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Messages By: swarren8703

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May 20, 2008, 7:15 pm CDT

The Apple never rolls to far from the tree.

  

If you watch any child long enough, you will see his/her parents. After watching the show today, I could see what was going on in each family except one. It is my opinion that that in one family Mom has shout down as a loving parent. She lost her daughter and it hurt too much to feel anything right now. The loose of her daughter is too much to handle. Nothing will get better with her son until she lets her feelings out about her daughter. Then she will see that her son is in a lot of pain too.

The little girl that cries all the time is feeling shut out because the boys are allowed to get away with tease her. The boys are teasing her because the oldest boy is mad at the Setp mother for taking Dad away from him. The boy said that even when they spend time together, it’s to get closer to the step mother not the boys. It's easier to take out his anger on the little girl then to take it out on the step mother. The younger boys are following his lead.

The 15 year old girl is plain spoiled. Mom says she gives her everything and the daughter does not appreciate any of it. Why should she. The more she gets, the less she will appreciate. it.

I have a feeling that the 9 year old boy that slapped his mother is being abused by his mother. She doesn't see it because her level of abuse is far less then the abuse that she had when she was little, but it is still abuse. Some times when a child is abused, they don’t really know what abuse is.

The only one I haven't been able to figure out is the boy who was board.

 
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May 20, 2008, 7:45 pm CDT

A long hard Road

Quote From: solhealr

No one has asked the question, "Did Noah ever get grief counseling when his sister died?" I would suspect from his actions and reactions that the answer would be a resounding NO! Mom seems more concerned about the deceased daughter than about her son. And if Noah and his deceased sister, Olivia, have the same father, perhaps Noah blames Olivia's death and his mother's reaction to that death for driving his father away. He definitely needs therapy to help him deal with what has gone on in his life. And unless his mother is willing to step up to the plate and actually do the healing work that needs to take place, and start making her son a very important part of her life, I don't think things will get better for them. I never saw her reach out and just hug the boy without having to have a reason. In fact I never saw her hug him, period. Children need to know they matter and that they are of value to the adults in their lives. Solhealr

.I was 4 years old when my 5 year old brother died.  My parents told me that he was gone to heave to be with Jesus.  My mother worked hard to deal with her grief and me.  My father shut down.  I remember times when my father would have me sit on the floor by his feet so he could tell me about my brother.  He didn't want me to forget him.  He would tell me of my WONDERFUL BROTHER WHO WAS SO SMART (I had a lot of trouble in school because I was dyslexia), HE NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG (I was alway in trouble for not making my bed or taking out the trash), HE NEVER LIED (I had, though no one knew), HE WAS SO HANDSOME AND HAD SUCH A CUTE SMILE (i was fat)  My father had no idea how these talks made me feel, but I was angry, guilty, ungly, and dum.  When I was feeling depressed about things, my mother would feed me,  but no one thought to put their arms around me and tell me I was loved.  They were too busy with their own grief.  Grief that I was feeling too, but no one seemed to know.  Noah is grieving too and no one seems to see it.  He is hitting his mother to wake her up and say HELP.

 
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June 5, 2008, 9:22 am CDT

HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM, BUT PUTTING THE CHILD FIRST

I have a 2 1/2 year old grandson who I haven't seen since Sept. (his birthday). We have 9 Christmas presents sitting in our living room waiting to see him. Our son is not divorced from his wife and says he is trying, but we don't think he really wants it. The reason for the separation is because of a problem with my son's oldest child. His wife says this child is mentally disturbed and had him sent to a luck down children's hospital, but the hospital found nothing wrong with the child except depression. They said it was "family dynamics" and ask that step mom leave until more counseling could be done. Mom went to one family counseling session and decided it was not for her. My grandson is still in counseling because of the "family dynamics", but Mom took my youngest grandson and went to her family's home town 2 1/2 hours away. She will not let my son bring the child to his house or our house or to McDonalds’ in her area without her. I want to go to her house, but my husband is angry with her and will not go near her. We could fight to see our grandchild, but after seeing him for his birthday, we feel that he is afraid of us. (Maybe because if his mother, we don’t know) But the fact remains that he was afraid of us for some reason and he wasn’t the last time we had seen him before the separation. If we force it, he could be traumatize by it. WE DON’T WANT TO HURT OUR GRANDCHILD, BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE WE COULD DO TO SEE HIM AND NOT TRAUMATIZE HIM. My son was kept from seeing his son for 5 months, but finally gave into his wife demands and got to see him. How do we fight her without hurting him?

