Message Boards

Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Number of Replies: 358
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More March 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 30, 2006, 5:16 am CST

This whole thing makes me ill

My brother is 31 and actually thinks our parents "owe" him. He said that one day. It is my mother's fault, mainly. She kept bailing him out and bailing him out, and not making him pay rent on a rental house she let him live in, etc. She ended up giving him the house and he got a loan against it and then did not pay the mortgage and lost it.

He also ended up losing his 2 children to the state because of  how he had no electricity and no heat for not paying his bills.  He is living in our deceased father's house, which is being foreclosed upon, and just NOW got a job after 3 months. He thinks he can just keep living in the house. Our dad was just as irresponsible as my brother is.

Funny thing is, my own grandmother defended him by saying, "Well he just could not pay his bills on $9 an hour." Um....excuse me? When I had my first child, we had one car and no way for me to work at the time. WE lived on $6.50 an hour and managed not to lose our electric or other utilities. We lived close to the bone. It was hard and I would not  want to do it again, but we managed. My brother had a mortgage which was less than $400. a month, electric was cheap since he heated with gas (this was way before the price gouging). He just thought  his paycheck and tax refunds were for  HIS spending, not to pay bills.

It is a good thing Mom has a will, although I am sure she will leave him way more than he ever deserves (which IS her right,  I know). Because he is the type who would raid her house and take everything, thinking HE is entitled. Once my mother is gone, he better take what is his only, and then he can go get bent. I will not take him in, nor help him in any way.

I think that if you have an illness and honestly cannot help yourself, that is one thing. But, to just lie about and not work, nor take even a lower paying job just to pay your bills and be on your own, is just lazy, and immature. I once worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, back when I was first on my own. I have cleaned toilets and put up with nasty nasty people to not have to ask my mother for help. You do what you have to do. 

Even with some disorders and illnesses, you can still work.
 
March 30, 2006, 6:44 am CST

I know what it's like

Our 28 yr. old son has been living with us for 2 yrs. now. He was married and divorced... not enough money to move out on his own. Thank goodness there are no children involved. We love our son, and he says he wants his own place...? All I know is that when we got married (34 yrs. ago) the thought of asking either side of the family for money or a place to live was not anywhere in the picture. There were times when it was tough, but we made it through. Are things so different now??? I am told "It costs more nowadays to get by." or, "The cost of living back then was lower." ??????? I know we are enabling him, and after seeing this show I think things are going to change. 

 
March 30, 2006, 7:08 am CST

03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: kyrosemom

My brother is 31 and actually thinks our parents "owe" him. He said that one day. It is my mother's fault, mainly. She kept bailing him out and bailing him out, and not making him pay rent on a rental house she let him live in, etc. She ended up giving him the house and he got a loan against it and then did not pay the mortgage and lost it.

He also ended up losing his 2 children to the state because of  how he had no electricity and no heat for not paying his bills.  He is living in our deceased father's house, which is being foreclosed upon, and just NOW got a job after 3 months. He thinks he can just keep living in the house. Our dad was just as irresponsible as my brother is.

Funny thing is, my own grandmother defended him by saying, "Well he just could not pay his bills on $9 an hour." Um....excuse me? When I had my first child, we had one car and no way for me to work at the time. WE lived on $6.50 an hour and managed not to lose our electric or other utilities. We lived close to the bone. It was hard and I would not  want to do it again, but we managed. My brother had a mortgage which was less than $400. a month, electric was cheap since he heated with gas (this was way before the price gouging). He just thought  his paycheck and tax refunds were for  HIS spending, not to pay bills.

It is a good thing Mom has a will, although I am sure she will leave him way more than he ever deserves (which IS her right,  I know). Because he is the type who would raid her house and take everything, thinking HE is entitled. Once my mother is gone, he better take what is his only, and then he can go get bent. I will not take him in, nor help him in any way.

I think that if you have an illness and honestly cannot help yourself, that is one thing. But, to just lie about and not work, nor take even a lower paying job just to pay your bills and be on your own, is just lazy, and immature. I once worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, back when I was first on my own. I have cleaned toilets and put up with nasty nasty people to not have to ask my mother for help. You do what you have to do. 

Even with some disorders and illnesses, you can still work.

It sounds like he may need to be diagnosed for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  His sense of entitlement might hint as much.   

  

Does he think he's above all others, puts on a "mask" to the world that is supposed to depict how "great" he is?  Does he come off as having high self-esteem to the unknowing, but to family members, low self-esteem?   

  

Google around for NPD and see if your brother matches the description. 

