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Topic : 03/31 Love Smart, Part 1

Number of Replies: 209
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Created on : Friday, December 02, 2005, 03:45:39 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/06/05) It's Dr. Phil after dark! Dr. Phil is having a champagne party - with an audience full of single men and women looking to meet Mr. and Ms. Right. Using his new book, Love Smart: Find the One You Want - Fix the One You Got, Dr. Phil teaches these singles how to be smart when it comes to love and relationships, and how to "bag 'em, tag 'em and take 'em home!" Noelle says she's a horrible dater and never gets called back for date number two. Dr. Phil sends her out with a man and critiques her technique. How is she sending the wrong message? Then, a beauty queen who never thought she would still be single at 37 says her biological clock is "gonging!" Does this mean she'll put up with just about anything? Dr. Phil puts her to the test. And, three single women who are looking for love in all the wrong places want Dr. Phil to help them find Mr. Right. See what happens when they participate in revolving dates while Dr. Phil coaches them through an earpiece. Whether you can't find a good candidate, can't close the deal, or get them home and realize they aren't who you thought they were -- you are about to earn your black belt in relationships! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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December 6, 2005, 2:03 pm CST

What about the guys?

I'm a forty-something year old guy divorced after 16 faithful years of marriage. I have no children, a flat stomach and am often told I look thirty-something. I've a college degree and dress to kill. I get all the first dates I want but no second dates (with the ones I want to go out with again). I'm not too picky, I just want a girl that is smart, humorous, pretty in the face and not larger than me. I am a slim, 140#, 5'9" well proportioned man with broad shoulders. Most of the girls I go out with 30 to 50 year olds, want a rich guy. I am not that! The girl on the show that went out with the fake Doctor and he was sooo rude to her, she only liked him 'cause he pretended to be a  Doctor, sooo shallow! HELP ME DR. PHIL!
 
December 6, 2005, 2:14 pm CST

Points well taken, but...

Quote From: missjane2

#1 Time:  I think the second question would be:  What do you currently do with your time during the week and what do you hope to do with your time on a day to day week to week month to month basis?

#2 AGE:  I see so many comments on these boards about Age.  I think you have an actual age:  How old you really are.  You have a physical age:  How old you look and people think you are and then a Mental Age:  YOUR MENTALITY  **laugh**  (I think being around kids alot lowers your Mental Age in order to relate and manage themm.... **tilts head**     Like with Age.... My grandma's now deceased who were THE BEST GRANDMA'S  EVER.  I am so thankful to have had them.  I would trade them for nothing.  They were perfect...... BUT in the last portion of their life 5- 10 years.... one thing I remember them talking about was their aches and pains and the obituaries... who died that they knew this week.... It's like that was their mentality or what they thought about and talked to others about.  It didn't change how I felt about them because as mentioned I adored them.... but in terms of this discussion um like if you as an older woman or man ( I have to include that because men break this rule too.) LISTEN TO WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT because I think that is often what attracts older men to younger women.  These young girls LOOK UP TO THEM AND RESPECT THEIR WISDOM where you might think they are full of ##$%& and that very well could be true ROFL but the young girl just says yeah uh huh WOW Really?  It's not totally about how young looking and cute she may be.... I think it's a bit about attitude and CONVERSATION....... 

I mean listen to what teenagers care about?  their nails.... the movies.....  their face and clothes.....   ITS A MENTALITY.... I think you can be Young at Heart.....

I think older men go for the younger women for the same reason they read Playboy or Maxum & it's not b/c the younger women are looking up to them & respecting their wisdom.  It's true many of us over 40 look & act quite youthful BUT when doing online dating, we won't even come up on the search of most guys our age (unless we're lying about our age which presents an integrity issue).  Their searches end at age 39 & most of them don't want to date anyone who was in high school at the same time they were. 

 
December 6, 2005, 2:16 pm CST

I'd have to agree with missjane

Quote From: missjane2

This Show was a lot of Fun!  I am only disappointed that I won't be able to watch the conclusion tommorrow...  Shoot!   I will say I AM SURPRIZED that some of the ladies brought up their Ex's on the first date.  I mean and Judy it was almost in the first sentence.  Judy it was almost like she said:  Look I am in love with someone else and I am not yet over it.  And Noelle.... Why do you think you need to give this guy who you just met your whole life history?  SAVE IT FOR YOUR COUNSELLOUR....   I would say nothing unless they DUG it out of you and then I would say something to change the subject.   I think the first question I would ask a stranger if I was seriously considering a relationship with them would be:  Do You Play the Guitar?  (That would be the first question and I think it would be a springboard to discuss alot of other things..... Just My Opinion........ 