 
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June 10, 2008, 11:05 am CDT

Fractured child

Peaple wonder how a child ends up like this.  Well, I can tell you.  All children are born with a clean slate.  Each looking to be loved, tought, and formed.  Then things happed to these children that confuse, hurt, and fustrate them.  Here is a picture of how a child end up this way:

 

FRACTURED LOVE

At birth

Mother leave Brant with 3 different families before he is 2 months old

Long week-end (2 weeks old) with Daddy at farm house

(3 other young man living there as well)

Second week-end with Grandma and Grandpa

Third week-end with Brother

Forth week he was left with Grandma and Grandpa while

Mom went to Myrtle beach

Firth week left with Daddy and Mom couldn’t be found when

Sunday night and Daddy had to take son to work with him.

Mother moves 9 times in next few months.

Brant was brought to Grandma’s house because a sitter was

Needed while Mom went to hospital for dying Aunt. Brant

Was crying when we was brought, Crying continued for 2 hours

And doctor was called. He wanted to see baby. I called Mother

And told her I was going to doctor and I would pick her up on

Way. Mother said no, dying Aunt needed her. Doctor put

Baby in hospital and couldn’t find Mother for 6 hours. She was

Not were she said she would be (same hospital as dying Aunt)

Social Service was called in.

Brant gets ear infection. In lots of pain. Doctor gives anti

Biotic. Mother does not give it because she says it is making

His vomit. Ear infection comes back. New antibiotic. Mother

Forgets to put it in refrigerator and then pitches it. Ear infection

Comes back again and this time Daddy will not let her take him

Back until ear has cleared.

(Continuation of same behavior for next 18 months)

Child is still a Baby (18 months old) and is expected to be a perfect

Mother Marries and has son stand up for her. Things go bad.

Mother takes child back and tries to form a family, but Brant

Cried and wanted Daddy. Mother tells Brant that her new

Husband is Daddy too. Brant gets confused.

Mother starts cheating on new husband and starts leaving

Brant at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. (Mother has shared

Custody and goes to her house every other week-end, but now

Weekends are being missed so she can spend time with new boy

Friend and telling husband that Brant is sick and she doesn’t

Want to tear him away from here. All time telling us that she

Is sick and doesn’t want to expose Brant, so she is leaving him

With us.

Brant spends next 3 years (86% of the time over next 2 years) at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house with Daddy (Daddy moved back in to be closer to son). I loved him as my own - knowing that I would Have to give him up when son found a wife.

Brant is 3 years old

Son finds a wife. Marries and moves son into wife’s apt.

Family mores into new house

Brant is 5 years old

Family expects new baby. Step mother makes promise

Nothing will change. She will still love him the same

Things start to change very much. (Step mother finds

Fault with step son. He is 5, but mother makes him

Clean his own bathroom because he missed toilet. He’s

Not clean enough for Step mother. Son wants to go home to

Grandma and Grandpa’s (Son’s words). Step Mother if he

Doesn’t stop asking for Grandma he will never see her again.

 

Brant is 6 years old (April)

Brant starts 1st grade. It’s hard for Brant to remember all the

Things that he is suppose to. (Normal) But he is made to feel

Abnormal. Mom doesn’t want to be the Mom (thinks like

Making sure he does the things he should like do homework, get bed on time, go up with him to take a bath and make sure thing

Like picking up clothes and towels are done. She felt that at 5

He should do these things on his own. ‘He’s been told’ was

One thing she said to me.

Brant is 6 ½ years old

 

New baby is born in . Grandma asked to NOT come to hospital,

But to keep first son with her. Grandma concerned that grand-

Son should be a part of birth asked if grandson can come to see

New brother. He is allowed, but at the hospital grandma is

Asked to keep first son for a week so that new mother can

Acclimate with new baby. Grandma feels it is a big mistake,

But has no choice. Brant cries to go back home to be with

New baby. Finally is allowed home a week later.

