Message Boards

Topic : 08/16 The Hunt for Amanda

Number of Replies: 581
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:17:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/07/06) Follow Dr. Phil inside an incredible family drama. Sixteen-year-old Amanda has been missing for over four months. Her parents, Paul and Linda, say she ran away with her boyfriend, George, and what they call his "Gypsy family." Dr. Phil puts his own investigator on the case in a hunt that stretches across 10 state lines. See Amanda’s tearful reunion with her mother, but then learn why their sweet moments together soon turn sour. Dr. Phil hears the teen's emotional confession about where she's been, and where she hopes to go next. Plus, the family erupts in a conflict so explosive, authorities have to be called to their hotel. What sets Amanda off? Dr. Phil puts some tough questions to George, and Amanda's family makes a heart-wrenching decision about their daughter's future. Can Amanda's life be set straight? Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More August 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 6, 2006, 8:11 pm CST

Poor girl

Rather than demonize Amanda, shouldn't we be looking at what factors would cause a 16 year old girl to choose to be 'adopted by' another family rather than live with her own? Doesn't anyone think it kind of telling that Amanda's Dad took flight immediately after she went to live with the 'so-slandered' gypsies? What about Dad's lie to Amanda when he said he had taken an active part in the search for her?   A great bit of focus was placed on Amanda's 'attitude'. Can we look at this objectively for a minute? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to suddenly learn that they have been hunted? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to have their freedom stolen from them? Television cameras? Police officers? How incredibly humiliating! What kind of parents would submit their child to that kind of humiliation and torture?   Amanda has made a choice. Whether this choice is right or wrong is not and should not be the issue.   Amanda wants a relationship with her parents. While away, she kept in contact with her mother by phone. Now that she is back, Amanda asks only for a compromise, and asks that she not be treated like a child. Stealing her possessions (cell phone), and invading her privacy (in her room, in the shower) is not the sort of behavior that bespeaks compromise. It shows sheer disrespect.   Amanda is not 'acting out' she is 'reacting out'.
 
February 7, 2006, 12:43 am CST

have understanding

I think that by pulling Amanda away from her boyfriend they are setting themselves up for an angry adult. So what if she talks on the phone with her boyfriend? Is that not what people do, how could we make an assumption like she going to run away? If people would stop accusations of her and trust that she's a smart girl who wants a little respect and a little freedom. No one wants to be attack and be called a liar. On one want to be held down and have things taken away from them.

  

 

 

  

 

Amanda mother could try sitting down and having a talk with her child, not to just talk but to also listen and listen hard. Amanda could have chose drugs she could have chose a gang she could have chose to end her life, a lot of teenagers do but she chose to compromise.

  

 

 

  

 

Teenagers talk on the phone and they do it a lot, with boyfriends and best friends and that’s the best years of their lives. She’s young and in love and needs more than ever to have a mother who will be there when and if her poppy love or first love comes to and end.

  

 

  

 

 
February 7, 2006, 1:07 am CST

Hrmm...

 I'm kind of curious if the boy's family are REALLY gypsies or if they just live like them.   I think that a lot of people know very little about ethnic gypsy culture so they pass judgements based on improper understanding.  But that isn't the point here.

This girl's parents have a legal right to tell her how she will behave in their home until either a) she turns 18, b) the state for some reason emancipates her early,  or c) the state removes her from the home .  She can be as mad about it as she wants but that's the reality of it.  Sure she can run away again, but the police will just be able to go get her again.

On the flip side the young girl seemed to be doing just fine with her boyfriend's family.  She had her own money to do with as she pleased.  She seemed well taken care of as far as clothing, hygiene, shelter, and food was concerned. She actaully kept in contact with her mother,letting her know that she was alive and well,  rather than just disappear off the face of the earth.  While I don't condone her lying to her boyfriend's family I think the fact that she still wanted to be in contact with her family is a relatively responsible choice.

I just hope the boyfriend and the family don't get into too much trouble.   I mean legally they did so something wrong in transporting a minor over state lines without parental consent, but on the other hand what if they thought they were taking her out of a bad home situation?

