the whole family's problem. I feel they need to learn how to deal with her problems and theirs. Wow saw the pictures after she had gained 20lbs. I felt she looked so much better. I would feel so much better dealing with someone like her from her after pictures than her before pictures. I feel that its not much difference between someone under weight and someone morbidly obese. There was a time after my divorce that I just stopped eating. I wanted my x-wife to feel sorry for me and her family too. At times I felt like I wanted to just dye somehow, to get sympathy,revenge or something. Now I look back I'm disappointed in some of the things I did. I'm impressed in the progress Kathy has made. I would be very disappointed if she slipped back into her old ways. I have seen the severely under weight twins too. I would be disappointed if they were milking there situation for media attention. I fell most people could get the attention they want if they tried to find some more positive ways to do so. I'm disappointed in the negative ways some of us strive to get the attention we want. I feel we all need to find and learn newer and more positive ways to get what we want. I feel the way to become a better person is too learn how too get the results we want in more of a positive way. Maybe u can get more done in the long run when u compliment someone when they do something positive. Rather to yell at them when they do something you don't like. Some of us feel that we will get what we want by yelling at someone or punishing them somehow. No I don't know it all but I feel I'm learning more and more each year. There are probably some things I need to deal with but push to the side too.

Well I should go later Bj

Dr. Phil,

 

I cannot believe your response to the extremely abusive mother of  Savannah.  The mother Nichelle should be reported to CPS !!!  This child needs to be removed from her mother immediately.  For a mother to speak to a 6 year old in this way and also tell her child that she will kill her ???  The physical abuse is unspeakable.  What more does this horrible mother need to do before someone will save this child ?  This child is being severally abused.

 

I agree that the mother needs help, but I do not agree that Savannah should be in that household until the mother has gone through all the training, therapy, education on her daughter's disorder and is able to handle it.  If she ever will.  Currently, it is quite evident that this mother is making excuses for her behavior and putting her own needs and feelings above that of her child.

 

I AM NOT a proponent of removing a child from their parents, quite on the contrary, but this is a blatant case of child abuse.  Phil,  this upset me a great deal.  I just hope that if Savannah stays in the home that there is someone also there 24 hours a day to make sure she is no longer abused.

 

Dr. Phil, I hope you follow this family very closely and do not let Savannah fall through the cracks.  I will look on the website often to see if there are any updates (as I don't often get a chance to see the show).

 

My sincerest concern,

Margie

 

 

 

I would like to think that it's the mothers that **don't** come forward to seek for help that we need to worry about. I feel there is hope with her, but I do admit that I could be being naive. I don't know how strong this woman will be able to be. Who knows?