Brant is never clean enough to even touch baby on his head,

While new mother kissed baby on lips. Step grandmother

Moves in with family to help care for new baby, but also

Treat Brant as if he was a big germ. Step mother with family

For 2 months. Daddy asks her to go home.

Step grand mother leaves. Mom goes to her parents home next

Day because she can’t coup. Mother bounces back and forth

For weeks, spending more time at her mother’s house then

At home.

Brant is 7 years old

Baby is now 10 months old, crawling on floor, but Brant still no

Clean enough to touch. Brant not allowed to touch baby toys,

But baby most be allow to play with Brant’s toys.

Brant is blamed for all things that go wrong at home. Brant is

Offered back to Grandma in front of him. Grandma has to tell

Mother that it would not be a good idea. (Grandma faced with

Undermining Dad or making Brant feel unwanted by Grandma

As well (Grandma feels she made a mistake and should have

Said yes)

(Hear say only) Mother becomes physical with Brant saying that

Brant became physical first. (not sure if Brant didn’t become

Physical first, but feel the adult should be the “the adult”)

Brant is sent to a lock down facility for children because mother

Says she is afraid of child. Brant spends 5 day in hospital and

Doctor’s find nothing wrong with child except deep depression.

Only problem is “family dynamic” and they need counseling

Brant allowed to come home from hospital put mother leaves

Until more counseling can be done. Mother moves out with

Baby. Mother tells Brant that she is moving out because Brant

Is such a bad child and will not move back until he is good.

Counseling started. Brant has his own counselor. Mom has her

Counselor Dad and Brant go to Family counselor (different one)

Brant has physiatrist he sees once a month. Family counselor

Felt that it was time to bring it together, so Dad and Mom meet

First. In first meeting, Mother is told she has to be an adult,

And walks out of meeting to never return.

Brant is 9 years old

Family is fractured. No divorce yet. Daddy is kept

from youngest son. Grand-parents are allow to see baby once in year and ½ . Daddy Waits to give Christmas presents to baby for 5 months. Grandma and Grandpa are still waiting.

Dad looses job because he is unable to do jobs as he was be-

Fore Mother leaves. (Some jobs start at 5 or 6 in morning and

Dad needs to get son on bus at 8) Dad still out 4 months later.

Bankruptcy and home is up for sell.

Brant no longer trusts anyone. Brant is full of fear, anger, and

Mistrust. Now he is on medications for Hyper activity, ADD, OCD, and ODD. Grandma cries at night for Brant and baby.

 

Now what do we do to repair this child.

 
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June 24, 2008, 9:15 am CDT

I've been there too

I would like to talk to Mom. I had two children and I was a stay at home mother. I enjoyed my kids to the end. When school started summer vacation and other mothers dreaded having their children home all day, I looked forward to it. My husband traveled 9 states and it was just me and my children 5 days a week. We had fun together.

My daughter married first and it was a great wedding. I think that planning her wedding got me through the (what I perceived) lose of my daughter.My daughter and I were very close. We even went to college together for her first quarter. Then I graduated    Later, I realized, this was not the case.  We have a wonderful relationship with her and her husband.

My son, at the time of mydaughter's wedding, got a girl pregnant. Only 2 weeks after my daughter was married, the mother of my grandchild moved in. I never felt the “empty nest” syndrome that people told me to expect.  . My grandson mother did not stick around. However, my grandson did. We helped my son raise my grandson for 3 ½ years. Then he met his wife.

When I see your daughter-in-law, I see mine. She does not want you in their lives. Maybe it’s because she feels that she is in composition with you for your son’s love. There are some people that feel that people can only love one at a time. They don’t believe that there are different kinds of love. She had to divide and concur to win his love. Now, she is not going to make any effort to reconcile . It is not in her best interest. She has been successful at putting a wedge between her husband and his mother and that is the way she wants it.

