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Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.

 

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November 9, 2005, 1:43 pm CST

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Quote From: animalrn

Of course these adult parasites would rather live with their parents even though they wont admitt that is what they want to do why because it is easier to stay there and have there parents support them rather than working 2 jobs if necessary to make ends meet.  You grow up and do what is necessary to be an independant productive adult in this world and I feel that these parents are making it easy for these adults to stay unproductive and in the mooching role.  It is time to get off  your butt and make a life of your own.  I am a single mother of  two children my daughter is 17 and my son is 15, however due to complications at birth my son is developmentally, emotionally and intellectually delayed and it has been a struggle from day one.  The father of my children has been absent since there birth so I have never received child support.  I did have some assistance from my parents but I did not live with them and I worked and I went back to school and made a career for my self working in the veterinary field.  I am making more money than I ever thought possible and I still find that there are times when money is tight.  I am teaching my daughter that if you want anything in life you will not get it without hard work.  I am teaching this life lesson by not allowing her to obtain a drivers license until she has worked a minimum of 6 months on her part time job or saved at least 3 months worth of an insurance premium to cover her on a vehicle.  My daughter stated to me yesterday she never realized how hard a person has to work to make a small amount of money.  Yes she is learning that no one in this world is just going to hand you things and working for what you want makes it even more valuable.  The reason I am doing this is I dont want her mooching off me when she is an adult and should be making her own way.  My son works for his allowance as well.  He has specific chores designed with his disablities in mind and he does them all with out any pushing from me and he gets his allowance regularly.  It is difficult to raise children and they dont come with little handbooks but both my children know that I love them with all of my heart and because of that I encourage independance and hard work because when you can depend on yourself no one can take advantage of y ou and you will feel good about yourself if you are not taking advantage (even subconsiously) of someone else. Those three adults on todays show need to get up and get moving and stop abusing the kindness of their parents.  They also need to understand that they are cheating their younger siblings by being in this situation.  They were not homeless at a young age but they dont seem to mind that their parents and younger siblings are going to be if they dont move out.  That is selfish and immature thinking and it needs to change today.
My hats off to you. Like you I am a single parent. I raised my son with no help from his father. My son is 18 now and has been an absolute pain for the last 4 years (refuses to go to school, help around the house, is into drugs, is loud and rude to the neighbors etc. etc. ) I tried to instill a sense of values in him as he was growing up and he saw how hard I had to work to make ends meet. Unfortunately it looks like none of it rubbed off!
 
November 9, 2005, 1:44 pm CST

Can’t imagine.

I could not even imagine moving back in with my parents.  I will be 23 next month and I have been on my own with the exception of a roommate for about a year.  I moved out in June of 2001 a week after I graduated high school.  I have had the “bad jobs” making minimum wage or just about ($6.00-$7.40).  The highest paying job I had was when I was a manager at a convenience store making salary of $425 a week.  I do agree that it can be hard to find a job sometimes but flipping a burger at mcdonalds is better than making nothing!!!  I do admit asking for help when things would get really tight but my parents were always paid back rather it be by baby setting for them or monetary.  I do not understand people that have no self respect to get out and do thing on their own.  My best friend is 23 and she has not lived on her own a day in her life.  She has a good job and her dad still pays for everything but her car.  Bad thing about it is she still does not have money.  I am now buying my second house with my husband and have bought and paid for 2 cars and now I am putting myself through college.  NO PARENTS REQUIRED!!!! 

 
November 9, 2005, 1:46 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: rosie314

I HAVE A 30 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER THAT CAME HOME 5 YEARS AGO AFTER HER AND HER HUSBAND PARTED. SHE HAS 2 BOYS 13 AND 11 AND THE 11 YEAR OLD HAS DOWNS. HER HUSBAND PAYS NO SUPPORT THOUGH ORDERED (BUT THAT IS ANOTHER SHOW) AND SHE DOEN NOT WORK. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE IN OUR EARLY 50'S AND BOTH WORK FULL TIME. I HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK TO HELP PAY BILLS. MY PROBLEM IS HOW DO I GET MY DAUGHTER TO FIND A JOB AND GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE AND ON HER OWN. BABYSITTING IS A BIG PROBLEM FOR HER BECAUSE OF THE CHILD WITH DOWNS, HE CAN'T BE LEFT WITH JUST ANYONE , ALOT OF PEOPLE CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. SHE HAS NEVER HAD TO WORK AND I THINK SHE THINKS SHE DOESN'T HAVE TOO AS LONG AS SHE HAS MOM AND DAD. HAVING A DEAD BEAT AS A FATHER OF HER CHILDREN DOESN'T HELP AND NEITHER DOES THE COURT SYSTEM. DR. PHIL WHAT CAN I DO TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM, I CAN'T JUST THROW THE 2 BOYS ON THE STREET.
You should check with your state or county for resources available for your grandson.  In California they are called Regional Centers.  They can help you find and pay for childcare for children with developmental disabilities.  You should also call the local school district.  Your grandson should be in school if he is not.  If he is then there is 6 hours a day your daughter could be working.
 
