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Messages By: tamleylama

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August 22, 2005, 12:49 pm CDT

People will do what you let them.

The one thing in these stories is the same Someone Is Letting Them MOOCH.  I have both a bum of a sister that lives off one man after another and a brother who doesn't  have a thing in his own name but pays the rent of every bimbo in the city. My mother coddled them both, she receives what she expected. She's bailed them both out of jail, debt and many other situations. With me, because she calls me "The Smart One", I was told to make it on my own. I was also told not to get arrested cause I would be on my own, and she meant it.  But they keep messing up and she keeps bailing them out.   

The gambling guy, who knows why he decided to do this, maybe as a reaction to the bad situation. Nevertheless, he must be stopped. Where the hell is his "rich family"? This was just so infuriating to me. My husband and I have known each other for over 32 years, we first dated at 13 and 14. I tell ya, he is the very same 14 year old if I let him.  This woman is not leaving him because she has MS and doesn't want to traumatize her kids? Kick his butt out... This was just so fricking disgusting. My husband and I got into poker about 4 years ago, just before it became a big hit, out in Sacramento.  He tried to tell me this is what he wanted to do.  At first it was just a hint here and there, then it became the focus of all our vacations, his weekends and online.  I basically just put my foot down and said "Okay, you do that and I'll keep doing what the SANE people do. Don't ask me and kids to flush ourselves down the toilet with you."  I got control of the money and began to check every statement. I shut him down down down....He and I are still together. A good wife tries to steer a husband away from hurting himself if she is at all able.  Most problems fester until you get other people involved. Shame will shut a man down quicker than a cold shower. Part of the success of Dr. Phil's show is the reckoning and the public airing of the dirty laundry and the infinite intelligence of common sense he imparts to the guests.  This guy needs to be shut down.  NOW... 

 
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October 26, 2005, 12:13 am CDT

Dr.Phil...Please do a show on safety for single parents who date....

My heart is torn into little bitty pieces, because "there but for the grace of God, go I."  My kids disappeared for 43 minutes last Friday afterschool, and the shock of the concept of their demise or injury kept me in tears for the rest of the night.  Both my husband and I held each other and cried after our kiddos went to bed that night.  I praise this family for their courage and strength to even get out of bed, let alone get the word out to help others.  My thoughts and wishes for peace in your hearts and minds are with all of them. 

  

In my line of work (credit fraud investigator) I have heard literally thousands of stories from single parents that have been the victims of those that they dated.  Whether it  was being swindled out of their money, having their credit abused or having themselves or their children physically, emotionally or sexually abused, it seems to run rampant.  At this particular point in time in the US, the people most vulnerable to these abuses are the single parent families.  I was a single mother for the first five years of my oldest son's life and because of all the horror stories I heard, I made sure that I never brought anyone home, nor did I let anyone move in with me.  I introduced my son to two people, the first, together with his family, swindled me out of over 30K and the second, whom I had known for over 30 years and am married to today.  I never allowed the first man to move in, nor did he have much contact with my son.  I was associated with him man for 18 months and as each month passed, I learned one terrible thing after another about him and his grifter family.  After about a 18 months I finally did an investigation of them as a whole and found more garbage in their past than in the city dump.  I sought out former friends and spoke to current friends and people that knew them.  In just 3 days I found out enough to get them out of my life right then and turn them in. (see my story below)   

  

Single parents need to arm themselves with information before they allow a stranger access to their children, money, homes and lives.  They need to do background checks and ask about previous relationships.  They need to watch and listen for the "red flags" 1. Person is financially unstable/never has money 2. * is estranged from children and or exes  3. * relays scenarios in which they are always the victim  4. * says ex was crazy, mean, abusive, greedy, but has no tangible proof  5. * is staying with aquaintances/parents for free 6. * has no assets-car, residence, accounts 7. * displays mood swings 8. * asks for help in legal, financial or personal obligations 9. * is delinquent in child support  10.* uses drugs or alcohol regularly 11. *calls excessively or expects to see you every free minute of every day at the onset of the relationship  12.* overtly over romantic, over pleasing, over compensating at the onset.  13. *tells of history of violence with ex but assures you that "you are nothing like" the ex and it wouldn't happen with you. 