 
March 30, 2006, 7:24 am CST

29 year old son still at home

My husband and myself at the end of our rope. Our 29 year old son who has two DUI's one month apart and can not hold down a job and is still at home. He moved back home after being on his own because he could not make it and asked if he could come home for short period of time till he was back on his feet, that was over 2 years ago.   He will not acknowledge that he has a problem, he messes up every good job or break he gets by not going to work on time or just not going at all. He is very verbal with me(his mother) he knows how to push his fathers buttons. Any advise?
 
March 30, 2006, 7:54 am CST

Living "Independently"

When I watch shows on this topic, I always worry that we're making "living with family" so socially unacceptable that living on Welfare will seem like the better alternative.  I seriously doubt that these three adult children -- do ANY of them currently work? -- are, in 30 days, going to become self-sufficient taxpaying citizens...  More likely they'll end up on food stamps, AFCD for the kids, and subsidized housing...  Not on their parents' dime, but on mine (as a taxpayer); better their parents support them as me, as I didn't choose to have them!!!  13 is a trailer is a bit much, but "co-housing" is actually a perfectly viable, economic, and (should be) acceptable alternative to each member of a family paying for an entire household himself.  This family seems to get along and enjoy each other and, in many cases, it can be a mutually beneficial arrangement (say, for a single parent with a grandma who doesn't mind helping babysit; with an adult child caretaker and older parent; with siblings for company and cutting down expenses).  However, it only works if all are responsible and shift from "parent-child" mentality to "room mate" mentality.  I just wish Dr. Phil would make living with family sound like the kiss of death socially; we don't need MORE Welfare recipients in this country.  Just another view. 

 
March 30, 2006, 7:55 am CST

Wah...we cant find work and we have high debt.

Quote From: killerb255

That's not true.  Some people CHOOSE to live with their parents simply because they're too immature to live an adult life. 

  

I have a friend who's 29, lives at home, and does nothing with his life.  His bedroom is full of toys, action figures, video games (I can't fault him on that because adults play games too--sparingly), etc. and he has made it very clear that he's not going to change for anybody.   

  

He was unemployed for long periods of time, and has quit a previous job because "he didn't want to put up with the bull****".   

  

In other words, he CHOOSES to live this way.  He's not forced to live that way, although he's Narcissistic, so he may believe himself to be the victim. 

Why doesnt Dr. Phil deal with this fact, that NO ONE would live at home given a choice? Many people CANT GET JOBS! or the pay is so low, they can't sustain even the most humble standard of living--ie keep rent paid and transportation. He calls them moochers while never facing the fact that the wages of todays especially entry level jobs are so low, no one can live on their own. What does a young adult do who makes so little money they have the choice between crawling to the ghetto, endangering their health or well-being or ending up in a shelter? Are those parents to tell them get out? 

 <<<I believe the economic realities out there are ignored to the extreme. When most kids come crawling back home, they arent MOOCHERS, they are BROKE.  They are SICK, they are UNEMPLOYED.

I wish Dr. Phil would face the facts about the modern working world. That wages are so stagnant, people can barely make a living. Even older people are having a hard time making ends meet. . That even for many people especially young and inexperienced FINDING a job is near impossible.  There is a trend in society for wealthy or middle class Baby-Boomers to be told just throw those kids out. Used to be in the old days families did come together to share resources.  Not anymore.

Im tired of this whole MOOCHER mentality like they are all lazy instead of UNABLE TO GET A JOB.>>> 

  

  

There is NO doubt that today's graduate is getting a degree while being FLAT BROKE with little job opportunity.   

  

Here is what I am teaching my kids now. (7 and 11)  

You WILL grow up to be adults with your own homes, own bills, own jobs.  YOU will be responsible for them. 

  

You will need jobs that have some security.  Pick a field that brings you passion AND look at the longevity of that career field.  WILL it pay the kind of lifestyle you want?  If not, what needs to adjust-the dream of your lifestyle or your career?  Pick a minor that IS marketable.  It may not be your passion, but it will get you by in the hard times. 

  

(BTW, I have a brilliant freind that graduated at a theatre major and Social Studies Minor.  Yep, his degree in social studies pays the bills) 

  

I teach my kids NOW about credit, saving and borrowing.  Except for our house, we are debt free.  We still give to charity and the community with our time and resources.  We discuss with them about credit cards and how many college students get themselves into HUGE trouble.  The companies DO know they can have financial slaves for life by offering credit to people who have NO responsibility. 

  

My kids are being taught NOW that my responsibility as a parent is to get them to be self-sufficient adulthood as healthy in every way as possible.  HAPPINESS is THEIR option, not their guarantee.   

I am not giving them everything they want.  They have to earn "luxuries".  Our son paid for half of his exspensive Playstation and we paid for half.  It will be the same when he gets a car. 

