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Created on : Saturday, November 12, 2005, 09:39:57 am
Author : bijubiju

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Illinois here! anyone out there having a problem with adult family member with a drug addiction problem. Any ideas as to how to try and reunite family.  Need help desperatly!

Bijubiju



 
luvmy3kdz
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December 7, 2005, 1:50 pm PST

drug addiction

The best advice I can give you is that you cannot make your loved one realize they have a problem and need help.  They have to see that they need the help of a professional to get their drug addiction in check.  What worked for us was an intervention.  My mom, brother, aunt, and some of my dad's closest friends and I sat my dad down and told him how worried we were about him.  My mom gave him an ultimatum, which was probably not the best thing, but he agreed to go to intreatment rehab.  Your loved one needs to realize that getting off the drugs is what they need to do to be healthy, but not to do it for you.  They need to go through rehab and get clean for themselves.  Good luck!
 
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kellygill
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December 13, 2005, 9:11 pm PST

replying to Drug addiction

Quote From: luvmy3kdz

The best advice I can give you is that you cannot make your loved one realize they have a problem and need help.  They have to see that they need the help of a professional to get their drug addiction in check.  What worked for us was an intervention.  My mom, brother, aunt, and some of my dad's closest friends and I sat my dad down and told him how worried we were about him.  My mom gave him an ultimatum, which was probably not the best thing, but he agreed to go to intreatment rehab.  Your loved one needs to realize that getting off the drugs is what they need to do to be healthy, but not to do it for you.  They need to go through rehab and get clean for themselves.  Good luck!
I have read your message regarding drug addition and I can say first handedly that I have been there myself. I was a daily crack user for years close to 5 years. My first marriage I was married to a daily drug user and I was drug free, then one day I tried some street drugs to help with some pain from a car accident that I had been in &  due to the fact the medication that was being prescribed was not easing the pain. I tried cocaine and I thought it helped therfore I started using more and more then started to cook it and smoke it then more and more till I was out of control however I thought I was covering it well. I continued to work 3 jobs when I felt good and my husband he became worse and worse with his addiction I was so frustrated working 3 jobs to support his habits while he had no motivation to work to support his habit or any of the bills we had like a house payment, car payment, utilities and food and so on. I tried to get him help rehab or something no even really realizing I need help myself. It is very hard to try to get someone in rehab or atleast with what I experience, therefore I turned him into to police-I found out when he was going to be around  or where and with drugs and then I would just call the police-I figured going to jail is instant rehab! Shortly after by  the grace of God I ended up in jail as well and luckily it was over a weekend to were I had to stay till I could see a judge on a Monday and was unable to be released before then. THAT WAS MY LIFE SAVER! I realized that the jail life was NOT a life I wanted for myself. When I got out I changed my playmates, my playgrounds and I started to attend church again. I spent all my free time helping others to keep me busy and out of trouble. I did not have to enter any rehab program I was able to quit smoking crack and all other drugs "cold turkey" it can be done however ONLY if you want it. My family tried to help me for a while however you can't do it unless you the drug addict is ready!!!! PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THIS PERSON ANY MONEY!!! if you want help then do not give this person money what so ever! They will lie to you for it tell you it is for one thing then spend it on drugs. I DID IT AND THEY WILL TOO. Do not supply them with gas,food, clothes, housing or anything it only prolongs the addiction because you are helping them survive and making it comfortable for them to do drugs and still have luxury's like food, water and clothes!!!! THIS IS WHAT HELPED ME! I have to hit rock bottom on my own terms nothing my family did to "help" me worked, just me not having anything left after I lost my utilities, my house, my car, everything I worked so hard to get just to lose it so quick. I have been clean going on my 10th year no relapses and I have a new start on life, a new marriage and 2 small healthy children to make me stay drug free for the rest of my life with the grace of GOD in my life every moment of everyday with the help of my Recovery Bible- a special Bible for recovery from drugs/alcohol or any other addiction. My husbands side of the family is going thru this with their son however they have kicked him out of the house however they leave food & clean clothes and other "comfort" items for him in case he stops by they are on the front porch however he is not welcome in the house.....I do not recommend supplying these luxury's to him due to the fact it prolongs his hit to rock bottom when you know that mom has food and fresh clean clothes for you when you want them! He has stolen all there credit cards and maxed them out, stole money from his grandmother, brother and who ever else he could rip off, his mother has even paid the drug dealers that called the house for there payment just so they wouldn't find her son and "hurt" him------WAKE UP MOM you'd be better off driving him to the dealers house and paying for his crack before it even came to that-this is why I say don't be fooled! I wish you the best of luck in dealing with it however you can not force someone to change if they don't want to.         
 