My daughter-in-law managed to do the same thing, and it work to an extent; however, he had a son too. After dividing us up, she trying to drive a wedge between him and his son. For a while it work. However, she went too far and put my grandson in a mental hospital saying she was afraid of him. The hospital told my son that the problem was his wife not his son. They are now split up, not divorced, but she is living back with her mother and father over a hundred miles away. The only problem is that there is another child. We haven’t seen our youngest grandson for almost a year.  she will not let us.  Everytime we sent up a time to visit, something comes up.

Don’t hold out too much hope that things will get better unless you son will start to put a foot forward to help with the problem. He won’t until he see her for what she really is. Hopefully there will not be any kids yet when he sees her this. The honeymoon will last anywhere up to 5 years. Then he’ll start to see her in her true light. then maybe he'll be willing to do something about it.  If he doesn't and things don't change, some day, when you past on, he will never forgive himself for never seeing his wife for what she is; an unforgiving woman who could do the same to him (not forgive him for somthng that he says under anger)  Sorry for you problems. I know how much it hurts.

 
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September 1, 2008, 7:43 am CDT

CASA

THESE KIDS NEED A COURT APPOINTED GURDIAN SO WATCHOUT FOR WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILDREN. In Ohio there is an organization called CASA. These people will go into the house of both parents and talk to them, see how they interact with the children, and talk to neighbor. They will talk to doctors, and teacher’s as well. These kids need protection against BOTH parents.

 
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September 1, 2008, 8:22 am CDT

Grandma, CASA worker

In the state of Ohio there is an organization called CASA, Court Appointed Special

Advocate for children.     I am a volunter and have gone through many classes to know how to detect and how to help children that are in this situation.  This family needs CASA.  They will go in and talk to both parents and watch how the children react to the parents and grandparents.  They will talk to teachers, doctors, neighbors, and anyone else that may have info about the family and who will be the better parent for full custody.  PLEASE URGE THEM TO CONTACT THEIR ATTORNEY TO BRING IN CASA TO PROTECT THEM.

 
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September 1, 2008, 8:41 am CDT

WHO WILL GET HURT?

Quote From: vitaminab

I cannot agree more with you. None of them deserve these childen and they have to start improving their parental skills.
YOUR SAY THAT NONE OF THEM DESERVE THESE CHILDREN AND THEY HAVE TO START IMPORVING THEIR PARENTAL SKILLS.  However, where do the children go until they improve these skills.  They are still in need of loving care.  It is my experience that a child that are beaten will still want to be with that parent.  Some kids want to be with the parent that is beaten them more then that other.   This is because of a need to please that parent.  These kids want to be loved.  Who will protect them from this.  They need a person to Intervene and help the children deal with their parents fight.  They need to be told that this is happening because both parents love them and want them.  This is happening becasue both parents have different ideas on how they should be treated.  THE CHILDREN NEED HELP.   
 
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September 24, 2008, 11:11 am CDT

Been there and Done that

I was so grateful for the show today. These adoptive mother told the children from the start that they were adopted. This was so important. My husband was also adopted, however it was only his father. His mother was his real mother. His name is Bob and for 29 years he thought that he was named after his father. He was adopted at age 5, put has no memory of the adoption. His mother and adoptive father never told him that he had been adopted. In the next 10 years, Mom and Dad had 2 more children each 5 years apart. As Bob grew up, he started to feel different then his brothers. His mother was 5’5” and his father is about 5’7”. My husband is 6’3”. His brothers were like Mom and Dad. His looks were different then his mother, father, and brothers. He always felt poles apart from the other members of the family.

I met my husband when I was 17 years old and we dated on and off for the next 4 years and then we became engaged for on other year. Then, 5 years after we met, we were getting ready to be married. We went down to the record department to get our birth certificates in order to get our marriage license . He told me to go to the window first and I did. I was given an 8” by 11” paper that was stamped with the state seal and with all the signatures and my parents names on it. My husband went up next, but instead of getting a paper like I did, he received a business card stating his birthday and parents name. He asked the lady why he didn’t get the same thing that I did. All she said was that he had to ask his mother that question.

