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Topic : 08/16 The Hunt for Amanda

Number of Replies: 581
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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:17:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/07/06) Follow Dr. Phil inside an incredible family drama. Sixteen-year-old Amanda has been missing for over four months. Her parents, Paul and Linda, say she ran away with her boyfriend, George, and what they call his "Gypsy family." Dr. Phil puts his own investigator on the case in a hunt that stretches across 10 state lines. See Amanda’s tearful reunion with her mother, but then learn why their sweet moments together soon turn sour. Dr. Phil hears the teen's emotional confession about where she's been, and where she hopes to go next. Plus, the family erupts in a conflict so explosive, authorities have to be called to their hotel. What sets Amanda off? Dr. Phil puts some tough questions to George, and Amanda's family makes a heart-wrenching decision about their daughter's future. Can Amanda's life be set straight? Talk about the show here.

 

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February 7, 2006, 9:12 am CST

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???

Quote From: hatman5

 I agree! Especially where they took the cell phone away from her, what did they expect her to do? It seems like they just went looking for even more trouble on top of what they already had. And when she tried to escape from the situation and calm down, they kept provoking her by entering the room. I'm suprised she only kicked them, they really had trouble handling her.

      Are you people living in a BOX? This is a CHILD!  Does anyone read the papers these days? Amanda doesn't need (nor has she earned) the right to PRIVACY, and contrary to the teen belief, a child does not have a GOD given RIGHT to carry a cell phone!  This girl has used up her free pass to make mistakes and learn from them when she didn't learn from them.  Now it is time for her to be protected from herself as well as guided in the right direction BEFORE she gets a day older.  Sometimes it may take TV CAMERAS, INTERVENTION, INVASION OF PRIVACY.  To love a child unconditionally sometimes requires that you love them twice as much to make up for the times that they hate you.  Parenting is not always the most popular sport to be in, but if you stick it out, the payoff is awesome.  I didn't see anything on todays show in the treatment of Amanda that was unhealthy for her.  The very hardest part of helping a child that you love, is NOT giving up when the going get tough.  The only thing I would do different would be a no-contact order for the family that includes the boyfriend.  The parents already tried the "compromise" game, and she abused it.  So now she can make all of the decisions for herself just as soon as she turns 18. 

  

 
February 7, 2006, 9:40 am CST

Dr Phil Show.

Doctor Phil. I think Amanda sure not run away at all. My nice Abby does have a boyfriend name Nick 

and I think that he will treat Abby nice but however that teenager do run away to be with boyfriend---- 

or a friend aswell. I donot like teenager to run away at all. See you at 03:00 P.M. To 04:00 P.M.-------- 

Well I had better close now. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------------------------------------- 

 
February 7, 2006, 10:16 am CST

I disagree.

Quote From: themason

Rather than demonize Amanda, shouldn't we be looking at what factors would cause a 16 year old girl to choose to be 'adopted by' another family rather than live with her own? Doesn't anyone think it kind of telling that Amanda's Dad took flight immediately after she went to live with the 'so-slandered' gypsies? What about Dad's lie to Amanda when he said he had taken an active part in the search for her?   A great bit of focus was placed on Amanda's 'attitude'. Can we look at this objectively for a minute? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to suddenly learn that they have been hunted? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to have their freedom stolen from them? Television cameras? Police officers? How incredibly humiliating! What kind of parents would submit their child to that kind of humiliation and torture?   Amanda has made a choice. Whether this choice is right or wrong is not and should not be the issue.   Amanda wants a relationship with her parents. While away, she kept in contact with her mother by phone. Now that she is back, Amanda asks only for a compromise, and asks that she not be treated like a child. Stealing her possessions (cell phone), and invading her privacy (in her room, in the shower) is not the sort of behavior that bespeaks compromise. It shows sheer disrespect.   Amanda is not 'acting out' she is 'reacting out'.

Amanda is a 16 year ld child, her parents are the legal guardians of her until she is 18 years old. Amanda made a choice and it was the wrong one.  Amanda said she only wants a compromise, yet a compromise for her would mean total freedom to do and act as she pleases no matter how harmful regardless of what her parents want I think she made that absolutely clear when she ignored Dr. Phi's question to her about that very subject. Whether she wants to admit it or not, she was participating in a harmful lifestyle that would eventually ruin her future. Intrincically, there is something wrong with people who do not have legal custody of Amanda taking her across state lines, without permission from her parents, it is called kidnapping. Amanda doesn't have any rights here. She has the right to have a roof over her head, 3 square meals a day, and clothes on her back  and a safe place to live. That is it. everything else is a bonus.--Including the cell phone.strealing her possessions--Now that is a crock! Her parents are not being disrespectful--she is with her beligerent attitude and sense of entitlement. 

  

Mom and Dad need to step up to the plate instead of letting their daughter bully them into giving her what she wants. 

