Topic : 06/16 Childhood Secrets

I am now 50yrs old. My stepfather repeatly raped me from the time I was about 9yrs old. (Hurts too much to try to remember my age this first time he raped me.) At the age of 12yrs old is when I started having periods. I told him, to never touch me again. When he raped me the first time he told me: "Do not tell your mother or anyone else what has happened or I will KILL your mother and everyone else". He reminded me of this everytime he raped me. After, my divorce from my first husband...my daughter (at that time was 2-3yrs old, I was 40-41yrs old.) lived in rental that was owned my one of my stepfathers friends. My stepfather would come over to my house all the time, even though I told him repeatedly not to come to just leave me alone. He would say things to me like; if you just say the words I'll divorce your mother and marry you! HOW GROSS! HOW DARE HIM! I finally had had enough of him and got enough courage to tell my mother about it. She asked my step-sisters and step-brother about it and they ALL lied! To this day, I don't think my mother believes me. And my siblings are still lieing about it. He is dead now! He died of natural causes. My siblings do not know what kind of emotions I have had all these years. All these years I have been paranoid and felt as though my siblings have back stabbed me. The ONLY way I have been able to cope is through God! If it was not for my faith in God, I would not be here today!

I am 14 and my father molested me when I was 7 years old.  I have just told my mother last week.  I am in therapy and trying to get over it.  Even though it was 7 years ago, it is very hard to talk about.  Sometimes it seems to be a strugle to get through the day!!! 

  

My questions now are... 

How can someone and so many men do that to their children??? 

And Why?????? 

Don't they know the pain that is felt because of that? 

I am so glad you had your faith to help you through this horrible nightmare. It does help to know that there is One who knows your heart and loves you completely. 

  

The thing you said that worried me is that you have lived your whole life feeling paranoid and felt your siblings back stabbed you.  You don't know their story or what this monster did and said to them, so please don't judge them harshly. If you still let this horrible man affect you today, therapy can help you break free of his clutches.  It always saddens me to see how much control these monsters can have over their victims-even after they die! Don't let him steal another year from you. 

I HATE the use of the word "fondling" for sexual abuse of children.  The word arises from loving relationships between adults- defn: to show fondness or affection by caressing.   

  

What adults do when they sexually abuse children is NOT fondling! 

Recently my daughter revealed (after holding it in for a year and suffering anxiety attacks) that one of her cousins touched her inappropriately.  I had an extremely close relationship with all of my sisters until my daughter revealed this.  [I thank God that my daughter finally spoke up, that alone has helped her immensely.]  Unfortunately, my nephew is denying it and  my sister does not believe my daughter........which to me is like adding salt to a wound.  This whole event has effected our entire family.  Other family members, while they might believe it happened, are treating me and acting like I am the one who did wrong by reporting it.  I wanted to deal with it through counseling but my sister never followed through and doing nothing wasn't an option for me or my daughter.  Please help.

Because they don't CARE! They are pure evil, read the statistics on sexual assault if you don't believe me. Why do you think the laws are so bad in regards to sexual assault, they WRITE the laws in favour of themselves.

Since I am the only one who refuses to pretend it didn't happen, I am now treated like the black sheep of the family. I am constantly told to "just forget about it", and to "shut up about it" because I'm "ruining the family". 

  

Thank god for therapy! It's helping me cope and realize that I am, in fact, the ONLY one in my famiy who is dealing with it in a healthy way. 

People who molest little children (any one for that matter) are sick and very selfish. and for some one to tell another "just get over it" has absolutely no clue ont he issue and the affects that it has on a person and for those who do not believe a child over an adult need their heads examined and they are in DENIAL! they doo not want to accept that their loved one did such a horrible thing, good counseling and faith in God is what got me through the crap in my life. I am now a 42 year old wife and mother and very happy with life. Forgiveness is a big key in healing but takes work and effort, it doesn't justify anything that the the guilty did, it just shows that he/she isn't going to take control of the victims life, forgiveness doesn't change things nor does it give the person permission to victimize us again or even be trusted, there are people who I have forgiven for acts but they will NEVER be left alone with my children even if they are truly sorry and have gotten help, we reap what we sow and those child molesters who believe that they can take control of children need to get a grip on life and get help for their perverted ways and then they need to accept the fact that they do not deserve to be trusted. They need to be the ones to prove themselves worthy of the ones that they hurt. I know for a fact that there are people who care and can give vidtims the help that they need, it is possible to over come the hurt and pain that others have caused and I believe the laws need to change to be in favor of the victims NOT the abuser, child molesters need to spend life in prison and not aloud on the streets where innocent little children are playing, yes, I believe in forgiveness and therapy and even believe people can change BUT we reap what we sow and the abusers need to accept it and pay the consequences of theri actions.

I am sorry about what you and your daughter are going through, and I am so glad that you are listening and helping your daughter. The rest of the family is in denial and do not want to accept this being a loved one, I figure they are embarrassed and ashamed and just don't know how to deal with it and chances are in time they will see the truth for what it is, for this boy who did this will probably try it again with some one else, a person can hide for so long but eventually the trith will prevail. Have faith in your daughter and love and encourage her every day no matter what, she needs you to stick with her and to help her through this, it might cost friendships and relationships but in the end, you will reap the good. You can't make your sister take action or even accept this but you can do your part in helping your daughter and through prayer and love, others will come to see the truth. Talk to people you can trust and who believes in what you are doing and stay away from the negatives as much as possible. My prayers are with you and your daughter

I understand what you are going through and believe me Faith in God has got to be the strongest way to get through things like this. I think your family is in denial and just can't accept that one that they love and care for would do such a thing but you cannot change them and their thoughts and attitudes, you need to work on you and know that no matter what that you are worth more then this person made you think, do not let him control your thoughts and your life, Talk and associate with people that you trust and who will listen and accept you for who you are, Do whatever you need to do to make things right for you, Love your self for the person that God created you to be and go for yuor dreams. I know it is easier said then done but with prayer, faith and determination, it can get easier to dealw ith and life can be fullfilled for you. My prayers are with you.