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Messages By: marcia1234

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July 5, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

Our son is a liar and needs a new school...

 
 
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July 5, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

My message...

Quote From: marcia1234

 
 For some reason what I wrote did not post.

Here is the gist:  son turns 18 later this year.  He lies about small and large matters so that you just can't trust him.  After another big blowup, he is at his father's home where there isn't much discipline.  We have an appointment for a therapist but after years of this pattern I think he needs something more.  Is there a boarding school that is good for AD/HD with problems such as lying, lack of personal responsibility, disrespect, etc?  I don't think things will change much unless we take dramatic action.
 
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July 5, 2006, 5:55 pm CDT

Sorry to hear it

Quote From: courtney87

SO HOW DO YOU HELP A 15YR OLD WHO LIES? MY SON WILL LIE ABOUT ANYTHING! HOW DO YOU HELP SOMEONE HIS AGE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT LYING DOES TO HIMSELF AND TO EVERYONE AROUND HIM. I HAVE TOLD HIM..OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HIS BEHAVIOR DOESNT JUST EFFECT HIM IT EFFECTS OUR WHOLE FAMILY. HIS SISTER..FATHER..MYSELF..IT DOESNT SEEM TO MATTER. HES A GREAT KID AND GOOD PERSON. HE JUST CANT STOP LYING. HELP!
Courtney,

I'm sorry to hear of this problem - we are still facing the same and our son is a little older than your's.  We have tried consequences, rewards, it sticks a little while and then he's off and running with the next lie.  I don't trust things he tells us and it has damaged our relationship.  He does not seem to see why this is important, and it seems your son is the same way.  We have been working on showing that as you do things that are responsible and trustworthy, you then earn additional privileges, but this doesn't always work. 

Good luck.
 
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October 7, 2006, 1:29 pm CDT

Sometimes you have to take drastic measures

Quote From: proudirish

What has this world come to? When/Where did it become okay to divorce our children? Who in their right mind would even consider such a disgusting thing! The day you decided to concieve that child you also chose to commit you entire self to that child for the rest of your life. You can't choose to only be a parent when things are going well, infact it is when things are not going well that your child needs you to be the parent most. I find it very disburbing that our world has become so cold and so weak! It is in weakness that such a stupid conclusion was made. It is throwing in the towel and saying "I don't know how and I am too lazy to put the effort into learning how!" Unfortunately this is what our world has come to. Accepting failure and walking away from it instead of refusing failure and learning how to beat it.  You never fail if you are moving forward.

What I find even more sad is that you as a mother can just dis-regard the fact that your son ever existed. Do you not remember carrying him in your belly for 9 months. Do you remember how amazing it was to feel him growing inside of you. Every time he moved and kicked. Do you remember what you fealt the very first time you met him and held him in your arms? The overwhelming feeling of so much love and joy. Do you remember wondering how you can be filled with so much love and not explode? What about the first time he smiled at you or reached out and grabbed your hand, his first steps, his first day at school, his first girlfriend or broken heart. Do you really think that you can walk away from all of this? You see I don't think that you really can. The fact is, this decision will haunt you and your family forever. It will tear you up inside like you can' t even imagine. And you don't even want to know what it will do to your son!! It's okay to not know how to fix this right now. There is plenty of help for you out there, and you are you about to meet one of the best. It is not okay, however, to throw away so much over such little. Don't you think you are your family is worth the struggle? Love is much bigger than hatred and hurt, you just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to fight for it.  Parenting is suppose to be unconditional Love for the rest of your lives. Lead by example and your son will eventually follow your lead. Love breaks down the strongest of barriers, but hatred and anger builds them. You have not failed untill you have given up! You have it in you to turn this into something so beautiful, you just to find it. I pray that God will give you and your family the way to a happy life together forever. I pray that he will give you the strength and courage you will need to succeed and I pray that he show you the same kind of unconditional love that you shall share with your son.

 

Even if you choose to walk away, you will be the mother of this child until the day you die and a mother never forgets her son!!!

praying for you!

 

It's one thing to remember when they were tiny and needed you and the tantrums were fleeting, but another to deal with the daily lying, anger, harassment by your teen, and the fear that they will do something dangerous to you or themselves.  Sometimes drastic measures are all that are left.  Not everyone can afford a $5,000/month therapeutic school. 
 

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