 
February 7, 2006, 10:38 am CST

02/07 The Hunt for Amanda

 While Amanda is doing penance at Copper Canyon, what are Mom and Dad doing to make themselves better parents?  Are THEY getting counseling and learning how to compromise and get along with their child?  Because from what I saw, they have as much or more to learn about parenting as Amanda does about life.  That whole bathroom scene thing was horrible and mostly brought on by the parents total overreaction to their situation.  They are just as out of control as Amanda is.

 Also, I notice  the police weren't all that hot to use their resources to find Amanda probably because they know she is likely to be a habitual runaway and they can't run after her everytime she ditches the folks.  Dr. Phil will probably spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on Amanda and I bet it won't make one bit of difference. 



 
February 7, 2006, 11:37 am CST

Hello

Quote From: themason

Rather than demonize Amanda, shouldn't we be looking at what factors would cause a 16 year old girl to choose to be 'adopted by' another family rather than live with her own? Doesn't anyone think it kind of telling that Amanda's Dad took flight immediately after she went to live with the 'so-slandered' gypsies? What about Dad's lie to Amanda when he said he had taken an active part in the search for her?   A great bit of focus was placed on Amanda's 'attitude'. Can we look at this objectively for a minute? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to suddenly learn that they have been hunted? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to have their freedom stolen from them? Television cameras? Police officers? How incredibly humiliating! What kind of parents would submit their child to that kind of humiliation and torture?   Amanda has made a choice. Whether this choice is right or wrong is not and should not be the issue.   Amanda wants a relationship with her parents. While away, she kept in contact with her mother by phone. Now that she is back, Amanda asks only for a compromise, and asks that she not be treated like a child. Stealing her possessions (cell phone), and invading her privacy (in her room, in the shower) is not the sort of behavior that bespeaks compromise. It shows sheer disrespect.   Amanda is not 'acting out' she is 'reacting out'.
This girl is 16 years old....she ran away because she wanted to be with her boyfriend all the time and sleep over there and not go to school and not have friends and do whatever she wants..  If you have a daughter that age run away would you just say oh she needs her freedom let her go.  Now I know girls that age think they know it all (I know I was that age) but it sounds like she had a good home life.  The parents didnt say she couldnt see George but that they wanted her to be with him at her house when you are a minor there are rules.  She just liked the freedom she had at George's house....unfortunally forcing her not to see George now and taking away the cell phone etc probably wont help matters...she will end up probably running away again..maybe the best option is to go to the couseling center to help her, and her parents.
 
February 7, 2006, 11:46 am CST

02/07 The Hunt for Amanda

Quote From: patshelly1

I am a 37 year old who (like Amanda) fell in love with a GYPSY Blacktopper. We have been married for 17 years and have three wonderful children.  I am thankful that my parents supported me in my decision to marry who made me happy.  We met at age 15 and it was obvious that we were very much inlove and should be together. I think that Amandas family have prejudices against George because they do not actually know of the "GYPSY" culture. I can say that I have lived a very fufilled life as a mother and wife of a blacktopper. 

That is great your life had turned out so well...and I am one to agree not to judge people...but maybe because George never would come over to Amanda's house and the mother seemed always to be rude...I would have my guard up to...not because they are considered gypsy but because I would want to know about my daughters boyfriend and his family. 
 
February 7, 2006, 11:52 am CST

02/07 The Hunt for Amanda

Quote From: liatsunami

 I'm kind of curious if the boy's family are REALLY gypsies or if they just live like them.   I think that a lot of people know very little about ethnic gypsy culture so they pass judgements based on improper understanding.  But that isn't the point here.

This girl's parents have a legal right to tell her how she will behave in their home until either a) she turns 18, b) the state for some reason emancipates her early,  or c) the state removes her from the home .  She can be as mad about it as she wants but that's the reality of it.  Sure she can run away again, but the police will just be able to go get her again.

On the flip side the young girl seemed to be doing just fine with her boyfriend's family.  She had her own money to do with as she pleased.  She seemed well taken care of as far as clothing, hygiene, shelter, and food was concerned. She actaully kept in contact with her mother,letting her know that she was alive and well,  rather than just disappear off the face of the earth.  While I don't condone her lying to her boyfriend's family I think the fact that she still wanted to be in contact with her family is a relatively responsible choice.

I just hope the boyfriend and the family don't get into too much trouble.   I mean legally they did so something wrong in transporting a minor over state lines without parental consent, but on the other hand what if they thought they were taking her out of a bad home situation?

Even though she's agreed to go to this boarding school I don't think it'll stop her from trying to run away again.  Time shall tell I suppose.

I think George's parents should not get of the hook...come one a 16 year says oh my mom says its okay for me to live with you....please....common sense people...they should of know better.   

 
February 7, 2006, 12:11 pm CST

Counseling

Quote From: misslemon

 While Amanda is doing penance at Copper Canyon, what are Mom and Dad doing to make themselves better parents?  Are THEY getting counseling and learning how to compromise and get along with their child?  Because from what I saw, they have as much or more to learn about parenting as Amanda does about life.  That whole bathroom scene thing was horrible and mostly brought on by the parents total overreaction to their situation.  They are just as out of control as Amanda is.

