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Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.

 

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November 9, 2005, 1:24 pm CST

SILL LIVEING AT HOME

I AM 23  AND SILL LIVEING AT HOME.I AM A SPECIAL NEED.I AM NOT  GOOD AT THING LIKE MATH AND READING AND WIRTEING. ONE DAY LIKE TO MOVED OUT BUT I HAVE ON MY OWN FOR MORE 1 WEEK AT A TIME. I  PAY MY MOM AND DAD RENT MONEY AND BUY FOOD . I CLEAN THE HOUES TOO.E-MAIL ME BACK  AT POPDLOVE@MAIL.COM
 
November 9, 2005, 1:26 pm CST

I boomeranged, at my parents request

I was a boomerranger- but I paid rent, and my parents asked me to move back. My Dad was in ill health, and had to retire early on disability. They needed my income from rent. I still felt like I mooching, even though I paid rent and groceries. If you value your independence, do not live with you your parents. I am married now and living in my own house, and I treasure the time I got to spend with my parents, it was still tough.
 
November 9, 2005, 1:30 pm CST

Did anyone else notice where these people live?

I live in NC. We have lost so many jobs here. People, good people have been out of jobs for months, and everyday some new company is laying off, or shutting down moving out of the country. I am not excusing their behavior. These kids needs to learn how to live an adult life.  

When I was in school in the 70's, we were taught that we either went to college or we did not, but we would work for the same company all of our lives. That company would take care of us, and help provide us with health care, plus other things we need. We would in turn be loyal and be honored to work there. Whether you were making 17 dollars an hour at American Tobacco Company on the production line, or you were in some office, somehow using your degree to make your company the best it can be. You would retire with a good plan, and your children would then be working there also.The American dream has been ripped so far away from what it once was. Now companies fire people who work there, just to hire temps to save money. They move overseas just to make a bit more. This is effecting so many people, and their attitudes about life and work. It has changed us as a whole.  It is stressing us out as a country. It is something that needs to be talked about, either how we deal with it, or how we deal with the stress of such an unsteady workforce, and lack of security. 

 
November 9, 2005, 1:32 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

I am 26 yrs old, and know several people who "mooch" off of their parents.  Personally, I believe it starts with the parents in most cases.  You should start preparing your children to care for themselves financially when they reach working age.  Other than the one time gift of $200 my dad gave me as "assistance" when I was 18 to help pay my college books, my parents have never had to "bail me out" financially.  I worked my butt off in high school to get a full scholarship to a community college with some money for books.  I finished college with an associates degree in a field that pays good money for the area I live in, and my husband also has a degree that allows him to make good money.  I have worked since I was 16, and other than that $200 that my dad gave me (I didn't ask for it, didn't even hint) I have never recieved money from them for ANYTHING excluding birthdays or christmas gifts.  I was raised and firmly believe that your parents are required to raise you and take care of you until you are 18 or finish high school, after that you are on your own unless your parents CHOOSE to assist you while you finish college.  This does not include giving you money for fast food (if there is something to eat at the house), gas money (that's what a part time job is for), or car/insurance money.  If they choose to do anything beyond the basics of life for you, you are privledged!  You are not entitled to "Name brand" clothing, shoes, or a brand new car when you turn 16.  Again, if they choose to provide these, you are lucky.  After I turned 16 my parents paid for my car insurance, and gave me lunch money for school.  Everything else, I paid for.    This wasn't really something we have discussed, it's just the way life is.  Now I am married with 2 children, my husband and I are 26 & 29 yrs old, we have a house that is almost 1/2 paid for, one fairly new vehicle that's paid for, a classic car that is paid for (worth about $27,000 if we ever get in a pinch), and a boat that is paid for.  None of our friends who are our age or even 5 yrs older can claim any of these things.  My husband was raised pretty much the same way I was, and I think this method works pretty well personally.   Good luck to those of you having issues with your children!  I hope you can work out your problems to enjoy the "best" years of your life without worrying about your adult children.
 
November 9, 2005, 1:32 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: lyanna96

First let me tell you what happened. 

  

I come from a very dominating matriarchal family.  As soon as I graduated, i went to college about 5 states away from my parents.  I met my husband, we bought a 5 bedroom house, had a baby, and were working careers in the computer industry that let us live comfortably. 

  

I had been gone for about 10 years and became pregnant with our second child when my parents called us and asked us to move back home to take over the family business so that they could retire.  They owned a small software corporation. 