I wouldn't necessarily freely offer that information unless it was asked of me...nor would i dodge the question.  Answer the question and see where it goes, but don't dwell on it.  There's a reason why the past is called the past.  You want your potential partner to see that you've dealt with what's happened in earlier relationships -- not that you're still hung up on it. 

Dating is definitely a difficult thing.  I've had my fair share of good and bad dates.  What I've learned is that what you put out there is what you find.  If you're expecting a potential partner to not be attracted to you because of your age or weight, that is what you dwell on during the date and that is what your date will see.   

 
December 6, 2005, 2:17 pm CST

I learned alot....

from this show today.... as I would have been saying some of those exact same things they were saying.....  I don't think it matters what age you are.... as the women on the show clearly showed....  I am stuck in a rut, a breast cancer survivor of almost two years, and am trying to figure out how to get back in the world again, let alone when do I tell him, and should I honestly expect a man to care about me when the disease may come back again.....  But today I really learned alot....  I now know what kinds of questions to ask him, how to get to the 'root' of him quickly and hoping he would want to get to the 'root' of me.....  So thanks so much Dr. Phil.....  I think I may even go get the book...... 

 
December 6, 2005, 2:25 pm CST

I agree with SOME of what you say

Quote From: missjane2

#1 Time:  I think the second question would be:  What do you currently do with your time during the week and what do you hope to do with your time on a day to day week to week month to month basis?

#2 AGE:  I see so many comments on these boards about Age.  I think you have an actual age:  How old you really are.  You have a physical age:  How old you look and people think you are and then a Mental Age:  YOUR MENTALITY  **laugh**  (I think being around kids alot lowers your Mental Age in order to relate and manage themm.... **tilts head**     Like with Age.... My grandma's now deceased who were THE BEST GRANDMA'S  EVER.  I am so thankful to have had them.  I would trade them for nothing.  They were perfect...... BUT in the last portion of their life 5- 10 years.... one thing I remember them talking about was their aches and pains and the obituaries... who died that they knew this week.... It's like that was their mentality or what they thought about and talked to others about.  It didn't change how I felt about them because as mentioned I adored them.... but in terms of this discussion um like if you as an older woman or man ( I have to include that because men break this rule too.) LISTEN TO WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT because I think that is often what attracts older men to younger women.  These young girls LOOK UP TO THEM AND RESPECT THEIR WISDOM where you might think they are full of ##$%& and that very well could be true ROFL but the young girl just says yeah uh huh WOW Really?  It's not totally about how young looking and cute she may be.... I think it's a bit about attitude and CONVERSATION....... 

I mean listen to what teenagers care about?  their nails.... the movies.....  their face and clothes.....   ITS A MENTALITY.... I think you can be Young at Heart.....
Mis Jane.  I agree with SOME of your comments.  You have a good point about acting youthful rather than talking about illness, aches and pains etc.  But I don't think it is so much what attracts men to younger women.  I think it is a basic shallowness, a need for an ego boost and arm candy that attracts fifty-somethings to 20 year olds.  Lets face it, how much can they possibly have in common??  It is a no-brainer why the 20 something girls go for the older guys.  MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!!! If Billy Joel, Donald Trump etc. were not rich would these young girls have married them??  Hmm...would be interesting to know that. As far as interesting conversations, I am still waiting to see a 20 something that can converse without saying 'I am SOOOOOO..or "I was like...."  Bottom line...he wants the bimbo arm candy and she wants the dollars.
 
December 6, 2005, 2:31 pm CST

Now who's judging?

Quote From: jeanniej70

ALSO we are not Young & stupid all of these women have great careers & are smart women. Maybe you are not a nice person. Judgeing these women when you dont even know them, you have no idea what they have been through, I do because I am one of the young & stupud But I am neither of those words you call me. What we dont deserve love> Maybe you need to watch the show before you assume anything
All your posts about judging people you don't know, yet you are saying to someone YOU don't know that maybe she is not a nice person. Now who is judging??
 
December 6, 2005, 2:38 pm CST

And for you women out there.

Quote From: cherie27

Here are some more tips for guys from a woman that has been on a few BAD dates: 

  

1.  Don't blow your nose at the table during dinner and proceed to dig in your nose.  Excuse yourself from the table and take care of it in the men's room.  Also belching and passing gas at the table is RUDE. 

