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Topic : 06/13 Trapped

Number of Replies: 197

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Created on : Friday, January 27, 2006, 02:36:31 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/30/06) When two people get married, they proclaim, "For better or worse," but what happens when the worse part is all there is? Chris and April got married six weeks after their first date. Three years later, Chris says he's trapped between his wife and his daughter from his first marriage. April feels trapped in a marriage with someone she didn't know well enough to begin with, who is not the parent she thought he would be. With constant fighting in front of the children and frequent separations, can they learn to find balance? Then, Lori says if she had the money she would take her kids and divorce Tom, her husband of 10 years, but since he controls all the finances, she has no money for an attorney. Lori has to ask him for money for everything -- including buying groceries and filling her car with gas. Can Tom learn to share the wealth and treat Lori like his wife, not his child? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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lacirae

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June 13, 2006, 6:53 pm PDT

dont stay

Quote From: trinket

ONLY YOU can make this decision. Dr.Phil likes to say that kids would rather be FROM a broken hom, than live in one. How old are your kids ? Do they live at home ? Are they in school ? I think in marriage we get bored...but the thing we forget is - it's up to us to keep ourselves happy. Do you have something you can get involved in ? A hobby? A class ? If you have something to go do, then it gives you and your spouse the break you need, AND it increases conversation because you will have an interest that excites you. You won't be thinking about divorce, or blaming your spouse, because you will have too much going on. If, after you do this, you still find your unhappy, then try to figure out what your next move should be. Dont quit because things are not exciting anymore.

if u want out u should just get out....if u are fighting in front of the kids it only makes them feel its thier falt. i know that feeling.....i feel that way almost everyday. dont stay just for the kids trust me they will be better off, i mean its not like ur going to take his rights aways so they will still havea dad and a mom just in different houses.

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shonia

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June 13, 2006, 7:29 pm PDT

I don't know what I should call it trapped or what

I have been with my husband for seven years five we have been married. It seems as if once I said I do things start going wrong. He don't trust me and I feel he is the one I shouldn't trust because he was living with a woman when we meet. I feel I shouldn't trust him but I do. He is always accusing me of other guys. That make me feel as if it is him. When we decided that he was going to move out he went to the doctor and now he is disabled he as Renal Kindey Failure. So, I was there with him every sice he gotten sick but, all he do is nagged and accuse me of other men. All we do is argue and fight. I work full time and go to school and tend to the kids and him. Now, he has a gambling problem and tell him all the time that gambling is not the way to bring money into hte house actually it hurt the house. He take money from me and then lied. He will give me money then come back and take it. But, will make the comment if it wasn't for my wife I don't know what we would do. But, I don't love him the same like I used to. I love him but NOT in love with him. I want separate but I don't want people to think I left himbecause he was sick because I didn't. I haven't been happy for a long time. What should I do?????????

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colt_66

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June 13, 2006, 9:28 pm PDT

MY LIFE

I'M BEGAININ TO WONDER IF THIS LIFE IS EVEN WORTH IT ANYMORE, I'M SHOWING THE SIGNS FER M.S WHICH IS A SLOW CRIPPLING DIEASE, SO WHAT'S THE POINT ON GOING ON ANYWAY & I'M ALREADY IN COUNSLING BUT I WONDER IF HE EVEN CARES. I'M TIRED ALL THE TIME NOW AND I'M REALLY SICK OF BEING TIRED, I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT SLEEP, I SLEEP UP TO 15HRS AT A TIME SO I'M SLEEPING MY LIFE AWAY. COLT

