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Messages By: wendeebank

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February 3, 2006, 11:01 am CST

He's got mental problems

Here's my take on it.  That guy has mental problems.  Seriously.  Did you see how he suddenly agreed with Dr. Phil and would two-step/backpeddle with everything he was saying when confronted by Dr. Phil?  He wasn't such a manly, big stud when Dr. Phil called him on the carpet was he?  He tried very hard to appear that way, but he was not foolin' this crowd.  Sure, he's able to bully his wife, make her feel inferior and to the public he presents this great, all around guy/husband/father image.  In my book he has a personality disorder, which may be narcissistic.   

  

That poly/load of crap lifestyle was soo weak.  He is an idiot.  He picked a woman that he knew would never want to leave him and would be devoted to him forever.  Those with mental disorders usually do.  I'm still shocked he agreed to go on national television.  He must of had a different vision of how things were going to turn out in his own delusional mind.  I love that he was exposed to the world as a loser. 

  

Did you see poor Tracy's eyes?  She is so tired and so brokenhearted.   She is mentally spent from the sick mind games this goofball has played with her--again, the games of a mentally sick individual.  She really needs counseling.  Then and only then will she see what she can do.    Once she becomes well mentally, then she can save herself and her children.  And she needs to get those kids into counseling, esp. after this airing on national televison.  I don't know the extent of the mental abuse this louse has put her through, I can only hope that with her going on Dr. Phil's show should be the real wake up call she needs to kick this S.O.B. to the curb. 

  

TRACY: 

  

I lost my father when I was only 8.  My mother raised my brother, older sisters and myself without a Dad.  She never married, she never dated for many reasons.  We would beg her to go out on dates, etc. but she always said you don't need a man just to be happy.  I can cook what I want, I can clean the house or not clean the house, I can wear my pj's all day if I want,  I can shop and buy what I want or save and we can be and do whatever we want as a family.  I don't have to answer to a man ever again!  She would say I loved your father and he was all I ever wanted.  Now my future is me and my children!  And she would say, "Hey, if the Lord wants me to marry Tom Selleck, then he'll send him my way.  Until then, I'm happy on my own with you kids!".  My Mom was awesome! 

  

My Mom was a role model for my siblings and myself  and even my girlfriends--that you don't have to feel that you are alone or that you can't be happy without companionship--the world goes on with or without you!   My Mom had soo many friends(male and female), she worked part-time, took classes, had a friends club, etc, etc.  She made herself happy and loved herself.  That is the key.  I want to scream to you--LOVE yourself enough!  It doesn't hurt like you think to be without him!!!  I wish I could give you a hug!  He is not mentally well.  BUT you can be and you will be!  He will never face his mental issues because people like him are not able to do that.  Hear that, face that and accept that.  That doesn't mean you have to turn off your love for him.  He's your children's father, but you don't need him to exist, to be.  Don't be afraid to take the steps you need to get well and become a strong woman and live the life you deserve to live!  I will keep you in my prayers! 

  

  

A concerned friend. 

 
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February 8, 2006, 7:18 am CST

Rachel Mom is more to blame--she's goofy!

I watched the show and I have been thinking about Rachel for a couple of days.  I really don't think Rachel was that bad of a bride-to-be.  Lord I have seen so much worse!  Her budget seemed like peanuts compared to today's costs.  I didn't think her upgrades were that bad and seem to be necessary, esp. the white dress.  (If that was her Mom's upgrade, then I totally agree with that one!)  I have to say, I think the real problem is Rachel's Mom.  I was sooo glad that Dr. Phil made the point that there is more to this relationship than just the wedding arguments.    I noticed their body language and I was really disappointed in the Mother's behavior more so than Rachel's.    She acted like a spoiled 2 year old.  She was not loving towards her daughter at all and in fact, I feel that she is jealous of Rachel.  I also think she could be jealous of her daughter's relationship with the Dad.  The Mom was acting really, really flaky.  I'm assuming she is over the age of 50 and I ask you, what mother at her age acts like that?  All I kept thinking was thank God she isn't my mother and God bless the one I was so lucky to have! 

