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Topic : 06/27 Cut 'Em Off!

Number of Replies: 157
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Created on : Friday, January 27, 2006, 02:38:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/31/06) They can be young, they can be old. If they live in your house and spend all your hard-earned money -- they're moochers! First, Nancy and her four siblings are fed up with their mooching 21-year-old brother, Matt. He sleeps all day, has no job and depends on their father for all his expenses. They're concerned about the stress it's causing their dad. Can Dr. Phil convince Matt to set some goals for himself? Next, Pat, 49, says the only thing he has in common with his freeloading twin brother, Mike, is the roof over their heads! Can Pat get his twin on his own two feet before it destroys Pat's marriage? Plus, an update on the family of 13 all living in a trailer together. Who's the newest moocher? Join the discussion.

 

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January 31, 2006, 7:03 am CST

I Still Live With My "MAMA"

Dr. Phil....I wish that my brother could have been on the show today!  He is such a big moocher.  He is 34, divorced, on drugs and still living at home.  My family would never want to come on the show although I have often thought about calling in myself.  I just get so upset with him sometimes because he takes all of my parents money and he doesn't hold a job.  Everything you said today is so true about love is letting them move to the next stage in life.  And my parents think they are loving him, but they are only hurting him!!! 

                                                                                      -Truly Concerned 

 
January 31, 2006, 7:16 am CST

MOOCHERS

 

I am at the end of my rope.  My son is 35 years old and lives at home.  He helps very little around the house and when he has a job, he does not spendhis money responsibly.  He has a 4 years old child who is he supposed to pay $362 per month child support, but he knows if he doesnt pay it that I will because I dont want to see the child suffer.  99% of the time I pay the child support. He says" dont pay the support" but I know if I dont it wont get paid and the law will be coming to my house.  What makes it worse is that I retired from our local Social Services as the Child Support Supervisor, and have a son who is a dead beat dad.  I cant stand the embarassment of anyone knowing the doesnt pay his support, so I pay it.   My husband died 8 years ago and left me some money and for some reason my son feels he should share in that money.  I furnish him with a place to live, food, clothing and spending money.  I have the responsibility to get him to and from work because he doesnt have a driver's licence.  (Three DWIs)   

 

I have given him money to move out and he spent it on other things.  WHAT AM I TO DO???? 

 

 
January 31, 2006, 7:18 am CST

This is my life!!

I have a  brother who lives an an apartment of my grandmother's. He does nothing to help, pays no rent, she even pays his utilities. I mantain her property, while he is out partying with his friends. Thank you for this great show with great ideas!!!
 
January 31, 2006, 7:29 am CST

Respectfully disagree

I am obviously no expert like Dr. Phil, but I respectfully disagree with some of the issues raised here today.  Maybe I am too wrapped up in  my daughter (who is my only child), but with her getting ready to leave for college this fall, there would be no way I could ever call her a "moocher" if she came back home.  I love my daugther unconditionally and without question.  She is a pleasure to be around, very responsible and very considerate of others.  She is going to be so missed and I would welcome the chance to have her home again.  To call your child a "moocher" and want them out of the house is something I cannot even imagine.  I guess I don't have the terrible situation some of the families do, but I always want my child to know there is no place more welcoming or safe than her home. 
 
January 31, 2006, 7:51 am CST

01/31 Cut 'Em Off!

 I tend to find this whole discussion really strange because both my parents have always made it very clear to me that I can live with either of them as long as I want to.  My parents don't WANT me to leave home.  When I went to college my dad wanted me to live at home and my mom wanted me to live in the dorms for at least a year.  After they got divorced two years later they both wanted me to come live with them. I live with my mom but I see my dad every day.

Right now I live with my mom, I'm 24.  I was placed on academic suspension from college for one year.  Right now I don't work , really.  I take care of my mom's house and the things the renters need while they're here. My mom is living in TX with her husband, so she asked me to stay here and look after things.  I also drive my dad home from work, and where ever else he needs to go since he doesn't have a liscence right now.

