Messages By: saemae

First of all, nobody should be a target of any kind of prejudice.  Having said that, this is what bothers me.  We know it is bad to hate because of the color of a person's skin.  We are not allowed to hate or have prejudice against anyone who leads a gay lifestyle; it isn't acceptable.  You cannot despise a person for coming from another country, and you cannot show your dislike toward another religion.  All well and good, but one prejudice still rears its ugly head all the time, and EVERYBODY supports it and cheers it on.  I for one want to know why. 

If you are not a size one female, you are ridiculed.  If you do not look like the models who starve themselves and get air-brushed photos in fashion magazines, you are looked at badly.  And if you are very overweight, the horrible, mean comments never cease.  It is still hatred and prejudice; then why does this country still think it's acceptable?  Why, instead of saluting women for their "normal" size 10 bodies do we make fun of them?  Why, when a poor plus-size woman is out walking, trying to lose weight, do we taunt her?  Why are these bigots still allowed to force their beliefs on us?  What is the deal here?  Hearing somebody call you a "fat pig" is just as bad as hearing someone call you the "n" word.  It's just more accepted.  It shouldn't be. 

Don't be a stupid hypocrite.  Don't tell people to stop pointing and remarking on the color of a man or woman's skin, just to turn around and make fun of "the blimp" walking across the street.  It's the same hate you condemn racists for.  You are the same as the KKK member who dresses up in a sheet and burns crosses.  You just use the media and society to excuse your hang-ups.  Trust me.  As a plus-size gal who has faced those taunts all her life, and has just now found the courage to fight those mean people and lose the weight for MYSELF, I know the pain of living with prejudice.  Take your hang-ups and hang them out of sight.  NOBODY should be the victim of your inadequacies; not even me. 

Have you ever considered moving to Charlotte, North Carolina?  Charlotte is in desperate need of dedicated individuals such as yourself.  Dr. Wilson, your presence in this school system would be appreciated and cherished.  I live in a city very near Charlotte, and believe me I know what I'm talking about.  If you ever considered moving toward the southeast, please consider applying for a position in the Charlotte-Mecklenburg school system.  You are the very shot in the arm this system needs!  Good luck no matter what you choose! 

My ex husband left me four years ago.  He left me with two preschool-aged girls and no home, no car and no money.  He told me no one would ever want me; that because he was a man he could have anyone he wanted, but I was too ugly and too fat for a man to find attractive.  The first month or so I was devastated.  I lived off his last words to me like they were the new mantra to my life.  Then I got mad; then I got p*ssed.  How dare this morbidly obese man tell me I was too fat to love?  How dare this guy tell me how I was going to live my life now that he was gone?  Who did he think he was?  I got up enough money to hire an attorney, I filed with social services for child support, and I went back to college.  I decided to make a beautiful life for both myself and my kids, because we ALL deserved a great life. 

A funny thing happened on the way to this great life as a single mother.  A week after the divorce was finalized, I was invited to a wedding and did NOT want to go as the lonely divorced woman.  A friend offered to set me up with a date, just for the wedding.  He wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was I, so the idea was perfect.  We met at her house for a friendly dinner, and something clicked.  We talked on the phone constantly (he lived across the state), we saw each other at every available opportunity, and in short, we fell in love.  Today I am remarried with another precious child, a son celebrating his first birthday tomorrow! 

I'm not saying that a man is the only way a woman can make it in life.  That's just the way my path turned.  I'm saying that I was SOOOO much happier with the certainty of the divorce than I ever was sitting at home, wondering if tomorrow he would leave or if he was going to pay the bills that month.  And, despite my ex husband's abusive and self-serving prophecies for me, things worked out so different than he predicted.  I am happy now with my new life.  And I can tell you for a fact that my ex is absolutely green with envy of the good fortune the good Lord bestowed upon me!  You are all beautiful and intelligent women who will make your mark on this world, I have no doubt.  Leave those arses you once called husbands in the gutter where they belong.  They are filth, and they have no bearing on the fabulous life you are about to lead.  Believe me, the joys of unloading the excess trash are endless! 

Daughter and granddaughter are entitled, selfish little monsters that never grew up.  They seem to be forgetting something; this is NOT their property!  They're acting like it's theirs and this mean old lady is stealing it from them!  Did they work the land?  Judging by the look of them, they wouldn't know how.  "I was on welfare because of her!"  No, you were on welfare because you have a warped sense of entitlement.  Bottom line:  this is NOT YOUR LAND!  You have NO RIGHT to demand anything!  If I were Grandma, I would leave every last bit of it to a land trust where your greed cannot touch it.  You two are a couple of scheming, greedy (word I can't post) and if you got that land, that poor woman would end up on the streets.  You aren't fooling anyone! 

