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Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Number of Replies: 358
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.

 

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November 9, 2005, 2:45 pm CST

Just my thoughts.

       I am 19 and my husband is 20.  My husband is in the Military and we rent a apartment in town and live on our own we have been here for over a year and we cant imagine going back to live with either of our parents. I do not work except for the housework I do, and we take care of ourselfs on my husbands pay only, (and he is a low ranking enlisted member).  My sister in law on the other hand is 23 and married and has moved out and back into her parents home over 5 times.  Her and her husband do not pay any rent there, they do not even buy their own food.  And both her and her husband work.  Her parents have a hard time provideing for themselfs.   I would be ashamed of myself.  How can someone be that immature? I think more parents need to stand up and kick the moochers out!  These immature people are not going to grow up if they are given a free ride. 
 
November 9, 2005, 2:46 pm CST

I can relate!!!

I am a 24 year old mother of three. I live with my boyfriend and we own our own home. I just graduated from college. We are struggling to make ends meet. The problem is my brother. He is 26 years old and lives off of me. I am the younger sister!!! I should be living off of him. I shouldn't have to take care of him along with my children. He tried to go to college but got suspended after his first semester. He was too lazy to get a job and kept coming up with excuses. He finally got one but never gives me any money for groceries or to help with the rent. I really don't have the heart to tell him to go. My boyfriend and I tease and call him our oldest boy!!!
 
November 9, 2005, 2:51 pm CST

Parents want me to stay

I'm a 28 yr-old female, never moved out on my own and still living with my parents. I always dreamt of moving out at age 18 and had plans set out for me, even thought of buying a house in Spain. I really thought I had so much going for me but it seems like every project I create it always gets abandoned. I also get depressed and anxious often and found it hard to keep even a part time job. I had big plans before but after so many failures now I just wish I can get any part time job and keep it. My IQ is higher than average and I can work hard but I don't have the long-term discipline and focus. I don't know how to fix this. There's no one I can talk to about it who'll understand. Feel so scattered. My parents like having me around. My Dad gets really upset if I leave to stay at a friend's place for over 2 days. He says he misses me so much. My parents are also traditional. They prefer me to move out when I get married. It's unclean for an unwed woman to move out. A few years ago I made a suggestion that I may move out. My mother scolded at me for thinking about it.
 
November 9, 2005, 2:52 pm CST

adult babies

There comes a time in everyones life when it is just simply time to grow up and face reality. These adults should feel ashamed to still be mooching off their parents. Parents are also to blame for enabling them. Time to get up and get out. Dr. Phil hit the nail on the head. We raise our children to become independent, self sufficient adults. Not grown babies who never leave the nest.
 
November 9, 2005, 2:53 pm CST

These kids are just unbelievable

Now I can not throw stones about moving home. I did when I was laid off from a job at 27. I moved in with my parents. But, had this is the huge part, there was a limit put on it from the start. I was to pay rent, which was half the mortgage, and I had to go back to school. I just can't understand how these seemingly adult people can not work. I went nuts after not having a job for a month. I went back to school, lived at home for less than the time limit, paid my rent and then some, cooked, cleaned and paid my regular bills and finished my college degree. I would never choose to move home again. It was the worst experience of my life, but I am thankful that I was allowed to do it.
 
November 9, 2005, 2:56 pm CST

decision stuggle

I did not get to view all of todays' show, but I do agree that our kids of today are not as prepared as we were as kids. We knew that when we finished high school that we were to go to college, get a job and move out and take care of ourselves. We did not know any other way.  

My son for instance is 20 years old is in his 3rd year of college, living at home, working full-time and can't seem to make ends meat. Excuse me, but it is time for him to go out on him own.  

My husband and I struggle with this, because we feel that he may not continue on with college if he has to pay rent on an apartment. I feel that if he so chooses that is his choice.  

He has his privleges, he comes and goes as he wishes. He does his own laundry. We pay the house expenses. We buy the groceries, pay all utilities, but he never offers.  

I guess my confusion is when is enough? 

He works the night shift 5 days a week, goes to school during the day, comes home and sleeps when he can. He does not help around the house, because in actuality he does not have time and when he has free time he is pretty much sleeping.  He goes out for fun when he can on weekends. He has gotten himself into financial debt his first year of college(credit card) and is working to pay this debt off. I admire him for that, but my struggle is, with him at home and not having to pay his own bills,(ie: rent, utilities,food,payments) should we continue to allow him to live at home or are we hurting him more by allowing him to live here. 

We see him spend his extra money on play things, or him going places with friends, which I know he needs to do some of that to vent, but when we don't see him save  his money and he continues to spend it unneccessarily what are we to do? 

I know I sound rambling, but I recently gave him a time limit. I told him that during his christmas break he must find a place of his own. He needs to find out what the real world is all about. He is angry at this, but I told him that he has no respect for his parents house and he thinks he ows us nothing.  I don't expect him to owe us anything, but respect! Clean up after yourself, be a part of the family, participate with the family  when he can and offer assistance when he sees the need. 

He just wants to come and go and not be bothered. He keeps his room a shambles, he hardly ever cleans up after himself(leaving dishes out). He constantly says he has no time? 

I struggle with what to do and how to offer suggestions to my husband. He is afraid that he will drop out of college and work full-time to pay his way if we give him an ultimatim. I feel that he needs that ultimatim. We did it and we did fine on our own. I think he needs to too! 

I could use some advice. 

