Topic : Borderline Personality Disorder

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This video may be helpful. bpdfamily.com.jpg

 

So how did Mother's Day turn out for you? 

Even though your mother has Borderline and you have had coucaling. Do think you may tedancies toward Borderline?  If you think you may, it could be a platform af conversation between your mother and you( I presume your mother is fully aware she has this disorder). Good luck with everything.

           My mother was never diagnosed with borderline, I was. This was my first Mothers day without her! She passed away on New Years Eve after suffering a stroke two days before Christmas.Due to the gas prices my son couldn't get here and I couldn't afford to go there. We sure picked a fine time to be low on gas! He called me though! He had to pick on me though! He wouldn't tell me what my present was!!!! He said he had it and IF I guessed it he would tell me, otherwise I had to wait and see it the next time he came! I must admit he did good! He got me a welcome mat for my new house! It's the kind that will last for YEARS! He knew I liked flowers so he picked one with flowers on it! Since I'm disabled and mom left me homeless in her will I had to buy a house to keep from being homeless. Yeah, I know, you posted to the wrong message but I couldn't resist replying. While I was sad that mom wasn't around to complain about whatever I would have bought her, I was THRILLED that my son even REMEMBERED it was mothers' day!!! He didn't even have a girlfriend at the time to remind him!

         As a Borderline I feared being abandoned. Well, now both of my parents are gone. My mother passed away on New Years Eve after suffering a stroke two days before Christmas. The Borderline kicked into high gear with the catastrophying! The holidays are ruined FOREVER and so forth. When her will was read she left me homeless proving what I have said all of my life. She never loved me.

         Her funeral was sad, I was the ONLY person who shed a tear besides my son. There weren't even enough of her "friends" there to have pallbearers! Only ten people showed up and seven of us were family! She always told me that you can tell the kind of life a person has lived by the the people that come to say goodbye! SHE was right AND wrong at the same time. MY friends came to the viewing. My SON'S friends came to the viewing, Her friends stayed home. Granted, they were mostly elderly and probably were not able to make it out in the cold. They knew about her stroke a week before she died, not one person called to see how she was doing. Not one person called after she died to see if they could do anything for the family.Her so called "GOOD FRIENDS" didn't even send cards of condolences. That tells me a lot!!! IT WASN'T ME!!!!! I wasn't the "PROBLEM" in the family!!!!!

          I haven't seen my brother since the funeral. His wife has called a few times to ask for favors which I gladly do. My brother has made it clear that there will never be a reconciliation between us. I've done enough favors. I cannot force him, or our other brother to, be a part of my life, nor would I want to. So I am through doing favors on his behalf via my sister in law! If he wants me to do something for him HE will have to call me!

            Yesterday was the fourth of July and I really wanted to celebrate because for the first time in my life I really am independent! What I ended up doing though was spending the night going from closet to closet with my dog!!!!! I really thought I was going to lose her. She will be eleven years old in September and she has a heart problem! Unlike the Borderline I use to be, I didn't cry fearing her loss. Instead I was calm and told her that everything will be fine. If she had to leave me I would be okay. Something tells me this is her last fourth of July she will have to suffer through.I'll miss her but I will survive. I will survive without cutting or burning myself.

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder... I have thought that I had it for a while now but I had a huge blowout a few months ago and I just knew there was something wrong with me.  I was over reacting to my fears and making them to be more than they should have been.  My boyfriend who I have been with for two years decided he wanted his ex.  I got over it quickly because we have had problems for a while and I didn't feel the same... plus I found someone else soon thereafter.  Well, the new one was a player, a cheater, a liar... you know - he told me what I wanted to hear, sweet talking me... but he had atleast 2 other girlfriends that I caught him with.  So, that was that.  I was sitting here... on my computer... and suddenly I realized how quiet it was...  I was ALONE.  My daughter is the most important thing to me, but I need people my own age to have conversations with.  A three year old just doesn't do that for a 21 year old, ya know?  Anyway, I had a meltdown... I panicked... I was obcessed with getting the player back...  it never happened tho.  My ex of two years, he moved to Maine and I am in Tennessee.  I told him that he needs to come back to be with me... it didn't happen.  I cried a lot, I stayed on the phone a lot.  I haven't been in this town for too long and I don't have many friends here other than family and they are usually busy.  For the first time in my life I was completely independant... and not by choice.