Even though she's agreed to go to this boarding school I don't think it'll stop her from trying to run away again.  Time shall tell I suppose.
 
February 7, 2006, 1:36 am CST

02/07 The Hunt for Amanda

Quote From: themason

Rather than demonize Amanda, shouldn't we be looking at what factors would cause a 16 year old girl to choose to be 'adopted by' another family rather than live with her own? Doesn't anyone think it kind of telling that Amanda's Dad took flight immediately after she went to live with the 'so-slandered' gypsies? What about Dad's lie to Amanda when he said he had taken an active part in the search for her?   A great bit of focus was placed on Amanda's 'attitude'. Can we look at this objectively for a minute? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to suddenly learn that they have been hunted? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to have their freedom stolen from them? Television cameras? Police officers? How incredibly humiliating! What kind of parents would submit their child to that kind of humiliation and torture?   Amanda has made a choice. Whether this choice is right or wrong is not and should not be the issue.   Amanda wants a relationship with her parents. While away, she kept in contact with her mother by phone. Now that she is back, Amanda asks only for a compromise, and asks that she not be treated like a child. Stealing her possessions (cell phone), and invading her privacy (in her room, in the shower) is not the sort of behavior that bespeaks compromise. It shows sheer disrespect.   Amanda is not 'acting out' she is 'reacting out'.
 I agree! Especially where they took the cell phone away from her, what did they expect her to do? It seems like they just went looking for even more trouble on top of what they already had. And when she tried to escape from the situation and calm down, they kept provoking her by entering the room. I'm suprised she only kicked them, they really had trouble handling her.
 
February 7, 2006, 3:48 am CST

No family is perfect

Quote From: themason

Rather than demonize Amanda, shouldn't we be looking at what factors would cause a 16 year old girl to choose to be 'adopted by' another family rather than live with her own? Doesn't anyone think it kind of telling that Amanda's Dad took flight immediately after she went to live with the 'so-slandered' gypsies? What about Dad's lie to Amanda when he said he had taken an active part in the search for her?   A great bit of focus was placed on Amanda's 'attitude'. Can we look at this objectively for a minute? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to suddenly learn that they have been hunted? What intrinsically free human being would not be irate to have their freedom stolen from them? Television cameras? Police officers? How incredibly humiliating! What kind of parents would submit their child to that kind of humiliation and torture?   Amanda has made a choice. Whether this choice is right or wrong is not and should not be the issue.   Amanda wants a relationship with her parents. While away, she kept in contact with her mother by phone. Now that she is back, Amanda asks only for a compromise, and asks that she not be treated like a child. Stealing her possessions (cell phone), and invading her privacy (in her room, in the shower) is not the sort of behavior that bespeaks compromise. It shows sheer disrespect.   Amanda is not 'acting out' she is 'reacting out'.

There are problems in every family. Sometimes a child can have the best parents who have raised them the best they know how, and still end up with a run away or a rebellious teen. I don't pity her too much. Her parents didn't beat her, they weren't on drugs nor were they alcoholics. I agree we don't know exactly what went on in the home and the invasion of her privacy may have been a little extreme or may not have been how the situation needed to be handled but this child does need intervention. The parents seem to be at their wits end, they obviously aren't the worst parents, they have one daughter who doesn't want to run away and who is happy at home. I think this kid is blinded by puppy love. At sixteen what kid doesn't think their parents don't understand them? She just wants compromise? Such as? She needs a firmer hand and less compromise.... 

 
February 7, 2006, 6:52 am CST

Amanda

I agree with themason.  It appears that this child's parents have ignored a situation for at least two years (since she has seen George since both were 14).  Having children of my own, I definitely would not have let a situation go on that long if I felt that it were detrimental to my child.  Now that Amanda has made this choice, I am not sure that the type of control her parents are trying to exert will work.  She is very strong willed and certainly appears no worse for the wear for her "adventure".  If her parents really want her to be happy, they will need to respect her choices and work with her to develop a plan to work together as a family.  I am afraid at this point, Amanda may be lost to her family until she is much older.  So sad!
 
February 7, 2006, 7:04 am CST

My heart goes out to them all!