  

  

 
November 9, 2005, 3:03 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

     I have a 23 year old sister whom just moved back in with my mother.  My mother had been paying for my sister to live with other roomates for the last 5 years.   

     Last year I found out my mother filed for bankruptcy and she revealed that she was overwhelmed with bills, many credit cards that my sister had maxed out.  My mother has helped out each of us (I have an older brother), but my sister could not financially survive without my mother.  She doesn't even have her own bank account. 

     I have helped out my mother, financially, when she needs it.  I will never deny her, but it upsets me that she never has much money because she helps my sister out.  I finally told her that I wouldn't help her out any more until she made my sister move back in with her.  I didn't see the point in her paying two rents.  My mother pays for EVERYTHING for my sister (rent, utilities, phone, car, insurance).  My sister does have a job, but she lives way beyond her means and it only covers her to live the lifestyle that she wants.   

     My father died 6 years ago and it was very hard on our whole family, since he was our rock, and the disciplinarian.  My brother and I were already out of the house, but my sister was still in high school.  He was not as disciplined with my sister, since he was dying and battling cancer.  My parents always gave us what we wanted, but my brother and I had to participate in sports and get jobs when we were in high school.  He didn't expect the same from my sister, since he knew he was dying and he wanted to spend as much time with all of us as he could.  My mother needs to feel needed, and she gets that from my sister, but it's obviously not good for either of them, and it's a touchy subject for our whole family.  Everytime it's dicussed in our family it always turns into an argument.   

 
November 9, 2005, 3:05 pm CST

Simular Suiations

Our home is somewhat simular to the last family. We have two adult children living in our "small" but humbe abode. My oldest, 28, left for college right after high school, wasted his college funds, got into MAJOR debt , got involved with a female in worst conditions, created a child, eventually left the girl that sucked him dry in every way and now he's back home with our grandchild. He works as a Chef which has left the majority of responsibility of raising our grandchild, our responsibility. This alone has been quite an adjustment. This is not how my husband and I saw out present days.  

My youngest, who's 24, is a full time student and is home also. My husband and I, on a given day, are ready to lose our minds sometimes. We have not privacy or time for ourselves, we have a lot of work and we have stretched our funds to the limits trying to support our household.  It has taken a toll on our marriage, our finances and to my dismay, until today, I couldn't find anyone to talk about or offer any advice on "live at home adults." I'm so thankful but unfortunately, I didn't see the entire show. I did catch the last episode and could proably identify with the last couple and daughter.  

I will definately trying to find out how to get my oldest on his way and I think Dr Phil addressed it on the show.  

Prayerfully, it will all happen before my husband and I lose everything we have.  

 
November 9, 2005, 3:05 pm CST

One of the worst things.....

parents can do to their kids is allow them to return home and mooch.  They'll never grow up if they're continually allowed-- as adults-- to sit around the house and live off other people. 
 

The parents with the three moochers have very small children and are being evicted.  They should be enraged that their adult children would put them in this position. 

  

Tabitha should have been called on her snotty attitude.  She has a husband and kids.  Why isn't her husband working and paying rent on an apartment?  Was that even addressed on the show? 

 
November 9, 2005, 3:08 pm CST

Whose problem is this?

Quote From: shubb61

I did not get to view all of todays' show, but I do agree that our kids of today are not as prepared as we were as kids. We knew that when we finished high school that we were to go to college, get a job and move out and take care of ourselves. We did not know any other way.  

My son for instance is 20 years old is in his 3rd year of college, living at home, working full-time and can't seem to make ends meat. Excuse me, but it is time for him to go out on him own.  

My husband and I struggle with this, because we feel that he may not continue on with college if he has to pay rent on an apartment. I feel that if he so chooses that is his choice.  

He has his privleges, he comes and goes as he wishes. He does his own laundry. We pay the house expenses. We buy the groceries, pay all utilities, but he never offers.  

I guess my confusion is when is enough? 

He works the night shift 5 days a week, goes to school during the day, comes home and sleeps when he can. He does not help around the house, because in actuality he does not have time and when he has free time he is pretty much sleeping.  He goes out for fun when he can on weekends. He has gotten himself into financial debt his first year of college(credit card) and is working to pay this debt off. I admire him for that, but my struggle is, with him at home and not having to pay his own bills,(ie: rent, utilities,food,payments) should we continue to allow him to live at home or are we hurting him more by allowing him to live here. 

We see him spend his extra money on play things, or him going places with friends, which I know he needs to do some of that to vent, but when we don't see him save  his money and he continues to spend it unneccessarily what are we to do? 

I know I sound rambling, but I recently gave him a time limit. I told him that during his christmas break he must find a place of his own. He needs to find out what the real world is all about. He is angry at this, but I told him that he has no respect for his parents house and he thinks he ows us nothing.  I don't expect him to owe us anything, but respect! Clean up after yourself, be a part of the family, participate with the family  when he can and offer assistance when he sees the need. 

He just wants to come and go and not be bothered. He keeps his room a shambles, he hardly ever cleans up after himself(leaving dishes out). He constantly says he has no time? 

I struggle with what to do and how to offer suggestions to my husband. He is afraid that he will drop out of college and work full-time to pay his way if we give him an ultimatim. I feel that he needs that ultimatim. We did it and we did fine on our own. I think he needs to too! 

I could use some advice. 

  

  

The conflict seems to be between you and your husband and not agreeing on how to raise your adult-child. Maybe its your husband that needs the ultimatum.
 
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