As far as my parents feel I should NOT be living alone or with people I don't completely trust.  I have narcolepsy and some other health problems and mental problems that can be relatively dangerous if I am left alone for too long. 

I am looking for freelance writing work, or anything LEGITIMATE where I can work from home right now. 

I think most people would consider me a mooch, since my parents pay for everything.  That tends to make me feel pretty bad.  But then I think about all the stuff I do for my parents that most people my age dont have to do.  So in my feelings we turn out even in the end. 
 
January 31, 2006, 9:02 am CST

CUTEM Off

Quote From: serolod

I am obviously no expert like Dr. Phil, but I respectfully disagree with some of the issues raised here today.  Maybe I am too wrapped up in  my daughter (who is my only child), but with her getting ready to leave for college this fall, there would be no way I could ever call her a "moocher" if she came back home.  I love my daugther unconditionally and without question.  She is a pleasure to be around, very responsible and very considerate of others.  She is going to be so missed and I would welcome the chance to have her home again.  To call your child a "moocher" and want them out of the house is something I cannot even imagine.  I guess I don't have the terrible situation some of the families do, but I always want my child to know there is no place more welcoming or safe than her home. 
I understand where you are coming from, I am the Mother of a 35 year old successful wife, mother, and employee.  She may have been an only child but she still had to Babysit, part time jobs and etc while in High School.  When she went off to college, we put her on an allowance for expenses each month (excluding books).  She begin to complain about money and we told her she was not getting any more cash from us.  Guess what? She got a part time job for extra spending money --- it taught her what is her responsibility and that she had to work for the things she wanted (or thought she wanted).  She is a absolutely fantastic adult and successful and very budget conscious.  I am so glad we put some rules down.
 
January 31, 2006, 9:08 am CST

A different kind of moocher?

Hi Dr. Phil 

     I think there's a whole element you haven't hit upon, and it is more prevalant than what you may think; that's parents who move in with their kids.  My husband Chris and I went away with friends for the weekend in 1994 and when we came home, my parents had moved in!  It was initially for 2 weeks, but soon my mothers health began to fail and they ended up staying until she passed in 2001; then my father passed  last February 2005.  They helped pay part of the expenses until my mother passed, then my father quit contributing to the household altogether.  I value that they spent time with our older daughter, Dad with the younger until she was 9 months, and that they could be together every day, and miss my parents terribly. 

     During the entire time my parents lived with us, they financally took care of my brother who is 10 years my senior, until the day they died.  If that meant they borrowed money from friends or associates, then that's what they did, much to the detriment of some of those relationships.  I cared for them through 2 pregnancies, with miminal help.  When I was 9 months pregnant, my father was in the hospital in congestive heart failure, and my Mom was at home with COPD on oxygen, needing help getting dressed, eating and monitoring her medications.  I had to have a confrontation with my brother for help with them so I could go to work.  My other brother is 16 years my senior, and the "lone wolf".  He's always lived in Texas, California or New Mexico, and hasn't been a part of our family except when it's convenient for him.  Since our mother's passing he has fallen off the face of the earth  (he has another father and our sister from that father as well, who passed from MS in 1991, whom I helped our Mom care for).  It's not that my brothers weren't capable of helping, they just didn't have to because I took care of it.      

     My 51 year old brother keeps saying that the "big deal" is around the corner that's going to make him rich, and he'll take care of all of our worries, instead of trying to work for a living and being satisfied with what he's got.  His life is passing him by, and he's still waiting for it to start.  I like to say that he was waiting for his ship to come in, but it already went by on the train!  His daughter and her husband now have taken over where our parents left off.  My brother is a wonderful person, he was just never given the tools to make it on his own, much like the young man in your piece today. 

