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Messages By: liatsunami

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December 15, 2005, 9:44 pm CST

12/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's Holiday Extravaganza, Part 2

 I saw bits and pieces of several of  the shows this week, and while in the past I havn't always agreed with your advice in every situation I think the things you did for people this week are admirable.  It was so kind of you and your wife to spend so much time planning and making thigs special for these victims and the special people that opened up their  homes to them.  I think you gave these people the most precious gift of all; the feeling that even in this busy, cynical, and violent world there are people who really do care.

On your show you mentioned you HATE shopping, but you were willing to make that small sacrifice for people who really needed it.  I imagine this event took many months of careful planning, and I know a lot of people must have worked very hard to pull everything together.

One of my especially favorite things about this week's shows was the show earlier in the week where you had some kids that needed a little perspective about the meaning of Christmas and being a giving person in general.  I think it was great that you had them help out with the Holiday Party so that they could get the feeling of giving something that was TRULY appreciated. Few things are more satisfying than seeing people appreciate your energy and work.  It was also a good lesson that the gift of your time can mean more than anything material.

No one can help everyone, but your show helped a good number of people this week.  After all the these people have suffered and sacrificed it was great to see them be able to relax and enjoy themselves.  With all the other crap that is on daytime television it was refreshing to see joy and happiness....REAL joy and happiness.  Perhaps that's why I watch the show when I've nothing else to do, it's because regardless of whether I agree or disagree I belive that you are legitimately trying to help with with their problems, not make a spectacle of them.There are a few other shows out there that seek to help people, and I think ALL talkshows should be like that.

It is important that this time of year we remember why we celebrate Christmas.  Christmas embodies the longing for hope, love, and peace.  We should always remember that these gifts are the most precious things we can give.

Have a Happy Christmas, one and all.
 
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December 20, 2005, 2:08 pm CST

12/19 The Honeymoon's Over!

Quote From: tasquith

I apologize if I sound sanctimonious, but why is this even up for discussion. 

RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK

MY QUESTION IS ...ARE AMERICANS INCREDIBLY NAIVE OR ARE THEY SPOILT BEYOND RECOGNITION.  IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT THEN WORK HARDER, TRY DIFFERENT THINGS BUT QUITTING SHOULDN'T BE THE FIRST OPTION YOU THINK OF.
 

 

 

IS THIS MENTALITY A PRODUCT OF THE NEW INSTANT LIFESTYLE,  

TELEVISION'S 30 SECOND ADVERTISING BITE, 

 FAST FOOD, 

 FAST CARS, 

 FAST TRACKING CAREERS, 

 INSTANT MESSAGING, 

 FAST BANKING.   

 

 

YOU GIVE THE REST OF THE WORLD THE IMPRESSION, THAT YOU HAVE NO PATIENCE AND WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHOICES. 

 

 

IS MATURITY AND DEVELOPMENT OF ETHICS, INTEGRITY AND COMMITMENT NOW BEYOND YOUR REACH IN YOUR NEW MTV SOCIETY? 

 

 

IT IS A SAD INDICTMENT ON A NATION WITH AN IMPRESSIVE HISTORY OF STRUGGLE AGAINST THE ODDS AT YOUR INCEPTION THAT YOU NOW HAVE THE WORST DIVORCE RATE. 

  

 

CONFUSED AUSTRALIAN.   

 I think I can help answer this for you.

At least with my generation (I'm in my mid twenties) a lot of  kids grew up with divorced parents.  At least six of the 15 kids in my  elemmentary and middle school class had divorced parents.  So that's part of the reason people my age don't stick with it.

Another part is that I think you're exactly right that our culture of instant gratification plays a HUGE role people's expectations about everything. 

Also I think a lot of people have people have faulty expectations of marriage.  Do you NEED a honeymoon to have a good marriage? I don't think so.  Do you NEED a large wedding? I don''t think so either.  The list goes on from there.

But what people do need in marriage is a sincere desire to put the other person 's needs ahead of your own.  you need mutual things like: honesty, respect, and commitment.  You get these things by working together and learning about each other BEFORE you get married.   You don't have to agree in everything, but you have to learn to disagree with RESPECT. 

