Messages By: jlamattery

Hello all!  I've just read every post on this site, and I wish I could put my arms around everyone who is suffering, and give you a big hug, and that saying "Sorry" could fix it.  That can't be, but I promise you my prayers. 

I doubt there are many neutral souls left, after 20 pages of this debate!  But to the undecided & truth-seekers, let me tell you a bit about the The Family International of 2005.  I speak as a member for well over 30 years.  My father was a Protestant preacher.  As a High School valedictorian, politically alert, and with eyes wide open, I joined the "Children of God", impressed by their missionary dedication.  Their zeal looked a lot like what I was reading about in my New Testament, but not seeing in any church I attended.

As a group, we were radical & we were crazy---that's what it took to turn on a dropped-out drugged-out hippie generation to Christianity.  Our uncompromising anti-Establishment, anti-war, anti-zombie higher education, anti-Churchianity views made news, endeared us to many of the youth, and earned us some pretty hefty enemies in just about every sphere of society.  (But with a surprising number of patient parents, who admired our goals, and recognized we'd found real fulfillment.---Who in turn organized themselves into a support group, "Thank COG".)  Still, we were soon being labeled religious fascists by some, communist subversives by others, & a brainwashing cult by others. 

Some of this was surely brought on by our own foibles & inexperienced young leadership, full of zeal, lacking wisdom.  (---and definitely NOT under David Berg's control, ha, as some suggest.)  On the other hand, when people just plain don't like your message, or don't really understand you, it's amazing what kind of things they'll accuse you of, and actually believe. 

But we've learned as we've grown.  We started off as a group of largely teens & 20-somethings.  Then we began to have our own little families.  In our joy & enthusiasm, we felt that all our kids would "of course" want to follow in our footsteps.  But lo & behold, somehow they "grew up", and were faced with some of the same choices WE were as teens.—whether to give their life to God in some capacity, or move on to another lifestyle.  In our idealism, in some cases, we hadn't given them enough practical training to smoothly make the move to the "big bad world".  But that was not across the board by any means. Meanwhile, even in those cases, they often could speak a few different languages & had a good work ethic, were clean & honest.  (And may I add, no cavities, nor brain cells full of 1000's of hours of inane TV commercials, obscene cartoons, & senseless violence).  Not to speak of those youth who had developed & honed artistic gifts, musical, computer skills, handymen, etc. while in the group. 

Several of my own children are no longer in the Family.  Their initial transition was not smooth, but having "learned how to learn" at an early age, they soon surpassed their peers in public school.  One of my daughters just came out in the top 3 in her university exams, over hundreds of other students.  She is guaranteed a lifetime job as an educator, and is now teaching at a prestigious European High School.  Another daughter was top in her city's ballet/dance courses, and was offered entrance to a well-known academy in Paris.  A son put himself through cooking school & became an in-demand chef in another European capital.  Meanwhile, another daughter has continued her missionary work with the Family year upon year in some of the poorest countries in Africa, along with her husband & 4 bright, intelligent, home-schooled little kids---my grandkids, of whom I'm very proud. 

For the newbies here, the Family International is not an obscure secret cult.  Our work has been well documented by sociologists & academics for decades.  The media has had a great time, too, inevitably picking out anything sensational they could find about the group.  And admittedly, there's been plenty.  We are not your average Sunday-social church on the corner.   

In our earlier years, we were small and---not surprisingly---persecuted.   Of course, that was also exciting to us young folks, and it did result in a certain amount of "secrecy", or shall we say, caution.  This was not due to any wrongdoing or sense of guilt, but rather because much of our preachments were against the evils of the "System", the rich & influential members of which had the ability to wipe us out if they wished. 

Later, more & more of our "controversial" beliefs (read: anything that Billy Graham wouldn't preach) began to be publicized in the media.  And we began to accept this & get more comfortable with it.  And importantly, we realized that throwing the doors open on our beliefs & Homes was the best thing we could do.  Nothing to hide & everything to offer.  ---A cooperative lifestyle that works, and produces some pretty wonderful & amazing young people in the process. 

If that wasn't enough, now just about anything ever published within the Children of God/Family is now available on the Internet. ---Especially with the help of folks like "drcoosa" here on the website, who apparently has more time to read our Family publications than I do.  He somehow hijacks this copyrighted Family material & publishes it without authorization.  In fact, he pours over 30 years of publications, keeping a concordance of every "inflammatory" quote he can find.  His special faculty, like one of the X-Men, is to then interject these tidbits into a discussion in the most negative & odious light possible.   (Ha, ha, sorry to flame you there----you are a great debater, I grant.) 

