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Messages By: purplepain

purplepain

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March 23, 2006, 3:08 pm PST

DNA is meaningless to me

I've never been one of these people who are all about DNA, the ex-con at the end of this episode should, IMO, out of this little girls life for the rest of her life.

This man doesn't "love" his daughter. He doesn't know her, how can he know if he loves her? I dont' believe just because he donated a sperm to a woman he was beating up that he has some magical love for her that transcends (sp) time and space. That is ridiculous.

He seems to want her because he can't have her. His behavior since he's been a "new man" by his own account is scary as hell.

Just because they share genetic make-up doesn't mean that they owe each other anything.
 
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purplepain

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March 23, 2006, 3:54 pm PST

Not sure about my "payoff" but...

I do wonder if it's worth it. I'm a sad person. Food is the most exciting part of my day. I wonder if being thin is worth it...people who've lost a lot of weight, would they say it's worth the effort and sacrifice?
 
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purplepain

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March 23, 2006, 6:02 pm PST

03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

Quote From: jacobsfam

While I understand what you are saying about this particular guy, my husband is a bad guy turned good.  My husband made alot of mistakes wiht his ex and now she won't give him the chance to show her that he really has changed.  I believe that everyone deserves a second chance.  We only saw him for a few brief moments talking aobut something that is very hard on the heart.  My husband truly has changed and yet his ex refuses to allow him to see his now 7 year old son.  It is very frustrating and saddening when people in the world automatically assume that once a bad guy always a bad guy.  Please be kind and remember that people make mistakes it is whether or not they learn from them. 

  

Have a Great Day 

  

While I do understand that people change I also believe that becoming a changed and better person doesn't obligate anyone to accept those changes or to trust that a person has made those changes. At some point people have to get on with thier lives.

This woman and this daughter shouldn't have to keep a door open to this guy indefinately.

I'm not saying that your story is like this, I'm just trying to point out the other side of the story. DNA seems to hold people hostage to relationships that they may not other wise be in. There are members of my family that have drifted away and I don't feel remorse over it anymore. Because our shared DNA doesn't mean we are gonna be the kind of people who want a relationship of any kind.

It seems an arbitrary obligation that people, IMO, need to get over.
 
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purplepain

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March 23, 2006, 6:47 pm PST

Repairing Broken Relationships

I'm new to these boards and not sure if I'm posting this to the right place but I am looking for advice from the nice people here about an issue with my family.

I wouldn't say that my husband and mine's relationship with my family is "broken" yet, but it's breaking.

My husband and I, after years of thought have decided that we are atheists and we are going to raise our daughter as such. The problem is that we are afraid to "come out" as atheists to our extremely religious families. I am not going to mention exactly what religions my family are because that will just cloud the issue with prejudice from people who don't like those religions.

But we are starting to feel a strain and we are starting to feel pressures and I think they are starting to see where our opinions are.

Really I'm wondering if we should just keep hiding in our atheist closet or if we should just be who we are. I just don't know. I want to get along with everyone but it gets hard when we are pressured to go to church or to have religious ordinances done to our daughter. I know it's only going to get worse as my daughter gets old. We are already being pressured to have more than one kid because we should take what "god gives us" in that department.

Any advice from people who have been through this would be wonderful.
 
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purplepain

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March 23, 2006, 7:27 pm PST

Maybe all couples should start out like we did...

My husband and I started out poor...dirt dirt poor. So poor in fact we couldn't spend a nickle with out checking with each other, literally. We lived in a basement apartment that was spider infested and dank.

As life progressed and we both worked hard as we could, (he always earned more money then I did and I had a hard time holding a job because of a long bout of depression) and we got more money the priorities for that money seemed natural. First, our neccesities (sp) and then our debts and then our wants. Neither one of us ever counted who made what penny.

Frankly I don't understand that mentality. Who earns what. Even splitting bills down the middle makes no sense to me. That is behavior for roommates, not partners and people who love each other. My wants are his wants and his wants are my wants. I can't even say we make things "equal" because it doesn't work that way.

My husband earns an "ok" income right now, in a business that is all up, so one day he will earn a very nice income but even then...we don't each pay for our part. We each DO our part.

My husband gets a video game now and then, I get a new book now and then, he gets a computer progamming book he's been eyeing now and then I might get a season of a TV show I love.

I can't even articulate how messed up this seems to me. Not even the people on the show, but people in this thread who act like "splitting the bills" is fair. That isn't how it works.

That's why I wonder if it wouldn't do these people some good to have nothing for a while, then maybe they will understand that when you do have something, you aren't selfish about it.
 
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purplepain

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March 23, 2006, 9:31 pm PST

03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

Quote From: conrads89

I was shocked when I heard the audience gasp and Dr. Phil supported them. I believe a wise man once said that YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE ELSE!  Check the BIBLE?   This man's statement that he loved his daughter as much as he loved himself. I hate to say it but HE has it right and you all have it wrong! There was NOTHING wrong with him saying that. I don't know why everyone thought it was a BAD statement?  He loves his daughter very much. I guess you all would not understand the scripture... love your wife as you love the church!  For those of you who don't know... you, I , this man, we  are the church!   A church is people not a building or whatever some may think!  I would hope those that mention something spiritual on their shows would really know what the BIble says.  Also, this wife of his, Dr. Phil could see she was scared and shaking..Come on...could not she have been really nervous. Ever see a bride shake at her wedding?  I think she was not telling the truth too. She could have been shaking because of that too?  I believe this man deserves a second chance and she should allow him supervised visitation.  Kids need both parents in their lives. Look what this world is coming to. I know some of you know kids who have not had a dad in their lives.  They will always be missing something in their lives.  Wake up everyone and start loving yourself for who you really are and not thinking of putting yourself first etc.  God Bless ..........
You obviously didn't listen closely enough to what Dr Phil said.