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skeeter4
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December 27, 2005, 8:19 pm PST

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Quote From: kellygill

I have read your message regarding drug addition and I can say first handedly that I have been there myself. I was a daily crack user for years close to 5 years. My first marriage I was married to a daily drug user and I was drug free, then one day I tried some street drugs to help with some pain from a car accident that I had been in &  due to the fact the medication that was being prescribed was not easing the pain. I tried cocaine and I thought it helped therfore I started using more and more then started to cook it and smoke it then more and more till I was out of control however I thought I was covering it well. I continued to work 3 jobs when I felt good and my husband he became worse and worse with his addiction I was so frustrated working 3 jobs to support his habits while he had no motivation to work to support his habit or any of the bills we had like a house payment, car payment, utilities and food and so on. I tried to get him help rehab or something no even really realizing I need help myself. It is very hard to try to get someone in rehab or atleast with what I experience, therefore I turned him into to police-I found out when he was going to be around  or where and with drugs and then I would just call the police-I figured going to jail is instant rehab! Shortly after by  the grace of God I ended up in jail as well and luckily it was over a weekend to were I had to stay till I could see a judge on a Monday and was unable to be released before then. THAT WAS MY LIFE SAVER! I realized that the jail life was NOT a life I wanted for myself. When I got out I changed my playmates, my playgrounds and I started to attend church again. I spent all my free time helping others to keep me busy and out of trouble. I did not have to enter any rehab program I was able to quit smoking crack and all other drugs "cold turkey" it can be done however ONLY if you want it. My family tried to help me for a while however you can't do it unless you the drug addict is ready!!!! PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THIS PERSON ANY MONEY!!! if you want help then do not give this person money what so ever! They will lie to you for it tell you it is for one thing then spend it on drugs. I DID IT AND THEY WILL TOO. Do not supply them with gas,food, clothes, housing or anything it only prolongs the addiction because you are helping them survive and making it comfortable for them to do drugs and still have luxury's like food, water and clothes!!!! THIS IS WHAT HELPED ME! I have to hit rock bottom on my own terms nothing my family did to "help" me worked, just me not having anything left after I lost my utilities, my house, my car, everything I worked so hard to get just to lose it so quick. I have been clean going on my 10th year no relapses and I have a new start on life, a new marriage and 2 small healthy children to make me stay drug free for the rest of my life with the grace of GOD in my life every moment of everyday with the help of my Recovery Bible- a special Bible for recovery from drugs/alcohol or any other addiction. My husbands side of the family is going thru this with their son however they have kicked him out of the house however they leave food & clean clothes and other "comfort" items for him in case he stops by they are on the front porch however he is not welcome in the house.....I do not recommend supplying these luxury's to him due to the fact it prolongs his hit to rock bottom when you know that mom has food and fresh clean clothes for you when you want them! He has stolen all there credit cards and maxed them out, stole money from his grandmother, brother and who ever else he could rip off, his mother has even paid the drug dealers that called the house for there payment just so they wouldn't find her son and "hurt" him------WAKE UP MOM you'd be better off driving him to the dealers house and paying for his crack before it even came to that-this is why I say don't be fooled! I wish you the best of luck in dealing with it however you can not force someone to change if they don't want to.         