  

I have 2 other sisters.  My poor Mom put up a lot with us girls, nothing bad, but wanting clothes, makeup, typical girl stuff.  Even when our Mom was mad at us, she never once acted like Rachel's Mom.  We would get a loving touch or a hug or some form of loving, adult reasoning from her.    Unfortunately, my Mom passed away before I got engaged and then married.  I have to say my wedding day was very bittersweet because she was not there.   I really feel sorry for Rachel that she doesn't seem to have that wonderful mature Mother/daughter relationship.  What memories will she have of her Mom when she looks back on this day?  Very sad.  I did not see Rachel's Mom do anything to say that she really truly loved Rachel and accepted her, warts and all.  I was really disappointed in that.  Not even a loving pat on the hand with her hand during the joking/kidding times on the show.    Gosh, even when you are mad at your children you still show love.  She's the older, wiser adult.  She should reach out in the adult way and discuss this wedding budget with her and make it more memorable for all of them.  Rachel has to be taught how to act like an adult.  If her mother is acting like a spoiled brat, then how do think Rachel is going to act?  Like Mother like daughter isn't that how the saying goes? 

  

I wish them the best of luck esp. to Rachel and her husband and I pray that maybe together than can go to counseling and solve the real issues between them.  I need to add that the Dad needs to quit being a wimp and step up to the plate and help these two with their relationship.  He just might be the root of the problem!  Keep us updated on these two Dr. Phil!   

 
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February 8, 2006, 7:34 am CST

Things that make you say hmm...???

Quote From: i_eat_crow

We are talking with the producers about doing a follow up show.  There have been a lot of changes since the taping and we want to show everyone that even in the tough times you can survive and then thrive.

I just don't believe you are sincere.  I question why in the world would you want all of these women that come to this board to email you?  Very strange and weird and I think you may just be looking to connect with another woman.   If I were Tracy I would never trust you again--ever.   I just really don't think a leopard can change his spots and sorry, I don't buy it.  I believe you have a narcissistic personality disorder.  You are loving all the attention from the show and will say anything to make others think you are not the cad that appeared on the show.   JMO 

  

Good luck and God's blessings  to Tracy and please be careful! 

 
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February 14, 2006, 8:40 am CST

Raise your hand if...

...you thought the three young ladies on first were not very good looking and the more they talked, the uglier they became. 

  

...you would be embarrassed if they were your daughters! 

  

...think that that are very immature, not very intelligent, rude, lack manners and class, oh so much more! 

  

...you thought that "experiment" was stupid and cruel and didn't work! 

  

  

To the young ladies: 

  

No one should settle for Mr. Wrong.    There is so much more to life, love and marriage than looks and a hot body!  You won't understand until you get there, but boy do you have a lot to learn about life.   Enjoy your life, your youth now and just being you.  Do good things for yourself and improve who you are on the inside such as, take classes in something you've always wanted to try, travel, have fun with your girlfriends, give to others such as charity events/work, go to your church and enjoy it, learn about it.  And please, quit being so shallow and classless.  It looks and is bad!   When you least expect it,  along comes love.   You all seem to make love all about the superficial things which couldn't be further than the true meaning.   

  

If you are looking for the right mate, please do the above first, but also be sure to find a man that has a good heart, loves you for you, is not self-centered, has a job and an education, does not have an addiction to something that isn't healthy/good, an even temperment, actually likes his family, animals and kids and has a good spiritual soul.  He should also have some of the same interests as you and compliment who you are, not compete with you.    Notice I said nothing about looks or body type!  There are tons of men out there.  Some may also have the bonus of great looks, good looks, average looks but once you learn to love who someone is on the inside, you'll be amazed at how beautiful they are to you on the outside.  Those things you thought were gross on a man before, becomes the thing that you may just love and adore about him. 

  

When I was in HIGH SCHOOL my girlfriends and I sounded just like you.   I distinctly remember a moment while on a school trip to Walt Disney World.  While waiting in line with my friends, there was a guy with his family in front of us with back hair, yes, back hair.  All of us girls eewwed, whispered and said gross,(during our era I think it was "Oh my gosh, grody!).  That feature was not on the "list" we made of our perfect man.  Guess what...all of us and I mean all us married guys with back hair!!(My husband would die if he read this!:))But my point is, when you grow up, the important things about the man you love way, way overshadow the shallowness,(and back hair;)). 