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kitspics

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June 14, 2006, 5:56 am PDT

06/13 Trapped

Quote From: katydid52u

35.5 years here, same room mate situation, he told me he doesn't want sex because it reminds him of what he's missing. Quit my job of 20 years because of stress and to help him on the farm but nobody but him can do it right. He talks to our dog(s) the same way (we have 5) and there are times I think he does it on purpose just to make me jealous. I do love him so this is very depressing for me but it has gone on almost the whole time we have been married. I have done everything I can think of to make him happy, whether I wanted to or not and all he does is curse and swear, use the f word and is always angry. Nothing makes him happy. I wish I had valium for him, he would be easier to get along with. I took over paying the bills right from the start, he never got around to do it til we were getting late notices, same with the farm book work and income taxes, did the farm chores for him while he was gone driving truck, raised 2 (good) boys and had a full time job. We have few friends, go nowhere and he spends all his time in the barn til late at night when he comes in to embrace his dearest love (TV) and looks to see if I have made him supper (always). Yet everything is my fault. If Dr. Phil and his wife ever get a divorce that will be the end of it for me because they are my only hope that 2 people can really love each other, talk things out and get along. I finally called a marriage counselor this morning, against my better judgment since we live in appalachia. No good counselor would live around here (no money). Of course, no answer so I left a message and of course no one called me back. I always laugh when people say to find a good counselor. Around here try to even find one and the chances are close to zilch. So all I can tell you, is you have a soul mate out here and summer is coming. We can busy ourselves outside and things don't look so bleak then. Oh one other thing, in the last few years I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and that has really helped me but if anything made our relationship worse because my husband says I've changed since I've got religion (duh) and he doesn't like me so much anymore. This too shall pass...

Katydid,

I can tell you this....you have the power through Jesus Christ, not your husband!

Now hold onto this scripture and believe it with all your heart!

Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world!

Now trust in the Lord for your marriage! And put the father first in everything.

One thing I have learned when it comes to dealing with a man who hasn't bowed before the Father....it gets worse before it gets better....But when the Lord steps in, it get better than you could possibly imagine!

To save sanity make those scriptures your mantra....repeat them to yourself always....

I can do all things through Jesus Christ

Peace I leave to you, not the peace of this world do I leave to you, but my peace I leave to you, let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid!

AND more....those that speak to you hide them in your heart...they will help beyond measure!

If you stay in the Lord's will things will come about!

blessings

Kit

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kitspics

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June 14, 2006, 6:09 am PDT

06/13 Trapped

Quote From: colt_66

I'M BEGAININ TO WONDER IF THIS LIFE IS EVEN WORTH IT ANYMORE, I'M SHOWING THE SIGNS FER M.S WHICH IS A SLOW CRIPPLING DIEASE, SO WHAT'S THE POINT ON GOING ON ANYWAY & I'M ALREADY IN COUNSLING BUT I WONDER IF HE EVEN CARES. I'M TIRED ALL THE TIME NOW AND I'M REALLY SICK OF BEING TIRED, I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT SLEEP, I SLEEP UP TO 15HRS AT A TIME SO I'M SLEEPING MY LIFE AWAY. COLT

Look, the sleepiness you are experiencing sounds like depression, rather than your illness!

Your outlook is affecting the depression!

Is there nothing about life you like?

Are there people out there that you could help? That you love?

I don't have ms....but I do have spinal problems and other things that have debilitated me...but it hasn't made me stop...it has made me adaptable....

Of course I lost my ability to do many things I enjoyed doing but I as well have learned to do things and found talents that I never would have used if it weren't for my disabilities!

I want to ask you something!

What would you do today, if you knew you were going to die tomorrow?

Now get your hiney out there and do some of that! Because sure you have the signs of ms...but you don't even know if you will even have to go through the rigors of it!

Is there anyone out there that might benefit from your help with this? Or perhaps you should talk to others who are going through what you are but have managed to find a fulfilling life anyway!

I am very sorry you have to go through this! Really I am!

You have to grab all the life you can now, because you don't know what tomorrow may bring...

Believe me, it would be far worse to look back and realize all the precious time you wasted by being self-absorbed and dreading the day that may never come!

It isn't wrong to hope....it is wrong to not hope!

Life is short enough why throw it away with both hands because you think it will be taken away!

I am hoping for you...

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kitspics

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June 14, 2006, 6:21 am PDT

06/13 Trapped

Quote From: shonia

I have been with my husband for seven years five we have been married. It seems as if once I said I do things start going wrong. He don't trust me and I feel he is the one I shouldn't trust because he was living with a woman when we meet. I feel I shouldn't trust him but I do. He is always accusing me of other guys. That make me feel as if it is him. When we decided that he was going to move out he went to the doctor and now he is disabled he as Renal Kindey Failure. So, I was there with him every sice he gotten sick but, all he do is nagged and accuse me of other men. All we do is argue and fight. I work full time and go to school and tend to the kids and him. Now, he has a gambling problem and tell him all the time that gambling is not the way to bring money into hte house actually it hurt the house. He take money from me and then lied. He will give me money then come back and take it. But, will make the comment if it wasn't for my wife I don't know what we would do. But, I don't love him the same like I used to. I love him but NOT in love with him. I want separate but I don't want people to think I left himbecause he was sick because I didn't. I haven't been happy for a long time. What should I do?????????