  

After some thought, we sold our home, paid off all of our debts and squirrelled the rest away as a down payment for our new home once we got there.  The three (and a half) of us went to upstate NY. 

  

At my mother's suggestion, we moved in with my parents so that we could look for a house without feeling like we had to take the first one we saw.  Also, she said, that would make it easier to train us on the ins and outs of their jobs and clients. 

  

After a few months of training, they told us that there was a customer not paying their contract off timely enough for them to make their ends meet that month.  Would it be all right if they borrowed some $$ from our savings- temorarily- until that contract came in?  It shouldn't be more than a week. 

  

So we loaned them the $$.  It totalled about 9 G.  It hurt a lot since we were already living off of our savings (groceries, gas, doctor's appts.) until we could take over the company officially. 

  

After another 2 or 3 months, they still hadn't paid us, and Mom came to us again. 

  

"Things aren't working out very well.  We've hit a big slump and we don't know when it'll ease up.  Dad's looking for work outside of the business.  Maybe you should too- just until we can get more contracts." 

  

I even helped my dad write a resume..  he hadn't had to write one for about 40 years.  But here we were with no house and nothing in our savings, a baby on the way and a toddler needing care too, and no way to care for them!  As well, who will hire a visibly pregnant woman?  No one!  They know that I'll need maternity leave almost as soon as they hire me. 

  

Fortunately, my husband is very experienced and in a much demanded career, so it wasn't too long before he got work.  My father got work, too. 

  

Another month goes by and my mother comes to me again.  How are we doing?  Do we have enough to get by?  They're in a spot and need to borrow about $2000. 

  

Ok, we're not stupid.  We told her we didn't have that much left.  Suddenly there's no heat in our section of the house.  She says something must be wrong with the propane tank.  We should probably move out into the guest house until it gets fixed.... 

  

My husband checked the propane tank.  The feed to the house was shut off, but mom was adamant.  We needed to move out until they could "get it fixed." 

  

So we moved our (now 4) family into the tiny (made for 2)  guest house.  We're paying for all of our own utilities, groceries, etc- the same as before, but we refuse to help with anything.  No mowing, trash service, snow shovelling, etc.  We are paying no rent.  And we are avoiding any "fun" activities whatsoever in order to quickly recoup our losses and have our house built. 

  

I badgered her for another month until they paid back a third of what they borrowed, but we're not expecting to see the rest ever again. 

  

Mom is over about 2-3 times a day without even knocking to tell us exactly what we are doing wrong with our children, our housekeeping, our finances (*snort*), and on and on and on... 

  

And recently, I caught her admitting that there was never a slump and that my dad never needed to or did look for a job!  They just didn't want to hand over the company. 

  

Even at the earliest, we won't have a proper down payment until at least next summer and then will still have to wait a few months until the house is actually built.  Renting an apartment will only slow us down to get our own house done, but I don't know if I will be able to keep my temper in check that long. 

  

Any advice that anyone wants to give will be appreciated more than you know!  We feel like moochers but we know we aren't.  HELP! 

  

  

Your parent's lured you and your husband to sell your home, quit your jobs and move based on a promise that they have now withdrawn? They borrowed money from you and aren't paying it back? 

  

I think you should consult a lawyer about recovering your losses and having the loan paid back from your parents.  If they are real family, they would pay you back and offer you some compensation for changing their minds and screwing up your life. 

  

  

 
November 9, 2005, 1:39 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: moteasuh

I have a son who is 34 years old that I have not heard from in 8 years. He came to live with us in 1997; he did not want to go to work; he slept til late in the afternoon; ate anything he could find; bummed money for beer and cigarettes. I told him plain and simple that "if anyone was going to live in my house and not work, it would definitely be ME".  He left, didn't bother to say goodbye. I have not heard from him since. This was not a new situation; it was ongoing for 10 years. I had helped him in the past many times. When the time came for him to work and help out, he would get mad, storm out, go off and pout.  Then he would find someone else to mooch off of. When they got tired of him, he would call me, crying, saying he was hungry and didn't have a place to live.  After hearing that so many times, and his not taking responsibility for his life, I got tired and put my foot down. It broke my heart but it was something I had to do, and something that I live with.  He made his choice and I made mine.
I feel for you and hope that one day your son will grow up and invite you back into his life.  I agree with your decision.  He's going to do what he's going to do and if the choice is for him to do it to himself or take you down with him, you have to let him go. 
 
