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Messages By: unclemtl

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September 17, 2005, 8:32 am CDT

Dr. Phil, What Were You Thinkingl

Dr. Phil dropped the ball on this one.  

  

The whole focus of the show was on how you shouldn't judge people on how they look and that who a person is cannot be discerned by there appearance and then Dr. Phil and the end of the show goes on to say Jay, who dressed up to impersonate a homely man, "Well, you looked like a pervert". How and the heck does a pervert look? Perversion is a behavior, which cannot be discerned by how someone looks. You are a psychologist for crying out loud, what the heck were you thinking?  

  

You spent the whole show trying to demonstrate to two women how they were shallow and damaging their children's self-esteem by teaching them their value and self worth depends on how they look and then with the "The Pervert Statement", you went on to negate everything you just said for the whole show.  

  

Psychologists have a possession of power and what comes out of their mouth can damage a person's psyche for years. I think Dr. Phil has done a lot of good, and to be honest, everybody makes mistakes, but the comment at the end of the show was a BIG MISTAKE that I think he should elaborate on in a later show.  

  

James 

 
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September 17, 2005, 8:44 am CDT

Beautiful People

To demonstrate how insidious our obsessions with looks have become and how those who look beautiful can feel even more superiour than the rest, there is a website now created solely for beautiful people called, beautifulpeople.net 

  

The premise of the site is that beautiful people want to hang out and be around other beautiful people. To be accepted for the site, applicants write up a bio and send a picture of themselves and the existing members decide if you are "HOT Enough" to join the website.  

  

The purpose of the site is for beautiful people to have a form where they can feel safe to communicate with other beautiful people. They can converse, date, apply for jobs, or plan to get together and party at secret "Hip" location absent of other types of people. 

  

It short, it's the adult version of High School where the good looking popular crowd exclude the rest of society. And if they choose to let you into the group, you should feel privelidged.  

  

How shallow and egotistical has this world become. It's a crying shame. 

  

James 

 
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November 6, 2005, 11:17 am CST

I Don't Understand....

Quote From: deslocum

I have a 24 year old daughter that lives with her dad and her dad completely supports her, cleans up after her and, even after a long day at work, cooks supper for her and sometimes even for her boyfriend (27 former Marine).  She is a pig and leaves her clothes all over the house.  She dropped out of college after 2 years with some mental issues and has been going to a doctor for over 4 years now.  She has been on all kinds of drugs, legal and not so legal.  Her dad keeps saying she will get better soon.  I moved out of the house 2 years ago because I can't stand how she  lives.  I would love to move back in with my husband and get her out and on her own.  But he doesn't want to confront her because he is afraid it will make her mad.  Also, we have a 21 year old that is not too much better.  At least she goes to school still but will not get a job to help with expenses.  I know it is our fault as parents for not expecting more and now we do not know what to do.  The story on Dr. Phil's show sounds just like our story to some degree.  We need help!!

Let me get this straight. You have a daughter who has a mental illness, which you don't seem to know what it is since you didn't mention it, and you moved out of the house because of the way she lives her life. WOW! What a self-centered uncaring person you are. If your daughter does have a mental illness it's like any other illness and she needs your support as a mother. 

  

Your daughter coming back to live with you because she has a mental illness does not make her a moocher, it means she's looking for help, support, and guidance. Now, I'm not saying her being untidy is acceptable, this is probably something that needs to be addressed but, for a mother to leave her daughter when she is ill, I really don't know what to say.... 

  

James   

 
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November 7, 2005, 8:55 pm CST

Mental Issues

Quote From: juncus

James -- she said that her daughter had mental issues, not a mental illness -- there is a big difference.  A lot of people have "issues" but aren't necessarily ill.  Her concerns sound pretty valid to me. 

It's true, she indicated that her daughter has mental issues and did not indicate she has a mental illness but what else would you call it. She quit school because of these mental issues, has been seeing a doctor for four years, has been on prescribed medication and has experimented with other forms of non-legal medication. From my experience, I would guess that she has a mental illness and yes, her father is enabling her and not helping. 

  

For the mother to leave the home and desert her husband is not a good thing. If the daughter is ill, which I assume given what was mentioned, she needs the support of both parents. If no real illness exists, then she needs to get out on her own. 

  

James   

 
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November 7, 2005, 9:12 pm CST

You Have Got to be Kidding

Quote From: jen0203

  

  

  

 I have to say I disagree with James on this I dont think just because your daughter has a mental illness that gives her the right to take over your house. Having a mental illness is not an excuse to drop out of college and decide that she isnt going to do anything but have your husband wait on her. I would tell her to get a job and get out!!
 