 am writing for mere advice from someone who obviously sounds like they have lived through the other end of the barrell.  A quick background. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years now. I am an aggressive person where he is very passive. Our problem lies within my mother in Law. Shortly after we met five years ago we discovered she was doing crack cocaine. We withdrew our 2 children at the time as well as ourselves from her life. My husband started to miss his mother, and really was disappointed that she would not take any initiative on seeking treatment and rebuilding a better healthier relationship with our family. I have known on several occasions we have been around her that she shows the signs of being high. I can not say anything, because I am just the wife and daughter in law. This past Christmas things sort of escaletd you could say. We wanted her to spend the night Christmas Eve, and wake up Christmas Day with our children. She insistently said she had to be at her daughters house by 10 am. **Background** her daughter/ his sister used to be heavy involved with gangs. She also was the one who introduced her mother to the drug life. Their mother took care of her grandson, because the mother never would. She would always be high on pot, or just plain did not want to take care of him. She is the type of person that would have a job, but would still take welfare from the government. So his mom HAD to get back to her daughters house. His sister called and said she was not coming Christmas Eve, because her son was sick---hurt and disgusted I said "whatever". His mother proceeded to bring a gallon bag of puke into my house. When my husband saw it and asked what it was, she replied with "name withheld" wanted to make sure we knew her son was sick. I said "whatever". It took me an hour and half to calm down. When I finally did I told her the next time she wanted to deliver a message she could do it verbally or not at all. She continuosly said "name with held" wanted to make sure we knew that is what she did not come. I told her I did not care of her reasoning...just do not do it again. Do not bring someones puke into my house for any reason. Either she could deliver a verbal message or none at all. Shortly after that we sat down to eat. My husband also had a stomach virus, and his mother said she was "so exhausted". I suggested the kids open the gifts and whoever needed to take a nap could. His mother slept through the whole thing. I told the kids that they needed to give their meme the present they got her. She told her husband you have to open it, because I am just way too tired. It was a calendar made through Kodak gallery of the kids pictures and I added personal quotes. Her comment was---I got another calendar. Again she fell asleep. That evening my daughter started to run 102.9 temp. I took her to the er to make sure it was not something serious. His mother left the house, but stayed in town. When we got back we were spreading Reindeer food in the front yard. After that we watched polar express and ate popcorn and hot chocolate. His mother laid on the floor with my oldest daughter, so my daughter got on the couch with my husband and I. Again his mom fell asleep. We put the kids to bed after the movie (about midnight). We started to put Santas together---while his mother is asleep in the middle of our living room. We went to bed at 3am Christmas morning with his mother still asleep. I slept with my oldest daughter, so we would not miss Surprised Santa faces. When I woke up at 7:30 she was gone, but left my front door open, her make up bag and sunglasses at my house. Everyone woke up at 8:45 that morning. My husband immediately jumped on the phone trying to call his mom. I told him she already left to go home...he said I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough she went back home, so she could be at her daughters house by 10am. She claims she spent all day with us Christmas eve. She did not arrive untill a little after 1, and then fell asllep and stayed that way ALL day. I am mad,  I feel hurt and betrayed. My husband will not confront her---and if I say anything then I am blowing things out of perportion. I also have been diagnosed with OCD. That is often thrown in my face saying I am just being irrational. I need help dealing with this person. My husbands way is to just skirt  around and not say anything to her. I want to blast her, but I know I can't, it is not my place. This past weekend is evidence to me she is still using. Bringing vomit to my house on Christmas Eve---that in my opinion is irrational. And then sleeping through Christmas---that sounds like to me she is coming off of a good high. I cry at night and all through the day, because she is not there for our kids, and becasue I am the evil daughter in law. Please advise!!!!
 