November 9, 2005, 1:48 pm CST

I resent the term moocher!

I am 34 and have had more than one emotional breakdown in the past several years.  I do live with my mom still because I cannot afford anything else!
 
November 9, 2005, 1:48 pm CST

Kirsten is a smart girl....

I went to college with Kirsten and she was my lab partner for most of school.  She is very very smart I wouldn't have gotten through alot of classes if it wasn't for her.   You'll be fine girl....
 
November 9, 2005, 1:50 pm CST

spoiled brat!

I watched today's episode of Dr. Phil while at the laundry mat (paying to do my laundry) and was shocked by what a spoiled brat Tabitha was.  Her brother and sister seemed to at least kind of realize what a burden they are to their parents, but she acted as though something was owed to her.  I feel bad that she lost her home, but what the heck! She's never paid rent? I am also 24, which may be why I was so shocked. I have paid my own rent and bills since 18, and have also managed to put myself through college and am now working my way through graduate school. It has not been easy, but I would never accept that kind of help from my parents. Even if it meant living in a bad apartment or taking a crappy job, I would rather work my butt off like a normal person than think that anyone owed that to me, especially when her parents have four children of their own. And on top of it all, she seems to think that cleaning one room in the house makes up for her share!!! She has even brought her husband and kids to the house, and no matter how much their grandparents love them, it is not easy to have extra kids around. What really got me was when she didn't want to accept the free apartment from dr. phil because she "wanted an apartment of her own".  How spoiled can you be! I would live with twenty obnoxious strangers if it meant dr. phil would pay a month of my rent! I think Tabitha's problem goes beyond being a boomerang kid, and perhaps is more of a problem of having a major chip on her shoulder.  I realize I don't know her, and it is hard to judge someone from television, but the rest of the world is forced to do it on their own, so why should she be so bitter that she's being given the chance to get a normal life!?
 
November 9, 2005, 1:52 pm CST

Get a new boyfriend!

Quote From: baw91984

I have a 24 year old boyfriend that still lives with mom and dad and is supported by them. We have a child together and haven't had our own place yet. I am still a student as i am a lot younger then my boyfriend. He dropped out of college and didn't work for the longest time and his parents supported him. His parents think that a women should make everything happen and that men should just be able to enjoy their lives. Any suggestions on how to get my boyfriend to get us our own place?

If your boyfriend is doing this now, then he will do it later. Find someone else that is more together and motivated. If you move together he will then mooch off of you. Surely you want more for yourself.!? 

  

  

 
November 9, 2005, 1:56 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: lyanna96

First let me tell you what happened. 

  

I come from a very dominating matriarchal family.  As soon as I graduated, i went to college about 5 states away from my parents.  I met my husband, we bought a 5 bedroom house, had a baby, and were working careers in the computer industry that let us live comfortably. 

  

I had been gone for about 10 years and became pregnant with our second child when my parents called us and asked us to move back home to take over the family business so that they could retire.  They owned a small software corporation. 

  

After some thought, we sold our home, paid off all of our debts and squirrelled the rest away as a down payment for our new home once we got there.  The three (and a half) of us went to upstate NY. 

  

At my mother's suggestion, we moved in with my parents so that we could look for a house without feeling like we had to take the first one we saw.  Also, she said, that would make it easier to train us on the ins and outs of their jobs and clients. 

  

After a few months of training, they told us that there was a customer not paying their contract off timely enough for them to make their ends meet that month.  Would it be all right if they borrowed some $$ from our savings- temorarily- until that contract came in?  It shouldn't be more than a week. 

  

So we loaned them the $$.  It totalled about 9 G.  It hurt a lot since we were already living off of our savings (groceries, gas, doctor's appts.) until we could take over the company officially. 

  

After another 2 or 3 months, they still hadn't paid us, and Mom came to us again. 

  

"Things aren't working out very well.  We've hit a big slump and we don't know when it'll ease up.  Dad's looking for work outside of the business.  Maybe you should too- just until we can get more contracts." 

  

I even helped my dad write a resume..  he hadn't had to write one for about 40 years.  But here we were with no house and nothing in our savings, a baby on the way and a toddler needing care too, and no way to care for them!  As well, who will hire a visibly pregnant woman?  No one!  They know that I'll need maternity leave almost as soon as they hire me. 

  

Fortunately, my husband is very experienced and in a much demanded career, so it wasn't too long before he got work.  My father got work, too. 

  

Another month goes by and my mother comes to me again.  How are we doing?  Do we have enough to get by?  They're in a spot and need to borrow about $2000. 

