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Messages By: elcorpe

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May 13, 2007, 2:14 pm CDT

Adoption Advice

 My friend is raising her grandchild who is now 12 years old. He has been with them since he was very young. Now, I have been asked to submit my observations as a reference for them to adopt him. While I am so grateful that they took him, I have a real problem with the relationship  between the Grandad (my friends husband) and my friend.  He is very chauvinisticand they  belittling and extremely argumentative and exhibit this behavior in fron tof this child.  I have voiced my opinions to my friend about her and her husband's behavior, but she has been married for 30 some years and doesn't want to break her marriage vow.  I am in a quandry as to how to answer the questions regarding this adoption. If I reply negatively then this child (who has never known anyone else) could be put into the system. However, I don't want to reply to questions with untruths. I wish Dr.Phil could get this family into his Dr.Phil house. It would so ease my mind that they woud be getting the help they need before this child gets lost in the environent that he is growing up in.
How do you think or do you think I should answer these reference questions?
 
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October 13, 2007, 1:20 pm CDT

Deadly Kids?

 There is no easy or generic answer to what is happening with these children. I work with many abused children and it's sometimes more scary than heartbreaking. But who really knows what has been imposed on the psyches of these children? What form of abuse they have encountered that may imbalance them in a way we as so-called "normal" humans can never understand. Mothers on drugs while pregnant. I omit alcohol because usually that is apparent in other ways. But drugs do this to children.Their chemistry is all screwed up more times than not. I will also have to declare that some children are not capable of changing their behaviors simply because their bodies do not possess the ingredient needed to. I just don't think anyone has come up with an answer to that one yet. In the meantime, violent children can not be trusted to live with others in a community and left to their own devices. They must be in an environment of constant monitoring and treatment adjusted as they grow.
Shame on us if we do not try everything we can to help make these children as happy as they are capable of being, without violence. Sometimes, it really doesn't work, but for those that it can help, we should do our best as a society to be there. Be proactive in your life and theirs. It's the only way we can give what we have to others. One last thing, I remember a story about a great man that entered into a den of thieves and prostitutes while being jeered by all those who had followed him. His message to them was simple and clear: they are the ones that are most in need.
 
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October 13, 2007, 1:32 pm CDT

wondering

Quote From: shawnylou

My lil 8 year old boy has the best smile on earth and the most precious face. He has been talking steadily since he was born making all sorts of sounds and babble ,he has the imagination of a future author to be and can go to any world in his mind. His large motor skills are beyong those of his age, his small motor skills are behind by at least 2-3 years and he is just starting to learn to read. He has just learned to hold a pencil.

This is his DX: He is BI-POLAR, Attachment disorder, ODD, and possibly early on-set shizophrenia. Is there a possibility if border line autism? Maybe. He has a high IQ and is cunning.

He has serious asthma and is on madications for that is advair, albuteral zyrtac and a nose spray nasennex.[ he has a nebulizer when things get too bad  In psychiatric meds, he has lamictal ,clonidine  Seroquel and when he gets so violent he will kill you and anyone he comes in contact with, we do GIVE HIM ketamine *K*  as the physicians call this hard medication. He is alergic to everything as  is his brother. he is an active kid and loves the outdoors and bike and rides and runs around and screams and plays harder than most. His older brother age 13 is not violent and is calm and .

The 8 year old is in a special school with a room if he acts up that is padded for the school staff to put him into so he does not hurt himself or anyone else.

Remember he is a precious child when not inflamed with hate and anger fear.

he has beat me and kicked me so hard I had bruises on my legs for weeks and at times I am scared to pieces of him. I am unable to take him to church because of his un-predictability and he would scare the lil ones to pieces. He has hardly any friends in the neighborhood. He never has anyone show up to his birthday party. He will fight just about anyone and threaten them with their lives.

My husband and I cannot leave him with a regular sitter, we have to have professioanl sitters who know how to handle this kid and NOT hurt him and know how to restrain him accordingly.  WE had CPS called on us at a lab one time because we had to restrain him for a blood draw and the lab tecnician refised to draw blood from the child because he was afraid of the child and so I threatened his job and he came back at me. CPS came in and knew about the child and said " Oh this lil guy"  I get the bruises and the child is fine. For all blood draws now they sedate him. For teeth fillings they use anesthesia and for me they use " Oh honey we admire you" really?

I /we do not want to lose this child and we struggle daily to weekly to hold on tight to this human being who we know can turn out to be a bit different in many ways. he is very VERY violent and yet he can be a pussy cat too. We do not keep any guns in the house, we would be dead by now and knives are carefully maintained. We have 4 cats and one dog. When he gets angry we have taught him if he hurts an animal we call the police. We have called the police on hurting humans and have had to call them when he refused to take his meds when he tore the hosue apart from one end to the next. A piece of dust set him off. CPS is now looking into respite care for my husband and I so we can go out once a month.. maybe. I trust no one with him , he is hard to handle and if he got hurt I would come apart. OR for that matter if anyone else got hurt I would come apart.. hell this is hard...

I was wondering what effect his behavior and your reactions, attention to, and constant thought about this child has had on your other child. And also, could he be allergic to any of the psych meds?
 
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October 17, 2007, 8:45 am CDT

please

Please tell me you are NOT putting this ittle girl on national television to relie this story.......
That would be absolutely horrendous!

Dont  do it
 

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