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yikesx03
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February 11, 2006, 9:20 pm PST

Re: Family member w/ drug addiction

The best advise I can give anyone with a friend or loved one with an alcohol or drug addiction is to go to ALANON.  ALANON is a 12 step program for the loved ones of an addict.  ALANON helps you take the focus off of the loved one and the addiction and helps to focus on yourself.  Helping to focus on yourself during this difficult time may seem impossible, but it can actually help you deal with the addiction and the addict in a healthier way.  ALANON teaches that you are powerless over the addiction and the addict.  You didn't cause it, you can't contol it and you can't change it.  ALANON groups are found internationally and can be found on the internet at  

www.al-anon.alateen.org or by calling a toll free number at 1-888-4AL-ANON.   I will use a page of ALANON literature in the "Courage to Change" book page 128: 

  

"Why do I find it so hard to accept that alcoholism (addiction) is a disease?  Would I blame a diabetic or a cancer patient for their symptoms?  Ofcourse not.  I know that will power alone is not enough to defeat  a disease.  If alcoholics (addicts) could simply stop drinking (using) whenever they wanted, many would have stopped long ago.  It would do me no good to plead, berate or reason with tuberculosis; I will not waste my time pleading, berating or reasoning with alcoholism (addiction).  I therefore resolve to stop blaming the alcoholic (addict) for what is beyond his or her control -- including the complusion to drink (use).  Instead, I'll direct my efforts where they can do some good:  I will commit myself to my own recovery.  I know that improved health in one family member can have a profound effect on the rest of the family.  In this way, I can make a much stronger contribution to the well being of those I love than I ever could by trying to combat a disease that can't be controlled."  

  

Today's Reminder 

"When I accept that alcoholism (addiction) is a disease, it becomes easier to recognize that I, too, have been affected by something beyond my control, and to begin to recover from those effects." 

  

"Whether or not the alcoholic (addict) achieves sobriety, the time for the family members to begin working out their own emotional recovery is now." 

  

A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic 
 
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cyndi41ch
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March 13, 2006, 6:58 pm PST

In recovery but still hurting

Quote From: yikesx03

The best advise I can give anyone with a friend or loved one with an alcohol or drug addiction is to go to ALANON.  ALANON is a 12 step program for the loved ones of an addict.  ALANON helps you take the focus off of the loved one and the addiction and helps to focus on yourself.  Helping to focus on yourself during this difficult time may seem impossible, but it can actually help you deal with the addiction and the addict in a healthier way.  ALANON teaches that you are powerless over the addiction and the addict.  You didn't cause it, you can't contol it and you can't change it.  ALANON groups are found internationally and can be found on the internet at  

www.al-anon.alateen.org or by calling a toll free number at 1-888-4AL-ANON.   I will use a page of ALANON literature in the "Courage to Change" book page 128: 

  

"Why do I find it so hard to accept that alcoholism (addiction) is a disease?  Would I blame a diabetic or a cancer patient for their symptoms?  Ofcourse not.  I know that will power alone is not enough to defeat  a disease.  If alcoholics (addicts) could simply stop drinking (using) whenever they wanted, many would have stopped long ago.  It would do me no good to plead, berate or reason with tuberculosis; I will not waste my time pleading, berating or reasoning with alcoholism (addiction).  I therefore resolve to stop blaming the alcoholic (addict) for what is beyond his or her control -- including the complusion to drink (use).  Instead, I'll direct my efforts where they can do some good:  I will commit myself to my own recovery.  I know that improved health in one family member can have a profound effect on the rest of the family.  In this way, I can make a much stronger contribution to the well being of those I love than I ever could by trying to combat a disease that can't be controlled."  

  

Today's Reminder 

"When I accept that alcoholism (addiction) is a disease, it becomes easier to recognize that I, too, have been affected by something beyond my control, and to begin to recover from those effects." 

  

"Whether or not the alcoholic (addict) achieves sobriety, the time for the family members to begin working out their own emotional recovery is now." 

  

A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic 

Need some advice here I have been sober for 6 years and i am still hurting so much pain inside and I need some help I have tried counseling but cant afford it. I have lost my kids and cant seem to forgive myself can someone help me? 
 
