Quote From: kleesunI think these two shows are depressing. I tell myself I know better but is so much of this really wrapped up in appearance? I don't want to highlight my hair (it's clean, it's brushed, it's brown. Get over it), makeup is uncomfortable and does horrible things to my skin, and I don't want to be squirming in "sexy" but uncomfortable clothing on every damned date. I would forgive him if he were in an old T-shirt and five o'clock shadow--why pass up a good guy just because he wasn't spit-shined the first time out?--but apparently he can't forgive me. I've been single for years, though, so I guess they get the last laugh.
I'm a nice person, I'm neither a wimp nor a man-eater, I'm smart, I have a good sense of humor, I'm fairly well-educated but not a show-off, I don't freak out if plans fall through, I grant second chances as long as he's not a complete jerk, I don't try to monopolize him or run his life, I'm not high-maintenance (maybe I'm not high-maintenance enough?), I won't drag him to the mall or to chick flicks, I don't play mind games, etc. etc. so what is wrong with me? I actually get along just fine with men. I don't think I know anybody else who knows as many really, genuinely, nice guys as I do and yet inspires so little interest. I'm like everybody's sister.
My best friend tells me I'm too androgynous (in personality). I just don't have the "flirt gene" or whatever it is that lets women make themselves alluring to men. I've tried dressing up and being more "girlish" but I can't keep it up and I feel like a total fraud. I've learned that they're not going to think of me as a woman, anyway, so if I'm "one of the boys" at least I can be a friend.
Dr. Phil would tell me I have way too much baggage and am cold, but what do you expect? Boys told me I was ugly when I was a teenager and have ignored me ever since, so if being liked and respected by them as a person now (I'm in my late 20's) isn't good enough, I don't know what else to do. I never had the chance to learn how to do this. My mother tells me I look and I just need to go out more, but a) she's my mother, and b) doesn't it follow to reason that if nobody is ever attracted to me, I must not be attractive? I had a boyfriend for a very short time in college and that was it (I haven't seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin because I figure I'm well on my way to living it for myself, ha ha).
I don't need a boyfriend. I don't want somebody who will only introduce himself if I have blonde streaks and mascara. I'm talented, I have plenty of interests of my own, I have friends and extended family who love me, but, damn it, I'm lonely. I can't even tell any more if I'm allowed to be lonely or not--half the time I hear that I should be OK with myself at to Hell with boyfriends and half the time I hear that humans are social and need emotional connection, etc. etc. What's the story? I am so tired of being jealous of married friends--I've cut female friends off when they started families because I couldn't handle it and was afraid I couldn't be civil to them, and that just makes me sick.
Sorry about the huge, whiny post. I hate myself for being so insecure about something that shouldn't be so important to me. I'm not insecure about very many things but this is HUGE, stupid issue for me.
Just to give you some encouragement, I didn't get married until I was 30 and it worked well for me. I'm not sure what you meant by too much baggage and "cold" but maybe those are just areas you could work on for yourself. Sometimes it is important to be yourself so you will be relaxed with the guy when you go out. Have you thought about YOU asking the guy out? Like for coffee? get 2 tickets to something. Sometimes you got to work on yourself a bit to attract attention, who knows- way too much media hype on the perfect body, etc. You want someone NICE, too!!!! Singles groups at churches are good- I know someone who met a guy there. Working at a community theater is good but some of the guys may be gay but others aren't I know someone or lots who met guys that way. Even working on the set or tickets or costumes you are part of something. Get a dog and go to the park. everyone will stop and talk if you are friendly. Don't live at home. Even if you have to share a house or apartment with 3-4 girls you will meet more people. Listen, I didn't have a kid until I was 39 and I was just fine. Try and be more positive. What are your favorite things in life? I don't know what type of work you do but don't overlook the guy who like you, may be a diamond in the rough.Focus on giving what you would like to get back- attention, interest, conversation .instead of what you don't have. I don't know where you live but some places have great guy to girl ratios. OK, so Alaska may be a stretch and far north but I'd bet you'd have more guys than you could handle!!!!!! Go for it girl!!!!!
The lights are low, the champagne is flowing and Dr. Phil's singles party continues, teaching women how to weed out the bad boys and find Mr. Right. Four women who say they can't be themselves when they're around guys are taped as they candidly speak about dating and what they're looking for in a mate. What they don't know is that they are actually being watched by men whom they will later meet. Find out what the men think about these ladies! Next, one of the women gets a special makeover from Robin, and a pep talk from Dr. Phil. Will she be able to earn herself a second date when she's armed with a secret weapon? Then, Dr. Phil sends single women to "target-rich" environments. Some are armed with tips for meeting men, while others have to survive on their own. Which group of women will meet men and even get phone numbers? Plus, test your knowledge and see how well you know men. If you're ready to be a bride instead of a bridesmaid, you don't want to miss Dr. Phil's advice! Join the discussion.