However, no one should stay in a dangerous marriage, that's my opinion.  Your personal safety and the safety  and security of your children comes first.   But I think a lot of people find it hard to tell the difference between a hard marriage and a dangerous one.

I hope this has helped. Thanks for the outside persepective on life in America. :)
 
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December 22, 2005, 11:27 am CST

12/21 Shocking Teen Trends

Quote From: cleveland

I am a criminal lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah.  After watching your show
today about shocking teen trends, I was shocked that you never once touched
the topic of what could happen to them legally when they choke someone.
First, depending on the state, they are committing the following crimes:
Assault, Battery, Reckless Endangerment, Endangerment of a Child, Criminal
Solicitation,  and Attempted Murder just to name a few.  Not only is the
teen, and the parents, looking at a long jail sentence, the Victim may also
sue the teen and their parents civilly.   Just like the case in Columbine,
the teen and parents are facing million dollar judgments. 

I believe you convinced teens that this is something you should not do to
yourself, however if you talked about the legal ramifications both to
themselves and their parents you would have completed what I believe was
your second objective, to get teens to stop committing this trend.
 

 Are you sure this is correct?  The participants are WILLINGLY engaging in this behavior.   They are CONSENTING to being chocked  by another person.  Isn't this along the same lines as prosecuting participants of S&M if their partner is hurt?  There's a sexual fetish that also deal with choking that I believe is along the same lines as the S&M argument.  I know for a fact criminial suits like that have been thrown out.  If i had access to my university's law library right now  I'd go try and find the case and ruling for you.

I can understand how a wrongful death suit could insue from this, but a criminial charge? I'm not sure  that would hold up in court.   Of course it may depend on state laws and precedents for that sort of thing.
 
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December 22, 2005, 11:36 am CST

12/21 Shocking Teen Trends

 This actuallly isn't something that phases me at all.  I've known since I was really young that you can  cause people to pass out and even die if you place enough sustained presure on their  throat near the Adams Apple, or on a woman where it would be.  It actually doesn't take a tremendous amount of force and you can do it withas little as  two fingers.  Marital artists have known how to do this for  along time as well as using other points on the body to make a person lose feeling there, like in the arms and legs.

It's defiantely NOT something people should be screwing with.  These techniques should only be used by people TRAINED to use them and were explicitly developed for self defense and lethal combat. 

What these people are doing is NOT funny, it's very serious.   They're using techniques meant to incapacitate and potentially KILL people for fun.  It's not different than shooting someone in the leg just because you think it's funny.   I think most kids don't  rationalize it in this fashion but I think if they could wrap their minds around that concept then they wouldn't feel so ambivalent about what they're doing.
 
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December 22, 2005, 11:59 am CST

12/22 Little Mean Girls

 Let me just say I used to deal witht kids A LOT.  I used to babysit 8-12 hours as a 16-18 year old for a girl that was 2 when I met her and 4 when I stopped.   I used to be a camp couselor. My first year I had 6-8 year olds, and the 2nd I have 9-14 year olds all girls.  I don't think I'd EVER be scared of ANYONE'S kid no matter how bad they were.

That said I usually try the nice approach first, then if that doesn't work  I turn into the wicked witch of the west.  I've never hit anyone's kids even when I had open permission (when I babysat) but I am NOT above restraining physically violent children.  When I say restraining I mean I  will literally  wrap my arms around them from behind, one at slightly below shoulder level and one around the waist  area, catching their wrists.    I've been warned that legally this isn't the best move, but I've never had a parent complain and if for some reason I think that a child is in danger of hurting somone else or  her/himself I have no problem with it.   Usually you just have to hold them long enough for them to be worn out, or plain tired of fighting with you.  I've had to do it for up to 20 minutes before, but after a while I've noticed they figure out that it's just easier not to throw a fit for me.

I've had kids that throw tantrums, kids that cry consistently, and kids that refuse to do anything  but I REFUSE to let their behavior intimidate me or let it get them their way when I've said "NO".   I've found that when kids are throwing fits the best thing to do is put them in a room where there is nothing breakable, or for them to hurt themselves on and shut the door.  If they don't stay in there on thier own I hold it shut.  I Let them yell and scream and do whatever, and just  refuse to respond. Once they've settled down, then they can come out.