Leave him!

Stop worrying about what other people think!

First the constant arguing around children isn't good!

Second you say you don't love him!

Third he is addicted to gambling! As an addict he is only worried about himself and getting to play his games.

Fourth he is abusive! His constant jealousy is manipulative and a way to control you!

Fifth you are paying the way, anyway and he will bring you down with him in his addiction!

Sixth it isn't what people think of you, it is what you think of yourself! Right now you are more worried about other peoples opinions....but it is time to worry about your children and yourself!

Seventh make it a clean break, don't let him wheedle himself in. If he says he'll go to counseling tell him, go to counseling and after you have gone to counseling for a year give me a call, but until then I don't want to see you1 AND make it a legal separation with you having custody of the children and all the visitation rights etc, spelled out for ya...

This may seem cold....but you can't help him, he has to do that himself...your responsibility to your children and yourself come first and he needs to know that he can't come back and treat you the way he has and you will not support his addiction.....cut him loose and save yourself!

I know this won't be easy....but when it is done you will feel better for it!

hoping for the best for you

Kit

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angel_tat

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June 14, 2006, 6:39 am PDT

rv1978, wake up!

I know this will come across as harsh, I really am not trying to be mean. But I see that you are on here giving everyone else advice...and I really think you should be paying more attension to your own situation. Some of your advice to the others was to stick it out and get help no matter what...personally for alot of them, I think they should kick their husband/ wife to the curb. You may feel your relationship has worked out...but you my dear are trapped! You seem willing to believe any lie your guy tells you because you feel you have to turn the other cheek and stay. I mean "come on" the "on a break" excuse is one of the biggest in the book. If your happy with your realationship as is, then more power to you...I am happy for you. But please don't come on here and tell other woman who have been completely disrespected by someone they trusted and loved...and tell them to stay and continue to be walked on. I am not saying that people can't work things out...but it depends on the two people involved. There was a perfect example on here...one of the woman said she stayed and now after 7 more years she wishes she had gotten out. I think she still should, if you can't trust after 7 yrs...it is not going to happen. And I should remind everyone...what does DR. PHIL HIMSELF say ALL the time..."it is better to come from a broken home, than to live in one". Don't get me wrong...I come from divorced parents...and it isn't easy living through it, but I know as an adult that they are better off now, and it was their life. It has no bearrings on me. And just for the record...I am married, a happy 13 yrs....and no I don't live in a fantasy world...we have had our share of troubles...we are human, but we fortunatly have always respected one another...and we have never had any secretes. I hope for all of you in trouble, that you find the answers...my heart does go out to you...but please don't listen to the advice of one do-gooder.

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naturesgir

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June 14, 2006, 6:48 am PDT

Again...

I've posted this theory before but, darn it, I really believe it!!! Men are just not designed to be faithful to one woman their entire lives. Check out the recent issue of National Geographic which investigates the whole subject of "love" and draws heavily upon the research of Helen Fischer, renowned biological anthropologist, who insists that SCIENCE PROVES that the maximum length of time passion lasts or people remain "in love" is years (more like eighteen months, in most cases). After that ceases, yes, attachment and bonding may take over, but only if basic friendship and compatibility is there and enough of a "life" has been built on common interests and values. No wonder all these marriages based on lust collapse like sand castles! Unfortunately, most couples have seen fit to bring at least one and usually two or three kids into the picture first. There are many, many cultures in which people stay married but accept (even if not publically acknowledging or sanctioning) extramarital affairs to keep the men happy, as they ARE hard-wired to move onto new women after a certain length of time. Only in America do we idealistically deny this reality and choose, instead, to make it a dealbreaker now that women are more financially independent, men have more women to choose from (sex is more open), people live longer and healthier, and the social censure is virtually nonexistent. Hence our astronomically high divorce rate. I think women need to "get real" about the true nature of men and just make the best of it...