Mary Anne do NOT go back to that marriage!  Do NOT listen to any of the people on this board who tell you to give it another chance!  They are none too bright!  Mary Anne, I was MARRIED to a Lyle.  He CANNOT change! 

My ex painted a beautiful picture of our future lives together.  We were going to honeymoon in Europe, we were going to buy a beautiful two-story house, we were going to vacation every other month.  As soon as I married him, my hell began.  We honeymooned about 100 miles away from our house.  We lived in a two bedroom shack, which got foreclosed on us because he forgot to pay ANY bills.  He told me it was a hideous mistake on the mortgage company's part, of course a big fat lie.  We filed for bankruptcy in the first year because we had the foreclosure and two repossessed cars against us.  I stuck it out because of my beliefs that adultery was the only reason to divorce.  Little did I know I could have divorced him according to MY beliefs after the first year.  

I ended up having two kids by this "man".  The girls and I skimped by, living on hand me downs, depending on the kindness of family.  We were saving for a new house, or so I thought.  The day I found out there was zero money in the bank (overdrawn, in fact) I left.  I got tired of the lies and the humiliation.  I packed up and moved to Mom's.  The kids and I left with no money, no home and no car (yet another repossession), yet the feeling of absolute freedom far outweighed the feeling of being a total and complete idiot for four years.  (BTW, finally got proof he was cheating through a phone bill!)  The final cruel blow was when he told his entire family our younger daughter was the result of an affair; his way of saying he left me instead of me leaving him.  Never demanded a paternity test, though. 

I am soooo happy now.  I am remarried to the biggest gem of a man in the world!  He is a diamond compared to my gumball-machine-ring ex.  I have a son I never would have had otherwise!  I live in a lovely two story house and I never worry about the cars being repossessed or the sherriff knocking on my door with foreclosure papers.  I never knew love could feel like this.   

You deserve the same happiness.  Run from that loser who calls himself your husband.  He CANNOT change!  He is saying he is changed because things are getting tough for him and with you he could do whatever he pleased.  It is convenience, not love that brought on this "change of heart".  My ex tried the same thing.  He told me he was going to counseling and that the psychologist said I was a horrible wife and that's why things were so bad.  If I changed, things would be better.  IT'S A LOAD, BELIEVE ME!  I didn't buy it then, you shouldn't buy it now.  Liars CANNOT change.  I found that out the hard way.  And as for the ex, well he married a girl he met on the internet.  No telling what kind of crud he told that poor girl to trick her.  Hope she wises up much faster than I did! 

Hi Paul, I'm Lori.  I'm coming out of the food closet!  When I was pregnant with my third child, it nearly killed me when at the obstetrician's office I looked down at my checkout slip and saw the words "morbidly obese".  At 234 pounds, I had never really given my weight that much thought.  Sure, I hated being overweight, but the words "morbidly obese" had never come to mind before.  After I saw this written on my paperwork, I cried a river of tears. 

Your story in a way sounded so familiar.  My mother sabotaged me at every turn.  It made my mom feel better to have a fat daughter, so every time somebody commented on her growing waistline, she could point to me and say "Yeah?  Well, look at her.  She's fat!"  My entire childhood was spent with my mother and my brother calling me every horrible name in the book, and I was never heavier than twenty pounds overweight when I was younger.  I know it isn't exactly like what your mom did to you, but it was still sabotage.  We were doomed from the get-go, weren't we? 

I eventually took up the role they wanted me to play; I became the "fat one" in the family.  Now I'm sick of that role.  I'm sick of making my mom feel better because she's overweight, but her daughter is huge!  I'm sick of not being able to climb the stairs in my house without having to stop and catch my breath.  I'm ready to be the thin one.  I'm ready to be the one people notice.  I'm ready for change, and I know you are too. 

Paul, if you need somebody to talk to, somebody who kinda understands what you're going through, you got a friend in me.  Ignore any of the brain-dead idiots who don't understand why you are the way you are.  Concentrate for once on your own happiness.  Concentrate on being here for your next birthday.  I have faith in you.  If you promise to try, I promise to try too.  I'm sure your supporters want to know how you're doing from time to time.  Keep us updated!  I'll give you the same advice my wonderful medical provider gave me.  It takes little steps to attain your goal.  Even the smallest step counts.  Good luck, Paul!!!! 

