Messages By: varanesec

I spent the whole day Monday October 20,08 9:am-4pm sitting in court for a sexual abuse indecent exposure complaint I'm shocked he walked away not guilty to both charges this is why this happens because they get away with it not only did I witness it with my own eyes but I had it on tape not good quality  but the cameras were to take pictures of some one threatening to kill some out side cats that I've been feeding for 5 or 6 years. I have been diagnosised with post-traumatic stress, chronic fatigue syndrome, advanced fibromyalgia, epstein-barr virus and reflex sympathetic dystrophy all debilitating stress related illnesses. This Family has been bullying and threatening me for years I was in such fear of my life after a confrontation in April that I had to move which has not been easy because of my health and the cats that I've been caring for. I don't know what to do I can't take them with me for so many reasons the top two are  physically and financially I can't do it any more.

I'm so exhusted I landed in the hospital several weeks ago the 1st or 2nd box I picked up and  I thought I was having a stroke so did the Dr. in the emergency room I lost the feeling on my whole left side especially my hand and arm I still can't use it which has really hindered my moving. I have lived for years in fear that makes me sick to the point I can't eat. I have been afraid to leave my house I have lived like a prisoner for years. If I make it out of here I will need to learn how to live again most days it doesn"t seem possible but I won't give up I refuse to quit. There is absolutely no help out there for older women in crisis in Massachuetts I know I've been looking for years. Every one who lives in America should be able to feel safe in his or her home I don't I haven't in years I truly am afraid of my own shadow. Not long ago in either New York or Conneticut some one died in the middle of the street and people stepped over him no one stopped to help a police officer happened to see him and stopped. That's what wrong with the world to day nobody cares.

Dear Dr. Phil I suffer from post tramatic Stress,  chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia and reflex sympathetic dystropy. For the last 10 years I have had one stressful event after another infact I think I'm just numb. I was very surprized to see how Kathleen deals with her fears. I deal completely the oppisite I live in fear from an abusive childhood, marriage and mean  greedy people. I'm not afraid of getting sick or having a heart attack actually I look forward to it happening in my case it's the only way out of my missery. My medical problems  are from a car accident I was hit by a trailer truck sitting at a red light I live in chronic pain it never lets up it's like a rat gnawing at you body it's been 16 years right now it's worst then it's ever been. In 2001 I was diagnosised with melonoma in my upper left arm foolish me I thought it was a guaranteed death sentence I sat in church that week and thanked my God for soon I would be with him. Two months ago I had to have my neck and back biopsyed and when they came back negitive I was upset I have felt so awful I thought for sure it was back I have been told chances are I will get it again. Now on top of the pain the stress  from the guilt is horrific. I  don't stop all day I feel like a kid with ADHD I'm so exhusted but I don't stop so laying in bed or on the couch is not and option for me I stay so busy doing some thing that I forget to be afraid as soon as I stop it's back. I can't eat I've lost 291/2 lbs which leaves me at 105lbs. I look absolutely awful. On top of that I am a hoarder but every thing is neatly foldered and stacked in piles on the bed sides of the bed floor closet . It's been at least 5 years since I slept in my bed I can't wait it's going to be like Christine and I haven't celerbrated Christmass in ten years. . My hoarding is all emotiona I get very angry knowing I allowed people to do this to me I blame myself. Dr. Phil I have 4 storage units one for 16 years this has to stop. I closed on a house in June I have been there every day packing I hurt  my neck back and left arm so bad I was hospitalized for 3 days still having trouble using it . It's been 4 months and I've just put a dent in it I had no idea it was going to be this hard I'm starting to think I'm not going to make it out. This move is done in total fear I have no idea what I'm doing I'm moving all the stuff from one place to another I don't want to do that but I have to get for many reasons. Their are people who need me and I can't be there for them. Kathleen doesn't know how lucky she is to have a husband, children and best friend standing by her I would be praising my God being alone is very scary. I just drag my self through the day and when it's done I dread looking forward to another. Please help I can feel my body breaking down it won't take much to put my self right out of commission.  I'm Looking for a angel actually I need a couple. In the name of Jesus Pleas Help, Thank You