  

  

Having a mental illness is not an excuse to drop out of college? Are you kidding me? Mental illnesses can be very disabilitating even when a person doesn't look like they have anything wrong with them. Howard Hughes, the aviation pioneer of the 1940's, in his last years of life didn't even leave his room because he suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Yet, you would of kicked Howard out on his ass and said get a job. I don't think that would of been very helpful given his disorder.  

  

I still find it strange that the mother left the household two years ago and no one seems to think that this behavior is odd?  

  

James 

  

     

 
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December 12, 2005, 2:03 am CST

People Show You the Truth

Quote From: 431617

I have this kind of con in my life - more than once! Ive been out of the dating scene along time because of these experiences. Now that I am nearing 40, I dont want to be alone any longer. I am so afraid though that I am going to fall right back into that trap. I dont trust my choices. I cannot trust anything that comes out of a man's mouth. And some have been so sincere, but always, ALWAYS there seems to be a motive. How do you get past this kind of 'baggage' and move on, so it can be possible to find that honest well-meaning man that I KNOW HAS TO BE OUT THERE!?

 You said, "I cannot trust anything that comes out of a man's mouth." Remember those words because in their lies the answer. People are always telling you who they are but in truth THEY SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. Don't get fooled by the sales pitch about his good qualities, they should be  observable, not some convuloted story. 

  

Also, if a person loves you and respects you, he will treat you as such, (again an action, not a story). If you feel some sort of sharp pain in your gut or shoulders when he says something to you. Be aware, it's your mind telling your body, I don't like that or that hurt me. It's a signal that all is not right. 

  

Good Luck, 

James 

 
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December 23, 2005, 10:53 am CST

Obsessives Thoughts

Quote From: deirdre7

Hi, 

I'm just wondering if anyone suffers from obsessive thoughts,if so how do you deal with them.I'm taking mirtazipane for depression and anxiety and im wondering if that can contribute to the problem. 

Deirdre 

Deidre, 

  

When it comes to obsessional thoughts, the best thing to do is to try and seperate yourself from the thoughts allowing them to run UNCHALLENGED in the background as if you have two brains. The thoughts are a product of OCD, and not your everyday rational thinking process. OCD and obsessional thoughts get worse when you challenge them, try to solve them, try to understand them, or ruminate about them. In my experience, even checking in your mind if they are still there sometimes brings them back. I know this is not easy, trust me I know, but it does work over time and with practice.  

  

Realize also that success in dealing with pure obsessional thoughts are not instant. It takes time. Days, weeks, even months. However, the worst thing to do is question or challenge them, this only makes things worse. Also realize, you can obsess over anything, and I mean anything. The hardest thing I have had problems with has been having insight into when I have been obsessing and when I am just normal problem solving, however this is my advice, " If you have having doubts about something (In the absence of concrete reason to have doubts, normally you either: know, don't know, or are unsure and look for information), are searching for certainty, wanting to find perfection, not feeling good enough and looking for the perfect or best  way  to be good enough, wanting to avoid rejection or hurt, avoiding doing things", then those thoughts and actions are OCD related. Having uncertainty associated with anxiety is OCD. 

  

Also check out: ocfoundation.org & ocdonline.com (articles by Steven Phillipson) 

  

I hope this was of some help, 

  

James    

  

  

 
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December 27, 2005, 11:55 pm CST

Avoidance is OCD Related

Quote From: rhondapat

I guess I don't understand what the problem is.  I have been unable to work for 4 years now due to various handicaps.  To keep myself from going "stir crazy" I do a lot of things around the house...how does that make a person "OCD". 

When people hear the word Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they think about hand washing, checking, the show MONK, etc. But these rituals or examples do not describe OCD. OCD is the occurence of obsessions followed by anxiety and then followed by rituals or behaviors in order to reduce the anxiety. People with OCD want to avoid anxiety at all costs and therefore perform rituals to alleviate the anxiety but still avoid what they fear, increasing the anxiety next time. The never ending search for a perfect non-anxiety related life experience goes on to create an even worse anxiety related experience through avoidance of living. 

  

With a person constantly re-arranging her furniture and not willing to go outside. The ritual she is performing is the re-arranging of furniture in order to avoid (avoidance is OCD related) dealing with her life or facing her fears. The problem with a lot of individuals who have OCD is the insight into when it is occuring. The rule I useis  when I am: avoiding anything,  doubting, have uncertainty, or am looking for the perfect answer which is also associeted with anxiety followed by a need for me to ruminate about it in my head unitil I have the perfect answer or am waiting for when it feels right, this is OCD. 

