Messages By: unclemtl

Dr. Phil dropped the ball on this one.  

The whole focus of the show was on how you shouldn't judge people on how they look and that who a person is cannot be discerned by there appearance and then Dr. Phil and the end of the show goes on to say Jay, who dressed up to impersonate a homely man, "Well, you looked like a pervert". How and the heck does a pervert look? Perversion is a behavior, which cannot be discerned by how someone looks. You are a psychologist for crying out loud, what the heck were you thinking?  

You spent the whole show trying to demonstrate to two women how they were shallow and damaging their children's self-esteem by teaching them their value and self worth depends on how they look and then with the "The Pervert Statement", you went on to negate everything you just said for the whole show.  

Psychologists have a possession of power and what comes out of their mouth can damage a person's psyche for years. I think Dr. Phil has done a lot of good, and to be honest, everybody makes mistakes, but the comment at the end of the show was a BIG MISTAKE that I think he should elaborate on in a later show.  

James 

To demonstrate how insidious our obsessions with looks have become and how those who look beautiful can feel even more superiour than the rest, there is a website now created solely for beautiful people called, beautifulpeople.net 

The premise of the site is that beautiful people want to hang out and be around other beautiful people. To be accepted for the site, applicants write up a bio and send a picture of themselves and the existing members decide if you are "HOT Enough" to join the website.  

The purpose of the site is for beautiful people to have a form where they can feel safe to communicate with other beautiful people. They can converse, date, apply for jobs, or plan to get together and party at secret "Hip" location absent of other types of people. 

It short, it's the adult version of High School where the good looking popular crowd exclude the rest of society. And if they choose to let you into the group, you should feel privelidged.  

How shallow and egotistical has this world become. It's a crying shame. 

James 

Let me get this straight. You have a daughter who has a mental illness, which you don't seem to know what it is since you didn't mention it, and you moved out of the house because of the way she lives her life. WOW! What a self-centered uncaring person you are. If your daughter does have a mental illness it's like any other illness and she needs your support as a mother. 

Your daughter coming back to live with you because she has a mental illness does not make her a moocher, it means she's looking for help, support, and guidance. Now, I'm not saying her being untidy is acceptable, this is probably something that needs to be addressed but, for a mother to leave her daughter when she is ill, I really don't know what to say.... 

James   

It's true, she indicated that her daughter has mental issues and did not indicate she has a mental illness but what else would you call it. She quit school because of these mental issues, has been seeing a doctor for four years, has been on prescribed medication and has experimented with other forms of non-legal medication. From my experience, I would guess that she has a mental illness and yes, her father is enabling her and not helping. 

For the mother to leave the home and desert her husband is not a good thing. If the daughter is ill, which I assume given what was mentioned, she needs the support of both parents. If no real illness exists, then she needs to get out on her own. 

James   

Having a mental illness is not an excuse to drop out of college? Are you kidding me? Mental illnesses can be very disabilitating even when a person doesn't look like they have anything wrong with them. Howard Hughes, the aviation pioneer of the 1940's, in his last years of life didn't even leave his room because he suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Yet, you would of kicked Howard out on his ass and said get a job. I don't think that would of been very helpful given his disorder.  

I still find it strange that the mother left the household two years ago and no one seems to think that this behavior is odd?  

James 

 You said, "I cannot trust anything that comes out of a man's mouth." Remember those words because in their lies the answer. People are always telling you who they are but in truth THEY SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. Don't get fooled by the sales pitch about his good qualities, they should be  observable, not some convuloted story. 

Also, if a person loves you and respects you, he will treat you as such, (again an action, not a story). If you feel some sort of sharp pain in your gut or shoulders when he says something to you. Be aware, it's your mind telling your body, I don't like that or that hurt me. It's a signal that all is not right. 

Good Luck, 

James 

Deidre, 

When it comes to obsessional thoughts, the best thing to do is to try and seperate yourself from the thoughts allowing them to run UNCHALLENGED in the background as if you have two brains. The thoughts are a product of OCD, and not your everyday rational thinking process. OCD and obsessional thoughts get worse when you challenge them, try to solve them, try to understand them, or ruminate about them. In my experience, even checking in your mind if they are still there sometimes brings them back. I know this is not easy, trust me I know, but it does work over time and with practice.  

Realize also that success in dealing with pure obsessional thoughts are not instant. It takes time. Days, weeks, even months. However, the worst thing to do is question or challenge them, this only makes things worse. Also realize, you can obsess over anything, and I mean anything. The hardest thing I have had problems with has been having insight into when I have been obsessing and when I am just normal problem solving, however this is my advice, " If you have having doubts about something (In the absence of concrete reason to have doubts, normally you either: know, don't know, or are unsure and look for information), are searching for certainty, wanting to find perfection, not feeling good enough and looking for the perfect or best  way  to be good enough, wanting to avoid rejection or hurt, avoiding doing things", then those thoughts and actions are OCD related. Having uncertainty associated with anxiety is OCD. 

Also check out: ocfoundation.org & ocdonline.com (articles by Steven Phillipson) 

I hope this was of some help, 

James    

When people hear the word Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they think about hand washing, checking, the show MONK, etc. But these rituals or examples do not describe OCD. OCD is the occurence of obsessions followed by anxiety and then followed by rituals or behaviors in order to reduce the anxiety. People with OCD want to avoid anxiety at all costs and therefore perform rituals to alleviate the anxiety but still avoid what they fear, increasing the anxiety next time. The never ending search for a perfect non-anxiety related life experience goes on to create an even worse anxiety related experience through avoidance of living. 

With a person constantly re-arranging her furniture and not willing to go outside. The ritual she is performing is the re-arranging of furniture in order to avoid (avoidance is OCD related) dealing with her life or facing her fears. The problem with a lot of individuals who have OCD is the insight into when it is occuring. The rule I useis  when I am: avoiding anything,  doubting, have uncertainty, or am looking for the perfect answer which is also associeted with anxiety followed by a need for me to ruminate about it in my head unitil I have the perfect answer or am waiting for when it feels right, this is OCD. 

All the best, 

James 

Your boyfriend sounds like he has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and not OCD. They are the same in some ways but are different in one major area. People with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder think there way to do things is the right way and don't understand why everyone else can not do the same (righteous indignation:, I am always right, you are wrong). They also don't see anything wrong with the way they think or see the world. 

People with OCD on the other hand hate the rituals they perform and get angry because their anxiety propels them to perform the rituals. They do not think others should  perform the rituals they perform because they know them to be useless. 

That said, therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) or couples therapy would be the best option possibly associated with medication but I would say therapy is a must. If he refuses to go, remind him that two people are in a relationship and one (yourself) isn't  happy with the way things are. It's not his or your fault things have developed to where they are now but you would like to be happy with him and you think a 3rd person who is outside your relationship can help you two better understand each other and learn to communicate better. 

For a better undertanding of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder is suggest: http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.php 

Good Luck, 

James