     Now we have my mother-in-law, who has come and gone for several years. She's a dear woman and I love that we're able to help, and that she feels like this is her home, to a certain degree.  The girls love spending time with her, and she with them.  Don't misunderstand what I'm saying, I'm glad that we're able to help our parents, but it's taken a toll on our health, mental state at times; yet I thank God for Chris, my wonderful husband and soulmate, who shares the same values I do.  We would never say "NO" to our families (Chris has 5 brothers and sisters, and we've helped some of them while they were growing up, and with our nieces, 1 from each side of our families, while they were growing up).  We're not saints, but we've tried to do what we thought was right by our families.  We've spent 19 years building a construction business and have always been the ones that everyone turns to when they need help with anything, and we've gladly given what we can.  We've never been in a position to have someone to turn to for financial help, and I have often wondered what it would be like to not worry about money or to have someone to be a safety net for us. 

     Now my  husband Chris is 43, and had a pacemaker installed 2 weeks ago.  We've been married almost 21 years, and have 2 daughters, Lauren is 5 years old and Lindsey is 21 months old, and I'm frightened about our future.  We waited 15 years to have children because of our business, and my biggest fear is that he won't be around to enjoy them.  We've invested all of our money back into our business and helping others, and have used up our meager savings to stay afloat.  I am overwhelmed with concern about where we go from here in so many facets of our lives there isn't enough space here. I don't think we're the only people in this situation.  Please consider giving some attention to others who are also in this type of family situation. 

  

Sincerely, 

Christina Frost 

 
January 31, 2006, 9:18 am CST

Holy Smokes!

I left home after graduation.  I have never returned to live with my parents.  I have been in extreme financial hardships, but would never even think of going back home and burden my parents.  Hey, take responsibility for your life!  And these parents....I can't believe they would put up with these free-loaders.  Yes, love your children, but enable them to live off you the rest of "your" lives....no way!
 
January 31, 2006, 9:19 am CST

I'm no expert either

Quote From: serolod

I am obviously no expert like Dr. Phil, but I respectfully disagree with some of the issues raised here today.  Maybe I am too wrapped up in  my daughter (who is my only child), but with her getting ready to leave for college this fall, there would be no way I could ever call her a "moocher" if she came back home.  I love my daugther unconditionally and without question.  She is a pleasure to be around, very responsible and very considerate of others.  She is going to be so missed and I would welcome the chance to have her home again.  To call your child a "moocher" and want them out of the house is something I cannot even imagine.  I guess I don't have the terrible situation some of the families do, but I always want my child to know there is no place more welcoming or safe than her home. 
I don't think Dr. Phil is saying not to be a safe haven for you children to always feel they have a home, but there are people who take advantage of your generosity and kindness and expand upon it.  If your daughter were capable of taking care of herself, but refused to, you would probably take care of her because of your maternal instinct to always protect your kids; but that's not necessarily the most loving thing you can do.  My 51 year old brother was taken care of by our parents, now they're both gone, and his 22 year old daughter and her husband take care of him, because he can't and won't take care of himself.  My father berated himself for not making him stand on his own 2 feet and be a man, and how he thought he's squandering his life.  Parents do the best they can for their children, but at some point, you have to let them go to make a life of their own, which they NEED to do if they want to be proud to contribute back into their own lives and society.  On the other side, my parents lived with my husband and I until they died, and I wouldn't trade that for the world; however it also caused financial, emotional, and physical burdens upon my husband and I.  There's a difference in a welcoming safe home, and a crutch to keep from living up to your potential.
 
January 31, 2006, 9:21 am CST

01/31 Cut 'Em Off!

Quote From: tangomango

Dr. Phil....I wish that my brother could have been on the show today!  He is such a big moocher.  He is 34, divorced, on drugs and still living at home.  My family would never want to come on the show although I have often thought about calling in myself.  I just get so upset with him sometimes because he takes all of my parents money and he doesn't hold a job.  Everything you said today is so true about love is letting them move to the next stage in life.  And my parents think they are loving him, but they are only hurting him!!! 

                                                                                      -Truly Concerned 

DRUGS?!  I say kick his ass out!  Better yet, if he has drugs in the house call the police and have him arrested....he will sure have a place to live then.  Your parents are "enabling" him to stay "stuck" right where he is.  I thought love was about wanting the "best" for your children.  Have you tried talking to your brother? 
 
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