I am not defending those who committed abuses.  There are sincere individuals who were hurt, obviously; and that is being well-covered in this forum.  I believe some of them would be happy if the individual who mistreated them was brought to justice. 

However, I must point out to our public that there is a deeper, darker, more far-reaching agenda here.   It is not to make reparation & heal hurts of the past, but rather to demonize & bring down one of the most positive & fruitful missionary fellowships of our present day.   From a Christian perspective----excuse me for those of you who don't know Jesus at this time---the people who are pushing this larger, more sinister agenda, have little care for God, for the sharing of Jesus' love with millions of hungry souls every year, for the bringing of encouragement & support to the needy in 100 countries around the world, with both tangible aide, as well as the intangible---satisfying that most basic human need for happiness. Not to speak of these folks wishing to terminate an unquestionably fulfilling way of life for thousands of missionaries & their families---now into three generations.  No, at whatever the cost to the millions, the whole group must be brought down & disbanded to appease the few.  I don't believe this is what China wants.  China knows that abuse in any form is non-existent in the Family today, and that's why she was confident to bring her little son & leave him in our care, while she took care of other timely business 2 years ago (I say this by way of confirmation of  the earlier post on that subject).   

I promise you, David Berg & Maria were/are NOT pedophiles.  Some folks here are painting a very perverse picture of two of the most loving, sacrificial, dedicated Christians you could possibly meet.  Radical? Yes.  Controversial?  Absolutely.   Weirdos?  Nope.  Dangerous?  Never. 

(Sorry, I wasn't going to get into specifics, but I've just got to address this anti-Semite question.   David Berg was Jewish by descent, as is a certain percentage of the Family overall.  His anger at the "Jews", as brought out in "drcoosa's" favorite quote from an emotional prayer, was as I recall specifically regarding Israeli mistreatment of the Palestinians.  With that stance, in a democratic world poll today, Berg would find himself in a very comfortable majority.  In spite of his outburst of that moment, did Family members---who you claim were under his "control"---all pick up guns & join Hamas?  [BEEP—master say...hate Jew---BEEP---must kill----BEEP...  Ha, ha, ha, give me a break!  Members understood & took it in perspective & so did you if you were here.   Did you go buy a gun?  Book your ticket to Jerusalem?  Come on!  Berg's comment was no more vehement in spirit than Jesus' own proclamation, "Ye are of your father the devil!" in John chapter 8.  Did Jesus teach or incite his personal 12 disciples to hatred & violence by thus saying, or by whipping the merchants out of the temple?  You know the answer.  (No.)  So quit plucking these quotes out of context & trying, like some kind of KKK wizard, to rally a lynch mob against the Family.  Some folks might actually believe you.  Talk about intolerance, Inquisition, Scarlet Letter, demagoguery, etc.----woh, YOU sound dangerous.  Everyone acquainted with the Family today is impressed by the impartial love they extend to people of all races & social status.  As all Christians should, we oppose what we consider wrongs in society, but this does not overrule love for individuals. ) 

Someone earlier mentioned why not try a "sting operation" against the Family.  Well, they've "been there, done that"!  In the early 90's, antagonists duped officials in several countries to "rescue" hundreds of Family children, through violent police raids.  Accusation: "child abuse".  Never mind that extensive medical & psychological tests turned up not one case of abuse amongst the approx. 700 children taken from their parents.   That's OK—the accusers weren't expecting to find abuse, as they knew there was none occurring.  It was just an excuse to try & pull down the Family.   All children were returned to their parents, and in some cases, damages awarded to Family members. 

I read all the same literature & lived in the Homes in the period of the alleged abuse.  It never crossed my mind to have sex with a little kid, nor to allow my kids to be abused by others.  "Abuse" was never a Family "policy", much less an institutionalized practice, nor will it ever be.  I know there WERE cases, and I don't wish to distress those folks as I say the following:   Although as the British Judge pointed out, there was an overly-sexualized atmosphere in the Family, the depiction of abuse, (not only sexual, but of child-labor, extreme punishment, etc.), is just not an accurate picture of the overall Family---not in any year you choose.  Home videos *, family photo albums, & honest media coverage from the past will bear out again & again, year after year, that our Homes were filled with happy, smiling, loving individuals.  (*  Re: Home videos:  You will of course trot out the example of the notorious "dance" videos, or "nudie cutie" pictures.  Those were circulated for a limited amount of time, then withdrawn.  For the record, they were neither violent, ugly, nor perverse.---Unlike your favorite primetime TV shows.  Indeed people from some cultures would see them & wonder what's the big deal.  Anyway, no Family member has seen any of that for about 20 years.  But I don't doubt that the hypocrites---who committed felonies in order to steal some of that material from locked storage to "use against" the Family---have been "enjoying" them in private ever since.) 

