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Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:51:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/10/05) Lies, deceit, sex and scandal. Dr. Phil speaks with husbands and wives who've been caught cheating — and are paying the price. Albert and Camille have been married 11 years, but she hasn't been able to trust him since his affair three years ago. Albert admits to cheating, and says he would do it again if he knew he could get away with a "freebie!" Camille is convinced he's still involved with other women, but Albert says he's not cheating. Then, Danielle and Chris were high school sweethearts, but less than three months after getting married, Danielle found herself in the arms of another man. Numerous affairs later, Danielle is pregnant with another man's child. Can these marriages survive this much betrayal?  Join the discussion.

 

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November 10, 2005, 11:04 am CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: moonbabie

Camille and Albert...  Camille he told you that he would do it again so no matter how much time and energy to put into trying to fix things with him, theres a very good chance that he will do it again.  When it happens, if it does, everything you wouldve done to fix it this time will all go down the toilet. 

  

  

I have to agree.  Albert is in love with Albert.  He wants to live the life of a single man.  For Camille I know it is hard to give up on someone with whom you are still in love with.  Sometimes one must step away from the situation to see if they really want to jump back in.  Camille may find out that Albert is just not worth the trouble.
 
November 10, 2005, 11:22 am CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: luvsjrts

Are any of you out there women who have cheated on their husbands or boyfriends?  I got a lot out of the show from the other side of the fence, so to speak.  What jumped out at me was when he said "would you do this with your wife standing next to you...".   I also wonder why someone stays with people like me.  I doubt I would have stayed with my husband had tables been turned.   

  

  

I have been with my husband for 11 years and I've had 3 emotional affairs in that time. I can honestly say that they had nothing to with my husband and everything to do with how I felt about myself. I hated myself I felt that I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough or thin enough. I thought it was great that other men found me attractive and smart. I justified it by thinking that he should have paid more attention to me, but after dealing with it together I realized that it was how I felt that made all of the difference. It has been over three years since the last time it happened. I know that it will never happen again because I am happy with who I am and my relationship with my husband. We talk more, laugh more, enjoy each other's company and have a great sex life. I wish I had never turned away from him when I was feeling so bad but I can't change that so now I turn toward him when I'm feeling low. I love my husband and I would never risk our family again. It has been hard for him to trust me and I know the hurt has never gone away because he still mentions it once in awhile. Now I'm an open book with him and I know that helps him. I know I would stay with my husband if it was the other way around because he is my husband and the father of my children and I know we could work through it. I would definitely have trust issues with him and it would rock me to the core but we would survive. (Just like we have.)
 
November 10, 2005, 12:21 pm CST

Marriage Vows????? Hello??

Wow, the show was SO sad... I don't personally agree with divorce because of my moral reasons, but if I had a husband that kept doing that behind my back and never got any real help, repented, apologized to me, and worked extremly hard to change his ways, I would definately divorce him.   It was so sad for me to watch the show today.... It seemed like Albert is full of lies.  The way he would try to 'justify' himself arguing on the show about who he "kissed" or parked in a car with.... ugh, it was pure nonesense.  His wife just sat there and it seemed like it didn't hardly hurt her; almost like she's so used to what he's been doing and the pain that she can block it out.  I would probably leave him-- or I would give him a SERIOUS choice-- either divorce or you move out and we try to go to some serious counseling.  I don't even know... All I know it I will be praying for them.  It's so devastating when spouse's make those poor choices.  =(   You can't take back the past and I'm sure it's completely heart breaking for the opposite spouse. 
 
November 10, 2005, 12:38 pm CST

Cheating Spouses

To the spouses on today's show (and all you people out there) that have undergone the turmoil of being cheated on, hang in there!   

  

I can totally relate to what Camille and Chris said about still loving their spouses and/or wanting to believe them when they said they'd never cheat again.  I know that feeling all too well, but the truth is these people (more often than not) DO NOT CHANGE.  They love the attention, the thrill, the secrecy, the deception-they love it too much to let go of it.  Cheaters do not care about their husbands/wives' needs at all.  They do not respect their marriage, their committment, their spouse, or anything.  People don't know what it's like until they are in that situation.     

  

Nobody deserves to be treated that way.  Nobody.  There is no emotional/psychological trauma and pain to a relationship like being cheated on. 

  

 
November 10, 2005, 12:39 pm CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: anothervio

I think its s good idea except dont leave the kids with someone like that, its not fair to them. TAke the kids and go ,leaving the house in a mess.
Do Exactly What You Said And Leave The Children With Him.
 
November 10, 2005, 12:40 pm CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: actright

I have to agree.  Albert is in love with Albert.  He wants to live the life of a single man.  For Camille I know it is hard to give up on someone with whom you are still in love with.  Sometimes one must step away from the situation to see if they really want to jump back in.  Camille may find out that Albert is just not worth the trouble.
I agree with what you said about Albert.  He don't care about his wife or children.  He chose to get married; he can't expect to live the single life on the side! I hope Camille divorces him because she does not deserve this kind of treatment. 
 
