Messages By: popptart

I don't buy books normally but I couldnt wait to open 'self matters' I am such a fan of Dr. Phil and couldnt wait to find my 'authentic self' so i can see things as clearly as he does. Well I sat down with a journal and was ready to do my homework (knowing their would definatly be some), read frantically, until I reached my first task, remembering, I blocked so many things that we're my, critical moments, that I feel I can't get the work done right for lack of complete details. 

If anyone could send advise I would love to hear it cause I have tried and tried but I cant get past it cause I feel like i'm not getting the work done correctly without exact facts. 

Dawn 

  There are lots of ways of being cursed, I belive we can curse ourselves and not even know it. We can curse our children, without meaning it. My life has been less then charmed, but about 10 years ago I started to 'belive in carma' sort of like the new show 'My name is Earl' and began to try to live my life as honest and true as I could, nothing has changed nothing in my life has got better, yet I continue to try to live honestly and continue to get dirt kicked in my face. 

   I even tried to re-start my life, I got married, had a baby and thought I was finally going to live happily ever after, far from the truth, I had EXTREAMLY bad post pardom and befor my daughter turned one my husband of only 2 years had heart surgery and has had complications since and been out of work. 

   My real mother left me when I was 5 months old, my father the same, and my aunt who I knew as mom dumped me in 2002. My husband was a healthy sane man when we married, and I cant help but think looking at him now, sick and at home, that I am cursed and have been since the first time I was left . 

Thank you so much for saying what you said about being safe, I already feel more relaxed, that really hit home. I dont belive I feel safe when I think about major gaps in my life and I trust no one to ask for the facts. 

I belive im going to relax and just let it come to me and know that no matter what happend in my life, its ok now and I do belive it will come to me. 

you know i really like the way you think, and its those kind of replies that maybe no one wants to hear, but everyone has their own faith, and i do belive, but life is life and it will never be perfect and none of us will ever find the answers, and i truly think God is just watching and cheering us on, as adults no matter what has happend in our lives, what happens to us from here on out is truly up to us. 

I have barly been married three years, dont get me wrong i love my husband, I truly do, but my vision of what our marrage would be, in only months shy of 3 years, has been shattered, I married a man who was 50 years old and I was 31, I wanted stability and a man who would adore me, call it selftish, but this was what i really did want, and he loved dotting on me, no plans for kids, just us, and my other 2 kids, but basically just us 75% of the time 'ALL ME'  

Now i have a 2 year old that gets all my attention that i planed on, not that im a nut and jelous of my daughter or anything, im just saying kids wern't in the cards originally, and now my husband has 'became more involved with his chuch' meanwhile i cant remember the last time we went to dinner, a movie, even whatch a dvd at home together, now all he does is spend great time with our daughter and reads his bible, now these are not bad things? but what about me, where do i fit and am i trapped? or are these sacrifices that you make for someone you love. 

Oh my gosh!!!!!! that is all i can say about todays episode!!! I swear that Mya and my mother are realated!!!!! That is my mother sitting on that stage I swear! when her daughter told the story about what she had said about her husband, 'are you really going to marry that bastard' and Mya said she did not say that, oh my gosh! that is soooooooo like my mother, some of the most dramatic events in my life have been revolved around somthing she said that to this day she says 'i didnt say that', how in the world does she explain away the drama of the situation she can create by just using the most horrible words, i mean these are words that looking back  now I know for sure changed my life, yet she can just turn to me and say 'I never said that.' and it becomes my problem because then it just floats in my head.  Did it really happen? is she right, did she not say that? how do you go on with your life when the things you belive happend, you have someone who was there saying it didnt? 

YOU KNOW ITS ATTITUDES LIKE THAT, THAT KEEP THE DIVORCE RATE IN AMERICA UP!  THAT AIN'T RIGHT TO SAY THAT SHE NEEDS TO GET OFF HER BUTT AND KICK HIM OUT. 

THAT COMMENT WAS WHAT CAUGHT MY EYE BUT THEN TO READ THE REST OF IT........OH MY! YOU GOT ANGER ISSUES YOURSELF HONEY. MARRAGE IS NOT SOMETHING TO JUST CHUCK OUT THE WINDOW AND I THINK THE GIRLS OF TOMMOROW SHOULD KNOW THAT AND NOT THAT THEY CAN 'JUST KICK THEM TO THE CURB' A MARRAGE IS WORK  AND THAT MAN NEEDS HIS WIFE AND HIS KIDS HE JUST HAS NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO ASK FOR HELP LIKE MOST OF THE MEN IN THIS WORLD  

I WOULD BE VERY DISSAPOINTED IF THAT MARRAGE DOESNT MAKE IT I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR AN UPDATE ON THEM