  

I'm proud to say my husband and I have been married for 12 years, have 4 beautiful sons, lots of love, go to a wonderful church, have lots of friends/family.  We've been through deaths, friends divorces, a horrible accident, ups and downs of all kinds.  We have weathered the storms of love and life.  Never once have we said, "we've made it through all of these ups and downs in our marriage because of your hot body and good looks!  Thank God for those because we could have never survived losing my Mom or made it through  your car accident! In fact, I bet that's what pulled you out of that coma!  Our son survived that bad fall and stitches because you don't have any body hair!  Whew, Amen for that!":)   

  

As a mother of 4 sons, I'm watching out for girls like you.  No way and I mean no way do I want them to marry someone like you...unless of course you change.  I can only hope... 

  

Good luck! God bless! 

  

  

 
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February 16, 2006, 2:10 pm CST

Mom=Pagentholic

My feeling is that this has become an addiction to the mother.  Some people have spending/shopping addictions, some gamble, some are alcoholics, drug abusers, some are shoplifters, etc.  This mother is getting "high" off of the pagents.  It probably started out very innoccently, just like any other addiction.  Then she entered her daughter in a few more and more until it has snowballed into this unhealthy activity.   Her addiction is unfortunately at the expense of her daughter.  She needs counseling.  Her daughter needs counseling.  Why?  Because it is NOT normal to spend $65,000 on a "hobby".   Has her daughter recovered that much money in winning titles and scholarships--ah -nooo!   When you go to the extreme of changing your daughter's appearance so, so drastically, it has now become a sickness.  This mother will probably become defensive about my take on this, but I really, really feel this is just like any other addiction that Dr. Phil has talked about.    Doesn't she sound like a lot of the people who have been addicted to one thing or another?  Same old excuses: " No one understands", "it is not as bad as you think", "it builds self-esteem","you might win money",blah, blah, blah! I think some mothers and daughters become brainwashed with all these excuses.  Esp. those little girls that were forced into this life.  Has anyone ever seen that documentary that HBO did a few years back?  This was so like that! 

  

Whatever happened to just being a kid?  This Mom isn't the only person that forces their child into activities.  For others it is a sport, or music, etc.  But I ask again, what is wrong with just growing up naturally? Most importantly, what is wrong with being a little girl?    Gosh, we know as adults how fast our youth dispears.  You can never be those young ages again.  Why in the world would you steal this time from your child?  It is very unfair, unhealthy and just darn it, not right.  Where is the common sense here?  I just feel very sad and my heart breaks for these little girls that are subjected to this pagent lifestyle.  In a way, it is very sick. What are we doing to our girls?  When your daughter grows up, do you think she will resent you for this? Not a chance I'd be willing to take! 

  

To the Mom

If you want to do pagents, why not just pick one or two a year--ones that have a purpose other than winning a trophy (that collects dust)for being the prettiest?  Maybe you can start one where the requirements and the rewards are not so ridiculous! ? (C'mon, you have to admit that the dresses are ugly and overdone, the makeup and hair is just over the top and I have heard the name of some of those pagents--looney!)  You could be the person to change the pagent world.  You could help to teach little girls all over the world what the true meaning of what an intelligent, powerful woman truly is!   A little girl could win more than just believing  that she is pretty, but also winning for being the most caring, most improved on reading/science/math, best invention, best idea for improving the community, winner of mastering a skill/future occupation, etc--the possiblities are endless!!!   Just think of the example you would set for your own daughter.  Wouldn't you want to be remembered as a person who did something positive for women all over the world?  The way your daughter would look at you and speak about you would be priceless!   

  

Good luck and God bless! 

 
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February 20, 2006, 3:19 pm CST

One Question for the female dogs

Why?  When you die, how do you want to be remembered?  Do you want people to say, "I'm glad she's gone.  She was a whole waste of time and trouble.  And boy, she was one hell of a bitch!"?  Why would you want to be remembered like that living or dead?  You do know the story "A Christmas Carole" don't you?   

  

Life is soo short.  Don't waste your time being angry, "overly"aggressive(aka bitchy).  Smile, make yourself proud.  Hold your head high.  You are worth it.   Make your children and families proud to know you.  When your family and friends(if you haven't scared them all away) speak of you let, them have a reason to honor and praise you.  It is never too late to change. 