  

Ok, we're not stupid.  We told her we didn't have that much left.  Suddenly there's no heat in our section of the house.  She says something must be wrong with the propane tank.  We should probably move out into the guest house until it gets fixed.... 

  

My husband checked the propane tank.  The feed to the house was shut off, but mom was adamant.  We needed to move out until they could "get it fixed." 

  

So we moved our (now 4) family into the tiny (made for 2)  guest house.  We're paying for all of our own utilities, groceries, etc- the same as before, but we refuse to help with anything.  No mowing, trash service, snow shovelling, etc.  We are paying no rent.  And we are avoiding any "fun" activities whatsoever in order to quickly recoup our losses and have our house built. 

  

I badgered her for another month until they paid back a third of what they borrowed, but we're not expecting to see the rest ever again. 

  

Mom is over about 2-3 times a day without even knocking to tell us exactly what we are doing wrong with our children, our housekeeping, our finances (*snort*), and on and on and on... 

  

And recently, I caught her admitting that there was never a slump and that my dad never needed to or did look for a job!  They just didn't want to hand over the company. 

  

Even at the earliest, we won't have a proper down payment until at least next summer and then will still have to wait a few months until the house is actually built.  Renting an apartment will only slow us down to get our own house done, but I don't know if I will be able to keep my temper in check that long. 

  

Any advice that anyone wants to give will be appreciated more than you know!  We feel like moochers but we know we aren't.  HELP! 

  

  

I'd say start talking to Lenders.  There are a lot of creative financing options out there that don't require a "proper" down payment.  It may cost you a little more, but given the situation you describe it may be worth it.  If you've bought a house in the past and have little or no debt, you shouldn't have any problem qualifying.  If your husband makes a good income, you would save thousands or tens of thousands in taxes by buying as soon as possible.  If your income is low to moderate, you may qualify for programs to help you with the downpayment.  You also might not want to box yourself into a new home right away.  If you find a nice existing home, you could have a place to live and after as little as 3-5 years, you could use it as a downpayment for a new home if that's what you want.
 
November 9, 2005, 2:01 pm CST

my story

OK, slackers and bleeding hearts, here's how it works.  Rather than just telling you to "get a clue", I have highlighted the clues in red so I KNOW you will get them. 

  

I lived with my folks while I was going to junior college (18-20 yrs old) -- no dorms so that was my only option.  After I graduated from junior college, Instead of going on to finish up my degree at a four-year college then, I stayed where I was and started working full-time.  My mother, who was nobody's fool,  immediately started charging me rent.  I lived with them for 2 more years.  When I was 22 I CLUE #1 moved to another city about 60  miles away,  and CLUE #2 took the first job I was offered.  (I was so naive that I just didn't understand why it didn't pay as much as the job I had left.)  It was a dead-end job, but  it CLUE #3 paid the rent.  I  CLUE #4 lived with roommates, some of them less than ideal,  to make ends meet.  After two years in the dead-end job, I decided to go back to college and finish my degree.  I did that without moving back home, by CLUE #5 working 30 hours a week as a full-time student and taking on student loans.  2 years later I graduated from college, then went to professional school, getting married in the meantime.  Yes, I spent the first 10 years of my work life paying off my student loans (and my husband's) but we did it independently because it CLUE #6 NEVER EVER CROSSED MY MIND FOR ONE MINUTE THAT MOVING BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS WAS AN OPTION.   

  

So excuuuuse me if my empathy for these moochers done swole up and busted.  I did it on my own -- my parents helped me find my first apartment, helped me move a couple of times, handed me down things like dishes, appliances,  even a coffee pot, welcomed me home when I visited on weekends -- but the subject of moving back home never came up, from me or them.  It's called ADULTHOOD. 

 
November 9, 2005, 2:05 pm CST

So are you a live in maid for them?

Quote From: jamie0204

I would like to say, that I live with my boyfriends parents.  There is nine people in one household, and of course its hard.  They are helping us out with the bills so we can take care of my boyfriends ( of five years) children, all four of them.  I don't consider ourselves moochers, because I take of the chidlrens needs, and care for them, I clean the house, do the laundry, and make the dinner for everyone in the household.  My boyfriend works from 8 to 10 hours a day, and comes home and takes care of the children.  We would love to be on our own, but we know that it is for the best for us to be here right now for the children.  Not to mention I do watch over my boyfriends, grandfather that has Alzheimers.  So when this topic came up, it kinda hit me hard because I can see both sides of people that live with their parents for help and ones that dont. 
YOu don't mention anything that your boyfriend does other than work and come home to take care of the children? It sounds like the family is taking advantage of you. It is very noble of you to step up and care for his grandfather. Just be sure he is putting out as much effort as you and that he appreciates what a sacrifice it is for you.
 
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