We were married a few months later, but the had a lot of problems. My husband was having some anger problems. It took the next 5 years to come to a head, but we had 2 children and I come to the decision that I have to leave the him until he got help. That day, he collapsed on the floor and (to shorten the story) ended up in the hospital for the next week. When he returned home, he was under the help of a psychologist . He went faithfully for the next year, but he wasn’t making any gains. His mother asked me why my husband was going to the psychologist. I told her that many children when they are teenagers get the idea that they most be adopted and as they grow up, change that thinking. For some reason, Bob still thinks he is adopted. She never said anything about this. Another year went by when I got a call from an aunt of my husband. She wanted to talk to me.

The next day I went to his aunts house and the story of my husband’s life was told to me by this aunt. She told me how my Mother-in-law had been married to another man (actually 3 men all total). The marriage didn’t work out, but she was already pregnant with her son when she was getting the divorce. When I husband was still a young baby, his mother remarried a man by the name of Raymond Ford. My mother-in-law named my husband after her brother (Robert) and the man in the second marriage (Raymond). So, at this time his name was Robert Raymond Remington. After divorcing this man, she met Robert Warren and married him. He was the right man for her, and she has been married to him ever since. He adopted my husband and raise him as his own. Roland Remington, Dad, was in the navy and could not be there for his son, so when Bob mother ask him to give us his rights and let Mr. Warren adopt his son, Roland agreed. It would mean no questions asked by the school or Bob’s friends and he would not be an outsider. I didn’t work. This aunt told me who Bob real father was and where he was.

I went home that nigh worried about telling my husband all this news. I fixed him his favorite dinner, had the children in bed early (before he came home), and made a peaceful and calm evening to tell his. That night, I might have told him it was raining out. He had no emotion. All he said was, “I knew it.”

We found out that his father was married and had 3 other children. We didn’t know if his wife knew that her husband had been married before and that he had a child from that marriage. For this reason, Bob was afraid to call this man. A year went by, and he was still in counseling. I can remember him picking up the phone 3 times to call this man, but he always backed off. One day, as he backed off once again. He left and went to the drug store. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Mrs. Remington answered the phone. Roland was away on a hunting trip with his son, Guy. I told her that my husband had just found out that he was adopted and he knew that his last name had been Remington. He was now looking for his Dad. Did she know if her husband was ever married before. She said yes he had. I then asked if she knew if he had any children in that marriage. Her answer was yes. From here, I introduced myself as the wife of that child.

We talked on the phone for about an hour, and when my husband came home, I told him everything. Bob called Mrs. Remington back and talked to her for the next 2 ½ hours about his Dad and his family and why he had not called sooner. She asked to have some time to tell her husband that Bob had called finally. Roland had a bad heart and she didn’t want her getting too excited. She would call us when she had told him everything. Roland was due home a week later, so we didn’t expect a call for 2 weeks. However, one day after Roland was due home, we got the call Bob was waiting for.

Roland and Bob made arrangement to meet for the first time at our house on Thanksgiving Day. When that day came, Bob was a nervous wreck. He didn’t know what to call him, what to say to him first, should he hug or shake hands, etc. I told him not to work at it so hard. Just do what comes natural. If he wants to try a hug, do it. If he doesn’t want to, don’t. If he didn’t know what to call him, ask what he feels comfortable with.

We were watching for a car, and saw a car pull into the house across the street. A woman got out and went to the door of our neighbors house. She knew what was going on and told the woman by pointing and telling her where we lived. Bob and I saw her point and knew it was them. Bob started to pace the floor a bit, and wring his hands. I hugged him and told him to calm down. When the car stopped in our driveway, the woman got out. Bob was standing by the door and when she knocked, Bob answered it. Without a word, Mrs. Remington turned to the car and said, “It’s the right house, Roland.” Roland got out and we saw why Ceil never asked. Bob was a younger version of his Dad. The couple came in and we sat and talked about many time including how they had told each of there children that they had another brother out there somewhere as they turned teenagers. The only one that did not know about Bob was the youngest. She was 12. The meeting was a great meeting and will always remembered.