A young man left our fellowship a while back.  We're still friends, and he's now a successful businessman.  He confided, "I supported those folks (an anti-Family site) for a while after I left.  But I soon recognized they were 'losers' & 'complainers'."  (end of quote)  Please get my drift here, I am NOT saying anyone who chooses to leave the Family is a loser---not by a long-shot!  Indeed, many folks who leave soon find themselves favored for their positive attitudes, humility, solution-oriented thinking, ability to build a consensus, to communicate & to handle people, and how to teamwork—simply due to the fact that those are all necessary attributes to live our cooperative missionary lifestyle.   

But I am mentioning this because it is a trend of our time---which any "psychologist" should be able to identify---that people will try to blame their problems on anything they can.---They will sue the Army, their employer, their church, their parents, their school---you name it.  Their woes are anybody's fault but their own.    

Unfortunately in this respect, Dr. Phil may be as duped by the media as everyone else.  By the way, Dr. Phil (greetings), your site invited responses from people who feel they've been the subject of rumors, slander, etc.   But what recourse is there when your show is the perpetrator?  Where do we go from here?  The Supreme Court? Ha.  Please get your researchers to dig a little deeper next time---not just scrape off the surface scum you find in a quick internet search.   Why don't you get some of those employees out the door & to talk to some actual missionaries, people who are walking the walk;  or at least talk to the academics who have studied us & documented our lifestyle for years.  Better yet, why don't you have a talk with some of our folks, young & old?  But please don't ask us to show up in a kangaroo court there, where the deck has been stacked & showbiz/therapy needs to bring in big network bucks.   Meet us out on the street or during one of our volunteer activities, or come over for dinner.  (But no paparazzi.)  Warning:  You may be UNDERwhelmed by the lack of sexual atmosphere.  On the other hand, you may be impressed by the poise, spontaneity, dedication & maturity of our young people, and the sincerity & lack of guile of all.  Have an open-minded talk & make your own judgment.  Please don't be found to be unwittingly aiding & abetting a moral "crime" here, lured to carry someone else's unchecked baggage onboard a national TV show---a device wrapped in reasonable & truly pitiful cries for justice & closure from victims of abuse, but designed by others to hide a much more deadly payload of genuine religious persecution & the destruction of a valid & beneficial missionary movement. 

I feel a little bad, because after I submit this message, I'm going to leave the forum & not come back.  I'm way too busy as a missionary to continue this.  But since I paid my dues & read everything up until here, I just thought I'd leave my 2-cents with the public.  I will miss the sparks flying from responses to my post & my words probably being picked apart & regurgitated in the most twisted ways.  Some of our older detractors (hi guys) have become very professional at this, and can find you something evil in an Easter lily. 

I might add that most of our Members probably didn't see the show.  Many of them work in poor countries far from Paramount Studios.  They won't be writing in to this site.  Their sleeves are rolled-up, and they're having a life---one that resembles Mother Teresa's more than Hugh Hefner's, despite what our detractors would have you think.  It's a sacrificial life, and we (parents) have understood better now for the last 10 -15 years that not everyone wants to live it.  It took us a while to let go, and like doctors wanting their kids to be doctors, give them more space.  Now in our young people's training we not only emphasize life skills & attitudes that will be useful whether in or out of the group, but we do what we can to assist those who wish to go & pursue secular vocations.  And we continue to support them with our unconditional love & prayers.  (Thus, the rate of folks---both young & old----returning to resume missionary service in the Family after months or years of other pursuits has increased.  That doesn't tend to validate the image of an abusive cult that people are struggling at every opportunity to "escape", ha.) Meanwhile, those who have stayed & devoted themselves to missionary work are generally VERY fulfilled & happy.  If you want challenge, variety, excitement, to live for a cause, and to make your mark in a needy world---the Family International 2005 rocks! 

Well, I'd love to rebut all the mistruths, misrepresentations, and outright lies I've read on this forum.  But maybe there's no need:   Just "come & see".  Or contact the group via the Family website.  The difference between what you will find & what some of these detractors here are claiming will be so vast that you will be tempted to believe it's a sham.  But hang in there, it's as good as it looks.   We're not perfect, but we have got the goods, we have the lifestyle, we have the joy, we have the love of God.  "An evil tree cannot bear good fruit" ( Matthew 7:18)---we have the "good fruits".  I can without hesitation commend any sincere seekers to any of our Homes or centers worldwide.    (Disclaimer:  This post reflects only my own opinions & is not to be taken as representative of views of other Family members or of official Family publications.   SEE the Family's website at:  http://www.thefamily.org/)

Hey, thank you for your helpful post. You sound like someone I'd like to meet. You'd have added a good balance to the show if you'd been on.