November 9, 2005, 1:40 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: judyblue22

I completely disagree with you.  This husband is enabling a 24 year old drop out to live without any responsibilities (not even putting away her clothes). That is not responsible parenting-not under any circumstances.  I wouldn't do that even if my child was in a wheelchair. 

  

I agree that it would be better if she and her husband together made resonable parenting decisions but that only works both parents are willing to make reasonable decisions. Sadly, it sounds like the husband just isn't . 

If you had read my original post then you would have seen that I did not agree in the way the father was dealing with his daughter, but that he was probably doing the best that he could, and  in the only way he knows how. 

  

Yes, both parents should be making decisions together,  the father is at home and the mother is throwing in her 'suggestions' from somewhere else, obviously that isn't going well for them. 

  

I definately don't agree that the daughter should be living the way she is, but are the mothers reasons valid for leaving the home?    A child being a 'slob' is not a reason for abandoning your family.  As I had said previously, would it not have been logical for the mother to at least consult the daughters dr to actually know what is happening with her and what type of 'issues' her child has. 

  

You say in another post that the father probably has mental issues of his own and should seek help,  why, just because he is obviously not well equipped to handle the situation in the right way does not mean that he has mental issues.   He is still in his childrens lives, and the mother is not. 

  

Perhaps because I am the type of person that does not give up easily on any obstacle or problem that may arise in my life, I find it almost impossible to believe that this mother could just walk out and wait for a tv show to hopefully answer her questions. No normal parent gives up on their children without a fight,  which makes me think that there is more to the story than just the daughter being a 'slob/pig', every story has more than one chapter. 

  

I could not do that , and from what I see I don't believe that you are a person that would give up on your family. 

 
November 9, 2005, 1:41 pm CST

Help please..

I am  a 35 male who moved back home to help out his mother who seems to have mental problems.. I was living in Ct but moved back to Richmond to help her.  She is controlled  by my aunt her every move. My aunt is a trouble maker. When my mom is around her she becomes a different person a very rude and verbally abusive person..  She has told me since a young  age that she wished she killed me at birth. I have spent my money helping her out and now got served with papers to move out. I just recently been told that I might have cancer. When  I told her about this she told me that she hoped I died from it. And she has disowned me as her son. and has disowned her own grandchild for her sisters grandchild.. Her sister can do no wrong at all.  When my father was alive (god rest his soul) my mom and her sister worked him over so bad that he tried to kill himself. My aunt has caused so much trouble and enjoys it. When my aunt in Ct died (my moms other sister) I was made to feel like crap. My aunt now who's  controlling told another person in my family to move up front with the rest of the family cause they were family and I wasn't. I helped pay for my aunts after dinner, after the funeral my mom got pissed and said that i should give her the money instead. She told this to my cousin who couldn't believe what she heard this was her moms funeral and my mom was worried that she didn't get money.There's other things that's going on as well but I am at a lose right now. All I ever wanted was a family maybe its that  she never wanted kids or something I am at my end with this..any advice would be good.... Oh and my mom even has a profile on AOL  asking people to come beat my ass. Lenardpathfinder  is her name  I truel need advice here
 
November 9, 2005, 1:42 pm CST

I can beat all of todays guests stories

I have a 50 year old brother-in-law that lives with his parents. The other siblings don't like it, but he has actually began to convince them he is helping even though they have to call us when they need something done. He pays $50 a month rent.
 
November 9, 2005, 1:43 pm CST

A moocher?

I am a 28-year old and I live with my parents. I have a college degree. My last year of college, I moved home to pay off my bills and find a what I thought was a better job which I suceeded. I found a house and began exciting move to be on my own.  Unfortunately, the job was not as  great as I planned. I was moved to a danerous neighborhood and forced to work by myself  in a retail setting with no staff at allI tried everything I knew to do to make my employment situation better with this particular company, I asked to be transferred I tried to move up in company to a better suited field.  I tried to go back to school but because of the demanding schedules and the dependency, the company had to me, I didn't.  

I ended up quitting when I wasn't even able to search for other jobs. I am currently unemployed and spending most of my days on job hunts, interviews etc.  My parents want me to go back to school on them.  Of course I will not let that happen! I will pay also.  Since I have been home I have offered them money, and I cook and I help them with everyday chores because I am so grateful that they would let me come back home until I finally get out on my own.  I want to move out but I want to do it right. I don't want to move out knowing I can't afford it and end up homeless. Is that bad? 

 
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