 

Now, after actually being diagnosed, after having the time to myself to realize I'M OKAY... I feel like I CAN do this and I CAN be independant.  What I am not so confident about is how I can change the way my past effects me now.  I have been thru hell... you can write a book and make a movie from my life.  I actually wouldn't be opposed to it... I could use the money!  But anyway, I have these issues that go deep.   Issues about men, friends, sex... that I base my choices around... and I want to learn how to look at things in a different light...

Glad you posted a reply anyway.

Some times family can get you through tough times emotionaly.  I know that they have their lives to live too, but when they understand what you are going through they each rally around you, in turn and in their own time.

I guess when they do remember your birthday or MOTHER'S Day it can lift your spirits.

Hope this message give you a little lift when you read it.  All the best from Australia.

          I know it sounds easier said than done and it really is too. Leave the past to the past. You have a daughter, how would you like for her life to be? We all make mistakes and letting the past dictate our future is one of them.

          Be glad he didn't come back! What kind of role model would he be for your daughter?What would HE be teaching her? What could she learn from a man like that? I'll tell you! She could learn that men can do or say anything they want AND she can't do anything about it! I'm SURE you don't want her learning how to be a victim right? So count your lucky stars!

           As for conversations, don't get scared, but she will be talking AND talking back before you know it!!!! For right now just enjoy her. She will be out in the "real" world in a couple of years pre school, kindergarten, elementary,middle then High school and hopefully college! Trust me, she'll have a lot of Mr. Wrongs too!!!!! At least she'll have YOU to get her through it!

           Do you have any neighbors that you could chat with? Yes, you do need to be careful but you don't need to be panicked. I once welcomed a new neighbor to the neighborhood not knowing they were borrowers! They borrowed EVERYTHING from toilet paper to cigarettes! I drew the line with money!!!! If you look you can find someone to just talk to everywhere.Since I've been alone I've been talking to people you'd never even think about talking to! I bet you go to the same store every week right? Probably on the same day every week. Take a mental note of people you come in contact with. A cashier at a register in a fast food place during a slow time. The person who sweeps up the fallen fries off the floor.People are everywhere all you need to do is get out there with them. The best part is THREE year olds are MAGNETS when it come to drawing attention from people! Especially other moms like myself! Mine is 24 now! Not so cute except to me!

          I love my son dearly but I'm still hoping and praying he never will be able to understand me. Because I think the only people who can truly understand are the ones who have been there. I never want him to have the suffering I've gone through. Of course due to my illness he is suffering through things I could never understand. We argue, we get angry BUT we also LOVE each other. Isn't that what's family all about?

I suspect my mother has BPD.  She has trouble sustaining relationships and controlling her emotions.  I have been "walking on eggshells" around my mother for as long as I can remember.  If she is slighted or she feels that you "don't like her" it can cause her to be enraged.  I have been in no contact for 6 months after our last "misunderstanding."  She usually initiates the no contact probably in the hopes that I come crawling back to her on my hands and knees begging for her forgiveness.  I gave that up many years ago for my own sanity.  I would like to tell my mom that she has BPD but I'm scared of her reaction.  Of course, nothing is wrong with her or ever her fault the views that I perceive of her.  I have a feeling that deep down she knows something is not right but she is extremely difficult and would never admit something was wrong with her due to her strong pride.  In fact, my husband always says "that women won't bend."  Can anyone give me some advice on if I should tell my mom my suspicions and the best way to approach it.  I have gone through a lot of pain dealing with my mom and her over sensitive feelings.  Not to mention that she has been EXTREMELY emotionally (and physically--when I was a child up until I first got married) abusive.