Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

My advice would be to hang in there.  I'm definately part of that boomerang generation.  When my boyfriend and I moved in with my parents over a year ago, my sister and her boyfriend had already been there for a year or two.  It's difficult to live at home knowing that they want you there, but at the same time -- they don't want you there.  It sounds to me, though, that you and your husband have the right idea.  You don't go out and waste money, you save where you can and still are responsible enough to pay your bills.  If you can withstand your mother coming over and giving you a hard time, I would say keep going the way you are.  The only way you'll save money is if you don't have to pay rent on an apartment.  And if your mom gives you a hard time about not paying rent on the guest house, I would point out that you lent her all that money.  Then make a game plan to start saving for your house.  I find that knowing that the end is sight (ie: If you know it'll only take you a year to save, then make sure you give it your all to ensure that it only a takes a year :) ) makes the journey easier to put up with.  A lot of patience, determination, and a lot of optimism will really help.  Good luck! 

P.S. As far as your parents taking advantage of you -- unless you have a really concrete plan to get your money back or help you transition into ownership of the family business, sometimes it's better just to cut your losses.  But that would require making it really clear to your parents that you've done all you're willing to do and that you don't want any bitterness to remain between the two of you.   

I have some experience with moving back into the nest. After finishing graduate school, I moved back home. It took me six months to land a job (this was in 1992) but I was in an accident during that time, too. I went through a lot of stress, not wanting to burden my folks. Once I got a job, I began paying off graduate school and paid my parents rent. I helped buy groceries, pitched in with chores, cleaned my room and did anything I was asked to do. I felt grateful to be there. 

My parents really do love me and didn't want me to move out. When I would mention it, my father would ask me to stay. They liked having me at home and it worked for us. When I was 27, I did move out and got my own place. It was definitely time, probably overdue. But considering the fact Dad died 2 years ago, I'm glad we had those extra years together. 

No offense, but I wouldn't want to live with someone like that -- at least not yet.  It sounds like he still has a lot of growing up to do.  What if you moved in with him and you had to end up taking care of him the way his parents do?  Do his parents pay for everything?  Does he contribute to keeping up with the housework and does he pay rent?  Does he have a job?  I would say that he needs to move out on his own first and learn how to take care of himself so that he can learn how to take care of you and your child.  In fact, he can start a lot of that learning at home where he is now.  He can pay rent to his parents (even as low as $50/month) that would teach him responsibility and encourage him to learn how to budget.  He's at a place right now were he has the advantage of not paying an excessively high rent.  He doesn't pay for utilities or groceries, so he has a huge opportunity to save.  Pointing out all the benefits that can come about from saving can be very encouraging for someone.  He could do something simple where he takes $25/month and puts it in an envelope.  When I started saving, I took 10% of my paycheck (after taxes) and put that in a separate savings account.  When I had adjusted to the change in my budget, I increased that to 10% of my paycheck (before taxes).  When I had adjusted to the change in my budget from that, I increased it to 20% (before taxes).  Doing that, my boyfriend and I were able to save $5,000 in a year (and we have a very low income -- I'm a waitress and he works in retail).  Originally we estimated that we would be able to save only $3,000.  Having a plan and being responsible enough to follow through with it can make you feel really good about yourself.  The only problem then would be if your boyfriend doesn't want to move out of his parents house! 

It isn't simply the fact that people live in the same home as their parents that makes them moochers. There are people who need a multi generational family structure because of economics or for cultural reasons.  They can be moochers or non-moochers.  IMO A non-moocher who is living with family: 

1. doesn't have children when he knows that he can't support them;
2. doesn't turn up his nose at any form of work that will allow him to contribute to the household;
3. uses his time productively;
4. happily and with a willing spirit helps out with all of the household chores, including home repair and maintenance;
5. expresses appreciation for the help he is receiving.

If you can say that you do those things, you are just an adult who happens to live with his parents-not amoocher at all in my book. 

(sorry for using the male pronoun all through...it just gets cumbersome to always add "or her") 

Why are you still with him?  He's a 2d-generation loser.  Get yourself and your child out of there as fast as you can!