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hopefull1
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May 17, 2006, 1:21 pm PDT

adult drug addition

YES , i have a nephew who is 32 years old and on crack cocaine. He works just to get enough money to buy the drug then he is missing for 2  week to a month and his family is worried sick. He has been doing this for the last 10 yrs. but it seems to be getting worse. His mother is my sister and  I am tired of seeing her constanly worry and wonder about his safety. He has been offered help but he does not seem to think he has a problem. I believe the drug has done so much damage to his brain he actually thinks his life is normal.  We have been praying for years and still have hope that some day he will take responsibility and admit he has a problem. the whole family has tried to help him,but its a vicious circle. Its very frustrating.
 
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delachae
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May 20, 2006, 1:07 am PDT

drug addiction

Quote From: cyndi41ch

Need some advice here I have been sober for 6 years and i am still hurting so much pain inside and I need some help I have tried counseling but cant afford it. I have lost my kids and cant seem to forgive myself can someone help me? 

I think you are holding on to the knot at the end of your rope.  There seems to be no resources for you, but there is one SOURCE for you that is Jesus. Ask Him to forgive you first then you can forgive yourself and move on with life. He will heal you of all your pain and give you new purpose for living; He is free. Avaiable anytime. No need for an appointment. You can meet Him anytime. You need a miracle and He is waiting to do one, just for you.  He is in the business of restorartion, reconciliation. You have tried the rest now try the best.
 
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redcee50
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May 26, 2006, 6:13 am PDT

Realizing Alcoholism is a disease

My son is a alcoholic and drug addict. Has been in and out of treatment facilities for a year now. Just recently came home and on the third day, got drunk and beat up in a park. Drank again on Tuesday. I, for the life of me, could not fathom why he took that first drink. He has given his life over to the Lord, was doing so well, both phycially and emotionally, and then BAM !!!!  I went online and read some of the BIG BOOK from AA. Now I realize, that when he says he doesn't know why, he is telling the truth. He doesn't know why. He has a disease, just like any other disease, and there is no cure. He will be 20 next month, and I fear for him, and cry for him. He will never ever obtain what he wants in life, to be normal. I no longer threaten to throw him out on the street, I can't see what good that has ever done. Now its getting him back into AA, staying with my church, praying for him, getting myself to Al anon, and trying to live my life the best way I can without falling apart and becoming mentally and phycially useless. My church has a program called Reformers Unanimous which is a Nationwide Organization that is run by many churches. They have a website that you can find a church near you to attend. In this program, the higher power is God. I go because my addiction is my son. I am a great enabler. God Bless all of you /  
 
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jacobsfam
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May 31, 2006, 9:45 pm PDT

use the program

Quote From: delachae

I think you are holding on to the knot at the end of your rope.  There seems to be no resources for you, but there is one SOURCE for you that is Jesus. Ask Him to forgive you first then you can forgive yourself and move on with life. He will heal you of all your pain and give you new purpose for living; He is free. Avaiable anytime. No need for an appointment. You can meet Him anytime. You need a miracle and He is waiting to do one, just for you.  He is in the business of restorartion, reconciliation. You have tried the rest now try the best.

I too am a recovering addict and I have to say that the only thing that got me through when I lost my son was to USE the program.  Work the steps and TRUST in GOD!!!  You have to get to a point where you forgive yourself.  You cannot change the past but you do have a say in what the future holds.  Find a sponsor and work the steps.  And remember that you have been given a second chance embrace it and make the best out of what ever is to come. 

  

My prayers are with you 
 
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jacobsfam
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May 31, 2006, 9:51 pm PDT

Having Faith Saved my Life

I am a Drug Addict!!!  I have been clean and serene for almost 4 years now.  When I got clean I was hopeless.  I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I was homeless and had lost my son.  I found the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous and my life instantly began to change.  I found things within myself that I never knew existed.  I found a GOD that was kind and understanding, one that would forgive me for the horrilbe things I had done in my life.  I have worked the program to the best of my ability and continue to do so on a daily basis.  The reason I am posting this is becuase you can help keep what you have by giving it away.  I am a child of my god now and I believe that the program and finding Faith is what saved my life and my families life.  I am here for all you who need help.  Please respond to this posting so that I know there are people out there that are in the same position and care about what happens to themselves and others. 

  

  
 
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