Messages By: joyklein

My now 26 year old daughter started being a problem in fifth grade and progressively got worse.

It started with not applying herself at school, for which we had tutoring instead of myself or her step dad helping. Then it was sneaking out the bedroom window, lying about who she was with or where she was going. Put her in Catholic school, she did better that year in school but started smoking marijuana & was still lying. Through all of this she was in individual counseling, we did family counseling, I had her tested for ADD.  She stole jewelry and pawned it, she stole my debit card several times and used it. I filed charges and a result was court ordered in-home counseling, among other things. Her and several kids broke into a friends house while the family was on vacation and partied and trashed the place. She got probation. She was spanked a few times when younger and grounded when older, bedroom door removed, no phone or T.V. in bedroom (which I never believed in or allowed anyway). Nothing worked. Once my husband smacked her mouth for the way she was talking to me. It drew blood. I was mad at him, yet soooooo tired of her attitude. When she was about 15, my husband was on his way home from military duty one weekend when he found a marijuana roach in his jacket pocket. This was very serious as he would've been discharged from the military had they selected his car for a random search at the gate with the dogs and found this. She had a crappy attitude when confronted. Her punishment was to be a spanking but she started to fight with him. I finally stepped in to hold her while she got the spanking. She has had a very defiant attitude most of her life. She was an extremely talented softball, basketball, and volleyball player; however, her attitude kept her off the high school teams. She was worse after not making any of the teams. She started skipping school. I'd drive her myself, get to work and get a call from school saying she wasn't there. I contemplated quitting my job and staying home/at school with her but she was 17 by this time. I knew she was leaving when she turned 18 and didn't want to give up my job. She now tells people she was beat as a child & that her step dad locked her in the basement when I was home so he could beat her without me knowing. This simply did not happen. With some of her infractions, we let her choose either a spanking or grounding. She usually chose a spanking to get it over with. These were not lengthy or harsh spankings, just usually three swats to the behind. Well, at 26, she has two kids with two different fathers, she abuses prescription drugs and is an alcoholic (though she can go for weeks without drinking). My husband and myself have both apologized for our mistakes in raising her. We did the best we could, I read every book out there on parenting. I believe she uses her past as a crutch for her drug/alcohol abuse. Why do some kids who've lived in horrible circumstances turn out okay, but others who didn't, yet use it as an excuse, continue down a destructive path? I've called Child Protective Services and Probate Court (as instructed by CPS) to no avail. I already keep the oldest child about 95% of the time and have him in a Christian school. I worry the only reason he's allowed here so much is he is now old enough to tell on her. I only have the two year old about one night a week. My husband and I are both college graduates and never had kids together. He has one and I have one but we've been together since they were five (they're three months apart). I'm still at a loss for an explanation unless it's drugs.........and maybe always was. Oh, I even used to get her drug tested and it was positive on occasion.      

I think men in these circumstances should be able to sue these women for fraud. It's no different than someone misrepresenting themselves as an investor and then bilking innocent people of hard earned money. That's a crime punishable by jail and fines, as it should be for these women. No one can put a price on the emotional and mental stress their dishonesty causes but they should still be held liable legally. Women who've done this to men AND their children...SHAME ON YOU! Men who've gone through this...I'm terribly sorry and hope you can some day find peace.

Personal responsibility flew out the window of this country a long time ago.  I agree a man should be responsible for child support once paternity has been established.  I do not believe he should be responsible for back child support.  It is not his fault the woman waited a few years or longer to pursue support after the child was born. 

 

I think establishment of paternity should be required by hospitals or doctors who are treating any woman throughout pregnancy, but that won't happen during my lifetime. 

 

My 41 year old brother has lung cancer.  He and his wife have four kids under the age of 10.  Only one of them is his biological child.  The other three are by her family members.  His name is on all four birth certificates as father.  Yet when he dies, she'll get his SSI for all four of them, rather than for one.  To me, this is fraud and/or theft.  Her foodstamps and other welfare benefits will increase, too, but the other three fathers will never be held accountable for supporting their kids.          

 

I agree a man has as much responsibility, if not more, for wearing a condom.  However, when a woman does get pregnant, the decision should not be hers alone whether to abort, adopt out, or raise the child.  When she does make this decision without the biological father's input, then she should be charged with fraud or similar if she later comes back to claim child support by the father.