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Topic : 06/16 Childhood Secrets

Number of Replies: 501
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, November 18, 2005, 03:38:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Do you have a secret that burns inside of you and you've been hanging onto it since you were a child? Dr. Phil speaks with three sisters whose lives and relationships have been gravely affected by their own childhood secret. Cathy and Micki say their stepfather abused them as children and they want nothing to do with him. But their half-sister, Hollie, says her father has changed and it's time they forgive and forget. Cathy and Micki speak out about what really happened to them as children and why Hollie needs to be concerned. Then, a message from their stepfather has Cathy and Micki outraged. Can these divided women heal their painful pasts and come together as sisters? Talk about the show here.


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November 20, 2005, 12:16 pm CST

Child molestation

I have never been molested (THANK GOD). However, I feel for these people who are victims of this cruel act. They cannot just GET OVER IT!! This kind of thing stays with you for life,  just like bullying. I pray that these men and women get therapy. As for the families who don't support these victims, they are just as guilty as the perpetrators.  They should join the perpetrators in a jail cell.
 
November 20, 2005, 12:38 pm CST

You are so right. Fondling is not a good terms for this.

Quote From: judyblue22

I HATE the use of the word "fondling" for sexual abuse of children.  The word arises from loving relationships between adults- defn: to show fondness or affection by caressing.   

  

What adults do when they sexually abuse children is NOT fondling! 

I agree.  Fondling is not a good word to use for this.  There is nothing loving about this. 
 
November 20, 2005, 1:17 pm CST

Statistics show it is pretty much almost always men.

Quote From: biscotti75

Because they don't CARE! They are pure evil 

  

There is a lot of sexually abused young girls and boys that were abused by women. Why do you think the laws are so bad in regards to sexual assault The truth in that is the women get off with lighter sentences then the men do. Read the statistics if you don't believe me. Abuse is abuse, no matter what gender is performing the disgusting act! 

It is a relatively rare instance where the molester is a woman and an even rarer instance where the victim has not passed through puberty and does not claim to be consenting to the relationship.  

  

  

 
November 20, 2005, 4:03 pm CST

I understand completely

Quote From: airose05

I am 14 and my father molested me when I was 7 years old.  I have just told my mother last week.  I am in therapy and trying to get over it.  Even though it was 7 years ago, it is very hard to talk about.  Sometimes it seems to be a strugle to get through the day!!! 

  

My questions now are... 

How can someone and so many men do that to their children??? 

And Why?????? 

Don't they know the pain that is felt because of that? 

I am almost 18 years old and when I was about 12 or 13, my grandfather molested me. Just like you, I kept quiet about it for almost 6 years. I also just started getting help for it. It is EXTREMELY hard to talk about no matter how many years go by. I sometimes cannot even say the word sexual abuse because everything starts coming back.The bad thing about my case is that my mom knew about it, yet he lives in our house everyday. Nothing else happened but he abused me emotionally and physically ever since that. My mom knew and did nothing. I feel like I didn't get any justice at all, and that is the worst feeling ever.  I feel ashamed, guilty, and very self consicous. You are right!!! It is a struggle everyday! Men who do that to their children or gandchildren do it because they are selfish. They only care about their needs! That's why they don't understand the pain because they simply do not care. I know! It hurts! You feel so alone but I just wanted to let you know, you are deffinately not alone!!! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!! If you ever want to talk, feel free to IM me or e-mail me. My e-mail is angel_babe20012@yahoo.com my AIM is AeRoGuRl775. I would love to talk about it because it's hard to find people who can relate.  Best of wishes! I will pray for you!! It is very difficult, but I applaud you for getting help. We just can't handle it on our own.
 
November 20, 2005, 4:07 pm CST

WHY????

Quote From: r_u_4real

IM SO GLAD THAT YOUR IN THERAPY. I HOPE YOUR MOM "KICKED YOUR DAD TO THE CURB". THE THERAPY WILL WORK AND YOULL JUST NEED ALOT TIME TO HEAL. AS FOR YOUR QUESTIONS 1.>BECAUSE THERE SICK...2>BECAUSE THERE SICK...3>THEY DONT, BECAUSE THERE SICK. THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP>>>"PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE SICK".

My mom called CYS and they are cheeking the other children, my 2 step sisters, that are living with him now.  They were divorsed during the time so there was nobody to 'kick to the curb' but if she could she would!!!! 

~ You say they are sick, but how?  What happened to them to make or get them to do this? ~  

?I truely want an answer that pulls all the puzzel pieces together!!!?   

 
November 20, 2005, 4:12 pm CST

Abuse ruined our family.

