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Topic : 06/16 Childhood Secrets

Number of Replies: 501
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Created on : Friday, November 18, 2005, 03:38:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Do you have a secret that burns inside of you and you've been hanging onto it since you were a child? Dr. Phil speaks with three sisters whose lives and relationships have been gravely affected by their own childhood secret. Cathy and Micki say their stepfather abused them as children and they want nothing to do with him. But their half-sister, Hollie, says her father has changed and it's time they forgive and forget. Cathy and Micki speak out about what really happened to them as children and why Hollie needs to be concerned. Then, a message from their stepfather has Cathy and Micki outraged. Can these divided women heal their painful pasts and come together as sisters? Talk about the show here.


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November 21, 2005, 5:31 am CST

Newsletter

In August I started writing a monthly newsletter for survivors of CSA...I just started out and I hope to get better at it but you can check it out at  

  

http://spaces.msn.com/members/validate/   

  

feel free to subscribe.  You can also download past issues on that page. 

  

  

"Silence is the Voice of Complicity"...Dr. Emmett Miller 

 
November 21, 2005, 6:21 am CST

What about Mothers?

I feel like I never hear any stories about what effects a mother has on a woman.  Perhaps it is just too embarassing or maybe it's not politically incorrect because of the strength of the gay society.  My mother is divorced because she hated having sex with my father.  She would go into my room when he was not home and verbally tear me down until I would cry.  When I would cry, she would laugh.  She made excuses to see me naked, like shopping together and go into the dressing room with me.  She would touch me to emphasize that garments were too tight.  She wanted to put sunscreen on me .  She would touch me to tell me about my body changes.   

  

I felt disgusted and still suffer from the insults that were (I suppose) designed to get me to go along with this.  Not to even mention how very religious she was at the time.  It was creepy and as far as I have seen, no one else has had this situation.  I have never heard it talked about, ever. 

  

 
November 21, 2005, 6:52 am CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

Dr. Phil,  I lived this same life.  My bio. dad verbally and physically abused my 2 half sisters.  I have only recently, within the past 2 years really known to what extent.  My oldest sister and I have had many heart to hearts.  Unlike the ladies on the show,  we are all very close.  They never wanted to hurt me and my relationship with my dad.  Last year, I confronted my dad and he denied everything.  We have not spoken in almost a year, Dec. 25th to be exact.  I was just thinking about this yesterday and could not believe that this show was on this morning.  I am thinking of getting a transcript and highlighting the pertinent parts and adding my own feelings and those of my sisters.  Would that be helpful to any of us?  I am at a loss for what to do at this point.  At least my sisters and I are working through this and are very close.  Should I just let my father be as he is unwilling to admit to or own what he did over 30 years ago?  Please help
 
November 21, 2005, 7:25 am CST

Sexual Abuse from Own Dad

I watched Dr.Phil this morning and glad I did. I now know that I am not the only one that has been through abuse. I was 11 years old when my Dad started sexually abusing me and it took me up to the age of 15 to tell anyone. I was very lucky to have had a friend that listened to me and was able to find me help. I was taken from my parents by social services, and I was so glad to be out from that abuse. My Dad sexually, mentally, and physically abused me. My Mom did nothing to help me, in fact she told me I was lying to her when I did tell her what my Dad was doing. My Mom had the opportunity to leave my Dad with her kids (me and 2 boys), but she chose her sorry good for nothing husband over us. I will never forget what happened to me and how my Mom turned her back on me. My Mom is still married to this sick man, and I have tried many times to find ways for my Mom to leave him and start out on her own. My Mom will never leave her husband, it's sad because she's missing out on her Grandkids. As far as the other Family members, I feel as if I was forgotten about once I was in Foster Care. Nobody in my family tried to help me in any way what so ever, didn't call or visit. They all were told what happened and they just let it go in ear and out the other. I was able to forgive my Dad for what he done but I forgave him for myself so I can go on living my life the best I can. I will never forget.  It's really sad that people and mainly parents sexually,mentally,or physically abuse kids. Myself alone wishes that I could stop the abuse, but it's just impossible to do. We all need to stop the abuse. God Bless All!
 
November 21, 2005, 7:30 am CST

A Uncles love gone wrong

I'm a 38 year old mother.  I was raped repeatedly by my uncle (my fathers brother)  when I was 14 years old.  I told my parents and nothing ever happened to my uncle because it would hurt the family name in the community.  He was in his twenties when this happened and was married.  It's this big family secret and I hate it.  I gone through all these years with the pain.  He just goes on with his life like nothing ever happened.
 
November 21, 2005, 7:47 am CST

Sisters Divided

Our childhood "secret" isn't so secret and not at all that dark, but my sister and I have lived relatively close to each other yet know almost nothing about each other's lives.  Both of us are grieved, yet terrified to trust each other, or ourselves around the other.  I hate the holidays, since we agree to be forced together and it's really stressful.  Her ex-husband is married to my husband's little sister now, so running away from my sister to be with my in-laws isn't any easier!  I miss Thanksgivings of my teen years where all my grandmother's sisters and their spouses gathered for food and great, gossipy stories of the early 1900s.
 