This all happened in 1977, and throughout the years we have had a wonderful relationship with the Remington’s. The Warren’s did not like the idea that Bob had found his real Dad and didn’t want to know anything about him. We respected this. However, our children knew both sets of grandparents and when my daughter got married, she wanted both of them at the wedding. Bob knew that the Warren would not be happy, but we felt that we did not owe anyone an explanation of who would be at the wedding to anyone. If they came to the wedding, it was for my daughter’s sake. We put Bob on Valium and sent invitations to both grandparents. We made arrangements to have one set of grandparents in one end of the hotel, and the other set in a different area of that hotel. We did not make any seating arrangements at the reception and as for the church, the Warren’s were in the first pew behind us, and the Remington’s were put in the next pew. The wedding went off with no problems, but the Bob mother was a little upset that we didn’t tell them in advance. I asked her if it would have made a difference, and she said no. All seemed well after that, however they still didn’t want us to talk about the Remington’s. That was 10 years ago.

In 1976 the Warren’s moved from Massachusetts to Myrtle Beach to start a business. In 1980, Bob’s company transferred us to Ohio. The Remington’s remained in Massachusetts. Once a year, Ceil Remington comes to visit us for a week. Bob’s sister moved to Hilton Head, SC and Ceil will visit them also. The Warren’s have not been back since the wedding; however, they had only visited 3 times in 30 years anyway. We go to Myrtle Beach to see them yearly.

Meeting the Remington’s has been great for all of us. Bob has no longer needed counseling. The memories about the adoption and other things in Bob past is very allusive, however he no longer has angry felling about it. Roland and Ceil Remington have excepted up and loved us and our children as if we had known them all our lives.

 
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September 24, 2008, 11:13 am CDT

Two families and I love both

I was so grateful for the show today. These adoptive mother told the children from the start that they were adopted. This was so important. My husband was also adopted, however it was only his father. His mother was his real mother. His name is Bob and for 29 years he thought that he was named after his father. He was adopted at age 5, put has no memory of the adoption. His mother and adoptive father never told him that he had been adopted. In the next 10 years, Mom and Dad had 2 more children each 5 years apart. As Bob grew up, he started to feel different then his brothers. His mother was 5’5” and his father is about 5’7”. My husband is 6’3”. His brothers were like Mom and Dad. His looks were different then his mother, father, and brothers. He always felt poles apart from the other members of the family.

I met my husband when I was 17 years old and we dated on and off for the next 4 years and then we became engaged for on other year. Then, 5 years after we met, we were getting ready to be married. We went down to the record department to get our birth certificates in order to get our marriage license . He told me to go to the window first and I did. I was given an 8” by 11” paper that was stamped with the state seal and with all the signatures and my parents names on it. My husband went up next, but instead of getting a paper like I did, he received a business card stating his birthday and parents name. He asked the lady why he didn’t get the same thing that I did. All she said was that he had to ask his mother that question.

We were married a few months later, but the had a lot of problems. My husband was having some anger problems. It took the next 5 years to come to a head, but we had 2 children and I come to the decision that I have to leave the him until he got help. That day, he collapsed on the floor and (to shorten the story) ended up in the hospital for the next week. When he returned home, he was under the help of a psychologist . He went faithfully for the next year, but he wasn’t making any gains. His mother asked me why my husband was going to the psychologist. I told her that many children when they are teenagers get the idea that they most be adopted and as they grow up, change that thinking. For some reason, Bob still thinks he is adopted. She never said anything about this. Another year went by when I got a call from an aunt of my husband. She wanted to talk to me.

The next day I went to his aunts house and the story of my husband’s life was told to me by this aunt. She told me how my Mother-in-law had been married to another man (actually 3 men all total). The marriage didn’t work out, but she was already pregnant with her son when she was getting the divorce. When I husband was still a young baby, his mother remarried a man by the name of Raymond Ford. My mother-in-law named my husband after her brother (Robert) and the man in the second marriage (Raymond). So, at this time his name was Robert Raymond Remington. After divorcing this man, she met Robert Warren and married him. He was the right man for her, and she has been married to him ever since. He adopted my husband and raise him as his own. Roland Remington, Dad, was in the navy and could not be there for his son, so when Bob mother ask him to give us his rights and let Mr. Warren adopt his son, Roland agreed. It would mean no questions asked by the school or Bob’s friends and he would not be an outsider. I didn’t work. This aunt told me who Bob real father was and where he was.