I am almost 18, and when I was about 12 or 13 ( I don't actually remember how old I was because I tried to block it out), I was molested by my grandfather. I told my mom about it right away, but all she did was yell at him. He never did it again, but I feel like I didn't get any justice. If that wasn't bad enough, my mom then let her dad move in with us because of his health. He must have been healthy because when he moved in with us, he would come into my room, and grab me, push me, scratch me, slap me, the list goes on and on. He said horrible things to me such as he hated me, I am stupid, he wished I was dead, and other things along those lines. Just recently, I started getting help for it and talking about but he is still in our house. I feel guitly, ashamed, and embarrassed about everything. I feel guilty because I hate him so much and I am Christian and I shouldn't feel that way but I just cannot get over it. I wish I could but I can't. Not only has it ruined me, it also ruined my relationship with my mother. I am not close to her and just recently I forgave her for it but it is going to take time I guess before things are like they were or if they ever will be. My dad also thought about divorce so it also caused problems there. I blame myself a lot for all of these problems. My parents are finally trying to put her dad in the nursing home and get him out of here. I am angry because this should have happened sooner. In fact, he shouldn't even have been in our house!!! I guess I should be happy that they are making the decision now though right? All I know is, our family is NEVER going to be the same because of the abuse I went through.
 
November 20, 2005, 4:16 pm CST

You can have a say!

Quote From: nikkiboo87

I am almost 18 years old and when I was about 12 or 13, my grandfather molested me. Just like you, I kept quiet about it for almost 6 years. I also just started getting help for it. It is EXTREMELY hard to talk about no matter how many years go by. I sometimes cannot even say the word sexual abuse because everything starts coming back.The bad thing about my case is that my mom knew about it, yet he lives in our house everyday. Nothing else happened but he abused me emotionally and physically ever since that. My mom knew and did nothing. I feel like I didn't get any justice at all, and that is the worst feeling ever.  I feel ashamed, guilty, and very self consicous. You are right!!! It is a struggle everyday! Men who do that to their children or gandchildren do it because they are selfish. They only care about their needs! That's why they don't understand the pain because they simply do not care. I know! It hurts! You feel so alone but I just wanted to let you know, you are deffinately not alone!!! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!! If you ever want to talk, feel free to IM me or e-mail me. My e-mail is angel_babe20012@yahoo.com my AIM is AeRoGuRl775. I would love to talk about it because it's hard to find people who can relate.  Best of wishes! I will pray for you!! It is very difficult, but I applaud you for getting help. We just can't handle it on our own.

You are almost 18!  You can cheek the laws where you live!  You can get help!  I believe that you have until you are 28 years of age to bring up charges or just to do something about it!  If you don't have the money now, get a job and try to save your money to be able to someday to truelly help yourself and any other child that could be involved or around your Grandfather! 

~Just don't give up!~   

If you wanna talk, mine is AiroseWoods@aim.com   

For me to open your message you have to put Dr. Phil Friend or your username or something I will reconize!  ~If you need to talk I am here~ 

 
November 20, 2005, 8:24 pm CST

I hear you...

Quote From: esseffgirl

Since I am the only one who refuses to pretend it didn't happen, I am now treated like the black sheep of the family. I am constantly told to "just forget about it", and to "shut up about it" because I'm "ruining the family". 

  

Thank god for therapy! It's helping me cope and realize that I am, in fact, the ONLY one in my famiy who is dealing with it in a healthy way. 

I am also the only one in my family who "speaks" about the sexual abuse that has gone on in my family in the past...I have been shunned ...I have no family...my children have no relatives...sometimes I feel they resent me for it too...Christmas is the hardest...it's hard for me to find someone to talk about it with as they mistake my grief for wanting my family back...I don't...I just need to grieve the loss and move on but I'm having a hard time doing that...maybe it will never go away...the feeling of being abandoned and sacrificed for what?  shame...secrecy...a facade of a "normal" family...what a joke...cowards all of them.  My family is so sick and toxic I would die of the "craziness" if I entered back into that pit.  I just pray to God he will show me the method behind this madness...I feel like I am supposed to do something with this but I dont' know what yet...my daughter is 19 and will be leaving the nest soon...I will be alone for the first time in my life...I am terrified...I am so jaded by childhood sexual abuse and failed relationships I wonder what the h*ll I will do with myself...I have started writing letters about child sexual abuse...I had one published in the editorial of a local newspaper and I wrote a 3 page letter to a judge begging he hand down the maximum to a local radio announcer caught with 199 peices of child porn on his computer...he only got 1 year and I've heard it's possible he only do one 6th of his sentence...makes me weary...I was depressed for days after hearing about children being sold into child sex rings in Aruba on the show the other day...sometimes when I am depressed I read inspirational quotes...I found this one...I will read it everytime I am overwhelmed by the enormity of this problem on our planet... 

  

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it - always.
- Mahatma Gandhi

 

 
November 20, 2005, 8:51 pm CST

Shows on this topic

I am so grateful that the Dr. Phil show is doing shows on this issue...I hope they continue to do so on a regular basis...like Dr. Phil says..."monsters live in the dark" and this is one mother of a monster who's time has come...if we are going to stop this hideousness we have to keep a flood light shining on this one...God Bless Dr. Phil and Oprah and anyone else who has the guts to "speak" out on this issue.
 
November 20, 2005, 10:56 pm CST

I don't get it

I would just like to say that it takes so much courage to share such personal stories.  I hope that your messages can help others.  I just don't understand how people can take advantage of children in such a twisted way.   

  

I pray for all the children out there who just want to have a fun and happy childhood.  I pray that other children will never have to deal with this terrible issue.   

  

Maybe if we all work together around the world to stop these perverts...the world will be a better place. 

  

  

 
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