 Boy does this take me back! My daughter, ironically also named Amanda, was an absolute nightmare for us. I can understand first hand how parents will try almost anything to try to salvage their child from what they perceive as total destruction.

My situation was much worse than this, as far as the risks my daughter was putting herself into. And I would really like to know what all is behind this current behavior. In our situation, it resulted from a closed-head injury, exacerbated by typical teen behavior, and at a time when closed-head was an area they were just really starting to understand. But whatever, they can rest assured that if there is not some sort of intervention (no offense Dr. Phil, but way beyond appearing on your show) this situation will continue to deteriorate.

The problem most people have with these situations is that they view the problems as totally compartmentalized, and something that can be resolved by just sitting down and discussing. I'm here to tell you, that doesn't always work.

Thanks to Dr. Phil for intervening in this, though. He has brought some resources to bear that most people don't have, or don't know of. I know the desparation and despair these parents are feeling. Amanda and her parents will hopefully have a fighting chance. I'll be watching for the follow-up on this one later in the season.
 
February 7, 2006, 7:39 am CST

lessons on listening but not hearing.

I do not agree with this girl lieing to the boy's mother.  I do not agree with her running away from home.  I do not agree with the boy's parents easy exceptance of her lie and then not checking behind it. Now that that is out of the way. let us talk about some thing that i also do not agree with and that is the treatment she received.  I know that the parents have a right to go after their child, and it is always good to see families reunited, but why all the drama about the cell phone. I mean do they think that her boyfriend is going to yank her through the phone.  the boy is in florida, amanda is in california under heavy supervision. now call me crazy but i dont think any plan she comes up with is going to be effective. so just compromise and give her the phone. i thought that it was a little much when there was a wrestling match for the phone. now the way that they introduced the scenes when they are fighting for the phone, was to let us know that we are about to see another amanda breakdown. well she did scream alot. but there was also the mother going into the shower, the sister charging in there. the parents having this double arm lock to get the phone. and all because she did not want to give up the cell phone. for crying out loud you got your daughter back. instead of a double arm grudge match, how about taking those arms and wrapping them around the girl and giving her some love. now one thing i do know is that we are all imperfect judges, mainly because we cannot know everything about every situation, to be able to truly judge the situation. but from what the show showed me was a girl wanting to be heard, and a room full of people not listening.  

  

 
February 7, 2006, 7:40 am CST

For Amanda

Amanda I hope you read some of these messages.  You parents LOVE you.  What do you think will be you relationship with them when,say, 5 years from now something unforeseen happens to your boyfriend and his family?  Wouldn't you like to have a relationship where they welcome you home with open arms? 

  

Amanda I have four daughters and if any one of them were to "run off" at a young age I would go to hell and back to find them and bring them home.  Any fights or melt downs after they got home would be worth it just to have them home safe. 

  

Remember this, if they didn't care about you they would have let you go and never looked for you. 

 
February 7, 2006, 7:54 am CST

Yikes

I've been reading some of these posts and I'm amazed that so many are in support of Amanda and her tirades and running away.   

If I were the mom there'd be alot worse going on in regard to Amanda.  Hello! She is 16.  Not a woman...just has the hormones of one.  Not the emotional and mental maturity.  Maturity means you do the right thing in any given situation.  Running away is not the right thing to do.  She wasn't being beat at home.  She wasn't being belittled.  She was being told not to live with the boyfriend.  I mean, come on!  Many people go thru worse.  When I hear a child say "I'm almost an adult" I always think...just for having said that - means you are not.  (Just like when someone says "I'm so crazy" - it usually means "I hope you think I'm crazy and fun - cause really I'm not").  When you truly become an adult it just hits you one day...you are doing the adult mature things (studying if at school, working hard, paying bills, paying dues...)...not the adult immature things (sex, drugs, alcohol, letting parents worry). 

I'm amazed Amanda had cash and time to go and buy another phone.  HELLO? Mom? You thinking?  What if she took off and just kept walking?  She had cash - she could have.  Again, if I were that mom I would have taken the phone and purse/cash and not given them back until I saw a glimmer of responsibility.  Like Carrol O'Connor says "Do whatever it takes..." 

 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last