After explaining to this guy why the audience gasped he also went on to say that the man just had a poor choice of words, and he did. Dr. Phil understood what the man was saying though.  That man obviously doesn't have a genuine love for himself, otherwise he wouldn't behave the way he does.

And I get upset enough to shake when I think of traumatic things that have happened in my life. My daugther was born early and I almost died. When I am confronted with those memories too intensely I shake and cry.
 
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purplepain

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March 24, 2006, 11:05 am PST

No offense meant here but...

Quote From: boop40

we live that his money is his money and my money is his money have to explain where erevry penny goes he does not he spends money and makes alot more than me he drinks and therns to divorse me all the time over me not giving him enough money he makes 50,000 to my 10 and can't pay the bill without my help
...why do you stay with someone like this?  Life is too short! You don't sound happy, I don't know how you could be happy.

Also, I don't know how $60,000 a year can't cover bills. My husband makes a tiny $28,000 and we cover bills but we have a modest lifestyle. One 2 year old daughter. One car that was paid for in full, used.  A 2 bedroom apartment and we both budget hard to make sure our money is well spent.

Let him divorce you...maybe you'll find happiness somewhere else.
 
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purplepain

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March 24, 2006, 11:14 am PST

Sort of off topic but....

In this episode Dr Phil talks to a women who is narcoleptic (sp) and uses the idea of a needle measurement in her head, and she is obsessing over Tommy Lee and other bad boys to get that needle to twitch even a little.

I was wondering, do you think it's possible for this to be the other way around? I am a very high strung person and the only time I find peace is when I watch TV. I can zone out. I have problems sleeping cause the second the TV is turned off I start to have stressful thought that mount higher and higher until I am angry or crying or  having what feels like a mild anxiety attack. I think about problems with my parents, money, worry about my child, my mind never turns off. It's like my "needle" flies back and forth until I turn on the TV and I just stop thinking.

Any thoughts on this?
 
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purplepain

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March 24, 2006, 11:35 am PST

But it's true about only children

Quote From: liatsunami

 I felt really icky about the first couple. I haven't read the rest of them.  I think they're both at fault for spending a little more on things than they should. I do think though, that the husband is being very unreasonable.  I mean his wife is going to school, mothering their daughter, and working as a waitress...all jobs that pay crud for salary.  Expecting her to pay for so many things is just unreasonable. I mean I can  MAYBE understand him wanting her ot earn the money for her schooling so she appreciates it more, but she can't possibly afford that AND things for the baby AND the other things he wants her to pay for. 

It also reminds me of  a part in the book/movie "The Joy Luck Club" where the couple divided everything 50/50 when it came to money, and lets just say that ended VERY poorly.

I think they both need to curb their spending habits.  I mean did she really NEED a $6,000 breast augmentation? Did they NEED $60.00 shoes for the baby?  Did he NEED to buy that painting, or the boat?  I think they need to reexamine their OWN spending habits rather than looking to point the finger at the other person.
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I was kind of miffed that Dr. Phil made a blanketed statement about only children and how they aren't used to sharing.  I totally disagree with that. Plenty of only children grow up to be very giving and sharing adults.  Not all of us are socialized to be self centered or "mine" centered.  In fact a lot of us learn early on that sharing is a way to make freinds.  I don't think it's the norm for only children to grow up to be "mine-y".  I don't think it's really an accurate explaination of why some people are just greedy and selfish.   I really hate the stereo-type that only children are often selfish, spoiled, or bratty. Grr!
No, it's not ALWAYS true, but it's a generalization that I think people can make confidently.

My daughter will be an only child and this is something I am very much taking into consideration. I worry about her ability to share and think about other children. He didn't make it sound like only children are DOOMED to be as such, they are just more likely to be and it's something you have to consider while raising an only child.

It's no different then having, say, a child in little league, they are more likely to be hit by a baseball then a child who isn't in little league...so you have to deal with that as a coniquence of having a child in little league.
 
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purplepain

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March 24, 2006, 12:35 pm PST

Wow...

Quote From: naturesgir

I didn't mean lie to the kids; Mommy and Daddy can have a friend they spend their non-parenting time with; kids really don't need to hear, see, or know about the parents' personal/sexual life, whether it's with the other parent or someone else.  By "discretely," I meant keep it out of the realm of parenting...  Bringing in revolving "mates" to "parent" is confusing to kids and destructive to all. 

  

And I don't intend to have kids...  When I watch these show, I'm vastly relieved about that!!! 

...If you get your idea about what having kids and parenting is all about by watching the oddities that Dr Phil finds, then you have it all wrong. Dr Phil finds the most extreme cases because it makes good TV and also because his advice on these bad cases can help people with less dramatic problems.

Most of us parents aren't this screwed up. It's completely possible to raise children the right way with out getting so out of control you end up on day time TV..believe it or not! LOL

It's cool if you don't kids, live and let live I say, but don't think this show reflects the average american family.
 
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