I'm young, about 24, so I have enough energy to do this all day long. So usually kids I'm watching know that  I"m not messing around .

It may sound cruel but I'm only like that with kids that force me to be that way.  When they're good they are rewarded, when they're bad...well...it's not fun.
 
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December 23, 2005, 6:23 am CST

12/21 Shocking Teen Trends

Quote From: cleveland

Yes, I am sure this is correct.  The fact the victim  "WILLINGLY" engaged in this behavior or that they "CONSENTED"  by being choked has nothing to do with the elements of the crime.  You CANNOT "consent" to being murdered.    Why do you think Dr. Kevorkian is in prison. 

Additionally, you are right about it being a part of S&M sex, however if you kill or injure someone during the sex act, you will be charged with a crime.  For example The Preppy Murderer in New York City.  He was choking his girlfriend during sex and he went to jail for murder.   The elements of a crime the State must prove have nothing to do with the victim.  Suicide although " willingly" done and "consented" to by the victim, is still a crime. Once again you cannot "consent" to being murdered.   

I think the defense your looking for is "assumption of the risk" and as a criminal defense attorney I would definitely present that to the jury, however from the many cases I've studied,  juries don't find that argument persuasive.  If your child was murdered and the Defendant stated that he's not guilty because your child "asked for it" how persuasive would you find that argument? 

 I agree you can't consent to being murdered, but this is a little different.   There is not garuntee by choking somone that they will die.   Now I can realistically see a charge for negligence of some kind.  That really surprises me that the guy in that case got convicted for murder because I was pretty sure about 3-6 years ago there was a case out west  a judge threw out because of  "assumption of risk" was a key factor.  But you would know better than me. I'm not a lawyer, YET.

Plus in the cases you are talking about it's adults, and juries probably assume adults should know better.   Can kids and teens really  weight the risks of their actions?To an extent yes, but not when their making a completely uninformed decision.  So to them thier assuming there is NO risk of death or injury.

It'd be interesting for me to see a case like this go to trial, and what happens.  I can see a lot of  opportunity to present a good and solid defense in situations like this.
 
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December 23, 2005, 11:29 am CST

12/22 Little Mean Girls

Quote From: midwest34

My 4 yr old was kicked out of preschool for her behavior.  She would not do as the teacher instructed and always tried to do or take part in the other childrens work. She is extremely social and very intelligent.  This behavior just started one day and has escalated into a major family problem.  We have been seeing a Psychologist and followed all the advice and after 5 mos- still no improvement. Actually, things have gotten worse.  Has anyone taken their child to a Psychiatrist and had them evaluated?  I feel that may be my next step.  The thought of medicating her makes me sad and makes me feel as if I have failed her as a parent.   

She has slapped me in the face , spit at me in public, ran from me, hit me, scratched me, etc...  I am open to any suggestions.    

Can I ask what your psychologist suggested you do?

Also, has your daughter ALWAYS been this way or is this a very recent thing?  Is there something in her life recently that she may be having trouble adjusting to: a move, a divorce, loss of a loved one, etc...?

Before taking her to a psychaitrist  talk to her pyschologist and her pediatrician about possible MEDICAL reasons she may be acting this way.  If neither of them can recommend psychiatric intervention I would not suggest  taking that route.   However if one or the other (especially her pediatrition) thinks it is nessecary then by all means take her to a psychaitrist.   Now, if the psychiatrist suggests a behavioral disorder  may be the cause, don't panic.   It does NOT mean your child is a horrible person and doomed to be stigmatized by society.  (I have a behavioral disorder myself, that deals with the inability to deal with anger appropriately) 

Behavioral Disorders are relatively rare, it just may be that the methods of discipling your daughter that you've been using just do not work for her.   That doesn't mean your a BAD parent, it just means that you need to try something else.   Give easch new method at least a month or two of consistent use before you decide it doesn't work.  You can't give up.

