Quote From: kmlettMy Ex husband has not been a part of my daughters life for the last 6 years. He will say it's my fault because I found out he was on drugs I gave him a given time to take care of his issues and we would work on our marriage. He didn't want to do that so.. I moved on with my life. I tried staying in my home state with him having visitation with my daughter every other weekend. HOWEVER, I went to pick her up one day and found drugs close to the floor with her crawling around. She didn't ever go back. He was threating to do a lot of terrible things. I moved out of the state. I moved way out of the state, 1200 miles away actually. Well, That was 6 years ago, now he has married again, has two more kids, My daughter has not seen him but a couple times since the move. NOT because I kept her from him, but because he was court ordered to go to rehab and show the court proof that he did this. He never did this though. My daughter has went back at least 3 times to his parents house where he could of went and seen her if he wanted to supervised, But since he met his new wife she said she will NOT be supervised by anyone's parents to see "THEIR DAUGHTER" Me and her got off on a bad foot first off because the first time we ever spoke she said how She is going to change some things about my daughters life style. When I asked her what in the world she was speaking about she said, Well I am her mom now too, and I don't believe everything should be like they are for her. Of course I went off on her. This woman had NEVER Even met my daughter at that time. Well, because I would not play her game of letting her try to control my life she has never liked me. Now that I am remarried and have another child and another on the way..Things have got worse. My daughter asked if she could call my new husband Daddy? I told her to call her what she is comfrontable with, but she doesn't have to call him daddy if she doesn't want to. She does out of her own free will. My husband now is so good with her, he loves her like she was his own, he has raised her since she was 3 and they are very close. When my ex had his child support reduced claiming that he is a stay at home dad now for his 2 new children with his new wife and they could not afford to pay, My new husband said, I don't want his damn money, she is my daughter anyway now. Well, I get harrassing phone calls from my ex's new wife saying that they are going to try and take my daughter, She has called Child support recovery making accusations.. which.. Is so dumb, She is 1200 miles away so she knows NOTHING about my life or my daughters life with us. My daughter has not been allowed to call her bio dad because his new wife gets on the phone and tells my daughter what they will be talking about, and that she will call her mom. My daughter does not know this woman, she has met her twice and doesn't want to call her mom.. I told her to do what she wants. " I am not going to call her mom" she said. Here is my problem.. there is so much more that has happened and that this woman has done, I would love to have someone to talk about to all this that is a step mom and to maybe give me some direction. My husband said he would adopt my daughter but My thing is, this man has abandoned my daughter, He doesn't do anything for her mentally, physically or emotionally and For me to let him sign his rights away and get away with the finacial part of helping her in life just really doesn't sit well with me. I don't know what it is that really makes me so mad about just the thought but... Something doesn't seem fair or right to me with doing that. My daughter hasn't asked him to adopt her which I know she would love it but I think it should come from her too on her own first. He isn't paying childsupport on a regular schedule anyway... so.. I just feel like I'm not letting him off this so easy. I try to get my daughter to talk about how she feels about her bio father and she blames the step mom. I don't blame the step mom really.. He is a grown man, He can stand up for himself and his daughter if he wanted to. Any advice???
Kayla
I grew up for 13 years not knowing who my real father was. As a grown adult I was very angry he didn't pay any support. He was very well off,a pilar in the community, and married. My stepdad adopted me when I was 6. We were kinda poor but my mom had to provide everything because my stepdad was selfish.
Legally, when I turned 18, I could have sued my real father for support. I didn't know this until later and the time limit ran out. Your daughter may be able to get it when she turns 18.
YOU need to do what is best for you daughter. Her biological father must understand though once the papers are signed to terminate his rights, you are within yours to cut him off from being in your child's life in anyway you don't want him. I know a guy who terminated his rights to get out of child support. He tried to make the kid's grandma, she had custody, to let him see her afterward. He was refused. When the girl got old enough, she decided for herself. They have no contact. He eventually lost his other kids born after her as well.
Spiritually, it is best for your child to be in a loving caring enviroment. IF he cant comply, he needs to terminate. The stepmom's actions can be considered child abuse. Look into your daughters rights. Taperecord everything. Tell your ex, as soon as you know it's him, at the beginning of the taping," I now tape all our phone calls. Now that you are legally notified, what did you need?" IF he explodes, hang up. You will have documented proof everytime. The tape recorders are inexpensive and can be used really well with speaker phones. Experiment before hand so you know how to get it just right. Assessories can go right into some phones.
Your daughter needs to understand her parents problems arent suppose to punish her in a healthy relationship. She is just a child.
My son got about $500-600 child support for the first 2 years of our separation due to no paperwork. I still let my son see his dad as much as possible even though I had no visitation legally required. It was hard because the girl he left me for is one year older than my stepson and was his bestfriends daughter. I still supported my son and tried to make sure my feelings of hurt didnt hamper his feeling for his dad or stepmom. It has been years now and I even go to birthday parties they throw. BY the way, I now get more than 500 a month for ONE child. Sometimes things work out that way.