But I am amazed. Not at the antagonistic ex members ("X-Men"--I like that), but at the Christians who don’t have the gumption to check people out for themselves—you know, like visit them or write them or check their web site (thanks for the URL) out. I mean leader of the X-men, Jim, who was on the show wrote in this forum, “I am Jim, the father who appears in this show. … I did not witness any abuse of children during my tenure with The Family.” (I think he said it was from 1970 until 1975 or so.) Then he goes to all ends to get his daughter out of the sect … and she is still alienated from him because he was once in the group—and lots of other reasons, especially the one mentioned by his daughter that he supposedly was trying to profit from exclusive rights to the wife of the guy (leader's son who left years ago) who brutally stabbed to death another former member (I guess she wasn't anti or anti enough), then shot himself to escape facing his crime.

And it doesn’t sound like anything is going to please these disaffected kids. They mock their former friends who are still in the sect, and one of them who grew up with the girl on the show wrote that their lives were nothing like China described. There’s got to be another side (thanks for presenting it!). However, I can see why no one from the sect went on, if they felt it would be so one-sided that they wouldn’t be able to present their side fairly.

Then the girl posts who knew them in Puerto Rico(?) back in 1997(?) and says they were great and very strict with the rules regarding sex. And that some kids were doing things behind the back of the adults. (Which kids these days don’t at least try?) :- )

I mean there could be much more than meets the eye (or ear). That rabbi quoted in the New Testament said regarding the early Christians (who got very bad press—the Bible says they were everywhere spoken against) to “leave them alone. If they’re a work of God, no one can stop them, and if they’re not, God will judge them.” Jesus said that in the last days children would rise up against their parents and cause them to put their parents to death and in another place He said a man’s foes would be they of their own household. How true indeed.

Look, in Dr. Phil’s blurb it says regarding this show that he “talks to people who escaped the group known as the Children of God.” It doesn’t seem that anyone had to escape. The sect made hard to stay in, not leave! It’s certainly not popular and I presume the membership requirements are very tough. From their site (thanks for the URL) I know they are very active and don’t hide from the public and probably a lot of people over the years joined and left—tens of thousands. It’s funny that all former members are not as vocal and anti as these X-Men. Seems there’s more at work here. The kid Ricky that murdered someone is not being condemned, and I find it odd that Dr. Phil didn’t more investigate how much his contact with his fellow X-men perhaps fed his emotions and affected him in a way that may have incited him to do a crime. Isn’t that a crime in itself? Come on people, there's got to be another side and this guy had the guts to present it. Thanks and more power to ya.

You are a representative of this loving "Christian" community and yet you publicly used the words "losers and complainers" to describe former members who report childhood sexual abuse that is admitted to have been encouraged  in the early days of this cult? 

You excuse the making of  child porn using children in your group, because it was only circulated for a short time and because somehow you think child porn is  "neither violent, ugly, nor perverse".  The fact that the child porn was created officially by your church is all I needed to hear. 

I sincerely hope that the persecution of your group continues until the church is wiped out. 

There is no question that the actual perpetrators of each case of child abuse should be prosecuted.  However that is not enough.   

I believe it is important to ensure that the Family's history is publicized in any location they they move into so that innocent people are given full and clear warning.  I would hope that that warning would be sufficient to deter any new members. Many would consider that you and other ex-members following the organization and publicizing their past crimes to be persecution of the group, but I consider it justified in this case because they are not willing to look at their past, correct their practices and protect their children. 

maybe at the age of 5 years old you dont know whats right from wrong, but as you get older you start to feel things are wrong, and god gave you a brain to use to know who to fear and who not to fear! now weather you use your common scence or not is up to you,why dfo people who leave this kind of a life style keep thear scilence for so many years and not goin to the police with thear story?

i can get along with the worst kind of crimanals or the cream of scoitey just by using my common dcence ive done it i know it can be done, no one taught me a thing about common scense,

i learned from god by following what my heart felt, your brain is a powerful tool all one has to do is use it! i do however know at age 5 to age 14 a child relly has no chance but after age 14 you do know whats right and whats not, if the cult you grew up in is still active you should have told on them after you left, by keeping your scilence you help them to abuse more children the way you were abused,people need to tell on thease groups and lead officals to thear hiding places,