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Messages By: fabrat

fabrat
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July 7, 2006, 11:55 am PDT

Women DON'T get all the choices

Women don't get all the choices. We can't choose whether the baby's father will love and care for him. We don't choose for the father to just walk away like so many do. My 9 year old sone hasn't seen his father in 4 years now. One day he just stopped coming to see him. No reason no word as to why & not even a note saying he loves him, he just stopped coming. I never cared about child support and no I didn't even file for it so I was supporting him 100 % so he didn't stop coming because of that. All I wanted from him was to be a good loving father but given the CHOICE he walked away from a beautiful 5 year old boy. The father who is saying he shouldn't have to pay child support needs to understand that if he didn't want to be a father then he shouldn't have had sex in the first place. HE could have used a condom they sell them almost everywhere. He wasn't raped or forced to have sex with her in any way and now a beautiful child WILL suffer from his actions. We wouldn't have to get things like court ordered child support or court ordered visitation if men would just step up and be responsible for their actions.  
 
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fabrat
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July 7, 2006, 3:35 pm PDT

State laws

Quote From: johnny1500

 Do you realy think that it's fare that half of a mans pay should go to the mother of a mans child?  

Don't get me wrong here, I agree whole heartedly that child support should be paid, I pay it. You need to understand and research the child support laws in this country. Everyone knows how unfare they are and yet nothing gets done about it and they just get worse.  

 John. 

In my state a man doesn't pay 50% of what he makes to child support. The law here states that for a first child the man will pay 21% of his gross income and the percent goes down with ever other child after the first. My son was my X husbands 3rd child and I got 14% for child support which meant I got just over 100.00 a month in child support because they took his income and deducted whet he already paid in child support and used that for his gross income so no, he's not paying the 21% plus the 14%. I think that's fair and I would never agree to anyone giving 50% of their income to a child they only see on the weekends however the non custodial parent should pay child support even if it's not very much.
 
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fabrat
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July 7, 2006, 3:45 pm PDT

Money

Quote From: nmdee1234

     The chances of "thousands of dollars a month' in child support would only occur to someone of VERY high income - $700 is more of a high average.  But it's all about the money to you isn't it?  Not what's best for the kid.  Do you know of any adopted children?  I do - and 80% of them want to know why they were given up - being adopted doesn't erase the curiosity about the biological parent.
You are so right. It shouldn't be about the money. It should be about the children. For every man that pays child support there's a man that doesn't. I have 3 children and I don't get a penny in child support and I work very hard to support them and I am not bitter about it at all. I love them and that's just what you do as a parent. No price is too high when it comes to your kids. Yes I do know an adopted child. He is 16 and in very big trouble. He is a heave drinker and his adopted parents are now divorced and neither one of them wants him. He still wonders why his birth parents gave him up. He believes that it's because he just not worth it.
 
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fabrat
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July 7, 2006, 4:27 pm PDT

YES

Quote From: prince93

Do you seriously think that someone should give up their wife for a kid?  If I had a wife I would not give her up for anything.  She would be number 1 in my life.
If you really feel that way I pray you never have children.
 
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July 7, 2006, 5:31 pm PDT

What??

My question is why didn't they go to see a therapist 2 years ago?? Not every problem has to be taken to Dr. Phil and if you haven't done anything to try to work on the problem in 2 years why do you now fee it's the time to see Dr. Phil. Don't get me wrong I really like Dr, Phil but come on this isn't just some little thing that can or should have been over looked for 2 years. All she did by getting so angry at the kid was just confirming the things the kids mother had told her in the past. But...why didn't they see a therapist?? I just don't understand why you would want to come on television and tell the world you have thought about and know you could kill a 6 year old child unless you had tried everything under the sun and nothing else had worked and maybe Dr. Phil was your only other option but they never mentioned that they had done anything to fix this before coming on the show.  
 
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July 7, 2006, 6:46 pm PDT

07/07 The Final Ultimatum

Quote From: gayla424

I can't even express how pathetic both Barbra and Ed are, I am still so astonished by this segment I cannot even express the disgust I feel.  First of all how can a grown women say such thing about a poor little child who has just lost everything! Her mother in a tragic accident and her pathetic father all at the same time, for goodness sake she is just 6 years old.  For Barbra to expect a child of 6 who has just lost her mother to even think this child should accept her when she is in so much pain and ultimately she was the cause of so much of her pain before the accident is unbelievable.  Is this woman even human? This child’s loss is so horrible and unthinkable how would any human being expect her to react?   Barbra and her disgusting comments on the show were sickening.  What would you expect?  Ed is just as disgusting I cannot believe he would choose this woman over his own child, don't either of them have any morals, compassion or human emotions 

Well said. I totally agree with you. What's wrong with them and others like them? The kid is only 6 so you can understand her not knowing how to cope with her emotions but the step mother is an adult...........or at least in age she is.
 