  

2.  Have a plan when you pick up your date.  Don't expect your date to choose the restaurant and movie...show that you put some thought into it.  It makes you look like you could care less....and also, on a Friday or Saturday night, reservations are usually required.   

  

3.  Don't talk endlessly about your ex and the great sex you had daily.  I could care less. 

  

4.  Have breath mints or gum handy - please..... 

  

5.  Don't be a cheapskate...tip the waiter.   

  

6.  Know something about your kids...once went out with a guy that had no idea how old his kids were!  How detached from life do you have to be not to know how old your kids are? 

  

7.  Don't pull over on the road and accost your date by showing how good of a kisser you are....and if you are going to kiss....make sure your breath doesn't stink..... 

  

8.  Don't make up stories about the credit card company sending you and new card and you throwing it away...it's a renewal....meaning that you throw the OLD card awayl   

  

9.  Don't talk about mama all night. 

  

10.  Don't start a date out by saying that you aren't ready for a relationship...if that's the case...STAY HOME.  Don't go out until you are ready...   

  

It's hard out there ladies.  Single for five years and counting.... 

It's hard for us guys too!                                                           

1. Girls, I don't care to hear about all your guy friends  that are "more" than friends! aka FB's 

2. Just because I am not rich, I might be a good guy. 

3. If you are just interested in just having fun, find a manwhore! 

4. If you are not "into" me, please don't offer to pay for the date. Big turnoff. 

It's hard out there guys. Single for three years and counting first dates... 

 
December 6, 2005, 2:41 pm CST

Don't do on a date

Quote From: cherie27

Here are some more tips for guys from a woman that has been on a few BAD dates: 

  

1.  Don't blow your nose at the table during dinner and proceed to dig in your nose.  Excuse yourself from the table and take care of it in the men's room.  Also belching and passing gas at the table is RUDE. 

  

2.  Have a plan when you pick up your date.  Don't expect your date to choose the restaurant and movie...show that you put some thought into it.  It makes you look like you could care less....and also, on a Friday or Saturday night, reservations are usually required.   

  

3.  Don't talk endlessly about your ex and the great sex you had daily.  I could care less. 

  

4.  Have breath mints or gum handy - please..... 

  

5.  Don't be a cheapskate...tip the waiter.   

  

6.  Know something about your kids...once went out with a guy that had no idea how old his kids were!  How detached from life do you have to be not to know how old your kids are? 

  

7.  Don't pull over on the road and accost your date by showing how good of a kisser you are....and if you are going to kiss....make sure your breath doesn't stink..... 

  

8.  Don't make up stories about the credit card company sending you and new card and you throwing it away...it's a renewal....meaning that you throw the OLD card awayl   

  

9.  Don't talk about mama all night. 

  

10.  Don't start a date out by saying that you aren't ready for a relationship...if that's the case...STAY HOME.  Don't go out until you are ready...   

  

It's hard out there ladies.  Single for five years and counting.... 

  

I feel like you've been all the dates I've had.  I wonder where the men are with manners? Anyone answer that?? 

  

Sherry 

 
December 6, 2005, 2:49 pm CST

Dating Sucks

Quote From: rockstarxx

It's hard for us guys too!                                                           

1. Girls, I don't care to hear about all your guy friends  that are "more" than friends! aka FB's 

2. Just because I am not rich, I might be a good guy. 

3. If you are just interested in just having fun, find a manwhore! 

4. If you are not "into" me, please don't offer to pay for the date. Big turnoff. 

It's hard out there guys. Single for three years and counting first dates... 

  

I agree....dating is hard....marriage is harder.  I wish it was easier, but it's not.   

 
December 6, 2005, 2:51 pm CST

12/06 Love Smart, Part 1

Quote From: caninorm

from this show today.... as I would have been saying some of those exact same things they were saying.....  I don't think it matters what age you are.... as the women on the show clearly showed....  I am stuck in a rut, a breast cancer survivor of almost two years, and am trying to figure out how to get back in the world again, let alone when do I tell him, and should I honestly expect a man to care about me when the disease may come back again.....  But today I really learned alot....  I now know what kinds of questions to ask him, how to get to the 'root' of him quickly and hoping he would want to get to the 'root' of me.....  So thanks so much Dr. Phil.....  I think I may even go get the book...... 

I'm one step ahead I just logged on to Barnes and Noble and bought the book. I'm convinced that anything can help.  I've been single for 23 years and I've dated a lot and this is hard for me because I hate dating.  My problem is like yours getting back into dating scene.  It's hard to do but if we both have to force ourselves. 

  

Sherry 

 
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