Messages By: davis33

Except I'm fairly sure our stations in life are somewhat different.   

I'm in my early 20's, super energetic with a great sex drive and a pretty adventurous spirit (I worked in a adult novelty store for many years in what's considered the 'gay/bi/les district of our city, there's NOT MUCH that would shock me, or gross me out. I figure, you only live once, right?) and, not to toot my own horn here or anything, but I know I'm very attractive to both men AND women.   

My husband is eight years older than me, and as he has said and I quote "I've never been with a woman with a high sex drive, to be honest, sex was a chore in past relationships and I've never really been with someone who I felt wanted ME". My husband is the sweetest, smartest, sexiest man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, let alone falling in love with so at first I was in shock - how could they just not want him? how could he live without sex altogther? I mean, not to go into graphic detail but he's definitly the only man I'd ever met not to recieve oral sex until the age of 28. I guess for the most part I understand, as he is a real gentleman and treats EVERY woman he comes across with absolute respect (one of the reasons I love him.) If he says his ex's just weren't that into sex I BELIEVE HIM. They seem for lack of a better word, like prudes, and seem to think that men can/should live without sex in a relationship. I'm sorry, but I can't live without sex in a relationship, so for me, this man putting up with all he has and not going crazy? He's a saint! I would have snapped a long time ago!  

MY PROBLEM? Our sex schedules totally clash. He's not very good at intiating sex, and while I took up the brunt of this for a long time and didn't mind, lately I am wishing he'd just pick me up and scoop me into that bedroom already! I mean, he tells me a million times a day how sexy he thinks I am - we can't walk down the street without him telling me this man and that man are checking me out - but we don't have sex! When we began dating we were like rabbits, and now, it's hardly once a week. He's told me it's not me and he's seeking help from his doctor, but I am extremley discouraged. I feel unwanted and absolutely alone. I used to love when he'd come home from work and now it's a time I dread because I know we'll just sit there like roomates or something, completley non-sexual. I feel as if I am stuck in a sexless marriage already - to be honest, i expected something like this maybe when kids come along, but hey, this is crazy! I wish I could just smack him upside the head. How is it a man can acknowledge and get crazy jealous over others looking at you etc. etc. but when it comes to 'getting down to business' there's nothing at all?   

....I'm afraid. I'm working so hard to keep myself having 'those feelings' for him and trying to keep this little family we've just begun building together. I feel as if I'm trying alone though, and part of me has begun to self talk, I'm young, hot and have my whole life waiting for me. What am I doing?!  

It is possible he is not going to the DR because he is afraid the DR will tell him there is nothing he can do and that will leave him.  So he keeps putting it off not to frustrate you but to keep you just a bit longer.   

Unless you can assure him that what ever the DR says you love him and are commited to him then I cannot imagine he has any incentive to give you bad news.   

Also the man has a medical problem that affects his sex drive and your are feeling rejected and unwanted?  Would you be happy with non-sexual attention?  The more presure you put on men the more they avoid it.  Fear of failure can make little peter very limp if you know what I mean.  You need a non sexual physical relationship and try to be happy with that.  Take off the presure and you will probaby hit a happy medium faster then with ultimatatums.