November 10, 2005, 12:45 pm CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: college123

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and we are currently both in college.  We attend seperate schools which are 7 hours apart.  Therefore we dont see eachother all that much.  When we are home and physically togehter thigns are wonderful.  But when we are away at school he lies, cheats, and decieves me.  It has gotten to the point where I just am tired of questioning him and alwasy feeling like hes up to somehting.  Last year was his first year away and since we are so young (21) and neither of us is ready to be 100% seroius it was left that the relationship would be open but we werent supposed to get consistent with anyone else and if we did we were supposed to break it off with one another.  Needless to say he started seeing someone behind my back for over 5 months.  I found out about her from her and then he admitted everything.  He then ended things wiht her in hopes that we would work things out.  He has made it clear to her that she is more for convienience and I am the one he is in love with but she is so insecure she will take whatever she can get wtih him.  This happened 2 or 3 times.  We always get back together and then its stressful becuase there is no trust and then I find out he is lying again. This time he says really he is changed and he would never wawnt to hurt me again.  

He makes me feel like I am the center of his world.  He alwasy tells me how much he loves me and we plan a future together.  But I dont want a future with a liar and Im so young I dont want to waste time. I just dont knwo if this is something that he will grow out of because he is immature or if this is one of those cases where I sound like an abused vicitim making excuses.   

If you're 21 you have plenty of time--don't cling to somebody who treats you like this. 

  

I will never understand why girls who are so young are often so desperate to hang onto guys like this.  "First love" is way over-romanticized.  My first love was a great guy (would never have cheated on me, even) but I didn't lose out by not marrying him.  Yes, sometimes it does work out, but sometimes it's better written off as a learning experience.   

  

He's jerking you around.  He builds you up so you'll be more likely to forgive him the next time he runs around on you.  The point is, who wants to be with somebody they have to watch all the time?  You don't want to be 10 years down the road with a mortgage and kids when you finally find out that he's not going to change.  If he really does value you, he needs to learn that he can't fool around and still have the nice girls.  Go find somebody who appreciates you. 

  

I know lots of great men, both platonically and that I've dated, because I don't put up with guys who treat women like that.  Most of the guys I've dated haven't been "keepers"--well, none of them have, since I'm single--but they were all good guys even if it turned out we weren't a match.  I'm 28 and never been married, and I do complain about it sometimes--I'm definitely not one of those Single And Loving It people--but I would far rather be single than be played by some guy who doesn't have any self-control or any respect for me. 

 
November 10, 2005, 12:48 pm CST

Dealing with infedelity

I have been married for almost 6 1/2 years.  My husband started having an affair a month before we were married.  That affair went on for over a year.  He chose to end the affair and stay with me.  He changed jobs and then finally quit talking to her.  Almost 3 years ago I found out he was talking to her again (by then we had moved across the country to the opposity coast).  He still goes to the West Coast to see his son.  I asked him to quit speaking to her as it hurt me and was the most hurtful thing he could continue to do.  He said he would stop.  Well, I found out recently that he is still talking to her and even had lunch with her recently when he went out to see his son.  She is now marrried, again,(she was then too, but left her husband thinking mine would leave me) and told my husband that her current husband knows all about him.  I don't think they are sleeping together again, but I still feel very cheated on.  Of all the people in the world that he could choose to still be friends with, I believe that this woman (a polite thing to call her) is the last person he should choose.  I don't know what to do.  We have two small children (2 and 3) and I only work part-time and am thousands of miles from my family.    I do know my husband loves me, but he doesn't think about my feelings like he should.  He was raised by a very selfish mother who didn't teach him to show any one respect (nor did she give him any).  I don't think he really understands.  He's highly eduacted, well-employeed, but sometimes just doesn't get it.    I can't leave, but I don't know what to do.  I guess I just needed to vent a little.  Thanks for listening.
 
November 10, 2005, 12:53 pm CST

biracial baby not his

My husband had this exact thing happen to him with his first wife. He opted to keep the wife for a while and the baby, and had another one, before he finally gave up and let the wife go. I'm personally grateful he was man enough to keep the baby and raise it as his own. We have both continued to raise her together for the last 12 years and recently sent her off to college this year. I'm not suggesting we all just start accepting infidelity, but I thank God my husband was able to at least see past his anger and see that the real issue in his case was the welfare of the child.
 
November 10, 2005, 1:00 pm CST

Killing Me Softly Camille!

Camille,  

I understand.  My husband of 10 years cheated on me on a business trip while I was at home 7 months pregnant with our third daughter.  I took him back and we were in counseling for 18 months before he started up again with someone else.  That was the final straw.  I had spent 10 years trying to make him happy.  He went where he wanted when he wanted and I gave him unfaltering trust.  He would say "I'm not going to stay in a marriage just because there is kids."  In other words, "Make me happy or else."  He tried to blame me for his infidelty with comments like "You're a good person, a great mother and your employer is lucky to have you but you are a terrible wife."  I too worried about my children.  However, once I made the decision it felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.  I make no apologies to my children and here is why.  What they see if what they become.  I did not want my daughters to think that the way their Dad treated me was okay.  I don't want them in a marriage like mine and think it's normal.  Your boys know more than you think and may well grow up to be like their father if you don't stop the cycle.  My ex's father was a philanderer and bully too.  My ex swore when I married him he would NEVER end up like his father.  Send your son's a message - having children does not give a man a right to hold his wife hostage. 

 
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