Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Most of what I have read about Asperger's was concerning children.  My seven-year-old's developmental pediatrician  suspected  that he might have it because he started reading at 2 1/2 and was obsessed with letters as a baby and the "little professor" description kind of fit and he had some motor delays.  But after she talked to him she said he did not have it because he is extremely social.  In fact I would even call him socially gifted because he picks up on things I don't notice about people and I think this is one of the reasons he is a good actor in our local musical theater.     We had to fill out information about family members at the developmental pediatrician's office and she thinks my son's 31-year-old half brother might have this but I couldn't find much info about adults with Asperger's.    I was wondering if it might have something to do with his problems keeping a job and being content to live with other people and not wanting to do anything but stay on his computer.  He also doesn't seem to care about personal hygiene and my husband has to remind him to take a shower.    My stepson is so extremely smart that I have trouble understanding how he could forget to do very basic things like picking up coffee cups in his room that have been left there for days.   The computer just seems to be the most important thing in his life.      

He is working now making very good money but I worry that when he moves out there won't be anyone to remind him to keep himself clean and take care of himself.    But he just can't stay with us much longer.     

This sounds like your the 2nd generation of spoiled!  NO ONE EVER had a used car!  You and your significant other can afford $2K a month house payment?  Let me tell you from 55 yrs of experience from the real world!  Most of the boomers (your parents age) were glad to have a nice USED car to drive until we got a little established in the world.  New cars then were $2K, houses 2 story were around $65K , groceries $35 a week!  Our parents were not enablers like the parents of today.  We had to get it like they did, work hard for it.   

But ok, so you can afford $2K a month for a home.  Have you thought WHAT IF one of you get disabled?  Do you know how that affects your monthly income?  WHAT if you have a child that needs constant care cause of an illness?  What if the cost of living skyrockets?  You do seem to have a saving mind, which is good.  Why not use it to your advantage.  Get a good used car that MIGHT cost you $220 a month, and put that EXTRA $200 that it would cost you for a new car in the bank for UNEXPECTED expenses?  And you should be directed, IF YOU HAVE A GOOD REALTOR (I am a retired realtor) that you might be able to afford $2k a month....but why not something that is $1K a month or less ($1k a month even frightens me) and there for have money back for the UNEXPECTED that comes with home ownership, new roof needed, furnance going out. 

Young people today want it all NOW!  The average Baby Boomer had to work 20 yrs to get IT ALL.  I am 55 yrs old and just now have my home and 2 new cars paid for!  Took me 25 yrs.  I am comfortable, can help my family when they need it , and didn't overextend myself to do it!  Put your expectations lower and you won't face the realization of respossessions.  FOOTNOTE:  Financial strain always puts stain on relationships!  And if you don't heed some of the advise given you, then bless you with what you will be dealing with with your children!      

I am a step parent to a 25 yr old, who has juveinile diabetes he has been in trouble with the law and has event spent 18 months in prison and has a mental Illness. he has lived with us(his mom) for the last yr. in that time he has time to see many girl friends and had a job for about a month until he had to much fun one night and could not function to go to work, ans since he had been undependable they laid him off and since has not attempted to get another job, and mooches off us, I speak to my wife that he needs to move out but she does not do anything, He does have a mean and angry side that we are both afraid of.  he has allot of time to spend with friends that will drive him around but not work for pay bills, clean house and he is a slob.  what is a step dad to do?? 

Do you have any idea how many decades that will take?  (It doesn't pay THAT decently.  I mean "decently" in that I can pay my rent, car insurance, gas, and basic personal expenses without going into debt, which is what was happening at my last job.)  A "good starting position" is only that--I'm very glad to have it but it's still grunt work and it pays as such. 

I am taking part-time courses.  I'm taking online courses so they won't interfere with my job, which does not allow for a flexible schedule.  They do, however, require a high-speed internet connection, which is one of the things that most of the posts on here would consider a luxury (I consider it a luxury, too, except that I can't take the classes without it.  It's a master's program and the classes are not offered on a local campus.  There is nothing comparable in my area or I'd be doing that instead).  I have absolutely no plans to stop working or change jobs; in fact, the job and the school are in the same field and complement one another, except I need the schooling to make any real progress beyond office girl. 

I'm not out partying and spending my money on clothes (ha ha--my parents wish I would go out more).  I don't have children.  I'm not footing the bill for a loser boyfriend.  I'm not sitting on my butt while my mother washes my socks and scrubs my soap-scum out of the bath-tub.  I pay $650 a month room and board, which is more than any other amounts I've seen posted here, and have never been late.  I clean up after myself and do any chores, errands, etc. that I'm asked.  They can borrow my car any time they need a station wagon.  Rent here is not exorbitant but it is a big city and there is a lot of competition from low-income renters, and the apartments I can afford are not in safe neighborhoods.  I don't know anyone here to take on as a roommate, and, as a single woman, I would be very hesitant to live with somebody that I didn't know well.  Believe me, I could stand to be a little less cozy, but as it is, I need a little slack financially and my parents need somebody who can help with the physical work that my mother cannot do (she cannot lift or grasp well and she cannot be in the sun, so I do a lot of housework and help Dad with the yard). 

How did you get through 8 years of college without working? Even if you had a full ride scholarship because of your academics, what did you do for spending money?  My oldest is a senior in college and works 20 hours a week for her spending money, and she's footing the bill (loans and money from her summer job) for the small portion of her tuition that isn't covered by scholarships and gift aid.  She's also on the dean's list and does practicum in her field 2 days a week.  8 years of college without working?  That's a totally foreign concept at our house. Both my kids have worked since they were 13 or 14. 

Are you telling me that you're 26, owner of an advanced degree, being totally supported by your parents, and you're not even working at a convenience store or sacking groceries??  When I got out of law school I couldn't find a job in the field for several months either, so I signed up with a temporary service and did all kinds of office work -- typing, switchboard, whatever paid the rent -- while my JD sat at home gathering dust.  That's how I took care of the "not even 10 bucks in my bank account" problem.  I then took the first job I was offered in my field, which was part-time and paid only slightly better than unemployment compensation.  But it opened doors for me and eventually led to the job I have today and have had for the last 17 years. 

If the area you live in is so competitive with respect to finding a job, why not look  -- notice I didn't say "move" -- somewhere else?   First you go look, then you find a job, THEN you move.  That's what I did 32 years ago, and yes, it does still work that way if you really don't want to live with your parents..   

If you don't want to be called a moocher, quit whining, go out and get a job of some kind, and support yourself.  You're 26 years old, for heaven's sake.  How are you going to explain this to your kids (if you ever do move out and move on, that is)??