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staciesmom

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June 14, 2006, 9:14 am PDT

I saw my husband & I in both couples last night!

My husband & I were watching D.P last night. Guess what! It started a big debate! Of course he was blaming "us" housewives." He was even calling the housewives the same names that he calls me. I have heard the same lines about the drinking and "she should be lucky I don't go out to strip clubs." My husband also keeps all the money and won't even give me gas money. This week I am at home on vacation because my two teens are at relatives. I have no freaking car! It will cost him 120.00 to fix, he has the money. But he enjoys that I am stranded on my 1 week off. His response is, "GET A JOB!" I have started to look for work. I can't wait to work. But let me tell you what I have shared with others. We have two teens from prev. relationships. Both girls are "at risk" teens. His is more. There is crisis every week. And I mean every week. She has run away twice. Has been suspended 5 times this year. She has been jumped 3 times, and in 2 fights. She does not come home during curfew, she needs 24/7 supervision. My daughter is also rebelling, typical teen stuff. I am the sole emotional & physical supporter for these two girls. I get no support from other parents, including my husband. My nights are sleepless cause I worry about the kids. Just this last week I was so anxious I had to step back and say, Whoa, I need a break or my I will not survive. So my family was kind enough to take both teens for the week before summer school starts. My husband reaction was, "Why couldnt you handle them?" I swear, I am drowing! Therapy isn't doing a thing! My husband blames me for all of our problems, including financial and the kids. Oh yea, last week, I thought to myself, I swear if I had a running car and money, I would run away for a couple of weeks. Let them know how it feels!

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lexgabella

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chillin'

June 14, 2006, 9:42 am PDT

you CAN do it

Quote From: trashed

I just found out for sure last night my husband of almost 10 years is having an affair, We have four precious boys. He brought her to my house at a new years eve party and he was caught by a friend making out with his co-worker in my laundry room!! I asked him then he seemed to have NO memory claiming he must have been drunk! Since then he has not had anything but cold advances to me. He wont even hug me. He refused to take me to diner to talk. Then five days ago he "suddenly" says "I'm not happy and I'm getting my own apartment". It was a shock since he kept denying any involvement. I feel so devestated that I dont know where to turn. My boys are real upset. He says he has to find himself (he's forty) So I'm asking what do I do? Do I wait for him while he sleeps around to find himself. He says if I don't give him space, he'll leave anyway. I will pretty much loose everyting when he leaves. We are strapped at the moment. I'm sooo lost, I really love him, but I know I'm just being a fool. He's thinking with his "little Head" not the big one.!!!! Please help.

The best thing for both you and your boys is to take care of yourself. It is not your fault, so please hon, don't blame yourself (and if you haven't GOOD FOR YOU!!). Take yourself for a date (if you can afford it), if not, make yourself a nice dinner after the boys go to bed if your not too tired. Soak in the tub, give yourself a facial, manicure and hair do. Yeah yeah, it sounds superficial, but as a woman myself, I know when I look great I feel great. Then look in the mirror (at your beautiful self) and say that you did your best whilest you had it. That you are and will continue to be the best mother that thoes boys have because YOU are the mother that God chose for them. Even if your husband isn't there, hold him to task for your boys sake, because they need a father and a means of support. You only need that man for your sons, not yourself. And if you are the same age (roughly) as your husband, then there is a huge future for you. You deserve better. If better is the man getting his proberbial head out of his butt and being the man you desire GREAT! If not, there could be someone else out there for you. My mom was in her late thirties with two teenaged children (plus myself, but I had moved out and had a baby by then) when she reconnected with an old flame and they are happily married for the past three years and she has all she never knew she wanted in a mate. So don't give up hope, don't give up on yourself. Like I said, the best thing to do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take care of yourself. You will become stronger and your boys will admire you for it PLUS, when and if a new man comes into your life, it won't matter how old you are or how many children you have, he will be drawn by your strength, courage and beauty (both inner and outter). If seen it, my mom's living proof. So go for it, you are worth it, you just need to feel it.

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