About Madison; I have never had a problem with moms who enter their kids into natural beauty pageants.  Note I said "natural beauty".  I think it is a great esteem booster and it teaches kids to learn how to take rejection along with winning.  It becomes a problem when you start teaching your child that, as long as you change every single thing about yourself, you're a winner.  Fake tans and fake teeth do not belong on elementary school children.  A preschooler should not own stock in Estee Lauder.  And I don't know any middle-class families who have ever spent 64 grand on a "hobby", cumulative or otherwise.  Mothers must be careful not to make their distorted obsessions their kids' nightmares.  And the fact that moms are threatening to kill each other because they are jealous of the competition is just wrong.  Most importantly, please stop posting these dolled-up photos of your kids on the internet.  It gives me the creeps knowing that many perverts have performed sex acts on themselves looking at that child's picture.  Ewww, why isn't that mom completely torn apart by that? 

Brooklyn is a cutie.  She reminds me of a little girl that is currently co-hosting a PBS show called Zoom.  Unfortunately, there are many, many blonde haired, blue eyed girls out there.  Her chances are pretty slim.  As cute as she is, there are no distinguishing characteristics to her.  Nothing makes her stand out.  I don't have high hopes for her chances.  A casting agent probably gets a thousand pictures just like hers every day.  I hope she succeeds, but her mom needs to realize the odds aren't good.  I mean, how many kids do I see walk out of my own daughter's school every day that look just like Brooklyn?  At least fifty, and it's a smaller school.  I wish her luck anyway. 

Hunter is just charming.  He's going to take massive flack for being in pageants, and there's nothing that mom can do about it.  You can't change society's views, no matter how hard you try.  If he likes it, and he's willing to put up with the crap, I say let him.  I just have a bad feeling that Mom's own disturbed visions for him are affecting her hearing where his wishes are concerned.  Take the time to find out if he is willing to get made fun of for his "hobby".  And other people need to realize that this mom is no different than the mom who makes her son play football even though he hates it because it makes him a "man".  That's a stereotype.  Nobody should do anything they don't want to do. 

I hope all the moms make sensible decisions and carefully weigh the consequences before they proceed.  Think of the future of these adorable children and the affects of their pasttimes.  Take your own thoughts and opinions completely out of the picture.  Only then can you make an intelligent decision concerning your kids.  Good luck, no matter what you decide! 

Man, your story brought back memories.  First off, TAKE NOT ONE BIT OF BLAME FOR HIS LOSS OF A JOB!  He was a jerk for blaming you or his family, and shame on him for that!  Either his ex boss is such a toad to fire him for one lousy phone call or he was doing a lousy job to begin with.  One call doesn't get a guy fired; poor performance does. 

Your worthless ex did everything the way all worthless exes do business.  My worthless ex enticed me to quit my job to stay at home with the kids; the day AFTER I did, he left us.  He needed a good excuse for being such a complete louse to leave a wife and two kids (especially after having spent months having affairs, I learned this later) so all of a sudden I cheated and our younger daughter wasn't his.  Surprise, surprise, he didn't want to spring for the expensive DNA test to find out what he already knew!  My ex tried to attack me when I took the last three hundred bucks out of our joint bank account; a month before, he had cleared out over five thousand.  He didn't take the car, he just had it repoed.  He bashed me to every person with an ear who would listen.  Didn't stop me from taking his sorry arse to court for ordered child support. 

I didn't go back to work right away.  I lived with Mom and Dad for a little while and went back to school.  Oh yeah, the fun of food stamps!  Ick.  What the "enlightened" Dr. Phil doesn't realize is that most moms take a hiatus from their own educations to support these wonderful men who dump them in the end.  Without a degree, you're working two jobs and seeing your kids an hour a day.  (Shame on Dr. Phil for jumping on you about that, by the way!)  Do some research and see what kind of things you can get going on your own to support your kids.  There's a lot of help for the single mom who goes out and gets it.  Work in the meantime until you can achieve the goals YOU want.  Just because you have a chump for an ex doesn't mean you have to give up your goals.  I didn't. 

Long story short, I am now married to the most wonderful man in the world.  We have my two daughters and a toddler son, and I am at home with him, pursuing my writing career!  The girls' dad remarried; when the girls have their visitation WITH THEIR GRANDFATHER, he likes to brag to them about how much happier he is now that it is just him and his wife and they can travel anywhere they want.  (Can you believe it?  The nerve of this guy!)  Nevertheless, they are happy and we have a great new family to grow in, and I have a spectacular man to grow old with!  It looks bad now, but don't worry.  It will all get better; all you need is a little determination.  Make that twerp of an ex a distant memory and go for it!  You'll be all right!