  

All the best, 

  

James 

 
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December 28, 2005, 12:17 am CST

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

Quote From: bhall1975

My boyfriend (who is the father of my 2 year old) is OCD.  He does not have "normal" OCD.  Ya know where you wash your hands every 5 mins.  His is: everything has to be his way.  Like the way you ask and answer questions.  If it's not the way he would do it, it's not right, it's stupid and causes a 15 min arguement.  He tells me to do something one way and when I do over and over again, one day that way is wrong and he starts arguing with me.  I know that this is a disorder and he can't help it, but he won't get on medication because he says that I am the cause of everything.  And 3 years of it is making me feel pretty bad about myself and question everything and everybody in my past.  Is there anyone who can give advice on how to live with him and maybe get him to get back on meds??????

Your boyfriend sounds like he has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and not OCD. They are the same in some ways but are different in one major area. People with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder think there way to do things is the right way and don't understand why everyone else can not do the same (righteous indignation:, I am always right, you are wrong). They also don't see anything wrong with the way they think or see the world. 

  

People with OCD on the other hand hate the rituals they perform and get angry because their anxiety propels them to perform the rituals. They do not think others should  perform the rituals they perform because they know them to be useless. 

  

That said, therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) or couples therapy would be the best option possibly associated with medication but I would say therapy is a must. If he refuses to go, remind him that two people are in a relationship and one (yourself) isn't  happy with the way things are. It's not his or your fault things have developed to where they are now but you would like to be happy with him and you think a 3rd person who is outside your relationship can help you two better understand each other and learn to communicate better. 

  

For a better undertanding of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder is suggest: http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.php 

  

Good Luck, 

  

James 

 
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December 28, 2005, 1:29 am CST

How To Handle OCD

Quote From: alyssa_

Im 15, and since i was little i wouyld always have to have my socks perfect, i would take 15 minutes because they would drive me crazy! also if i would touch my hand on somthing then i would have to do it exactly the same to the other one. Or my arms or anything. But i dont do tht anymore. Now everytime i watch tv or loistn to music the volume number HAS to be even. If it isnt  cant watch it. In class we watch movies and i will go up to the tv to put it on a even number. Also this ones a litte wierd and hard to explain but ill try... ok ill give an example, the tv i will read something or somene says something and ill say the words in my head to each corner of the tv untill it ends up on the last side, or ill do it wth the sideawlk or anything. I dont knoe how to stop, and it drivess me crazxy! how can i stop i try but its so hard tht it just bugs me... doesa anyone else have any of the feelings i do?

When it comes to OCD and how to manage it, in my experience there are three different steps: 

  

First, recognizing (insight or awareness) that what you are doing or thinking is OCD related. If you are: avoiding something, performing an action (ritual), searching for perfection, having unwanted thoughts come into your head and you are trying to push them away (ruminate), afraid of uncertainty, have to check things because you are having doubts, have to clean things, order things, say certain words, have fears of being a bad person and these situations are associated with anxiety, then these thoughts are OCD related. 

  

Second, is to seperate yourself from the OCD. Think of your OCD thinking as a seperate entity living in your brain that is not part of you normal fuctioning brain. Think of your OCD as an unwanted friend who is trying to seduce you into trouble who does not have your best interests at heart. In fact, OCD wants you to suffer. For it to exist, you must be anxious and continue to perform those rituals. 

  

Third, when faced with the anxiety associated with OCD (also sometimes called a spike), first label it as such, "It's OCD not my healthy brain". Second, do not perform the rituals or ruminate about the OCD thought. You will feel anxious, infact you will feel very anxious for a short period, but it will subside within twenty minutes to an hour, on average. It's important not to fight or stop the OCD thoughts, just realize OCD is there as a seperate part of your brain and ignore it. Trying to challenge OCD or logically challenge it will not make it go away, it will probably only get worse.  

  

They key is to let the OCD thoughts exist, and go about your normal activities. Remembering that OCD is a seperate part of you brain and not your normal fuctioning part of your brain. This is not easy but it does work. 

  

I would also suggest seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist who has experience with dealing with OCD. I also suggest the following web sites: 

  

OCD ON LINE: http://www.ocdonline.com/defineocd.php 

OCFOUNDATION: http://www.viryours.com/showcase/ocd/index.html 

OCD SUPPORT GROUPS (North America): http://www.viryours.com/showcase/ocd/ocf1170d.htm 

  

Good Luck, 

  

James 

  

  

  

 

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