 Also, I notice  the police weren't all that hot to use their resources to find Amanda probably because they know she is likely to be a habitual runaway and they can't run after her everytime she ditches the folks.  Dr. Phil will probably spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on Amanda and I bet it won't make one bit of difference. 



I have not seen the show yet as it doesn't air where I live until this afternoon.  If the parents have a true interest in Amanda's well-being they will participate in counseling which is part of the program at Copper Canyon.  There are also a set of workshops the parents can choose to attend.  As the child progresses, there is more and more family contact, involvement, and everyone has to participate in order for it to succceed.  It is a good program.  It gets down to how much everyone involved wants to make it work, accept changes, etc. 

  

I'm surprised at reactions as to privacy, cell phone, etc.  I respect my children's privacy and don't go through their things, knock on their door when it's closed, but in turn, I expect the same.  It's my home, it's my rules.  There are compromises.  Phones, computers, televisions, driving, etc., are PRIVILEGES.  If they aren't taking responsibility with the more important issues - school, grades, a job, chores, family, the privileges get taken away.  Somehow society and children have come to think it's a given they they are "entitled" to cell phones, a paid for car, not having to work, it's sad.   

  

I pay for the cell phone so I can dictate whether you get it or not.  Yes, kids use phones, but not after a set time in the evening - and certainly not at 2am texting back and forth.  Also, take an active role in what computer sites your children go to, and what they post.  I think many people would be surprised at what's on those sites.  As a parent we set the boundaries.  It's part of our  job.  No one said it was going to be easy. 

 
February 7, 2006, 12:17 pm CST

I couldn't agree more

Quote From: tlshaffer

      Are you people living in a BOX? This is a CHILD!  Does anyone read the papers these days? Amanda doesn't need (nor has she earned) the right to PRIVACY, and contrary to the teen belief, a child does not have a GOD given RIGHT to carry a cell phone!  This girl has used up her free pass to make mistakes and learn from them when she didn't learn from them.  Now it is time for her to be protected from herself as well as guided in the right direction BEFORE she gets a day older.  Sometimes it may take TV CAMERAS, INTERVENTION, INVASION OF PRIVACY.  To love a child unconditionally sometimes requires that you love them twice as much to make up for the times that they hate you.  Parenting is not always the most popular sport to be in, but if you stick it out, the payoff is awesome.  I didn't see anything on todays show in the treatment of Amanda that was unhealthy for her.  The very hardest part of helping a child that you love, is NOT giving up when the going get tough.  The only thing I would do different would be a no-contact order for the family that includes the boyfriend.  The parents already tried the "compromise" game, and she abused it.  So now she can make all of the decisions for herself just as soon as she turns 18. 

  

If I had behaved like that my parents would have turned me over their knee and spanked my behind- even at 16- wich is why I never dared behave like that. When found my mom would not have greeted me with a hug, the belt would have been in her hand and I would have got it right there in the airport. I am not nessicarily saying that all kids need to be spanked, but it seems to me that the kid has taken over the family and at some point Amanda got control. The cell phone thing, I told my kids they can have a cell phone when they get a job. Obviously Amanda got a cell phone with someones money but where does she work, it was not mentioned. And quite frankly, she needs to be focused on school before she is focused on finding an income. And hopefully there can be some sort of restraining order against the boyfreind and the family since they have taken her across state lines. I feel for the family- espescially the mom. But they both need to administer tough love and I think this rehab place is a good start.
 
February 7, 2006, 12:28 pm CST

02/07 The Hunt for Amanda

Quote From: judye754

My daughter has been at CCA for 8 months. I can tell you right now that the child we took there and the child we visit today is not the same child. Drastic behavior requires drastic consequences and we were at our wits end. I don't care what "band aide" these kids use, there is so much anger, fear and pain that no wonder teen suicide is on the rise; no wonder self harm is becoming one of the biggest behavioral problems wth teens and no wonder places like Copper Canyon are flurishing. We spent years in therapy, waiting for the next shoe to fall and we knew we had to do something. It is incredibly expensive and was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but the decision to take my daughter out of the stew her life had become and place her somewhere where she gets the kind of reinforcement she needs on a 24 hour basis, will be one my husband and I will be glad we made for the rest of our lives. I realize there are no guarantees and she will still have choices to make. We have no idea what the future holds when she comes home from CCA, but we did have a pretty good idea as to what it would hold if we had done nothing. I have met Amanda and I think she is going to do well at CCA. Judy E
What are you and your husband doing while your daughter is away at Copper Canyon to make yourselves better parents and to understand your past mistakes so that you can change YOUR behavior for your daughter's sake?  Too many people think that these situations are all just about a misbehaving, willful child when there's so much more to it than that.  Dr. Phil always says you can't change what you won't acknowledge.  Have you stepped up to the plate and admitted that there are some aspects of your own behavior that you will need to change in order to help your daughter become a successful adult?  Or are you just willing to blame everything on your daughter and shell out the $5,400 per month for Copper Canyon for years to come so they can warehouse her until she's ready to do everything YOUR way?
 
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