  

Can I add that I had the most wonderful Mom in the world?  She could have been a bitch.  She lost her husband at age 48 and raised 4 children alone.  While she had 6 other brothers and sisters, no one helped her, not even so much as babysit or mow the lawn and she didn't even expect it!  She never asked anyone for a dime or help.  As a single Mom, there were soo many times she was taken advantage of by plumbers, workers, etc.  The most money she made in a year was $11,000 and she gave it all to her children, our church, charities, family and friends.  She never felt cheated or slighted.  She made sure she smiled, never cried or showed anger in front of us children and everyone was a friend.  I had one boy that I went to school with say that he will always love my Mom because she always smiled and spoke to him like he mattered, even when others thought he was worthless.  He said she changed his life with those kind words and open heart.    

  

I'm so proud to honor my Mom's memory by saying she was not ever, ever a bitch.  I think back to her and praise her, cherish her and miss her oh so much!  Thank God she taught us that when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.  It does not pay to be angry and bitter.    

  

It seems to me you have a lot of growing to do.  You owe it to yourself and those that care about you to do and be better! Take a lesson from my Mom and one thankful daughter.    I believe deep down you really do want to change.  I look forward to seeing your happier update on Dr. Phil someday soon!  Good luck! 

 
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February 22, 2006, 4:25 pm CST

So right!

Quote From: caryle

I disagree, it wasn't about the wedding, or even the groom. This was about a mother and a daughter. I blame the mother. She is the brat...She is all about control. What is going on that she can't  tell her daughter that she loves her and is proud of her??? It is simple, the daughter is hurt and rebelling. Mom needs to love her daughter and show her how much she loves her. Her daughter will change when she does that. Love is the answer. It is really very simple and always starts with the parents.

Oh I couldn't agree more.  I've thought from the beginning the mother was wrong.  She just seemed silly and jealous and very off to me! 

  

I was lucky enough in my life to have had a mother that loved me unconditionally.  She helped me to grow and blossom into a woman.  Maturing takes time and also you have to have a good role model--which Rachel does not.  Maybe this show will help the Mom.  Maybe not.  So sad though. 

  

Rachel, just remember if you ever have children, treat them as you wish you would have been treated.  All the praise in the world to your friends about your children mean nothing if they can't hear it or see it from you.  We as children make many, many mistakes and as adults, too.  We are all human, but we need love to keep us true.   

  

Hawaii--what a wonderful way to start a marriage.  Also, just as your relationship with your Mom needs continous work, so will your marriage.  I thought the first year was so hard and wonderful all at the same time.  Here I am 12 years later and still working hard.  Children are a blessing, but they are also can test a marriage.  Don't give up on anyone you love, even your Mom.  Good luck dear! 

 
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February 23, 2006, 5:54 am CST

My Stomach Hurts...

Grant, I forgot all about you.  I put you out of my mind when I saw you on the first time because you physically made me ill.  When I saw you on the update show, my stomach started to ache again.  I can't believe that a man treats his wife and family with such disrespect.  Did you land in 2006 from a time machine say the 1800's?  You do know that women are allowed to vote, hold public office, drive, work, etc.  And yes, we are now allowed to wear pants. 

  

I would like to challenge Grant and the Dr. Phil show.  I would like to see Grant do a role reversal with Kelly.  It can't be just for a week.  It has to be for a month.  You would be expected to complete all of the 70, no excuse me 75, demands on your list and also the mother/parenting duties.  But please, don't wear any of the sexy outfits you wanted Kelly to wear while cleaning--my stomach can't take much more!  Kelly would be required to go to your job and do any of the tasks that you do at home(do you do anything at home?).  Consider this an official dare.  I know you will fail miserably.  What a show that would make huh Dr. Phil? 

  

Grant, what does your family think you?  Your Mom, Dad, any siblings?  I would love to hear from Kelly's side of the family.  Now that would be a show, too!  I have 4 sons.  I can honestly say that if any of them treated their wives like you treat Kelly, I would be so ashamed and very, very angry.  It would take me a long time to get over that my son is a chauvinistic clod. 

  

Kelly,  why?  What is it in Grant that makes you stay?   Is it low self-esteem?  You seem to be such a lovely, beautiful wife, mother, woman, inside and out.  You should be cherished.  I would love to fix you up with my brother.  He would treat you like you deserve to be treated.  You would fit right into our family and would be someone I would be proud to call my sister-in-law!  I pray for you and your children.    