  

There are hundreds of online sources to find public records in most counties that have major cities.  Enter the persons name in search engines, sex offender registries, court clerk sites and ask questions that will get you the answers you need.  Single parents should know almost everything about anyone they will be introducing, in an intimate way,  into their family situations.  Ask around and get the information you need.  In my line of business I know hundreds of sources in hundreds of cities, but unfortunately I do not have access to the rights to reproduce or offer their services without permission.  I wish Dr. Phil would do a show on this.   If I could get swindled, with all my experience and education, anyone could end up victimized.  We need your help Dr. P!!!   

  

MY STORY 

This den of  theives owed money all over the country, that they used friends and relatives' SS numbers to get telephone and utility services ( mine was no exception) and then charged up the bills, let them get disconnected and go on to the next person.  The fella and his sister owed thousands of unpaid student loans, yet he was working in a credit card approval department for a major credit card company in Las Vegas, and she was a financial aid counselor, with the power to approve or deny aid, at a local business college.  The father worked for a major airline (hq'd in Memphis) and did repair and maintenance in the passenger area of planes, but he would arrange flights for people who were placing marijuana on board (pre 9/11) then he would retreive it.  Because he worked afternoons, there was less scrutiny.  The mother had been committing welfare fraud for years, claiming that the father was not in the home, then later she applied and received SSI. She actually went on Maury, Sally Jessy Rafael and Queen Latifah's shows, and lied about her circumstances on every single one.  I found out about several slip and falls by them and other friends and families that were false.  Needless to say I turned them all in.  As the years have passed, I have heard from people and found on the internet, that my ex actually scammed money via identity fraud from his employer and most recently in 2003 was indicted in Nevada for insurance fraud.  The sister was fired, the dad prosecuted and the mother went to county jail for buying crack in a crackhouse.   

 
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November 14, 2006, 5:34 pm CST

This is more common than people realize! My story..

I wrote Dr Phil about two years ago to help me with this and cover this topic. (the older sister is usually the initiator)

I was the victim of abuse at my sisters hand.  My earliest memory is of her clobbering me across my face in my sleep..(something she loved to do and did almost every night) From the time I could remember she told me she hated me, wished I was dead, told me I was ugly and fat and recruited my little brother to help her hurt me.  She would place pillows over my head and sit on them, grit her teeth and say "Die..I hate you..Die", then she'd get my brother to help.  When I complained, they'd underplay my stories..My brother now regrets what he did.. but my sister will deny it til she dies. She has my mother convinced that it is all a lie.

 

My sister left home at 14, and had several abortions before she was 18. She was a groupie  for years and has lived off the system, false insurance claims and men since. 

She lies about getting her degree, and tells her children and her 5th husband that she lived "my life". 

I have  played several different instruments since I was 3, read before the age of 4, was double promoted at 6, won several state music awards, maintained  A's and B 's in all advanced and A track  classes even though I was almost a year and a half younger than my classmates.  I received an invitation to join a local symphony. At 15 I was considered for a recording contract. I was the first in my direct family to graduate from high school and worked my way through college.

She conned hundreds of people out of money over the years. She was the school "doorknob.."She's stolen from every member of the family especially me.  She had a lesbian girlfriend for a few years and she and the lover went to my elderly grandfather's house and stole everything but his bed, clothes and television. She even took the rug off the floor.  She took her exboyfriends prized car and ran it into the local creek.  She was arrested for shoplifting and prostitution several times.  She was involved in coke trafficking and showed up for  a 3 week visit that turned into 3 months. She tried to get my then husband involved in selling for her.  I kicked her out and she left me with a thousand dollar phone bill.    Then she tried to steal a stove and fridge from my grandpa again. She is a hopeless drunk. She goes by her middle name so people she's screwed over cant find her.

Unfortunately for me.. I was inundated by people trying to find her when I registered at a reunion site.  I was ashamed to find out even more about her. She had every teacher in every school hating her, and it took alot of effort to overturn that image.  At first my classmates thought I was the same way, until I proved them wrong.  My little brother was much better received after I left.

 

Everytime we have a family function, she over talks everyone and acts  like a drunken fool. 

Everything I have ever done or acheived, she tries to do also.  When I married my first husband  she made sure that she got married days before.. this was after she fought with my mother for almost a year telling her she did not want to get married.  I get sick, she gets sick.  I got lupus, she faked having cancer. I get into an accident,  she gets into an accident. I got pregnant, then she got pregnant.. even though she had a tubal ligation... 

 

I am tired of it and at this point I ignore her and ready myself for the fight to come over my parents' estate.. She has already declared she will get some of the money if my step dad goes first, and if mom goes first she is planning to kick him out and take everything.  I  maintain civility for my mother only.. otherwise I ignore her and make a lot of apologies to everyone.