I went home that nigh worried about telling my husband all this news. I fixed him his favorite dinner, had the children in bed early (before he came home), and made a peaceful and calm evening to tell his. That night, I might have told him it was raining out. He had no emotion. All he said was, “I knew it.”

We found out that his father was married and had 3 other children. We didn’t know if his wife knew that her husband had been married before and that he had a child from that marriage. For this reason, Bob was afraid to call this man. A year went by, and he was still in counseling. I can remember him picking up the phone 3 times to call this man, but he always backed off. One day, as he backed off once again. He left and went to the drug store. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Mrs. Remington answered the phone. Roland was away on a hunting trip with his son, Guy. I told her that my husband had just found out that he was adopted and he knew that his last name had been Remington. He was now looking for his Dad. Did she know if her husband was ever married before. She said yes he had. I then asked if she knew if he had any children in that marriage. Her answer was yes. From here, I introduced myself as the wife of that child.

We talked on the phone for about an hour, and when my husband came home, I told him everything. Bob called Mrs. Remington back and talked to her for the next 2 ½ hours about his Dad and his family and why he had not called sooner. She asked to have some time to tell her husband that Bob had called finally. Roland had a bad heart and she didn’t want her getting too excited. She would call us when she had told him everything. Roland was due home a week later, so we didn’t expect a call for 2 weeks. However, one day after Roland was due home, we got the call Bob was waiting for.

Roland and Bob made arrangement to meet for the first time at our house on Thanksgiving Day. When that day came, Bob was a nervous wreck. He didn’t know what to call him, what to say to him first, should he hug or shake hands, etc. I told him not to work at it so hard. Just do what comes natural. If he wants to try a hug, do it. If he doesn’t want to, don’t. If he didn’t know what to call him, ask what he feels comfortable with.

We were watching for a car, and saw a car pull into the house across the street. A woman got out and went to the door of our neighbors house. She knew what was going on and told the woman by pointing and telling her where we lived. Bob and I saw her point and knew it was them. Bob started to pace the floor a bit, and wring his hands. I hugged him and told him to calm down. When the car stopped in our driveway, the woman got out. Bob was standing by the door and when she knocked, Bob answered it. Without a word, Mrs. Remington turned to the car and said, “It’s the right house, Roland.” Roland got out and we saw why Ceil never asked. Bob was a younger version of his Dad. The couple came in and we sat and talked about many time including how they had told each of there children that they had another brother out there somewhere as they turned teenagers. The only one that did not know about Bob was the youngest. She was 12. The meeting was a great meeting and will always remembered.

This all happened in 1977, and throughout the years we have had a wonderful relationship with the Remington’s. The Warren’s did not like the idea that Bob had found his real Dad and didn’t want to know anything about him. We respected this. However, our children knew both sets of grandparents and when my daughter got married, she wanted both of them at the wedding. Bob knew that the Warren would not be happy, but we felt that we did not owe anyone an explanation of who would be at the wedding to anyone. If they came to the wedding, it was for my daughter’s sake. We put Bob on Valium and sent invitations to both grandparents. We made arrangements to have one set of grandparents in one end of the hotel, and the other set in a different area of that hotel. We did not make any seating arrangements at the reception and as for the church, the Warren’s were in the first pew behind us, and the Remington’s were put in the next pew. The wedding went off with no problems, but the Bob mother was a little upset that we didn’t tell them in advance. I asked her if it would have made a difference, and she said no. All seemed well after that, however they still didn’t want us to talk about the Remington’s. That was 10 years ago.

In 1976 the Warren’s moved from Massachusetts to Myrtle Beach to start a business. In 1980, Bob’s company transferred us to Ohio. The Remington’s remained in Massachusetts. Once a year, Ceil Remington comes to visit us for a week. Bob’s sister moved to Hilton Head, SC and Ceil will visit them also. The Warren’s have not been back since the wedding; however, they had only visited 3 times in 30 years anyway. We go to Myrtle Beach to see them yearly.

Meeting the Remington’s has been great for all of us. Bob has no longer needed counseling. The memories about the adoption and other things in Bob past is very allusive, however he no longer has angry felling about it. Roland and Ceil Remington have excepted up and loved us and our children as if we had known them all our lives.

 

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