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July 7, 2006, 7:00 pm PDT

Great idea

Quote From: gayla424

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH DIVORCED PARENTS AND STEPCHILDREN ARE THEY EXPECT THEIR LIVES TO GO ON AFTER DISTROYING THE LIVES OF THEIR CHILDREN.  I THINK THAT EVERY PARENT THAT BRINGS A CHILD INTO THE WORLD AND DECIDES TO DIVORCE THEY HAVE AN OBGLIGATION NOT TO REMARRY OR DATE UNTIL THE CHILD REACHES THE AGE OF 18.  WHY DO ADULTS THINK THEIR HAPPINESS IS MORE DESEARVING THAN THE CHILDREN THEY BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD?  THESE CHILDREN HAD NO CHOICE
As strange as it sounds I think that's a great idea. I am a single mother of 3 children and I have been divorced for 6 years. I don't date and I don't go out. I take care of my kids and I work. I refuse to put my kids through "bringing men to the house". We are happy this way and my kids are great. However my daughters friend has been feeling the effects of a troubled marriage. She is 13 and her parents told her that they were getting a divorce and it almost destroyed her. She even went as far as to eat glass hoping it would stop the pain. I found myself up in the wee hours of the morning going to pick her up and keep her with me just to get her out of the fighting and argueing. You see, her parents didn't understand what it was doing to her and the strangest part of the whole thing is........one of them was a step parent who she loves with all her heart. Being a step parent doesn't have to be a bad thing but if you aren't cut out for it then don't do it in the first place.
 
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July 8, 2006, 11:32 am PDT

07/07 The Final Ultimatum

Quote From: livluvlaf

I did not date untill my last child was 18 and then I married a man with 4 grown children also and naturally his and mine have tried to cause conflict because they do not get something their way,but we back each other up. We have 10 grandchildren and not a one could tell if they were my natural grandchild or his. This is what you do when you love one another: you also love their child. I believe the way I waited gave my children the confidince they needed and after 4 years of marriage our family is OUR FAMILY!!
I agree. It's never going to be perfect but if your children are adults when you remarry it is a lot easier and I think it's wonderful you have made it work out so well. Too bad more people couldn't do it that way.
 
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July 11, 2006, 3:53 pm PDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: breezybaby

My son is 11 years old and is alot like Justin.  He will hit kick, bite, hit and throw a huge temper tantrum if he doesn't get his way.  There are many times when he throws his fits in public and I have to elicit help from complete strangers and sometimes even the police to get him under control.  Many times he has said "I hate you", "You are a bitch", I wish I was never born", or even has  threatened to kill me or his sister.  He has ADHD, bi-polar disorder, and ODD, he is also border-line obsessive compulsive.  He will stop at nothing to get his way.  He has been caught shoplifting a few times.  Wal-Mart was the last place he tried to steal something, if they prosecuted he would be in jail.  My advise for Tabitha is to follow Dr. Phil's advice before Justin reaches the age my son is.  My son is in danger of jail time one day and I am doin what I can to keep that from happening.
My son is 12 and has ADHD and Tourettes and I will have to say he is a wonderful child. He has been on medication since he was 3 and it helps him a lot. He has never been in any kind of trouble in school or any other place. However without his medicine he is a very different and unhappy kid. There are a lot of good medications out there that can help your son. What we have to remember is that the child doesn't like acting that way and would love to be a better child. If you don't already have you child on medication I sure hope you will consider it. I know that my son is so much happier when he's on his medication and he will tell you that his medicine makes him feel better and not so sad and upset. This actually goes for anyone who has a child with a brain disorder. I know when they first said he needed medication I cried. I hated the thought of a life time of daily medication starting at the age of 3. I hated the thought of "drugging him to make him be good." But when I got it together and got more information I now understand that it doesn't drug him at all it helps balance the chemicles in his brain and helps him be the kids he would be without the brain disorder. My son now takes 5 pills a day and it really helps. It was a battle at frst getting him on the right medicine but after that it's been smooth sailing. Good luck to you all.
 
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July 11, 2006, 8:22 pm PDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: katlynn65

I have a 21 yr old son, a 17 yr old son and a 12 yr old daughter.  I've never had to spank my children or raise my voice to them.  Not because I think spanking is wrong, but because it's just never been necessary.  From day one they understood that I was the parent and they were the child.  All I needed to do at times was just give them the 'mom look.'  They all made honor roll grades, my 21 yr old is away at college making top grades still and none of them have ever been a disipline problem.  I never tried to be their best friend either.  I've also discovered by watching my nieces (who live in a home of shouting) that whenever I spoke softly, they were forced to quiet down and listen to what I had to say.  I was spanked as a child and I didn't ever at any time in my life believe that hitting is a way to solve conflict.
I have an almost 15 year old daughter and she is the same way. I have never had to spank her or ground her or really punish her in any way. We are very good friends and she even comes to me with her boy trouble and for advice. She is a straight A student and always has been. She decided on her own to enroll in advanced classes in high school and is still making straight A's. She has been a dream to raise and yes, I am very thankful for that. However, I have a 12 year old boy that has ADHD and Tourettes and without medication the normal way of raising a child is just out of the question. I know both sides of that and I feel sorry for anyone with a child that has a brain disorder. If it's just a matter of bad parebnting skills rather than a brain disorder that can be determined by a Dr. What everyone had to understand is that there are "brats" and there are kids who really do have a problem. Those of us with "perfect" kids should be very thankful.
 
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