I'm sort of interested in the first part of your statement that she was always intersted in what OTHER children are doing.  Did her teacher say that she tended to finish her work quickly and then did this or that she just IGNORED her own work in favor of what other children were doing?  Mention this problem in particualr to her psychologist this may indicate to  that her mind needs to be constantly occupied due to her intelligence, and she may need somethign alittle more challenging to do.

Now, when do YOU notice her behaving agressively towards you?  Is it just when she doesn't get her way or is it  all the time?  Somewhere along the line she's decided that this gets her what she wants.  The fact that she RUNS away from you to avoid punishment is very upsetting, if she does this in public she coud be hurt. and I'm sure that's why it concerns you.

You may want to talk over Dr. Phil's suggested method of  discipline with her psychologist and get his/her opinion.   His method seems to get the desired results but I would just check it out with a psychological professional first.  He/she will be able to give you proper guidance in implementing this strategy, and may possibly be able to provide you with variations on it and appropriate studies that have been done on methods like it.


 
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December 30, 2005, 6:21 pm CST

12/28 Wifestyles

 I think a lot of this all boils down to personal choice.  Every person's cases and circumstances are different.  In my opinion some women make great houswives, and other women  feel more fullfilled outside the home.  That's just  an individual's personality.  In my opinion the loving support of a partner and the willingness of both partners to appreciate and respect what each person brings to the relathionship and the family.

In Diana's case she feels that she is doing one the most important jobs in the world.  She's raising her  children , managing a household, and showing her husband her appreciation for him through the domestic arts.   She indicated she feels loved and respected by him and her children, so if her mind set makes her happy then there isn't anything wrong there. Some women thouroughly enjoy being "stay at home" wives and mothers.

In Kelly's case she is a wife who is miserable because her husband is overly critical.  Her problem is she is not APPRECIATED for what she does do.  It does not  look like he has a whole lot of respect for her as a person.  Not every woman is good at cooking, or likes to dress sexy, or is 100% all the time (for various reasons) but that doesn't mean she should be any less valued at least she TRIES to make her husband happy.  I think her husband just needs to learn to EXCEPT her best efforts and that she should put them forth once he starts showing some respect and gratitude.

As for the last woman, well, not EVERY woman SHOULD be a wife, or every man a husband for that mattter.  Some people for various reasons are better people without a relathionship.  Now I don't agree that being in a marriage squashes a person's identity at all, at least not by virtue of  being a marriage.  People lose their identities in marriage only if they let it happen.  Also no one is totally independant either.  We all depend on somone to do something for us, even if it's just depending on the grocery to have food for us to buy.  So the total independence argument is sort of a load of BULL.  I think she is more worried about the loss of identity that some people experience in marriage.

Now, I'm not married, but I've been wanting to get married seriously since I was about 16.  I'm 24 now.  I do not intend to be a "stay at home" wife because  if I marry the guy I'm with now it won't be financially possible. I see no shame in that.  I know when I have kids I would ideally like to be with them at least the first  two years and possibly up until kindergarten if I can't find a preschool that fits my criteria.  That's my IDEAL, I have no idea if that will be a reality or not.  I also have an extremely intellectual mind so I know I would not be content with the children at school all day and the husband at work.  I'd either have to start writing a book, work on web pages, or get a job.  I'd have to do something to occupy my mind, and cleaning and cooking doesn't do that for me.

Again I think it all boils down to making decisions that are right for you, your family, and your circumstances.and being at peace with the knowledge that you are doing the best you can as a wife.
 
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December 30, 2005, 6:28 pm CST

Typos in last message

 Of course that last post HAD to be full of typos and make me look like a moron.  "EXCEPT "should be "ACCEPT" .
 
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January 3, 2006, 1:57 pm CST

01/05 "Am I Cursed?"

 I really am not sure WHAT Dr. Phil is going to say to these people, but I for one am VERY skeptical.   I don't believe in curses and I think it MAY be possible for people to be possed by demons, but I'm more likely to attribute it to underlying physical causes or emotional problems.  I'm not saying it isn't possible, I'm not above believing that supernatural  phenomenon exists, but before people start talking about being possesed I think they need to rule out all possible physical or psychological causes first.
 

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