  

We do everything we can to give him growth in his education NOW.  Interactive camps, extentions programs, etc....ALL geared to his best skills.  Science.  He has a great chance of scholarships just be keeping up this dedication.  When he gets to his HS graduation-he will have 10-12 years of consistent extra curricular education.  No doubt he will need student loans and help from Mom and Dad.  Our parents did it for us too.  We were also expected to WORK part time if we needed the $ for anything beyond our education, rent, food, etc.  FUN stuff was up to US. 

  

We lived with ROOMATES or dorms that were not luxurious by ANY means.  We lived in areas we did not want to live in, at HIGH rates, with people we did not want to live with.  We had Ramen for meals and did not eat out.  We did pot lucks or ate at resturaunts we worked for.  

  

Guess what? That stuff motivates you to work hard to GET OUT of it. 

  

I have met too many graduates with their sob stories they can not find a job.  Finding the job should be THEIR full time job until they are in gainful employment.  They might have to MOVE.  They might need roomates.  They might live in a less desirable neighborhood.   

  

I have met some spoiled princesses that had everything provided to them their whole life long, then Mums and Dads pays every little bill in college.  College is a "party" time and they barely get that degree.  They never had to work really hard for anything.  Then before you know it, they are 22-23 and have NO clue about real life.   

  

When I was 18, my P's told me.  "Your room and board is now $".  I was flabbergasted.  How DARE they!  It was the BEST thing they ever taught me.  I forced me to plan ahead and save.  I was living hand to mouth, but I never owed anyone a penny.  I never had any debt.  I could not buy myself ANYTHING fancy or on credit.  I could not party either.  SO, I learned to save and get a better job until I could have enough money to have some fun.   

  

When I moved out, there was no way I could live on my own.  I moved four hours away and had a roommate.  One time, I was not paying attention and realized I may not make it one more month to pay my rent AND eat.  I got a fast food job to help pay rent.  I HATED that job. 

  

My roomate said I was the first person that lived with her that always paid the rent on time.   

When I got married, I had a job to contribute to our savings.  My H paid all the exspenses, but someday we wanted a house.  We were fortunate that both of us had good credit.  When that day to buy a house finally came, we had $30,000 to put down-that lowered our house payments.  We were desireable home buyers because we had no other debt.  We were low risk.    

  

That hard work paid off.  I became a Stay at home Mom for many years and we live off one income now!   

  

IT CAN BE DONE!!! 

  

 
March 30, 2006, 8:13 am CST

Finding a job and apartment at the same

Yeah that is true that you have to find a job first before moving out into an apartment. Dr Phil makes it sound so easy but its not that easy to move out. Rent where I live is really high like in Sioux Falls, SD. I live in South Dakota and rent is high in Sioux Falls and Mitchell. 650 monthly for an apartment and houses arent cheap too. If I had a job that pays like 13 bucks and hour then I would have the money saved up to rent something like 300 a month or less or I might have to move in with someone else to be roommates with.
 
March 30, 2006, 9:02 am CST

03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: killerb255

It sounds like he may need to be diagnosed for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  His sense of entitlement might hint as much.   

  

Does he think he's above all others, puts on a "mask" to the world that is supposed to depict how "great" he is?  Does he come off as having high self-esteem to the unknowing, but to family members, low self-esteem?   

  

Google around for NPD and see if your brother matches the description. 

 He might very well be. But I think that if my mother had raised him to be responsible, he would be a lot better than he is.

Me and my sister had chores. He had none. We had to clean up after him. I paid rent to live at home during summer break at college, which I gladly did. He was never made to pay for anything, kept getting locked up for DUI and shoplifting and she would bail him out. I believe that if my mom had made this boy sink or swim, he would not be a 31 yr old, entitlement-minded brat.. At least not to the degree that he is.
 
March 30, 2006, 10:40 am CST

Deeper problem

Mooching is bad - however one of the deeper problems is sky high rent and home prices.  And insurance etc etc.  And whereas my father worked for one company for 40 years.  I have to switch jobs every 4.5 years at best.  A little help may be needed for the lower & middle class. 

  

Another problem of interest is that single men can enjoy the dream lifestyle except for rent and mortgage.  They need the second income for that and so what used to be a wife or true love is now just a roommate who is better than another guy.   

  

Just a couple thoughts. 

 
March 30, 2006, 11:00 am CST

You call $650 high? Try $1,200 for a studio!

Quote From: urrutiap

Yeah that is true that you have to find a job first before moving out into an apartment. Dr Phil makes it sound so easy but its not that easy to move out. Rent where I live is really high like in Sioux Falls, SD. I live in South Dakota and rent is high in Sioux Falls and Mitchell. 650 monthly for an apartment and houses arent cheap too. If I had a job that pays like 13 bucks and hour then I would have the money saved up to rent something like 300 a month or less or I might have to move in with someone else to be roommates with.
Rent in San Francisco is sky high.  $1,000 gets you a studio in the ghetto!
 
First | Prev | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | Next | Last