November 21, 2005, 7:49 am CST

Am I the one on Dr. Phil today

These 2 girls today are living mine and my sisters life, almost to a "T".  My older sister and I are in the same situation.  We have 3 younger siblings, one being a 14 year old sister.  My stepfather liked to watch us bathe and touch us constantly.  My mother knew and told him "You're not supposed to do that".  We recently let my grandmother and other family members know what happened over 10 years ago.  We have a different outlook on what seemed normal to us.  We have kids now and enough is enough.  My 14 year old sister is developing.  In order to protect her, even though my parent have brainwashed her that me and my older sister are making all this up, we went through the court system. I have sole custody of my younger brother and my older sister has sole custody of my 14 year old sister and my other younger brother.  It has been a long 3-4 years but I refuse to let my mother and stepfater rule my life.  Since cutting ties with them, I am a much happier person and have learned alot about being a good mother.  Even though i miss my mother, it's a lot betther this way.  We have a hard time with our 14 year old sister, because my parents filled her in on every court date and we haven't, so we look like the bad guys but we didn't ask for this to happen.
 
November 21, 2005, 7:51 am CST

I Too, lost my sister over this issue

      I also lost my relationship with one of my sisters over this issue.  I was molested by my dad, and couldn't even acknowlege it till I was over 50.  I had known from 35 I had been molested by HIS dad, and my sister "Ann" was very supportive of me during my journey of reclaiming my life. It was so much scarier and devastating to remember that my own dad did it too. I didn't tell Ann about my discovery because I knew she would NEVER believe me.  I loved Ann, and cherished our close relationship.  I went thru therapy again with a great therapist, but didn't tell any family member this time.  I knew it would cause a huge rift between Ann and me.  Ann had been very close to both parents. Even though dad had been very emotionally and physically abusive, controlling and parented thru intimidation, Ann loved him and was very close.  She couldn't acknowledge any of that. 

       Five years after finishing my therapy, I still felt I had not quite finished.  I have many nieces, and felt an obligation to speak my truth to spare any of them who might have been molested from spending half a lifetime in the dark about why their lives were not functioning.  It wasn't until I realized I really didn't have a relationship with Ann that I could do what I knew I had to.  She had become distant after mom had died, and even more so when I changed my first name.  I had suspicions that one niece had likely been molested.  I called her and told her of my experience, giving her the opportunity to acknowledge anything similar.  I asked if she would keep this between the two of us, since I knew how Ann would respond.  She told her instead.  I received a call from Ann, who was VERY angry.  She told me she didn't want to ever hear from me again, and I was not to contact any of her family.  I knew she was not at all open to any discussion, so I just replied  "As you wish".  I am sad I don't have any relationship with Ann, but I feel I have accomplished the completion of reclaiming my power and my life.  I did what I could to help any nieces who have likely been molested.  I may never know if any recover any memory of incest.  I have not shared this info with other family members, but I have loving relationships with several. I know they would be shocked to hear my story, but I know they would accept it as real, or at least that I believed it was real, and would still love me. 

      Ann and I used to be so close that we bought each other the same Xmas gift once, and at least once bought the same clothing in different cities.  I had kept a family secret, hoping that in our 80's and 90's, we would still be close.  I won't have that, but I will have something more real.   

 
November 21, 2005, 7:52 am CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

My brother has admitted to molesting me (I was further molested by another family member, and kicked out of home by my parents after all the arguments I caused by talking about being abused). It doesn't even matter to my family that he has admitted it. They want all the details (my dad even asked me once if it was "normal" sibling playfulness: huh?) and I refuse to give them again and again and again; since I won't give details, they decide to ignore it all together. I don't WANT to give details over and over: details don't even matter anymore. It just hurts, and I want them to see that.

I am fed up of my family wondering why I am angry that everyone treats him like a king, whilst I have been struggling. I am fed up of being the black sheep of my family. I am married, and living in a seperate country than my family: not purposefully, but the further away the better. I can't just get over it. My parents expect a perfect relationship never mind the fact that I didn't talk to them for so long, and that I have seen them 1 or 2 times in nearly 6 years: we don't disscuss that, instead they want to talk about insignificant things. My family were not at my wedding, infact I didn't have a big wedding because I'd of had to invite them. I will never meet my neice, and my brother certainly will never meet my children (nor my step children that live with me).

My parents are coming to visit early next year and I have already made it so I will not be alone in the house with them. I am already coming up with conversation starters because I don't want to freak out at them, it doesn't solve anything: we just cannot talk about what happened to me: which is their loss, because they are missing out on my life and my experiances as there is no way I will open up to them. Maybe that's what they wanted all along. I am just sick and tired of being the one that was thrown away and left on her own, when it was them that hurt me.

I feel like I cannot talk about what happened to me with anyone, incase they just throw me away also. I am worth more than that. The only time I spoke to my friends about it they all said "but their such nice people" and never uttered a word about it again.

I really relate to the two sisters in feeling like they are fed up of listening to how happy the abuser is now. I don't want to hear that: and their sister should stop talking about him.
 
November 21, 2005, 7:55 am CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

Quote From: r_u_4real

IM SO GLAD THAT YOUR IN THERAPY. I HOPE YOUR MOM "KICKED YOUR DAD TO THE CURB". THE THERAPY WILL WORK AND YOULL JUST NEED ALOT TIME TO HEAL. AS FOR YOUR QUESTIONS 1.>BECAUSE THERE SICK...2>BECAUSE THERE SICK...3>THEY DONT, BECAUSE THERE SICK. THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP>>>"PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE SICK".
I am so sorry for you. I know things seem bad now but therapy will help. You may never forget but you will become stronger and a better person. What your dad did is unforgivable and he needs help. I hope your your mom is there to comfort you and punish your dadf or what he did to you becaus ehe should not get away with taking your security amongest other things away from. Jami Downing
 
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