Messages By: dominolove

Ok everyone, prepare yourselves,  

This whole thread - and the seemingly constant drone of shows like this that keep coming out - are leaving me increasingly frustrated. I am in my early 20's recently married and was with my husband for a few years before we got married - I have suffered with body image problems and eating disorders since being sexually assaulted at fourteen. I know what it's like to feel as if you're not 'perfect'. I have been in relationships with men who have treated me terribly and made this problem worse, and I have been with men, (like my husband) who have treated me like the most gorgeous creature to ever walk this earth -  

-that being said- I read EVERY SINGLE MESSAGE posted before this one and I am in absolute shock. People are being put down for stating that they like to dress up, put make-up on etc. for their partners. People are also being put down for classifying gaining weight in the same category as aging.  

CAN WE ALL JUST COME TO OUR FRIGGING SENSE HERE PEOPLE?!  

we as HUMAN BEINGS have a variety of factors which attract us to people, PHYSICAL OR NOT.  

Humans, as a species, evolve throughout our lifetimes. We age, we change, we grow as people. We on this message board should not be here to judge one another, but to have insightful discussions on the subjects being addressed on this show. I just think we have to try and remember we're ALL DIFFERENT.  Relationships are partnerships, and as much as we might not like to admit it - some of that is based on physical attraction - that being said, that's not all it's about. I think to be in a truley successful relationship, it's all about communication -  I mean, I just keep thinking if the women on this show knew their partners a bit better, they wouldn't have jumped into marrying them without first asking.....  

"Honey, what happens when I gain weight and have kids, will you still love me 30, 40, 50 pounds heavier? Is that all I am to you, an image?"  

...That may sound out and out crazy, but really, how do you know if someone you're with is that shallow or not. You don't ask, how can you guarentee they'll tell you? You can't.  

I mean, we can't fault the men here, nor can we fault the women. We're both visual creatures - what CAN be faulted, is not knowing someone you're with well enough to know that when you put on that bit of weight, that they'll leave.  Some of my comments, I know, will irritate some people, but that's ok. It's just my opinion.  

....I feel as If i've gotten all off topic because i'm sitting watching the show as I type this (3pm Toronto time) I suppose I want my final words will be - love yourself first. Male or female, "thin" or "fat".... it doesn't even matter if you're purple. You can't expect someone to treat you amazingly f you don't have the respect to treat yourself that way first. You must set the bar for relationships you will be in -SHOW THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE WITH THAT YOU WON'T BE TREATED LIKE ANY LESS THAN THE KING OR QUEEN YOU ARE!  

Thank you for reading my rant.  

Except I'm fairly sure our stations in life are somewhat different.   

I'm in my early 20's, super energetic with a great sex drive and a pretty adventurous spirit (I worked in a adult novelty store for many years in what's considered the 'gay/bi/les district of our city, there's NOT MUCH that would shock me, or gross me out. I figure, you only live once, right?) and, not to toot my own horn here or anything, but I know I'm very attractive to both men AND women.   

My husband is eight years older than me, and as he has said and I quote "I've never been with a woman with a high sex drive, to be honest, sex was a chore in past relationships and I've never really been with someone who I felt wanted ME". My husband is the sweetest, smartest, sexiest man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, let alone falling in love with so at first I was in shock - how could they just not want him? how could he live without sex altogther? I mean, not to go into graphic detail but he's definitly the only man I'd ever met not to recieve oral sex until the age of 28. I guess for the most part I understand, as he is a real gentleman and treats EVERY woman he comes across with absolute respect (one of the reasons I love him.) If he says his ex's just weren't that into sex I BELIEVE HIM. They seem for lack of a better word, like prudes, and seem to think that men can/should live without sex in a relationship. I'm sorry, but I can't live without sex in a relationship, so for me, this man putting up with all he has and not going crazy? He's a saint! I would have snapped a long time ago!  

MY PROBLEM? Our sex schedules totally clash. He's not very good at intiating sex, and while I took up the brunt of this for a long time and didn't mind, lately I am wishing he'd just pick me up and scoop me into that bedroom already! I mean, he tells me a million times a day how sexy he thinks I am - we can't walk down the street without him telling me this man and that man are checking me out - but we don't have sex! When we began dating we were like rabbits, and now, it's hardly once a week. He's told me it's not me and he's seeking help from his doctor, but I am extremley discouraged. I feel unwanted and absolutely alone. I used to love when he'd come home from work and now it's a time I dread because I know we'll just sit there like roomates or something, completley non-sexual. I feel as if I am stuck in a sexless marriage already - to be honest, i expected something like this maybe when kids come along, but hey, this is crazy! I wish I could just smack him upside the head. How is it a man can acknowledge and get crazy jealous over others looking at you etc. etc. but when it comes to 'getting down to business' there's nothing at all?   

....I'm afraid. I'm working so hard to keep myself having 'those feelings' for him and trying to keep this little family we've just begun building together. I feel as if I'm trying alone though, and part of me has begun to self talk, I'm young, hot and have my whole life waiting for me. What am I doing?!  

Girl, that is exactly where I stand. 

If this was nearly as important to him, he'd deal with it. I've tried my best to steer my thinking away from such things, as I know it will only making the situation worse, but I just can't help it. I go out of my way to show that things he asks of me are important by getting them done and getting them done with a smile. 

Why oh why can't it be the same? 

20/f. Been dealing with mental illness since rape at fourteen. Finally reciveced a diagnosis earlier this year. Bi-polar type two with charcteristics of bi-polar effective disorder as well as bulimia with anoerxic tendancies, anxiety disorder OCD and BDD. (my medical records are like a frigging telephone book now!)  

I have sought out others like myself on the internet to no avail. I am hoping this community is full of like-minded people, hoping to get out from under this dark cloud. Today's one of those oh-so-fun manic days and as I sit here typing this out, I'm praying that you all will help be my salvation.  

Anyone else here know what it's like to live a lie? On the outside I'm sure I appear an attractive, confident, social young lady. On the inside, well, that's a whole different story. I haven't worked in years....  

This message is quite sloppy and I apologise I started writing it, and then my thoughts got so fast I've completley forgotten what I wanted to say....  

What this woman clearly has going on, is a FETISH!! A fetish is defined as (don't quote me on this, it's a summarized definition folks)  when an act, object, etc. becomes a high-yield desire response, or an attachment or fixation on a certain, object, behavior etc.   

It's not abnormal - and it's certinally not 'icky' because it is not part of your sexual repitoire.   

I happen to like biting and so does my partner thank-you-very-much.   

You say that everyone has their 'thang'. Just because it's not yours does not mean you have to disparage it and those who do enjoy it and please believe me, I mean that in the nicest possible way! (no venom here)   

I worked at an adult novelty store for years and would hate for you to see some stuff that even a pretty open person like myself finds 'icky'. :) To be honest, that was half the fun of the job - watching folks come in, pick up a toy with no clue as to what it is or does, figure it out, then put it down with a look of squemishness or disgust. teehee.   

....I know I'm going to probably get blasted for this, but I really wish dr. phil would have touched on that as well, and not just the fact that her actions are driven from anxiety.