 

So... best thing for the redhead to do is to grin bear it for her mother's sake and  stop feeding the fire.. it's for attention  anyway... 

 
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March 8, 2007, 10:13 pm CST

I agree with you...

Quote From: sivadvc

My mother used to tell me that if didn't want to be publicly embarrassed then I shouldn't do or say anything I wouldn't want to end up on the front page of the New York Times.  Not that she actually meant I'd end up on the front page of any newspaper (we didn't even live in the NY area), but the point was that anyone could be watching and could later tell someone else.  She told me this 40+ years ago, before camcorders and picture cell phones were even invented, much less widely available to anyone who had the money, and before the Internet, YouTube, and at least one PC or laptop in nearly every home and business.

 

Anyone who doesn't realize that their actions can be instantly captured in living color and downloaded to the world wide web is either completely oblivious of the modern world, an exhibitionist, or in complete denial. 

 

My guess is that the young lady in question is both an exhibitionist and in complete denial.  Why wouldn't she think that outrageous acts, especially of a sexual nature done in public (yes a bar is public),  wouldn't be photographed and widely disseminated?  How could she possibly be surprised that this could happen AND that she might be considered an unsuitable representative for the Miss USA pageant?

 

And yes I also realize that pageants in general are sort of meat markets, but they do like to keep a veil of respectibility drawn around them.

 

And please don't jump all over me regarding my opinion of beauty/talent/scholarship pageants.  I don't dispute that the participants can be fine examples of young womanhood: intelligent, talented, caring and beautiful.  One of my nieces participated in regional pageants associated with the Miss America pageant and she is all of the above.  I agree that the participants can learn many useful life skills such as poise and self-confidence.

 

But in the end you have to ask yourself why there are no equivalent pageants for young men.  Could it be that boys grow up expecting to do things, and girls grow up expecting to be valued for their appearance above all?

 

P.S.  If keeping one's name after marriage (27 years, same guy!) makes me a Feminazi, then I proudly cop to that.  So don't bother telling me what you think I am.

I agree with you...

After 20 years together and most of the married, I too kept my maiden name.

 
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March 8, 2007, 10:39 pm CST

Mediocrity/Second Chance Lie

I am ashamed of how my generation (b. 1955 to 1970) has parented the most selfish, self-centered, disrespectful childred, who feel they deserve everything REGARDLESS of their actions. We have lost sight of what a child really needs to become responsible and self-sufficient.

I have recently witnessed our HS musical (Wizard of Oz) extended from 3 days to 4 days with two shows each because a mother threatened to sue the district if her child ( who was terrible and unable to do justice to the part) did not play Dorothy.  I also refused to let my child participate in a "everybody wins" soccer team or any such all win activities.

 

We need to stop giving all these second chances (except in terrible situations gone awry) to our kids and our public figure.  The denegration  and decline of the fabric of our American culture is at our own hands.   Facts are people lose..

A competition without losers, has no winners either.

If we want our future generations to excel, we need to enforce rules and restrictions the things they attempt to acheive.  Only this will ensure an ever rising bar in acheivement and respectability in this country and in the world.

 

This girl is not unlike the millions her age caught up in a terrible tornado of hypersexuality and exhibitionism and nihilism that the media is unintentially promoting. 

We need to stop telling our kids how wonderful and special they are and making excuses for them.

 

I have two sons, and I am raising them to be good men.  They know they are special to our family, but the world doesn't look at them that way and that they should NEVER expect any favoritism ever.  They are being raised to respect themselves and to acheive ever higher goals.  I understand them as people and do not push things on them they cannot handle.  I get nothing but complements on how wonderful they are.  For instance, if we are out to eat and someone we know comes to the table, they STAND and shake hands with them.  They are both on the honor rolls, have plenty of friends.  My kids actually love to spend time with mom and dad, and rather be with us than away from us for long periods of time.

My eldest has won awards for voice and athletics and is handsome and resembles a young Tony Curtis. My youngest is determined to be a rock star, is a great athlete and vocalist in his own right,  and looks like Justin Cooper ( Max in Liar, Liar).  BUT I constantly keep them on an even keel and remind them that they have to be respectful to everyone and NEVER tease anyone.. and if you lose at anything, be a good sport and laugh it off.. We live to play another day!!!

 

No.. this gal has no right to look at someone else's situation and demand she be treated the same way.. nor should she expect it. 

 

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