  

I have to agree with others that have posted Grant, that you must be trying to have an affair or you are having an affair. People don't take off their wedding rings for any other reason.  I've heard people use the excuses you've tried and others say it is because I work in a dangerous environment, I'm allergic, blah, blah, blah.  My husband worked in a dangerous environment for 12 years and never, ever once took off his wedding ring. He still doesn't.  He said when he looks at it, he sees us, when we were younger and now as a family.  It means too much to him--I'm lucky huh? 

  

Lastly, the young girl that came on the show to defend Grant.  Grant, when you looked at her, all I could think of was how perfect you two are for each other.  That girl just may be your soul mate.  And that girl better watch out what she wishes for.  I would love to see her complete your ridiculous 75 plus demands and including the mother/parenting.  Oiy Vay! 

  

Kelly and kids, (and ok, Grant, too),God bless and Good Lord good luck

  

  

  

  

 
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April 7, 2006, 8:03 pm CDT

Michael...What if?

I cried right along with Christy.  How sad Michael just can't love Christy the way he promised to!  Life is so short to be judged so cruely by someone you love and have devoted your life too.  Your spouse is the person that should love you unconditionally, warts and all.  I just kept thinking what would MIchael feel, if God forbid, Christy would pass away tomorrow? Crying,begging for her forgiveness and saying I'm sorry would be too late then. 

  

Stand up and be a man Michael.  Love this woman the way she deserves to be loved.  No one else will ever love you and put up with you the way she has.  You should thank your lucky stars she has stuck it out with you.  Tell her you are sorry today, beg her for forgiveness for your cold heart and go to counseling with her.   Encourage her efforts and go to the doctors with her.  Model a true man for your children. 

  

Consider yourself lucky/blessed if she gives you a second chance--I know I wouldn't.  And, if my sons would ever act like you do towards their wives, boy would they get a talkin' to and it wouldn't be pretty.  I know I would be totally ashamed of them.   

  

Just remember Michael, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  If you leave Christy for some skinny minny, you just might get what you wished for and deserve...then what?  Good luck, you're gonna need it!   

  

Christy, good luck and good Lord love yourself enough to get a back bone!  Time to stand up to this loser and represent for your child's sake.  You can do it girl!  Take back Christy and make yourself proud! 

 
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April 21, 2006, 11:58 pm CDT

Matt is missing out on what life is really all about

I was so sad for the child in this case.  No, maybe Matt didn't want to be a father, but you know, you just can't wipe out the DNA that binds you for forever.  What will this do to her mentally when she finds out her Dad actually went to court and on national television and said he didn't want to be her father.  God that would be so painful.  Matt, have you ever thought about her feelings at all?  Are you that cold hearted? How would you feel if your father had done that to you? 

  

Matt, I also am wondering if you ever see yourself ever having children? How would you explain this to future children?  What if your son denied their child--how would you feel about him doing that?  How do your parents feel about this?  Please tell me that they do not deny their grandchild? My heart literally aches at the thought.  

  

Matt, I lost my Dad at the age of 8.  I'm now almost 38.  I will take those 8 short years with my Dad over knowing some selfish boy(not man) denied me as their daughter.  I don't think I could ever respect you or the two that sat next to you on the show to "defend" your case.    I just wonder how the three of you sleep at night or are able to look in the mirror.  Seriously, do know how ridiculous you looked on Dr. Phil's show?  What kind of person does what you have done? I know I wouldn't want to have you as a relative, a friend or as an employee.   

  

I do feel that someday, when you quit arguing to be right, you will grow up and realize the pain you have caused an innocent child, your child, your flesh and blood and you will regret this.  You have missed out so much on the gift of this little girl.  Do you think we actually plan our lives?  I think you were being tested and you failed.  I think you were given a gift and you didn't appreciate it.  Don't miss another day.  Come to your senses asap. Never too late to say  you are wrong and to become a father to this child.  (You might find that you might actually enjoy fatherhood!)  It takes a real man to do that, not a man to do what you are doing.   Your daughter would respect you oh so much--saying I'm sorry and then backing it up,  goes a long way.  

  

Good luck to the daughter and the mother.  You are probably better off just cutting all ties.  I wouldn't want a penny from him.  Money doesn't heal a broken heart or mental anguish, esp. from the person that caused it.  

  

  

 

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